Chapter 7
7
DAIRE
Every fiber of my being told me to take Fionn home for Sloan to handle. I had no doubt Sloan was unaware of where Fionn had gone. If he had known, he wouldn’t have allowed it unless Fionn had a ton of guards, even if they had to go undercover. The most I had seen was Ronan, who’d wisely stayed out of my way when I’d carried Fionn out of the club. So even though I should take Fionn back to Southampton, I headed toward my penthouse in Manhattan instead, tightening my grip on the steering wheel of my SUV.
Fionn sat in the passenger seat, arms crossed, anger radiating off him as he stared out the window at the glittering streets of the city. With no music on, the silence in the SUV made it easy for me to hear his harsh breaths.
“You have no reason to be mad at me,” I grunted out, some of my anger bleeding away now that we’d distanced ourselves from the threat. While I hadn’t had many conversations with Michele Scotti, I didn’t trust him. Michele had thrown himself at Fionn the moment he’d walked in. I’d seen it from where I sat at a VIP table with Aodhan. As a result, I’d reacted without the chance to think about my actions. I couldn’t help myself. No one was good enough for Fionn. No one , not even me, and especially not Michele fucking Scotti.
Fionn let out a mean laugh. “Are you kidding?” He whipped around to glare. “You humiliated me in that club. I am nothing but a joke for the men to laugh about and you made it worse.”
I sighed. I had overreacted. Throwing him over my shoulder was dramatic, but wrapped up in my anger, I hadn’t thought about anyone else except Fionn and getting him out of there, away from men who weren’t as pure or innocent.
“You shouldn’t have been there,” I argued, though the anger in my voice softened. “It was dangerous.”
“I had Ronan with me.” He laid his hands on his knees and curled them into fists. He straightened his spine, staring at me with a tightened jaw and blazing eyes. “You don’t trust me to take care of myself?”
“It’s not about trusting you, damn it!” I slammed my hand on the wheel. “Sloan never goes places like that without guards. You’re going to be the head of the Company one day, and our enemies would love a chance to take you out and make Sloan start from scratch.”
“What about you?” he snapped. “You were there, and you’re the second-in-command. You had no guards.” His eyebrows dipped. “Why were you at the club anyway? You don’t like dancing.”
I shook my head and took a deep breath, focusing on the road in front of us. There was no easy way to tell Fionn about Aodhan and his habit of finding quick fucks. While Fionn had been in Sloan’s care since he was four, Sloan had kept him away from the Company until he was old enough. He’d never met my brother and wouldn’t understand what Aodhan was like. Truth be told, I had never wanted Fionn to meet Aodhan. Ever .
Fionn snorted. “Looking for an easy fuck with someone drunk enough to forget about you?”
The pure disdain in his words had me inhaling in surprise. Fionn had always been snarky, but most of the time his bark was worse than his bite. This wasn’t the case now. He wanted to hurt me, and the dig was sharper than any barbed words he’d flung at me in the past.
“Are you done throwing a temper tantrum?” I asked, making sure to push as much disappointment as I could into my words in a way that would get a reaction from Fionn. There was nothing he hated worse than someone he respected being upset with him. And it wasn’t about hurting him, like he had done to me, but rather about teaching him a lesson. Words came with consequences. If I’d wanted to do serious damage, I could’ve said “Sloan wouldn’t expect this behavior from his apprentice.”
I couldn’t be cruel, though.
I got the response I was expecting. Fionn’s shoulders slumped and he fell back against the seat, the fury leaving him like a fire being extinguished. Guilt gnawed at me and I felt the need to make things right.
“I’m sorry for throwing you over my shoulder and carrying you out of the club.”
“You wouldn’t have done that to Sloan,” he fired back.
I winced. “You’re right. I wouldn’t have.” Sloan would’ve killed me with his bare hands if I’d even tried.
He gave me a long look, those eyes poignant and knowing. The stare reminded me a lot of the way Sloan sometimes watched people, like he knew the secrets of the universe, but he wasn’t willing to share them. Fionn was different, though. Instead of knowing the mysteries that plagued the world around him, he wanted to learn them. Live them. He was a student in every way, and the things I wanted to teach him and do to him....
The thought made me wince.
“Where are we going?” he asked, back to staring out the window.
“My place.” My grip on the steering wheel tightened, then loosened. I used the texture to stay present and in the moment, instead of fantasizing about a relationship that couldn’t happen.
“Why?” His attention slid to me. “Are you scared of what Sloan will do to you when he finds out how you handled the situation?”
I peered at him carefully. “You should be more afraid of what he’ll do to you when he discovers you went to a club with only Ronan as backup.”
The reaction was almost immediate, with Fionn wincing away from me, fear bleeding into his gaze. He let out a helpless breath, small and fragile, and my heart broke for him. It wasn’t that Sloan was a terrible guardian, because he tried, it was that as a mob boss, he needed to be tough. Sometimes, Sloan took it to the extreme to make sure Fionn was ready for the future. Fionn had no idea the violence Sloan and I had seen, and I hoped he never would. But I wasn’t stupid. Fionn would find out, eventually. He needed to, as future boss of the Company.
“I’m tired of being what he wants me to be.”
The words were so quiet I almost missed them over the sounds of the outside world. Cars honking. People partying. And then, here was Fionn, with his abject sadness, his voice so tiny I almost didn’t believe it had come from him.
“What?” My anger about the club disappeared, and when I stopped for a red light, I turned my attention completely to him. “What do you mean?”
He laughed quietly, but it wasn’t from humor, and he dropped his head forward. “I am trying so fucking hard. And I don’t want to anymore because I’ll never be what he expects. Conall. Lor. Vail. They come in, and Sloan bends over backward for them. He gives them more than he gives me.” He glanced up at me and his eyes sparkled with unshed tears. “What do I have to do? When is it my turn? When will he be proud of me ?”
I couldn’t remember a time when Fionn had ever broken down like this, and the surprise punched me in the gut. I froze. I didn’t see the light change to green until someone beeped their horn behind us and startled me into hitting the accelerator.
Fionn twisted until his back was facing me again and gazed out the window. The silence returned and it made my skin crawl. I hated the tension stealing the air between us, making it difficult to breathe. I’d faced a lot in my life but nothing quite like this.
It wasn’t until we finally made it to my penthouse’s garage, positioned beneath the tall building in Manhattan, and I’d parked that I found my words.
“Sloan has high expectations for you,” I murmured. It didn’t get a reply from Fionn, who kept his back to me. “Believe it or not, he’s a tough nut to crack, that one, but I’ve known him for a long time, boy. Sloan’s proud of you, he just doesn’t say it.”
“Could’ve fooled me.” He sent me a glare before throwing open his door. He shot out of the vehicle, and I sighed, doing the same.
I met Fionn at the back of the SUV and managed to grasp his upper arm before he could put any more distance between us. He shoved me in an attempt to dislodge my grip, and I crowded him in return. He ended up against the back of the SUV, eyes widening, as I slapped my hands on the SUV at the sides of his head.
Our bodies pressed against one another tightly. My mind sent out warning signals to back off again, but I’d already disconnected from the rational part of my brain, focusing on the emotions that thrummed through me. I needed him to listen to reason, even if that meant being too close. Any words I thought about saying disappeared now that our chests were pushed together.
The smell of his cologne drifted around me, all encompassing, and my breath caught. Fuck. I was in trouble. Why did I think this was a good idea? The corner of his mouth curved a little and he leaned his chin forward, as though waiting for me to man up and close the distance between us. It wouldn’t take much, either, and I could haul Fionn upstairs to the penthouse and fuck him like I’d been doing for years. I wasn’t so sure it’d be as emotionless as I’d always tried to make it, though.
Reality punched me hard in the gut, and I stumbled backward, nearly tripping over my own feet. I groaned and ran a hand over the side of my face, and when I glanced at him, guilt gnawed at my insides at the look of disappointment that passed across his pretty face. It disappeared quickly, and anger twisted his features again.
Fionn straightened. “You’re a coward.”
I didn’t deny it, even though it was more than that. There were too many reasons why Fionn and I couldn’t be in a deeper relationship. I cleared my throat and tilted my head toward the elevator. “Let’s go.”
Fionn snorted and turned his back on me, heading in the direction I gestured. We walked to an elevator, and as soon as the notification bell dinged and the doors opened, he went inside without a word.
I followed him in and hit the button for the penthouse floor. We rode in silence as the elevator ascended the many levels until it reached the very top. What was usually a comfort for me became something else. I’d never allowed him to see this part of my life, and now I was nervous to know what he would think. Fionn —a young man who already owned too many of my nighttime dreams and jerk-off sessions.
He stared around the penthouse when we got inside, eyes wide as he took in the darkness, from the large living room to the wide kitchen filled with ebony appliances and the black marble island, with the tall chairs pushed in around the sides. The only splash of color came from the few white pieces of furniture, like the couch and the chairs at the glass dining table.
I hit a couple of buttons on the security system and it beeped to let me know it was set and the alarm wouldn’t blare. From the corner of my eyes, I caught sight of the dogs peeking their heads out of the laundry room, but once they saw it was me, they retreated again.
“I know what your favorite color is.” He glanced at me with a small quirk tugging his lips. “There are other colors in the world, you know.”
I chuckled. “Black is elegant and makes the home look more luxurious.”
“I’m sure this penthouse in Manhattan is expensive enough without needing to make it look luxurious ,” he drawled seriously, shaking his head. He stepped farther inside, and I followed him, gaze straying to the tightness of Fionn’s pants around his ass. His cheeks bounced with every step, and it was difficult not to eat up the sight of them—of him —and not think about all the nights we’d spent together. He’d always been so beautiful, the perfect boy.
I shook my head. Fuck. I couldn’t think about it. No matter how much I wanted Fionn for more than sex, it was out of the question. If, God forbid, anything ever happened to Sloan, it was my job to lead and guide Fionn.
Not marry him.
A relationship was a bad idea because it created a weakness a boss didn’t need. Sloan had Conall, but Sloan was also experienced in the business. He was able to take that risk because he was battle hardened and ready to make the tough choices. Fionn wasn’t, and I was scared he never would be.
“Do you want to take a shower? I’ve got clothes you can use. Come on.” I focused on heading toward the stairs, ignoring the impossibly handsome man standing in the middle of my penthouse, even though every inch of me wanted to turn around and possess and claim him. I wasn’t an animal, and I could control myself.
He followed me up the staircase to the next floor. The dark gray hallway walls were lined with black-and-white scenic photos of Manhattan’s skyline and a couple of pale lamps. The complementary dark carpet gave the area a longer and slimmer appearance.
“Yeah, your favorite color is definitely black.” He raised his eyebrows. “How did I not know this?”
I gave him a half shrug, not denying it. Between my vehicles and my home, I didn’t have an argument against Fionn’s statement. I’d purposely not brought him here because this was my private space, a part of me he shouldn’t see, but he was here now . A possessive side of me didn’t want him to leave.
“So, what’s the plan?” Fionn crossed his arms, head tilted in defiance. “Keep me here until Sloan comes to get me?” Every word was harsh and rude.
I stared at him for a long moment, studying him. His attitude had put him on Sloan’s shit list more than once, but I understood Fionn. Every quip, insult, and nasty comment were used to hide the vulnerable man beneath the prickly facade.
“Yes and no.” I kept my distance because regardless of what I knew about him, Fionn was a temptation I couldn’t indulge in tonight. I had told him he could fuck who he wanted outside of us, but now I was beginning to regret it. I didn’t want to share him and that was a dangerous road to travel. “You whine about not knowing the business as well as you should, so let’s change that.”
The tightness in his shoulders relaxed and he dropped his arms. “How?”
“Tomorrow, you’re coming with me to do our rounds. We go to our men around the city and check on how they’re doing. You’re good with numbers, so you can use that skill to help me work out which areas are profitable and which aren’t. If we find some men aren’t making the cut, we move them to another location, somewhere they can sell. Sometimes someone needs to be put in a different job. Occasionally, they’re just done .” I didn’t elaborate on that last bit because it needed no explanation.
He hesitated. “You’re talking about drugs, right?”
My mouth twitched into a grin. I couldn’t help it. “Yes, boy, I’m talking about product.”
“What do they sell around here? Coke?” Intrigue glittered in his eyes as he took a step closer. Sloan hadn’t trusted Fionn to get near our runners, and he’d told me it was because he preferred Fionn to take care of the bigger stuff, but I saw the hesitation for what it was—he didn’t want him to get hurt. I’d questioned Sloan about his motives, and all I’d received in return was a grunt. Sloan couldn’t be afraid for Fionn’s life while simultaneously teaching him to take over. It was a sign that both Killoughs had their weaknesses.
I leaned my shoulder against the wall beside a photo of Times Square. “Coke can get a hefty profit in some areas, but we’re moving stronger products in the business district. The rich enjoy the harder substances to take off the edge. Fentanyl’s the big fish around Manhattan. You can mix it with heroin and morphine.”
His eyebrows dipped. “But why do people do that to themselves?”
“You’re not thinking like a Company man,” I drawled. “We don’t care why . We don’t force it down their throat. We’re only here to provide a service and product. They make the choice.” I straightened and stepped closer to him, laying a hand on his shoulder, then squeezing. “Rule number one when you’re going around to the distributors, Fionn. Never humanize our customers. They are nothing to us but cash. Why they come to us to get a hit is none of our business. We’re not shrinks.”
He nodded and took a deep breath. “All right. No humanizing.”
My thumb brushed across the skin on his neck, right above his collar, and the trace of warmth sent my attention straight to where I was touching. Realization of what I was doing hit me and I snapped my hand back.
A hurt expression flickered across his face before it hardened again. “Why didn’t I know you had a brother? And why did Michele say he was banned from New York by Sloan? That’s something I should’ve known.”
I sighed. I expected the question would come up sooner rather than later, but I’d hoped he would completely forget about the incident. Fionn was smart and had a memory that never failed when it came to the important things. It was why he held a grudge for so long. Even though there was no reason for him to dislike Conall, he still did because he couldn’t rid himself of the bitterness of Conall’s arrival, even if it had been eight years ago. Or at least, that was what I assumed.
But I didn’t know how to tell Fionn what he wanted to hear while also asking him not to report Aodhan’s arrival back to Sloan. It wouldn’t matter anyway. Now that Aodhan had insisted on going to a club, Sloan would find out soon.
“The Italians know because they used to hire him. Aodhan... is a sore subject. He’s rebellious and doesn’t like to follow authority. When he was a kid, they diagnosed him with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, but I don’t think they were right.” I rubbed the back of my neck. There weren’t many people I talked to about my brother. Sloan didn’t want to hear Aodhan’s name, let alone discuss him, and my parents thought he was perfect the way he was, and it was no use trying to converse about him with them, either. “Aodhan enjoys mentally torturing other people. He knows it’s wrong, but he loves every second. He’s a sociopath, if you ask me.”
“Is that why you never told me about him?” Fionn crinkled his nose. “Actually, I don’t know anything about you, Daire. You come to our home nearly every day. You sit in our meetings, and you support Sloan as his second-in-command, and we fuck and it’s nice, but I don’t know shit about you.” He threw his hands in the air. “I don’t know what you like doing in your spare time or your favorite foods. Before tonight, I didn’t even know where you fucking lived.” His eyes narrowed and he closed the space between us until our chests were inches apart and his breath teased my chin. “Why are you hiding from me? Because I bet my balls that Sloan knows all those things.”
“Yes,” I said simply.
“Yes?” The helplessness in his voice made my chest hurt.
“Sloan knows all those things.” But I keep them from you because I need you at a distance . I left the rest unsaid, but I didn’t need to because his gaze told me he knew what I hadn’t spoken.
His eyes sparkled with pain as he shifted backward. He swallowed deeply, Adam’s apple bobbing. “Fine. If you want it to stay business, we’ll keep it that way. Hell, we won’t even fuck anymore. You can keep your dick away from me. If I’m not good enough for you to date, then my hole isn’t good enough for you to use.” His teeth clenched and he raised his chin in defiance. “Just remember, this is what you wanted, not me.”
I didn’t know what to say. I already regretted my resolve in not taking this further than we had, and nothing he could say would make it worse. But I’d grown up getting used to being the one who had to take one for the team, always putting my own needs second to everything else. What made this time any different? It hurt more, though. I’d never seen him as anything more than Sloan’s nephew and apprentice until that night... when I’d made Fionn my boy.
My boy. He was mine, yet I had to let him go. I needed to end this.
I squeezed my eyes shut for a brief moment and caught my breath. No. I wasn’t going to think about it right now. Instead, I tilted my head in the direction of the hallway and began to walk toward my bedroom, which was the second door to the left. I opened it and looked at Fionn.
“Aodhan’s in the guest room, so you can take my bed tonight.”
He frowned and glanced around me into the room. “Where will you sleep?”
Inside was designed with a similar dark aesthetic, with the king-size bed draped in an inky blanket and pillows. The floor featured the same carpet as in the hallway and the curtains that covered the floor-to-ceiling windows were also black, but a pattern of circles and swirly lines danced across the thick material. There were other items that separated the duskiness of the room, with brown shaded lamps and a couch. More grayscale photographs broke up the space on the walls.
“The bed looks big enough for both of us.” He gave me a pointed look. “We’ve fucked, and it’s not like we haven’t seen each other naked. I can keep my hands to myself.”
I smiled. “I know, but you’re the boss’s nephew. You don’t share the bed with men beneath you.”
“Seriously, Daddy?”
I shuddered at the name and sucked in a breath between my teeth. He knew exactly what that did to me.
He blinked up at me with those big hazel eyes and pouted a little, his mouth popping adorably. “You’re different. As annoying as you are, you’re important to us, Daire. So yes, I will be sharing a bed with you. Don’t fucking complain.”
“Don’t swear, boy,” I snapped lightly before I could stop myself. I cursed inwardly. This wasn’t helping the situation.
“Yes, Daddy Daire,” he teased quietly.
My cock jerked and pleasure simmered low in my stomach. He was doing this on purpose. Torturing me.
Fionn’s lips twitched into a smirk that made him look even more like Sloan. “I’d like to take a shower. Where are these clothes you mentioned?”
I inhaled as stealthily as I could and headed into the bedroom toward my walk-in closet. I grabbed out the smallest pair of pajama pants I had and a loose black T-shirt, then passed the clothing to Fionn. With a strange sense of dread, I pointed at the door across the room, which led to the en suite. The one where I regularly jerked off to Fionn. “In there. The maid went through this evening, so there should be fresh towels on the rack.”
He sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and gazed at me from under his long lashes, almost as though he was going to ask me to join him. He didn’t say a word, though, and he headed toward the bathroom. He closed the door behind himself and the soft click finally gave me a chance to breathe.
I turned and rested my forehead against the frame of my closet. Fuck . I was in trouble. Over the years, we’d walked a thin line between pretending our indiscretions hadn’t happened or wordlessly agreeing it meant nothing. At least, that was what I’d thought. But now Fionn was poking a sleeping dragon, hoping to get a reaction, and it might not be the one he was expecting. Jealousy was a nasty beast, and I despised the idea of Scotti’s hands on him.
My interests in Daddy kink had only begun that first night with Fionn, and his desire for me to dominate him had inspired a new need for me. I’d discovered the world outside of vanilla sex through rough, throat squeezing, brutally sweet sex, but I’d never given myself leeway to try different kinks. He’d opened that experience for me, but I wasn’t sure I would ever be ready to take him on as a boy full time. I craved it, of course, but the reasons not to were stacked against us.
Fionn had fallen so beautifully into the role of a bratty boy, and I’d found I wanted it as much as he had. Even the little nudges he gave me were about testing the waters, and I’d reacted the way he needed me to. I’d given him not only compliments, but punishments, too. He wanted to see how far Daddy would let him go, and I gave him boundaries. It was a fun game that tested my strength against the temptation of making Fionn mine and only mine.
I shook my head to shove away the thoughts. I needed to call Sloan, and having a hard-on while I spoke to him because I was thinking about Fionn and the kink we enjoyed wasn’t the best idea. Grabbing my phone out of the pocket of my jeans, I steeled myself for the conversation.
I slipped out of the bedroom and closed the door before I found Sloan’s number and tapped his name. It took three rings before Sloan answered.
“What?” he grumbled.
I cleared my throat. “Sir, we have a situation.”
“What kind?” In the background, I heard Conall mumble something, but Sloan whispered, “It’s fine, pet. Go back to sleep.”
“I went to Bellissimo tonight and Fionn was there.” The silence on the other end of the line was deafening, and I winced. “I extracted him, and he’s here at my penthouse.”
Finally, Sloan’s angry breath noisily came through the phone. “What was he doing there without my permission and without guards?”
“I believe he wanted to get laid.” I massaged my forehead.
“I thought you and he had a thing.”
I winced at the harsh reality of what he may or may not know. Sloan was the boss, but he was also my best friend. Sometimes I felt it was better to be that friend rather than the second-in-command, and this was one of those times. “We don’t. He’s in his twenties. He’s young. What did you do at his age? How many guys did you screw? He deserves to live his life and fuck who he wants.”
“That was different,” Sloan growled.
“How? He’s the heir to the Killough Company and so were you. The risks you took were a lot worse than whatever Fionn’s done.” I stared at one of the photos of the Empire State Building on the wall and tapped the back of my phone lightly with my finger. “Let me teach him about the rounds we do with the dealers.”
“No.” His sharp tone made me wince. “He’s not ready.”
“He is and has been for a long time.” I fell back against the wall and used it to stay upright. My entire body was suddenly tired. I needed sleep. Clubbing was a young man’s game, and I was past the age of partying. Why I’d thought I could keep up with Aodhan, I didn’t know. My brother never had an off switch. “I don’t like questioning you, Sloan. You’re my boss, but you’re also my friend, so I’m going to tell you this. If you don’t let him spread his wings, he won’t ever be ready to take over the Company. He’s not Eoin.” My heart gave a twinge, prompting me to remember that myself. “What we do is dangerous. We can’t ever promise he’ll stay safe, but you chose him as your apprentice, and that means you need to trust him. And trust your men, including me, to protect him.”
He grunted. “Fine. He can stay there and go with you tomorrow. But, if anything happens to him, Daire?—”
“It won’t.” I believed it wholeheartedly, too. “I would die before I let him get hurt.”
“Good. I’ll send some men over tomorrow with a couple of fresh suits for him.”
The call ended, and I pulled the phone away from my ear to look at the screen. I smiled. It was good to know Sloan still trusted my advice, but now what was I going to do with Fionn? We would be spending more time together outside of the bedroom.
“Shit.” I slammed my head back against the wall. I was in deeper trouble than before.