The Barren Luna

19 - Regina

D avid kissed me some more and then walked me to my room. We held hands and went as slowly as possible, often bumping sides as if we were being pulled together by strong magnets. In front of my door, he stopped and leaned his shoulder against the wall, crossed his arms, and looked at me in a way that could only be described as lovingly.

“When do you leave?” I asked, squirming under his intense gaze.

“The day after tomorrow.”

“So soon?”

“Yeah, we’ve been working on the process for a while now, and I was debating with myself whether to go or not. I really didn’t want to, but I think it’s for the best. My wolf hates me,” he laughed. “But he loves you more, so he’ll be fine. Speaking of him, I want to give you something to hold onto while I’m gone,” he reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny white braid that looked like it could fit into my palm nicely.

“What is this?” I asked as I reached for it.

“It’s made from my wolf’s fur, it’s a mating custom from my mother’s pack.”

“Oh, that's so sweet! And slightly creepy,” I frowned, thinking of another braid. “What is it supposed to symbolize?”

“It’s just me giving you a tangible part of myself. The females often weave it into their own hair, as a symbol of merging the mates’ bodies and souls together. Helen wears hers woven into a small braid in the back of her hair.”

“I never noticed it. Speaking of Helen, is she going to Spruce Mountain too?”

“No, she’ll be holding down the fort with John while I’m gone. Alpha Dominic from the Massachusetts pack will join me to help out there.”

“Okay, now back to the topic at hand. Should I weave the braid into my hair as well?”

“If you want to. I’d be happy if you simply held onto it in any way you like.”

“Like on a key chain?” I teased, but he just shrugged.

“If that’s what you want.”

“Okay,” I whispered, feeling vulnerable all of a sudden.

“One more thing. Could you please stay in my room while I’m gone?”

“Sure, why not,” I smiled and he looked relieved.

“I'll be happier knowing that you're in my bed, waiting for me. Feel free to go through my stuff and change anything you don’t like.”

“Okay. As for tonight, are we still pretending your wolf doesn’t sleep with me every night?”

He gave me a mischievous grin, “Let’s pretend for two more nights unless you want me to come to your room right now?”

“Let’s pretend,” I said as my wolf growled at me and I couldn't even blame her.

???

The next morning at 10, I arrived at the hospital for my check-up with Dylan. He checked my vitals, drew some blood, ordered an MRI to review the internal scarring that I had when I was admitted, and then sat me down for a conversation once I changed out of the hospital gown.

“Everything looks good, Regina. Much better than it was, your wolf is a strong one so you’re healing quickly. Have you shifted yet?”

“Not yet. I was going to go for a run later today. I am somewhat scared, to be honest,” I admitted and Dylan nodded compassionately.

“I can only imagine. How long has it been since your last shift?”

“I can’t even remember,” I grimaced. “Probably around the time I tried escaping my old pack. More than six months ago? I feel awful.”

And ashamed for being such a terrible host to her.

“That is a long time to go without shifting, and combined with the drug use and everything else, I understand your apprehension. May I suggest having your mate with you when you shift? Your wolf would probably appreciate the support.”

“That is actually a very good idea, thank you. I just hope she is not permanently damaged somehow.”

“From what I can sense she's okay, and I think David would have spoken to both of us if he had noticed anything off about her, his wolf would have felt it for sure. She probably just needs time and love to heal, just like you.”

“Maybe,” I said evasively.

“That’s actually the other reason I’ve wanted to make an appointment with you. I contacted an esteemed colleague of mine who deals with trauma and specializes in mate loss and I told her about your situation. She agreed to come here and meet with you if you're open to it, and then after meeting her you can decide if you want to pursue a form of healing with her.”

“Oh,” I hadn’t expected this. I was a bit wary of medical treatments. “What would the healing entail?”

“Just talking about what happened, working through things mentally. I’m sure she can explain it better than I can. Let me know if meeting her is something you would be open to and I can let her know.”

“Can I have some time to decide?”

“How much time do you need?”

“Two days at the most, I just need a moment to think it over.”

“No problem whatsoever. You let me know when you decide, and then I’ll inform Vera of your decision. There is no pressure, okay? This needs to be your choice.”

“Thank you, Dylan, I really appreciate you looking out for me.”

“As much as I’d like to take credit for this, it was your mate who came to me and asked me to find a healer who could help someone after a traumatic experience, and I remembered Vera. I was actually pretty upset with myself for not thinking of it earlier.”

“Is he always like that?”

“Who? David? Like what?” Dylan was understandably confused.

“Yeah, is he always that thoughtful and considerate of others?”

“Hmm,” Dylan thought it over for a moment. “He’s always been a kind and considerate friend, but the lengths to which he goes to give you what you need, I can honestly say I’d never seen him do anything like it before.”

“What if I can never get over my hang-ups?”

“Let’s take this one step at a time, alright? None of us know the future and it would be futile and premature to discuss something that hasn’t happened yet and may never even happen. Let’s try and think like this,” Dylan took out a notepad and a pen and started writing. “We’re now at the end of January, right? David will be leaving tomorrow for two to three months. It’s administrative work, so let’s give a realistic estimate of him staying away for at least three months, so we have all of February, March, and April at our disposal.”

“Okay?” I couldn’t see where he was going with this. I stared at the months listed on the paper.

“Regina, these three months will pass whether you use them meaningfully or not. They just will. So why not take the time while your mate is away to focus on you? On your healing, your physical training, your job, and integrating into your new pack? What do you say?”

“I think that's really smart, actually. I’ve been intentional and organized about things before, but they’ve always been external projects or work deadlines. This is the first time I’d be applying my considerable skills to myself,” I said jokingly, but on the inside, I truly felt excited at the prospect.

“So how about this,” he still kept scribbling, as if I’d be able to decipher his handwriting afterward, “if you decide to meet Vera, she’ll be in charge of your healing, your physical training can be planned and carried out by me and Charlie, in the kitchen you’ll have the chef supervising you, and Lizzie and Alicia can introduce you to pack life and help you meet other wolves.”

“You’re really good at this,” I said, somewhat surprised by how energized he seemed by the planning and delegating.

“Well, yeah, in another life, I was groomed for a different job,” he revealed reluctantly. “And that training is sometimes hard to forget.”

“Yeah, I see that, now that my wolf is back,” I responded and we were both quiet for a moment before I decided to take the leap. “You know what, tell your colleague I’ll meet with her.”

“Excellent,” he grinned, back to the Dylan I knew. “I’ll let her know right away.”

???

“How was your appointment with Dylan?” David asked over lunch.

We were eating some wonderful lamb stew out on the terrace. Now that I had my wolf back and was no longer cold, I wanted to eat all my meals there.

“It was great,” I said enthusiastically and filled him in on the loose plan that he had come up with.

“That sounds very good, and it covers all the important areas,” David said.

“Is anyone going to tell me what an Alpha wolf is doing playing doctor at the Royal hospital?”

“You noticed that, huh?” David smiled. “It's Dylan's story to tell, maybe he'll open up to you during your time together in the coming months.”

“Maybe,” I shrugged. “I won't mind if he doesn't. Everyone has their burden to carry and some prefer to do it alone.”

“I know. Though maybe we should discuss a lighter topic now? Like, do you want to transition to the restaurant during this period or do you want to spend all of it working in the castle kitchen?”

“I think I’ll be fine in the castle kitchen for now. I don’t want to do too much too soon, you know? And I think I want to give myself time to learn how to prep and cook food on such a large scale with minimal pressure,” I thought it over before remembering, “Oh, speaking of food! The Omegas told me the pack has a greenhouse?”

“Yes?”

“What are you doing after lunch?” I asked excitedly.

“Whatever my mate wants.”

“Then show me the greenhouse first, and go for a run with me later? I need to shift,” I said, fidgeting with my napkin, and he understood my unspoken plea for support.

“I’d love to, Gina.”

The greenhouse was enormous, heated, and seemed to be unofficially divided into three parts. One part looked like it was in the process of being set up, and I deduced that these were the benches and pots used for starting off new seedlings for the upcoming season. I read some of the labels: broad beans, garlic, shallots. I had so many questions, but something told me David wasn’t the one to know the answers to them. I needed to find whoever managed the greenhouse one of these days.

How did their planting and harvest schedule differ from the one in West Virginia? Did the altitude affect the process in any way? This was all so fascinating. The second part was full of vibrant green Crisphead lettuce, Swiss Chard, kale, broccoli, and other plants I couldn’t easily identify.

The third part held perennials and herbs – I spotted the currant bush immediately, smelled the basil and the parsley, and then I was hit by – oh no . Before my mind could fully process what was happening, my nose and my heart were both weeping already. David half-shifted as soon as I started sobbing, and stood in front of me, scanning the greenhouse for threats.

“Gina, love, what happened?” he finally gave up on finding the mystery danger and simply took me in his arms.

“It’s... the... sage...” I managed to squeeze the words out in between sobs.

“I don’t understand, but let’s calm you down first and move you away from the sage, alright?”

He was rubbing my upper arms again, but this time, the gentle gesture just made me break down harder.

“No... no...”

“Okay, let’s stay here then. It’s okay. Let it out, love.”

What was probably around fifteen minutes later, I finally calmed down enough to tell him what had happened.

“Dorothy, she smelled like sage flowers. I haven’t scented her since I watched her die, and it just hit me unexpectedly,” I said as I hugged my knees to me.

I was sitting on the ground next to David, neither of us not caring that we’d get dirty.

“For a moment, my stupid heart was happy, can you believe it? It was like watching myself from the outside – I smelled her, then got happy thinking she was just ’round the corner, then I remembered what had happened, and then my heart broke all over again.”

The heat of the greenhouse was starting to get to me. Some sweat trickled down my forehead and into my eyebrows. I used the back of my hand to wipe it off. David took out his handkerchief, wiped his own brow, then handed it to me.

“I think I know a little bit about that. The first months after my dad died and I took over, I’d be walking around the Palace, absentmindedly thinking that I’d run into him any minute.”

“At least I have the option to be physically removed from the place that is full of my memories with her. I’m sorry about your dad, he was a great male and I really liked him.”

“Thank you. I’m really glad he got to meet you, even though he didn’t know you were my mate.”

“I’m glad, too. Queen Adeline was always really nice to me as well.”

“See, Mom couldn’t handle staying here all the time, sleeping in the room they used to share, being reminded of him daily, so she went to stay with her sister for a while.”

“I can’t even imagine what that must feel like,” I said and he shot me a strange look.

“What was Dorothy like?”

For a moment, I couldn’t speak. The lump in my throat had lodged itself so firmly that I felt any attempt at moving it would cause it to press on the faucet connected to my eyes and unleash a torrent immediately.

“She had a crazy sense of humor. You could be on your deathbed and she’d get you to laugh about it.”

“Wow, that sounds amazing.”

“Yeah. And she was full of knowledge about lore and different packs and their customs and legends.”

“As a pup, you must have enjoyed that very much.”

“I did. She was the one who shaped my views on mates and life. She truly was my mother in most senses of the word.”

“What’s the coolest legend she told you?”

“Well, the one that always stuck with me was one from her pack in Wales, Pembrokeshire. They claimed that true love can break a mating bond,” I said and paused to see his reaction.

Everyone I told this legend was shocked by it. David frowned.

“Wait, what? Whose love is breaking whose bond?”

“So listen, if two people are bonded to each other but it’s an awful relationship because one of them is terrible, true love between one of the mates and a third party can break the bond and forge a new one between the lovers if they are both pure of heart.”

“Hmm, so I guess if neither of them sets out with the intention to break the bond or be a cheater, right?”

“Right,” I confirmed.

“Huh. That does sound... fair. I’ve never heard of it happening, though.”

“Me neither, although I have wished for it to be true many times over the last year.”

“I bet you did,” he said and put his arm around me.

“Thank you for asking about her, David. It means a lot. I miss her so much.”

“Thank you for sharing those memories with me. I would like to hear more about her in the future. Any wolf important to you is important to me as well.”

“Can I ask you something then?” He nodded. “When you disband the Spruce Mountain pack, if you feel that Lucy, Calum, and Liam would be good additions to this pack, could you please offer them a transfer here? I’m not sure whether they would accept or not, but I would like to have them here.”

“Of course, love, I’ll ask them.”

“Thank you, thank you,” I got on my knees, put the handkerchief in my pocket, and hugged him as hard as I could. “Now, let’s go for that run.”

We walked away from the greenhouse, towards the edge of the wooded area by the pond. I then hid behind a tree and undressed before shifting, and David did the same. My shift was slightly painful, not as bad as the first one, but I was definitely rusty. I had forgotten the rush and absolute unbridled joy that came with running in my wolf form. She immediately ran out to greet her mate, and she almost knocked him over in her enthusiasm.

He loved it, though. He kept nuzzling and licking her, and she basked in the affection. She then tried running away, but he immediately chased her down and nipped her neck, which made her still and then suggestively grind against him. Would our wolves mate before we did? I honestly didn’t mind. I wanted her to have a good time because I was feeling extremely guilty over how confined and miserable she'd been for over six months. I didn’t deserve her.

I could feel her arousal pooling, and so could David’s wolf, who promptly mounted and mated her. Their pants and howls filled the forest, and as he finished, he roared and marked his mate’s neck. As soon as he pulled out of her, she jumped on him and marked him back. They then rolled around in the snow, showing each other their bellies, chasing after snowflakes, and generally being way goofier than two wolves had any business being.

When we finally shifted back, long after sunset, David’s face was lined with worry.

“Gina, I’m so sorry -”

“For what?” I looked at him in horror as I expected him to deliver some horrible piece of news.

“What my wolf did, it was - ”

I laughed before he managed to finish that sentence and he looked puzzled.

“My wolf was extremely happy being with her mate and I'm happy that she is finally happy again. David, our wolves know what they want, and things for them are much simpler than they are for us. I’m glad it happened, both the mating and the marking.”

“Me too,” he admitted, blushing slightly.

I took his hand in mine.

“I can already feel some of your feelings,” he said, tilting his head as if listening to something. “You really aren’t upset.”

“I really am not,” I agreed and kissed his mouth briefly. “Let’s go eat.”

That night we slept in David’s bed, spooning in our human forms, both of us much calmer now that our wolves had marked each other. I was already dreading the nightmares he wouldn’t be there for to soothe me afterward, but I was also incredibly excited for the next months of my life. With those conflicting thoughts warring in my head, I fell asleep, surrounded by the intoxicating smell of the blue sea.

???

The same wolves who were present at the dinner party came to see David off. They all hugged him, teased him, and brought him small gag presents for the journey, as he would be driving there and back, stopping to rest in several packs along the way. Suddenly, it struck me how well-loved he was and how healthy his friendships were. I couldn’t remember Henry having a single friend in the last years of our relationship, and, just as I now did for many other things related to him, I realized that this fact should have been a warning sign.

“I’ll miss you,” I said into David’s mouth in between kisses.

“I’ll. Miss. You. More,” he managed to sneak in a wet kiss after each word.

“Okay, I am officially the less disgusting brother now,” John announced and Elizabeth nodded sadly.

“Yup, we’re now the old mated couple. I remember when that used to be us,” she wiped her dry eyes dramatically and everyone laughed.

“Okay, okay, goodbye everyone,” David waved, and to me, he quickly whispered: “I love you, Gina,” and I really, really wanted to say it back.

???

Two days later, Dylan came to the palace just as I was about to go out.

“Perfect, you’re dressed already.”

“Hello to you too, Doc. Now, what am I supposed to be dressed for?”

“Dr. Jackson is here.”

“Who?”

“Vera!”

“Oh, already?”

“Yes, she was excited to meet with you.”

“So, when is that meeting happening?”

“Now!”

“Come on, Dylan, what the hell! You can’t just jump these things on me.”

“I can, my Luna,” he winked and the gesture reminded me of David so much that my heart tightened painfully. “You would just think yourself into a frenzy if given the time. This way it’s like ripping off a band-aid.”

“I both hate and admire that you are right.”

“I have been known to inspire conflicting emotions in females.”

“I don’t even want to know,” I faked a shudder.

“Ready?” he opened the door and turned to look at me.

“No, but let’s go.”