Chapter Eighteen
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
A Black Sheep in a Kage
…A few days later
“H old on! I heard you too , motherfucker!”
Roman sat in his car and waited as his cousin cussed some poor soul clean the hell out. As usual, Kage’s timing was awful. Roman was about to attend a family dinner with Genesis, some annual bonfire type BBQ deal, but then his phone rang. As Kage unleashed his mouth upon the world on the other end of the line, Genesis exited the car and walked up to the front door of her parents’ house with a foil-wrapped casserole dish in hand.
Vehicles were parked up and down the suburban Houston tree-lined street. It was picture-perfect. Cosby Show meets Family Matters. Rather than dirty, broken toys, rusty bikes with flat tires in the yard, and empty beer cans, there were perfectly hedged bushes, classy wind chimes, professionally mowed grass and stone pathways. Rather than broken windows and missing shingles, there were perfectly placed bricks and a black wrought iron fence enclosing a two-story residence with amazing curb appeal.
“And I didn’t care then, and I don’t care now. Oh, really? Suck my hairy ball sack, ya fuckin’ stupid hillbilly! Okay, I’m back, Roman,” Kage stated calmly, as if he’d not said much to anyone at all. He could hear what may have been the man’s truck keys jangling as he walked.
“Just another day at Home Depot, huh?” Roman chuckled.
“Yeah. Came out here to get my load of lumber to build this ol’ lady’s sewin’ room. She’s payin’ good money, and this fuckin’ feral satchel of shit that I contacted today on some pricing brought his ass over here yonder and tried to be a middleman. He tried to overcharge me. Some of these contractors are a piece of work, Roman. I know what the hell the price is. I come here several times a week and have a freelancer discount. This is what I do for a livin’. He was gonna give me one price, then pocket the rest. He got busted. I called him out on his lie and he ain’t take too kindly to that.”
Roman heard someone yelling in the background but couldn’t quite make out what they were saying. And then, the voices got louder.
“You’re a damn liar, man! Talkin’ shit on that there phone. All of your five-star ratings are fake reviews!” the suspected scammer screamed.
“Oh, I’m lying?” Kage chuckled. “Didn’t I tell you to bend over, kiss your own ass, and go bye-bye? Stay tha fuck outta my conversation, smegma. What I say on a motherfuckin’ phone that I pay for don’t concern the likes of you, and the only thing that’s fake ’round here are the orgasms your wife has when you’re huffin’ and puffin’ on top of ’er like some brainless wind-up toy!…A! A!… Don’t come over here… Don’t you waddle your ass this way, you silly son of a bitch… I mean it! IF YOU TAKE ANOTHER GOTDAMN STEP TOWARDS ME, SHITHEAD, YOU’LL BE LAID OUT FLAT LIKE A STACK OF IHOP PANCAKES SMASHED UNDER A BUICK’S TIRES!…Oh, you wanna test the waters, I see?!”
“You’re damn skippy! I tread lightly like Moses!”
“Water it is! This here well has run dry, like your mama’s pussy.”
“Fuck yoooooou! PTIU!!! Is it still dry, you summa-ma-bitch?!”
“This motherfucker spit on me! Roman, hold my gotdamn beer!”
Roman closed his eyes and shook his head as he heard a king-sized melee in the background. He could hear someone yelling for dear life, and it sure as hell wasn’t his cousin, Kage. It genuinely sounded like someone was getting mud-stumped, the brakes beaten off of them, an invitation to go to the upper room, and their face rearranged like a Picasso painting. Kage was a wild animal with rabies. A monster with huge, tattooed fists who didn’t play fair. The last thing a sane person would do was to engage Kage in a physical confrontation on purpose. Kage was stark raving mad, and there was no way to change that fact.
“STOP! OH, MY LORD! Someone call for help!” a feminine voice cried out. Moments later, Roman heard Kage’s truck spark up, and what sounded like him peeling out of there. ‘Kryptonite,’ by 3DoorsDown, played through his cousin’s truck speakers, blasting him almost deaf until Kage eventually turned it down. He could hear a lighter strike, which was probably Kage lighting a cigarette.
“Alright,” Kage stated in a deep, calm voice, full of rasp and razors. “What’s up, man?”
“Kage.” Roman chuckled real easy like. “Never a dull moment with you.”
“Just another day in paradise, brother.”
“My father was attacked in prison, and he’s recoverin’ in the hospital. Almost lost his life.”
“Uncle Reeves?! The fuck?! Who did it?!”
“It’s a long story, and I need to give you the background history, but of course it starts with the old man.”
“Why don’t you shoot ’em in the face and get it over with?”
“I ain’t going to prison, man. Fuck that .” Roman laughed and Kage followed suit, though he was certain Kage didn’t really see a problem in the least with his proposition.
“In fairness, you’re too pretty to go to the slammer. Motherfuckers would try to turn you into their bitch. They’d find out the hard way you got hands. My cousin the ‘Ex-Marine, beauty pageant winner’ would be in there whoopin’ ass.” Kage grunted. “So, what happened?”
“Grandpa got me locked up a while back.”
“Yeah, I heard.”
“After that, he sent some fella to follow me around while I was on a date with my girlfriend. I had to handle that situation personally. Not too long after, that guy ended up dead.”
“You ain’t take him out?”
“No. It was Grandpa. I know because the police called me and said he was found dead, his throat sliced open, with my business card in his pocket. Thankfully, my alibi panned out. I know Grandpa put my card in there, ’cause I never gave that son of a bitch my credentials. I never gave him shit but embarrassment and a final warning.”
“Sounds like something that old man would do. He’s so conniving, I swear. Always up to some sneaky shit! All ’cause he can’t bully us and get his way. Go on.”
“Then the old man showed up at a company meeting of mine. He and I had words. I took his men’s guns, then choked him.”
“Well, good for you, man! If anyone needs a good chokin’, it’s that chicken-skinned fucker in a bedazzled cowboy hat. On second thought, he probably liked it… Gotdamn freak.”
Roman swallowed his desire to laugh and continued. “Look, I’m at a family function of my girlfriend’s right now, so I gotta make this fast. I—”
“Family function? The Roman I know don’t go to no fuckin’ family functions. This must be serious. I thought you were Mr. Lover Man,” Kage taunted, the words followed by a hearty belly laugh.
“We can talk about that later. So, here’s why I’m reaching out to you—we all agreed to keep one another in the know. Grandpa had his dogs steal some shit from me on the day we all got kidnapped. The day that got this entire ball rolling. They got my private property out of my safe.”
“This ain’t no mystery show, man. Master motherfuckin’ piece Theater. Quit talkin’ in code. What in the hell did they take?”
“It was a journal, for lack of a better word. Had a few true confessions, so to speak, in it, and he got leverage on me. So now, he added another layer to this shit… a layer that is completely unforgivable. Grandpa had some bastard attack my father in prison, but get this, the guy was supposed to choke him to death, right? But my father was fightin’ back too hard, so he ended up cutting my dad’s neck instead because my old man wouldn’t succumb. My father can’t talk, and may not ever be able to again.”
“Whoa! Wait a minute… You’re sure that Grandpa had Uncle Reeves shanked?!”
“Yes.”
Kage was quiet for a long while.
“…He’s desperate and angry, man. This is bad. Real bad. That’s not usually how he moves.”
“I know. He’s becoming more unhinged.”
“As much as Grandpa hates my Uncle Reeves, he still believes that blood is a pact, and an honor code. He doesn’t want to kill blood, especially his own children, unless he sees it as a last resort. I’ve never known him to physically attack someone that didn’t do anything to him directly first, as far as a family member, even if it was just them defending themselves from one of his schemes.”
“Well, here’s how he’s rationalizing it. See… oh, hold on a sec.” He saw Genesis come to the front door, hand on hip and a look on her face that read, ‘What is taking you so long?’
“I’m comin’, baby!” He waved to her, then held up one finger. She nodded, then went back inside of the house. “So, as I was sayin’, my father apparently—”
“‘ I’m comin’, baby ?’ Woooo Weeee!” Kage chuckled. ‘You’re in deep ! Who got you bein’ all considerate and gentleman-like?”
“…I’ve always been considerate to women.”
“Lying must be at an all-time high today! I don’t think fuckin’ and leavin’ ’em is considerate, pretty boy. Romeo, oh, Romeo, thou art a playboy. What you got yourself this time? One of them Victoria’s Secret Angel models? I scare models… I’ve fucked a couple of ’em, wanted to piss off their daddies I suppose so they brought me home to meet the folks, but then they wake up talking about broken nails, and complaining about the dead deer I need skinned in the mornin’ lyin’ there in the middle of the kitchen floor. I can’t stand prissy, stuck-up women. I need me somebody who ain’t ’fraid to get their hands dirty. Your hands probably feel like a newborn baby’s ass, your damn self. Brandon Routh lookin’ motherfucker.”
“Would you shut the fuck up and listen. You can insult me later all you want.”
“I am listening. Stop bein’ a sensitive pussy and just talk.”
Roman ignored Kage, realizing that this was just who Kage was. If you didn’t have a tough skin, he’d make you want to bury him beneath someone’s oak tree. “My father reached out to Grandpa and told him to stop tryna hunt me down and get me to do shit I didn’t want to do. My dad threatened him, and you know how my father is… you can’t rely on him for much, but when he says he’s gonna getcha, he does.”
“Mmm hmmm… Uncle Reeves might dibble and dabble with some street remedies and what not, but revenge is his favorite drug. Go on… WHOA! Hold on, Roman… a pretty little thing in a red corvette is at the stop light here… Heeeey, baby! You lookin’ for me, little Red Riding my Hood. I’m the big, bad wolf, baby! I wouldn’t mind diggin’ in your basket and suckin’ on your goodies so hard your forehead caves in! Gimme a nibble. I bite. AHHH-WOOOOOO!!!” Roman sucked his teeth as his cousin acted a fool, howling like a wolf. “…She gave me the finger and drove off.” He chuckled. “Go on.”
“Can I finish this time without you fightin’ with hardware store customers, or tryna get your dick wet?! You know I have to get off this fucking phone, Kage!”
“Well, I don’t know pretty boy, can you?!” Kage burst out in a fit of laughter. “Get your panties out of a wad. I already understand.” he stated sternly. “I got it! Grandpa has the goods on you, he’s pissed that you put your hands on him but probably respects you a little for that, too, and he took his aggressions out on your father to teach you a lesson and show you who’s boss. He knows word spreads fast in our family, so it was also a message to let the rest of us know that he wasn’t gonna just roll over and take it. Uncle Reeves crossed the line, fightin’ words I ’spose, so he told Grandpa to turn you loose, or face the consequences.
“Grandpa felt like that threat on his life on account of you warranted a visit to the hospital or the grave. Either or. Now here you are, planning to fuck him up, get out of your contract that you never agreed to, and do it in a way that you don’t end up killed, and he sets you free with no strings attached. I don’t need you to draw me a damn map. Anything else? I’ve got houses to build, pussy to pummel, and huntin’ on my mind.”
“That about sums it up.”
“…But you’re not sure what to do, so you call your big cousin Kage since I know Grandpa Dickhead the best, right?”
“I know what to do, I’m just concerned about doing it is all. There’s consequences if I follow through with my plan. There’s also consequences if I do nothin’ at all.”
“You listen to me, motherfucker. This is life and death. All jokes and bullshit aside. Don’t hesitate, Roman, because he wouldn’t waste half a second debatin’ on how to deal with your ass, now would he? Between you and me, I blame myself for this.”
“Why? You have nothin’ to do with how our grandfather acts. He’s vile, ingenious, and out of his mind.”
“Yeah, I agree, big words and all, but if I hadn’t talked about my plan way back when, that motherfucker would’ve been dead when we were kids. I could have taken him out, killed him on the spot. End of story. I would have been put in a juvenile mental institution after I murdered him and released when I was eighteen on good behavior and so-called full mental recovery, without a care in the world. Free and clear. You live and learn. And I hope you and the others realize that he certainly doesn’t want me to work for him as part of no enforcement team, or no shit like that. Roman, this is personal. It started off that way, but definitely didn’t end on a high note. He just wants to punish me for way back then, if ya ask me . You though? He absolutely, positively with a capital, ‘P’, wants to exploit your occupational resources and cause them to be your own personal hazard. Every thang you’ve worked so hard for, he can make it go up in smoke. He gets off on control like that… makin’ folks squirm. Oh, and fun fact. He’s also jealous of you and Ryder. Always has been.”
“Me and Ryder?” Ryder was another of their cousins that was on the chopping block. Ryder lived in the country on his huge farm. A reserved man with a dark side. Beloved by most, feared by all. “Kage, I need to talk more to you about this later, but you’ve given me something to think about. Stay outta trouble, will you?”
“Tell trouble to stay outta me .” Then Kage ended the call…
Moments later, Roman found himself milling about in a sea of brand-new faces…