The Barren Luna

14 - Ginny

L ucy was in my room with me, helping me get ready for the last day of trial, as Laura stood guard by the window. It felt wrong to be chatting about dresses and accessories as if I were getting ready for a date and not my potential doom.

Lucy, however, was relentless, “You need to look put together, Ginny. So they can really see you.”

“I really don’t care at this point. The last two days have drained the tiny amount of energy that I managed to store up since coming here. I just want it to be over.”

“Oh, you’re killing me with the attitude. Laura,” she decided to look for another ally. “Which of these two dresses should she wear?”

Laura looked me over and then looked at the dresses.

“The purple one. She has the greenest eyes I’ve ever seen, and the dress will make them pop. Pair it with the platinum watch.”

“This is platinum?!” I asked, at the same time as Lucy said, “Great choice!”

“No! I’m not wearing the watch. It’s too much, what if I lose it? Besides, it has a blue face, look, it doesn’t match,” I tried, in vain, to dissuade my two personal stylists.

“Oh, come on, who’s gonna notice that,” Lucy waved me away. “Just get dressed, we need to go.”

As we made our way towards the courtroom, I reflected on how familiar these halls seemed after only a week here. It felt so much longer somehow. Like what happened with Henry had been months ago. Where would I end up after this? Even if, by some miracle, all these Alphas decided it wasn’t a big deal that I had murdered one of them, where would I go? Not Spruce Mountain and not Allegheny, that was for sure.

Would another pack accept a mate killer into its fold? Would I be forced to live in the human world until I died of loneliness? Our kind could rarely survive without a pack, it was our deepest nature to live close to each other.

Lucy stopped me from colliding with the massive courtroom door.

“Are you okay, Ginny?”

“I will be, Luce. Wish me luck,” I smiled weakly and she gave me a firm hug.

“Good luck, my Luna,” she said, and it made me want to cry because she had long ago stopped using my title, and I knew why she was suddenly using it now.

I made my way to my seat, and although I didn’t have my full shifter senses at my disposal, I could feel that the atmosphere in the room was different than it had been in the previous two days. Most of the Lunas looked at me with kind, understanding eyes, and some of the Alphas did, too. The Betas mostly scanned the room for potential threats, always in work mode.

John was the one who started the proceedings: “Good morning, everyone; I hope you’re all well rested for our final day of this trial. The Crown’s first witness today is Doctor Timothy Warren of the Spruce Mountain pack hospital.”

“ Tell the truth ,” David commanded the older male, and I took the opportunity to sneak a peek at him. As imposing as always. Sensing my eyes on him, he flashed me a brief smile before turning back to the witness.

“Doctor Warren,” John started his line of questioning, “is it true that you were the doctor in charge of the Spruce Pack Alpha’s breeding program?”

“I was, but in order to understand the background of that project, I would like to go even further back if that is alright with you?” John looked a bit taken aback but nodded.

“See, what most people don’t understand or don’t know is that for 18 months prior to the selection of Miss Rogers, Luna Regina was being subjected to what I can only describe as medical torture,” he slowly looked at all the faces in the first rows. “She was on a constant regimen of fertility shots and had her heat induced every two months, which is borderline inhumane.”

It was, of course, the Lunas who looked absolutely mortified. They, as females, understood very well how taxing a heat cycle was on the body. There was a reason why those occurred only twice a year spontaneously.

“If it was inhumane, why did you, as a medical professional, write off on it?”

“I was commanded to make her fertile and I had to keep going, even when seeing her broke my heart,” he looked at me with those knowing eyes of his and I shut mine against the onslaught of memories.

I hadn’t known what was worse during that period – the hot flashes, the urges of the heats, the perfunctory sex, my deteriorating relationship with my mate, the disappointment on his face after every cycle, and eventually, my disappointment in myself as well.

“I’m sorry you were forced to act against your conscience, Doctor,” John told him in a kind voice and he dipped his chin.

“Was the treatment the same for Miss Rogers?”

“Yes. The timeline was a bit different, but the shots were the same.”

“And how did you solve the issue of Alpha Giles being a mated male?”

“He was given a wolfsbane tincture to be used sparingly: one drop in a glass of water each time he needed to copulate with Miss Rogers. It wouldn't do permanent damage to a wolf if used correctly.”

“Were you aware that your Alpha had started copulating with Miss Rogers outside the agreed-upon times?”

The doctor sighed, “I had my suspicions. I’d heard rumors, and the Alpha asked me for a refill of the wolfsbane but categorically denied that he was using it recreationally when I warned him about the side effects.”

“What would the side effects of prolonged use look like?”

“Well, no case is identical, but what the medical profession has observed in practice is: paranoia, delusions, in some cases hallucinations, and rarely, permanent damage to the wolf. For some, shifting becomes uncontrollable – either the wolf takes over whenever, or the individual can’t shift at all. Some permanently lose the connection to their wolf. All those affected were aggressive and unpredictable, and they all experienced severe damage to the man-wolf bond all of us hold so dear.”

David shifted uncomfortably before interrupting the questioning, “If this is so dangerous, why do we have legal protocols in place for sedating defendants with wolfsbane? How is that any different than what Alpha Giles was doing? Do you know that he was giving wolfsbane to Luna Regina as well?”

“Ah,” the doctor smiled slyly, “most trials here last less than two weeks – one drop a day will not cause permanent damage in that time period. In addition to that, man and wolf are still in harmony in those cases, the person dosed is not doing anything against their nature during that time, and the animal has no reason to rebel. That, obviously, wasn’t the case here,” he looked at the audience pointedly over the rim of his glasses.”

“As for Luna Regina, I have a confession to make. In the dungeons, her wolf was suffering from her mate's betrayal and the death of a mother figure. Let's not forget the, at that point, basically disintegrated mate bond. When I examined her once she came home, I was very worried about her.

She seemed to have been given wolfsbane in the dungeons sporadically, but I couldn’t be sure how often and in what quantities. So, when the Alpha sent a guard to my office to get some wolfsbane for the Luna, I gave him a very diluted mixture instead. The Luna wouldn’t have sharpened senses, and she wouldn’t be able to shift, but there should be no lasting negative effects, even with these three days,” he said, looking very proud of himself, and I was so grateful to him.

“Thank you for thinking ahead, doctor,” John said.

“I had already failed the Luna so much,” he said sadly. “I’d subjected her to the fertility treatments, and I kept her supplied with poppy seed tinctures, against my will, I must add. She is stronger than any wolf I know. Just imagine: eighteen months of extremely taxing fertility treatments, four months of enduring the physical and emotional pain of her mate cheating on her, coupled with an opiate addiction, then the months of false imprisonment, occasional wolfsbane ingestion, death of a loved one, and then the death of her mate. Yet, here she sits with her head high, as regal as ever. I am so sorry, my Luna,” he bared his neck to me and I gave him a small smile and dipped my head.

“One last thing for us to discuss, doctor. You monitored Miss Rogers’ pregnancy, is that correct?”

“I did, yes.”

“Did you, at any point, suspect that there was some deception at work?”

Doctor Warren blew out a breath.

“I’ve thought about this so many times. As we all know, only an Alpha wolf can smell paternity before birth, on all pups of his pack. Alpha Giles, however, wasn’t able to do so due to the wolfsbane he kept ingesting. At the exams performed later in the pregnancy I had noticed that the pup was measuring smaller than an Alpha would at that stage of gestation, but I mistakenly attributed it to the nasty fall that Miss Rogers took down the stairs.”

“How was her demeanor after the accident?”

“To be honest, this may be hindsight speaking, but she seemed more surprised than happy that her pup was alive.”

“Did Alpha Giles harm the pup after he discovered the ruse?”

“He was a bit rough with him but there was no permanent damage, I examined him several times to be sure.”

“Thank you, doctor. The Crown now calls Doctor Dylan Matthews of the Royal Pack hospital.”

Doctor Matthews grinned at me as he approached the witness stand and then winked at David, who glared at him and growled: “ Tell the truth .”

“Hello, everyone.”

He was the most cheerful witness so far.

“Hello, Doctor Matthews,” John couldn’t help but smile as well. “You were the physician on call when Luna Regina Haines was admitted to your hospital?”

“That’s true,” he immediately switched to business mode.

“Did your examination of the Luna confirm what Dr. Warren just testified to?”

“Absolutely. It is protocol to run pretty extensive tests when defendants are admitted into our hospital, and we did the same with Luna Haines. We found severe internal scarring due to the cheating pains she’s endured, external scarring inflicted by silver, wolfsbane in her system, and her nails and hair showed prolonged use of narcotics meant for short-term use in cases of mate death or surgery.

Her wolf was almost completely dormant, and her psychological state was extremely agitated. She demonstrated genuine remorse and horror upon remembering what happened to her former mate,” he concluded and David whispered something to John before rushing out of the courtroom.

“Very well, thank you, Doctor Matthews. The Crown now calls Luna Regina Haines to the stand.”

I took a deep breath and moved to the witness stand. My hands felt numb and my stomach was churning. I could do this. I took another breath.

“The King had to run out for a moment, so I will have the pleasure of using my one command a day on you, Luna,” he smiled and I vaguely remembered learning that, as a twin to the Alpha, he had gotten some Alpha powers at birth, but in a limited capacity.

It made sense now how he was able to deal with the Court duties even without David, though it also explained why justice was usually slow.

“ Tell the truth ,” he commanded, and I wanted to vomit from the feeling of betrayal my body was associating with being commanded.

“Oh, here he is. Do you want to take over?”

“Yes,” David said, staring at me intently.

He inched closer to me, and I looked straight into his clear, blue eyes. It had the same calming effect like looking at the ocean. His huge body shielded me from curious stares and I immediately felt better.

“Luna Regina, can you tell us a little bit about your mating?”

“Yes – I – we met when I was 20 years old. Henry was 21 then. The first two years, we were happy, normal, I -” I focused on the bright green pin that held his robe fastened. “We didn't conceive for a while and I didn’t mind it that much, honestly, I viewed it as a fact of life or perhaps a test of our love, but Henry had trouble coming to terms with it. It was only when he held me captive in the house that I’d come to realize just how much of a problem he had with it.”

“Can you tell me when things started deteriorating between you two?”

“I would say a little over two years ago. And he told me for a fact that, for him, it all started after the Alpha Summit some two and a half years ago.”

“Why is that, what did he say happened then?”

I was grateful for the command at this moment because I didn’t know how else I would have gotten the words out, “Alpha Larson had offered Henry to put some pups into that hot little mate of his and made him feel bad about not being a father,” I said and looked for Larson’s disgusting face in the audience.

I regretted my words immediately when I saw his pale Luna looking at me with a pain-stricken face, but there was no surprise on it. I guiltily looked away.

David looked ready to murder someone. Even an unmated male could see how vile and disgusting those words had been.

“How did you react when you were informed about the concubine?”

“I expressed my displeasure and disagreement, but when I saw that it didn’t mean much to Henry, I decided to remove myself from that situation.”

“You ran?” he seemed impressed.

“I tried to. I didn’t know I was being monitored. I made it to the pack border when the enforcers stopped me, and then Henry commanded me to stay on pack territory,” there were no longer gasps at my mention of the commands.

Those present must have gotten as desensitized to the idea as I had.

“I see. That must have been a difficult situation to be in.”

“It was. Being forced to be somewhere you don’t want to be, and seemingly having no other option, the helplessness that results from that, it’s devastating.”

“Luna Regina, we are wolves, and another female was sniffing around your mate - were you ever tempted to handle things the old-fashioned way? Despite everyone assuring you it was all leadership-sanctioned?”

“I was. The first time I was forced to sit with her in doctor Warren’s office. My claws were already out, and then Henry commanded me again, this time not to harm her,” I looked down at my hands to hide the shame I felt at the thought of my mate protecting another female from me.

“How did that feel, being commanded by your mate?” he asked in a gentle tone.

“It felt like betrayal of the highest kind. It felt demeaning, humiliating, lonely, painful,” the words kept pouring out of me without my permission.

“Was this the command Ms. Collins referred to in her testimony?”

“It was. Both Henry and I had forgotten about it, with everything else that was happening. Of course, he had expected me to remind him of it. I probably should have been thinking rationally while he was murdering Dorothy,” I said bitterly.

“After that, did you find other ways to remove yourself from the situation you were in?”

“None. I asked my father to help me when he visited, I thought maybe Alpha Philip’s command could override Henry’s, but he flat-out refused. He said they couldn’t afford to go against Henry,” I said while scanning the crowd for Alpha Phillip, whose Luna looked furious with him, although it really wasn’t his fault. “I did stop doing my Luna duties after that.”

“What did your duties consist of?”

“I handled all the vendors for the hospital, school, and kitchens. I ordered supplies, checked invoices, handled finances, made weekly menus, helped with the curriculum, and visited sick and old pack members weekly.”

“Do you know that most Lunas do less than that?” he looked at the crowd for confirmation and got several nods. “Why were you working so hard?”

I hesitated for the first time since he started questioning me.

“I guess... I guess I was trying to prove something to the pack. Prove my value, earn my keep. I may not have had pups, but I had worth nevertheless. Kind of sad when you think about it.”

“I don’t think it’s sad, I think it’s understandable. What were your thoughts about the aftermath of the infidelity, both during Miss Rogers’ heat and outside of it? What kind of future did you see after the three heat cycles were up?”

“All I kept thinking was that I saw no way forward after what Henry had done, and my heart made no distinction between the two infidelities. He had cheated on me the moment he accepted the idea of breeding another female, pack heir be damned. I didn't want that pup, a pup conceived that way. Do you know that they wanted to induce lactation so I could breastfeed the pup born from my mate’s infidelity?” I looked at him and he seemed hopelessly sad. “Just because someone is your mate doesn’t mean he’s a good, loving male, and it does not mean you should forgive and forget if the person doesn’t exhibit genuine remorse. I just wanted to leave and live alone in a cabin somewhere, be nobody’s mate and nobody’s Luna.”

It was hard to breathe at this point. My lungs were burning.

“Hm. Now, Luna, I will not ask you too much about your imprisonment as I can see it is extremely upsetting to you, but the one thing I will ask is whether you remember what Miss Rogers discussed with you when she came to see you?”

“Honestly, I zoned out for most of it because I didn’t want to hear her. I remember she taunted me about all the sex she and Henry were having and how she was pregnant and I was useless,” I said with a clenched jaw.

“What happened when you were back in the home you had shared with the Alpha?”

I blew out a breath.

“It was all so confusing at first – I had no idea Hannah was dead, or the whole drama with the pup, I knew nothing. One day I was in the dungeon, and the next I woke up in my old bed, without any explanation. I was terrified of Henry. I thought he wanted to harm me, and I knew I still was under orders not to leave pack territory. So I figured I’d throw myself out the window, and either the fall would kill me since I was so weak, or the guards would.”

A deathly silence fell over the courtroom. David seemed to have trouble breathing and he squeezed his eyes shut. The hand he held on the witness stand had started growing fur. I didn’t understand what was happening. Maybe he was strongly opposed to suicide.

“You were not trying to escape? You were trying to die?” he asked quietly.

“Yes,” I replied in an even quieter voice.

“Why?”

“I had nowhere to run and no one to help me. The female who was basically my mother was dead. Henry was behaving like a lunatic. Death seemed like the better option,” I shrugged, the gesture trying to minimize the whole thing like females often are taught to do.

“What happened then?” he opened his eyes, and I saw that they had become completely black.

“The guards took me back to the house, where Jessie bandaged my ribs, and then Henry commanded me again, so now suicide was off the table for me as well.”

“You were put in an impossible position.”

“I was. I just felt like giving up at that point.”

“But you didn’t,” the eyes were back to blue, and they were – admiring me?

“I did for a moment. I would just lie in bed, motionless, and listen to Henry rambling about how we would be happy again, how he was sorry, how I was the only real thing in his life, how we used to be happy before he ruined us,” I focused my gaze on a painting in the distance, on the back wall of the courtroom.

“He would organize these dinners for us; in his mind, they must have been dates. He would choose my outfits for me, and he would reminisce about our past. When he started talking about us having sex after my ribs healed,” here I was interrupted by someone actually saying, oh my God . David turned around to look at whoever it was, but I was grateful for the reprieve.

I composed myself as much as I could before continuing, “I was scared I would be raped or that he would try to get me pregnant again. I just couldn’t go through that, and that is what led to my decision.”

“Walk us through your plan.”

“One day, when he was at the office, I found my old drug stash of poppy-filled syringes. I knew I wasn’t allowed to harm myself, but I figured if I could incapacitate and kill him, I would be free of him, even if the guards killed me once he was dead. So on New Year’s Eve, after dinner, I took the plates to the sink, approached him from behind, and stuck the syringe into his jugular,” I closed my eyes to stop the prickling, but the action just pushed the tears out. “As soon as he went down, I grabbed my bread knife and sawed his head off.”

“Do you think you deserve to die for what you did?”

“Yes,” I said, surprising myself. I hadn’t even realized that was how I felt.

“Why?” he asked, again in that gentle tone.

“I am a mate killer. I don’t deserve mercy,” I heard sobbing from the audience and opened my eyes. Several of the Lunas were crying. Lucy was inconsolable. I looked around, puzzled.

“Thank you for your testimony, Luna Regina,” David said hoarsely, and his eyes seemed a little misty as well.

I was about to tell him he was welcome, but a harsh voice interrupted me.

“I have a question,” one of the older Alphas stood up. I’d never met him before, but the plaque in front of him read “Black Balsam Pack, NC”.

“Go ahead,” John instructed him, as David just stared.

“Ms. Haines claims she was scared of getting raped, but we all know that’s nonsense. You can’t get raped by your mate!”

The crowd erupted in many separate discussions and I wondered how many of them agreed with this male. John cleared his throat.

“Alpha Matthews, if you’d ever carefully read the Court’s Law Journal, which all the packs have been sent every year for the last fifty years, you'd know that one can, physically and legally, rape their mate and be raped by their mate. I would also like to remind you that the defendant was being dosed with wolfsbane, meaning that at that moment, the late Alpha knew her wolf was absent and she wasn’t fully his mate, so it would have been rape even in your eyes. Any other questions?”

The disgruntled old male sat down and I was pleased to see all the females giving him death stares. There was no female next to him. Good.

“Very well, the witnesses and visitors may leave now, as we are about to start deliberating. Thank you all for your time,” John concluded, and I left the room without looking back.

Years later, I would learn just how many hearts my testimony touched that day and how many eyes it had opened. For now, I was simply glad it was behind me.