The Barren Luna

17 - David

I quietly left Gina’s room at dawn, like I had gotten used to doing ever since she'd arrived here. I hated leaving her even briefly, but I knew that spending the night in her room, even in my wolf form, was pushing it. Being patient and going slowly went against everything I was, both as a wolf and as a male, but I also fucking loved my mate and would do everything in my power to help her overcome the horrors she’d been forced to endure.

The hours until breakfast couldn’t pass fast enough. I took a long, hot shower, then a shorter, cold shower, and then took my time picking out my clothes for the day. One of the two mating customs of my pack was that, after finding their mate, both males and females always made sure to wear some item of clothing or jewelry that was the color of their mate’s eyes. You could obviously go the easy route and just always wear a blue pendant or something, but most of us considered it lazy.

It was a sign of commitment and great attention to one’s mate to be intentional and elaborate about selecting, buying, and wearing such items. Not to mention females could drive their mates crazy by surprising them with seductive lingerie in the color in question, or so I’d heard. Would my savage little mate do something like that for me? The clock on the wall said I didn’t have time for a third shower, so I almost giddily made my way downstairs, knowing that I’d soon lay eyes on her again.

Regina looked both pleased and nervous to see me, as she often did. I couldn’t wait for the day when our wolves would be in sync with each other, and I’d be able to get an even better read on her feelings. Her face was pretty revealing most of the time, so that helped me greatly. I wasn't a romantically experienced male, and she had been through a lot, so the last thing I wanted to do was put my foot in my mouth. I looked her over and was secretly thrilled to see that she was wearing a ring with a blue stone – even if she hadn’t worn it intentionally to please me, I was excited to finally have a mate marked with blue.

“Good morning, Gina,” I said, trying not to mentally wag my tail like a lovesick puppy. “How did you sleep?”

“Good morning. So-so. You?”

“I slept well.”

Curled up next to you, inhaling your scent.

“Breakfast looks great. Oh, and they brought us that amazing dried venison again!”

“One would think that a chef like you would want to try different things each day?”

“Not this chef. I could eat the same thing every day for a month.”

“You’re joking, right?”

“If it was something I really love to eat and it was freshly made each day, I wouldn’t mind,” she shrugged in that sweet way of hers that she used to brush things off as being no big deal.

I wanted to reach over and tug on her hair a bit. Don’t ask me why.

“Do you hear yourself? Do you hear how crazy that sounds?” I glared at her in mock exasperation and she laughed.

I wanted to beat my chest like a caveman at the sound. I did that! I made mate laugh. I needed help, and fast. Dylan was right to offer.

“Well, excuse me, your Royal Highness, we can’t all have a personal chef to prepare a new creative menu for us every day,” she teased me, and I fucking loved it when she got out of that prim shell she often forced herself into, behaving exactly right all the time and always saying the appropriate thing.

“I will have you know that this particular aversion stems from the soldier life – too much bland, repetitive food. I now like to savor the finer things in life, sue me,” I winked and took a sip of my tea.

Cool it with the winking, it’s not as attractive as you think it is, I could almost hear John, that asshole.

“So listen, I wanted to invite you for a hike with me today. Now, actually,” I quickly recovered from the wink, or I hoped I did.

“A hike? Sure, why not? What better place to do it than the Rockies?”

Oh, I’d do it with you anywhere.

“Exactly. You’ve been here long enough now that your body has kind of gotten used to the altitude, so you shouldn’t be bothered by it, but I’ve still chosen the easiest trail,” I explained and judging by how quickly she straightened up, I could tell she took offense at my words.

“Relax, my wild she-wolf,” I wanted to hold her in my lap and stroke her back as I was saying it. “Your body is still mostly human right now and you may experience some withdrawal from the wolfsbane, although Dylan said you probably won’t, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. So let’s gradually build your stamina back up, what do you say?”

She seemed to be thinking it over before sighing in defeat.

“Okay, okay, I get it. However, it’s a little last minute, don’t you think? I have no appropriate clothing here.”

“O ye of little faith,” I said theatrically. “I had them buy stuff and put it in your room, don’t worry.”

“Who is they?” she smiled, and it was contagious.

“I’ll never tell! Now go, run, get ready,” I waved her off and pretended to be looking at the mountains until she turned to leave.

That way, I could stare at her to my heart’s content without looking like a creep. Most of my actions these days were geared toward that goal. Elizabeth, my sister-in-law, always described me as having “golden retriever energy,” and for once I had to agree. All I wanted to do was jump Gina, nudge her, lick her face, play with her, let her play with me, play-wrestle, nip her earlobe.

But – love and respect and patience were what mattered more than my playful desires, or so I had to keep reminding myself.

My beautiful mate came downstairs what felt like an eternity later, wearing the bright orange down jacket, black gloves, and blue wool beanie I had bought for her. I was a simple male – I wanted to protect, feed, dress, provide for my mate, and fuck her into a love coma every night. So, for now, I was content doing whatever I could from that list.

“You look like a beautiful traffic cone,” I said to distract myself while trying to keep a straight face.

“Ha-ha,” she narrowed her eyes at me, and I felt my whole body shaking with laughter.

She was an adorably angry orange traffic cone.

“I can’t believe they let you be King,” she scoffed.

“Honestly, me neither,” I said and then confirmed that statement by leading her to my well-loved, muddy, very unroyal-looking off-road truck.

Soon, we were driving through winter wonderland, and she took it all in with wide eyes. It was all so white and silent and breathtaking. Suddenly, I was seeing my favorite place with new eyes because of her awe.

“Thank you for bringing me here,” she said shyly as I helped her out of the truck after the short drive.

“You’re welcome, Gina,” I smiled and grabbed a backpack from the truck bed. “We’ll head toward the lake now, it’s called Bear Lake. There’s a nice loop trail around it, under a mile long.”

We walked side by side in silence, the untouched snow crunching under our boots. We were almost completely alone in the Park.

“It is so picturesque here. The snow, the trees, the silence – I feel like words can’t do it justice. My words, at least,” she told me.

“I’ve always loved winter here. I enjoy the feeling of solitude that it brings. Oh look, that’s Hallett Peak over there,” I pointed at the giant in the distance.

“Oh wow,” she breathed.

“Isn’t it majestic? 12,720 feet. We can climb it once you’re fully recovered, what do you think?”

“You operate under the assumption that I am someone who enjoys climbing and hiking, what gave you that idea?” she challenged, rightfully so.

Aside from the innate athleticism and love for the outdoors every shifter had, I truly didn’t know whether hiking would be something she would enjoy, but it was the first joint activity that came to mind. Well, second, but you know, trying not to be a creep.

“Just an impression I got based on how you climbed your personal mountains - your strength and endurance, your determination. If you discover you don’t like it, we’ll stop doing it,” I turned to look at her and couldn’t read her face.

Maybe I shouldn’t have brought that up. But Dylan said it was better not to sweep it under the rug.

“I see,” she said, but I knew that she did not, in fact, see it.

Her testimony let me know exactly how she saw her actions and it broke my heart. She had survived and endured what some of my more seasoned males wouldn’t have been able to, and she'd emerged victorious.

“If you had your wolf back, we could skinny dip in the lake,” I wiggled my eyebrows, hoping to make her laugh.

“Feel free to freeze if you want; I wouldn’t get in even if I could shift,” she was back to defiant, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Defiant was good, even angry was good.

“I can’t wait to see your wolf,” I said wistfully.

“Hopefully soon,” she ran her teeth over her tongue, the way she did the few times when she contemplated not sharing something at the trial. “I know I made a fuss this morning about you choosing a kiddie trail for me, but seriously, thank you. I don’t know what it is – the altitude, my atrophied muscles, the wolfsbane wearing off, whatever, but I am so tired already. Do you think we’re at least halfway?”

I gently rubbed her back as she bent over, holding her knees with her hands.

“Yeah, we’re almost there, Gina. This is a 15-minute walk.”

“Oh, thank God!” she laughed, but it was really strained.

That night, at dinner, we sat together again, but her eyelids were drooping already. She efficiently cleared her plate, which I didn’t think she even noticed had been filled by me, and excused herself. Later, when I snuck into her room on silent paws, she was passed out on the covers, still wearing her day clothes. I chuckled at her starfish pose and was struck by a longing to scoop her up, drape her body over mine, and sink into blissful sleep myself. I resisted and simply curled up against her before resting as well.

“Ready for another hike?” I yelled out in lieu of a greeting upon seeing her the next morning. She looked well rested but held herself somewhat stiffly.

“Good morning to you, too,” she winced slightly while sitting down.

“Are you sore?” I immediately got serious and my hand gripped her upper arm without my permission.

“I’m fine, will you relax?” she rolled her eyes but smiled. “But to answer your initial question, I don’t think another hike so soon would be a great idea.”

“I was only messing with you anyway, I wanted to take you into town today if that’s okay with you?”

“Sure, I’d love that! I can’t wait to see what kind of shops and restaurants you guys have here,” she clapped her hands together but then her face suddenly dropped. “By the way, is there any way to get my documents and my money from Spruce Mountain? I came here with the clothes on my back, and while it’s nice that you keep buying me stuff, I would like my own money back, please.”

“Shit, I forgot,” it felt like being hit by a train. Fuck. I hated that she'd had to ask me for her money, I hated that I had dropped the ball. “I’m so sorry, Gina, I asked your former Beta to get your stuff when he came up for the trial, but in the midst of all that was happening, the suitcase remained in one of the guestrooms. I should have thought of this earlier. It will be delivered to your room after breakfast.”

I felt like shit, but she seemed overjoyed.

“So my stuff is here already? Yes! That’s the most important thing, I don’t care about the rest. Thank you for having the foresight to even think of it.”

“I’m always thinking of you,” I said quietly, but I could tell she heard it. Her hearing was getting sharper.

“How old are you anyway?”

Where had that come from?

“What?”

“I just realized I had no idea how old you were.”

“What made you ask? I’m 26,” I told her, and she made what I interpreted as a slightly surprised sound. “What? Why are you surprised? How old did you think I was?”

“I don’t know, honestly! You seemed so much older during the trial, and, well, you seem so immature now.”

I threw a sugar packet at her in response and she laughed. She was doing that a lot these days.

“See, proving my point!”

“One needs to have balance,” I said while stroking my chin as if I were an ancient philosopher with a long beard. “Heavy is the head that wears the crown and all that, so I like to not take myself too seriously whenever I can.”

“I think I actually like that.”

“You know what it’s like to be part of a pack’s leadership,” I was back to completely serious now. “And you’ve seen firsthand what can happen if you make it your sole identity, if you make the title the center of your life.”

It was as if a dark cloud had fallen over our breakfast table, but we needed to keep these topics part of our conversations. I took her hand and tugged on it.

“Go put your traffic cone jacket on and meet me at the main entrance.”

I hoped she would like our town. I found it very charming, but I was extremely biased. The shops had intricate holiday decorations still adorning the windows, and Gina stopped to admire almost each and every one of them, while I studied all of her different expressions and the items she looked at the longest. She kept sniffing the air, and I didn’t know whether she could scent me yet.

“Can we stop at a bakery? You can probably recommend a good one.”

“Sure, depends on what you want to get?”

“Something sweet. I specifically saved room at breakfast after you told me you’d be taking me into town.”

“I know just the place.”

I led her to my favorite bakery, Miller’s . A bell rang when we entered, and the familiar middle-aged she-wolf that always smelled of yeast and sugar came out of the back rooms to stand behind the till.

“Hello, Alpha David,” she greeted me warmly while baring her neck slightly.

“Hello, Margaret,” I greeted back. “This is Regina.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Regina,” she peered at her, clearly curious but knowing better than to pry.

“You too, Margaret,” Regina was in what I imagined to be her Luna mode.

“What can I get you two?”

“These éclairs, the ones with powdered sugar on top, what are they filled with?” Regina pointed at the glass, her lips pursed in concentration.

“Those have a custard filling.”

“Great, I’ll take one, please.”

“Anything else?”

I looked at Gina and she shook her head.

“That’ll be all, Margaret, thank you,” I said and pulled my wallet out. I could tell Gina wanted to argue but clearly decided not to do it in front of a pack member. Ever the Luna.

When we exited the bakery, however, she immediately objected, “I wanted to buy my own éclair!”

“And I wanted to introduce you as my mate but I figured you wouldn’t like it, so I had to let my wolf do something!”

I tried to rationalize my actions instead of scaring her with how intense my need to care for her was. I knew she was strong and she didn’t need it or me, but I also wanted her to know that she now had a place to rest her head and her heart if it ever got too much for her.

No one was strong all the time, and relying on your team was what saved lives. The military had taught me that. I wanted to be on her team.

“I get the feeling you’re just using your wolf to justify whatever,” she frowned at me, and I looked away.

“He wants to feed you,” I decided to give her the truth. “And I want to, too. Look, not to darken the nice day that we’ve been having, but in the interest of being honest and open with each other, he kind of went crazy when we found you. You were weak and malnourished and he feels better knowing you’re fed, I’m sorry if it’s stressing you out.”

She looked deep into my eyes and my wolf tried coming out. He felt her wolf stronger than ever before.

“In that case, I accept it and I thank you,” she said primly, taking the éclair out of its paper bag.

I tried not to stare at her powdered-sugar-covered mouth as she ate, especially not as her little pink tongue kept darting out to lick off bits of custard from her lips -

“David?”

I shook my head a bit, “Sorry, I kind of spaced out.”

“I can see that,” she said as she held the éclair out to me with one hand, holding the other one under it to catch any crumbs that might fall off, even though we were outside. “I asked whether you wanted a bite?”

Of course, I wanted a bite. I wanted a million bites.

“Thanks,” I made sure to look her in the eye as I turned her hand to bite from the exact spot where her mouth had been.

It took all my considerable strength not to groan, but I did close my eyes as she inhaled audibly. All of a sudden, there was a strange electrical charge between us, one that kept sending tiny pleasurable jolts to my groin. Is this what the mate bond felt like for everyone? How did they get anything done? How did mated wolves manage to leave their beds?

I opened my eyes just in time to see her licking a bit of custard from the spot I had bitten into. Fuck. It was the single most erotic sight of my 26 years on Earth. I saw her pupils dilate, and all my blood rushed south. Down, boy. Don’t scare her.

“You like it?” I said, but my voice was all low and husky.

“Excuse me?” she stuttered and looked at me like a scared doe as I took a step closer to her.

“The éclair,” I clarified as I licked my thumb and used it to wipe off some powdered sugar from her chin. She gulped.

“It was really good,” she mumbled.

“I’m glad.”

After Gina did some more window-shopping, we aimlessly strolled around for a while before sitting down in one of the cozy cafes. I brought her a cappuccino as she stared out the window, lost in thought.

“You know, we never had anything like this in Spruce Mountain.”

“Anything like what, a café?”

“Yeah. There was a bar some of the pack members went to. There was a hardware store, a supermarket, a farmer’s market, a tailor, but it was all so... utilitarian. Including the architecture. There was very little room allotted for beauty for beauty’s sake,” she said somehow sadly.

“That must have been a drab environment for a bright flower such as yourself,” I tried coaxing her into opening up a bit more but only managed to sound like a perv from what my mom referred to as her Harlequins . I might have read one or two growing up. I was bored a lot since there weren’t many other pups at Court.

Luckily, Gina was too lost in thought to mind or mock me for it.

“It was drab, and it was suffocating. I didn’t enjoy living my life for others. Strategically thinking about how you touch your mate in photographs isn’t natural.”

“I used to be jealous of my men sometimes. We’d come back from a campaign, and their mates would run into their sweaty, dirty bodies and hug them as hard as they could and I remember thinking I’d give up my kingdom for that, to be loved like that .”

“I’d never peg you for such a romantic soul,” she said, but it wasn’t teasing, it was curious.

“What can I say? My parents had an amazing mating, as did my grandparents. They imparted the importance of mates and treating each other right to both John and I as soon as we were old enough to comprehend it. And they showed us by example way before that.”

“And what if the mating isn’t all that idyllic?”

“What do you mean?” I feigned ignorance.

“Don’t make me say it, David.”

“But I want you to verbalize it, Regina, I want you to tell me what’s on your mind.”

She paused and then blew out a breath.

“What if you can never have pups?”

“Then I can never have pups.”

“Oh come on,” she raised both her eyebrows in an are you kidding me face. “Don’t all males want pups?”

“Imagine me assuming all females are dying to have a pup? It wouldn’t be fair, would it? Please don’t generalize, at least not when it comes to me,” I frowned slightly but she still seemed wary of my responses. “I’m serious. Don't you know there are probably thousands of pupless couples in the country right now? So what?!”

“But you’re the King, you need an heir!”

“Says who? If I die without a living heir, they can either have John or his pups take over, or they can simply choose one of the other Alphas to settle disputes at his pack and move the administrative capital there. It’s not like our family has magical powers that we need to pass on or something.”

“Would you stake your crown on that?”

“A crown I never asked for? The choice between my mate, who I prayed for fervently, and a position I could do without – the choice would be beyond easy.”

“So you truly wouldn’t mind?”

“I would be sad if my mate was sad about it. It would bother me if she – you – wanted pups, and I couldn’t give them to you. It would kill me not to be able to give you the world, but as for me personally? I’d go with the flow,” I said and leaned back in my chair, relaxed, letting her see I had no reason to lie.

“I just can’t go through that again,” she squeezed her eyes shut, and I could see how difficult the admission had been for her.

I got the sense she didn’t want to hurt me, but she had been burned before.

“Gina, do you think I’m telling the truth right now?“

She opened her eyes and observed me carefully before nodding, “I do.”

“But you think that the pressures of my office will change my mind?”

“I don’t think it, I fear it.”

“I understand. You don’t know me that well yet, and you have every reason to be wary, given your past experience. So for today, I am simply happy to hear that you believe me when I tell you that I don’t care either way as long as I have you. I would want your pups because they’d be yours.

I’m not going to address the fact that you keep referring to yourself as “barren” despite all the evidence that it was Henry who had the problem because I need you to be aware that I would want you even if you could never bear me a pup, and I want you to fully believe that before we go any further with our relationship.”

“I hate that I have all these fears and insecurities. I don’t want you to have to pay for someone else’s tab in this relationship, it’s not fair.”

“Gina,” I took hold of her cold hand. “Let me decide how deep my pockets are, okay? I will give you as much time and as many words and actions as you may need, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Now, let’s head back.”