Chapter 28 Stasya
28
Stasya
‘I don’t want to talk,’ Lukas said. ‘There’s nothing to say.’
He’d come outside with her, reluctantly. They could hardly talk about it in the barn, under the scrutiny of the others. But his tone was forbidding and he would not meet her eye.
‘You need to hear this, Lukas. I got it wrong. I had no idea the Ruler intended to do that to you. I was expecting to be whipped myself. I was upset and I didn’t hear them properly. You know how it is when sometimes I can’t think straight and everything’s just noise and I hardly even know where I am … I’m sorry, Lukas. I’m sorry you’ve been caught up in all this—’
‘I said I don’t want to talk.’
She could hear the unspoken message, clear as day. How do I know you’re not lying? Besides, would you have done what she wanted if you’d known it was me waiting to be whipped to death? You wouldn’t have, would you? And that wasn’t fair. He knew quite well that she found lying impossible. He knew about those times when she felt overwhelmed and lost touch with what was right in front of her. ‘You need to—’ she began, but Lukas had already turned away and was heading back toward the cottage. He was moving awkwardly, as if in pain.
Stasya did not follow him straightaway. She lingered outside, sickened that her dear friend believed she would have let him die, and at the same time not sure what choice she would have made if she’d known the truth. Facing her own death to protect the forest had been truly terrifying, but she’d known she could not give in. To condemn Lukas to a hideous fate was different. It was unthinkably cruel; an impossible choice. What would Lukas have done if he’d been in her position? The answer to that was obvious. He would have saved her life. Lukas loved the forest. He understood her commitment to protect and preserve it. But for him, family and friends would always come first. Would she ever be able to make things right with him again?
It wasn’t until the sudden sharp call of a passing bird startled her that Stasya realised she’d been biting her nails to the quick. She looked up to see that she was not alone. Matiss was by the cottage door, arms folded, leaning against the wall. While he was apparently deep in thought, gazing out over a stand of willows as the long day at last turned to dusk, she recognised that he was on watch, not only to deal with unwanted visitors but also to ensure she didn’t try to run away, foolish as it would have been to attempt that under the circumstances. The idea had occurred to her. She and Lukas knew how to find a way through the forest, how to build a shelter, how to make fire, how to forage. Once well into Heartwood Forest, they could have snatched an opportunity to disappear, then gone to ground until Aleksis’s party gave up looking for them. Though what the next step would have been after that, she had no idea. And one thing seemed certain now. The two of them would not be escaping together.
—
By the time she went back inside, Lukas was lying face down on a bench with his shirt and tunic off, and Karolis was dabbing something onto a raw-looking patch on his side. Could it be that the burns Lukas suffered when he rescued his father had never been properly tended to? How many people at court had been telling lies? Perhaps Aleksis was one of them. He said he’d tell a story to explain himself later. But maybe there was no story. On the other hand, if he was doing the Ruler’s bidding, why the covert departure by night, straight after he and the others had returned from a long day’s ride? That made no sense. Unless it was an elaborate trick to convince her the Ruler’s senior adviser was friend, not foe. This was too hard. She was tired and cold. And worse, she could not forget that look on Lukas’s face, the one that had said, You are not my friend.
‘I’ll brew some tea,’ said Matiss. ‘Not the answer to all problems, but generally welcome. Karolis, are you and Lukas nearly done?’
‘I want to put a dressing on this; won’t be long. After that, tea would be just the thing. And after that, I’ll show you all some exercises that can be useful to ease the soreness after a long ride. We’ve got more of it ahead, and probably some rougher places to sleep in along the way. Ideally we’d all go through this routine every day, before we head out. Or in the evening. Just stretching, mainly.’
‘Good idea,’ Pavel said with a smile. ‘But I warn you, this man’s a hard taskmaster. I know from experience.’
‘Adjusted to suit each person’s ability. As always.’
An idea came to Stasya. She spoke quickly, before she could change her mind. ‘About keeping fit enough to travel … I was thinking, if we could have one more night here, or possibly two, Lukas could ride on his own instead of going up behind someone else.’ All eyes were on her now, save those of Lukas himself. She willed him not to challenge her. It felt uncomfortable to have the others’ full attention, but it also felt right. Whether she ended up saying yes or no to Aleksis, there was no doubt she and Lukas would have to stay with the group at least as far as the forest edge. Better to make herself an equal partner in this, whatever it was, than feel like a person who couldn’t think for herself. ‘And it would give us longer to learn these exercises, whatever they are.’
‘We’d be short of a horse,’ Pavel said.
‘That shouldn’t be a problem,’ Matiss said. ‘Leon will let us take one of his, I’m sure, provided it comes back to him in good condition. But …’ He glanced at Aleksis.
‘It makes sense,’ Stasya said. ‘After what’s happened, a full day’s rest would be good for all of us and the horses. I’m not used to spending a whole day in the saddle. For some of you, it’s been two days. I know it’s important to move quickly. In the long run, this would help.’