Epilogue
EPILOGUE
The Call of the Wilde
G randpa Wilde watched the dark haired woman close his bedroom door behind her. The scent of their raucous lovemaking still filled the air. She’d been a waitress at a restaurant he’d been to recently. He slipped her his card, and she called him just as he was horny for some new pussy. She arrived, he fucked her brains out, then sent her on her way. Having no real desire to see her again. After relaxing for a bit amongst the messy covers, finally all alone again, he flipped through one of the gold bonded family photo albums as he got settled for the evening.
The pages were heavy to the touch, glossy from the plastic protectors, and yet some of the photos had been removed and reviewed over time, stained with dried tears from years gone by. He turned page after yellowed page, sometimes smiling, sometimes wanting to forget. Sometimes feeling not much at all. And then, it struck him. Several pages were missing. Oh yes, that’s right. He’d ripped them out in a fit of rage over thirty years ago.
Photos of him and Tina were long gone. He regretted that now, as he reviewed big chunks of his life visually omitted. He was thankful for the two pictures of her he still had in his possession. They’d escaped his drunken tirade of sorrow; hidden beneath a book she kept in their parlor. Perhaps it was for the best. After all, he realized now that to the family, this woman he was obsessed with had been shrouded in mystery. She never brought much attention to herself—even their wedding had been in secret, and they’d had no children together, though he’d definitely tried to get her pregnant many times…
Yet, she was the one who had torn his soul to shreds, while leaving him wanting for more.
He sat up and looked at the fireplace. Cracking. Burning. The heat was no comparison to the balmy rage welling up inside his chest. Tina had faded away like Roman’s name on the contract. It was almost as if he’d dreamt her up. As if she’d never existed.
He picked up the remote on his nightstand, aimed it at the large screen across the room, and turned off the hunting show he’d had playing on DVR.
Silence. Crackling. The heaviness of his own breath…
Solitude. He hated it. And yet, he needed it. If he were still horny, there were over a hundred beautiful women he could call and they’d be at his home, butt naked, hot and ready to be fucked, and to suck him into la-la land in under thirty minutes.
But they weren’t her.
The love I had for you, Tina, was scary… You’d ask me to jump, and I’d ask you, ‘How High?’ We had some differences is all. Nothin’ we couldn’t have worked through. How the fuck dare you! You don’t walk away from your one true love. I would have set this entire planet on fire just to keep you warm…
He pushed another button on a remote. The television lowered into a sleeve within the wall, exhibiting now a large oil painting from 1827, of a countryside. He turned away dismissively, took a sip of his hot toddy, and fought his intrusive thoughts. He turned another page in the family album and was rather surprised… There was a photo of a family gathering, and in the background stood his precious Tina—just half of her, a shadow of a shadow. If you blinked, you would’ve missed her. He looked into her eyes as she cast a haunting glance at the camera. He could practically read her thoughts. Now, all of these years later, he could see the icy contempt in her eyes.
She bore a slight smile, but the eyes never lied…
If you hated me, you should’ve been woman enough to tell me. If you were miserable with me, you should have told me that, too. I would’ve tried to meet you halfway. Nobody else I would have done that for. I know we were at odds, but look at what has happened. Now you’re runnin’ all over the damn country, when you could have been at peace, and comfortable, right beside me. No tellin’ how many children and grandchildren we would’ve had. Lord knows I couldn’t keep my hands off you. I fucking adored you, lady! You could’ve spit in my face, and I would have stood there and took it! Kicked me in the balls, and I would’ve said, ‘Do it again, if it makes you happy!’ I ain’t never took no shit from nobody! BUT I WOULD’VE TAKEN IT FROM YOU, ALL DAY, EVERY DAY! You’re the only reason that I know for a fact I am capable of lovin’ another person. You taught me how to love! We would’ve been unstoppable.
He angrily tossed the album aside, fished out a pen and notebook from his black marble nightstand drawer, and opened the notebook to several pages in. There, on the page, was a handwritten list of his treasonous grandsons’ names: Lennox , Roman , Kage , Phoenix , Maddox , Journey and Ryder . Lennox’ s name was crossed off. Now, it was time for an update. With a sigh, he crossed off Roman’s name, too. Two gone, five to go.
Kage… my lone wolf. My grandchild who was charged with my attempted murder. Not many grandparents can say that their grandson tried to kill ’em. He burst out laughing and shook his head. No legal action was taken, of course, but you did it all the same. Your mama saved your life. I should have gutted you like a catfish. You’ve been a thorn in my side ever since that day. A long, long time ago, you were my favorite grandchild, boy. The oldest living grandchild I have, too. Age, nevertheless, is not on your side, son. See, you’re different from your other cousins.
With Lennox, I knew for him, family comes first. He’s a mama’s boy to his core. With Roman, money came first, but then he switched up on me. I honestly didn’t see that coming. Roman is crazy, for sure, but not Kage-level crazy. With you though, insanity comes first… logic comes in last . You have no clear direction and never have. You’re a loner. Shut all the light out. You’re physically strong and you’re shrewd. You’re amazing with your hands, can hunt in the pitch black of night, and you’re lethal… but also errant.
You show little motivation to change or improve. You don’t seem to care about much at all, actually. Nothing gets you up in the mornin’. That makes you vulnerable. A man without a reason to open his eyes will keep them closed during blessings, and miss the whole damn thing. You have no beating heart. You love nothing, and no one. You hate, you kill, you fuck. You smoke. You build. You destroy. That’s it. Like some wild animal… a lone wolf. Yes, sir… you have no pack. You’ll be easy pickin’s…
He reached over and retrieved the family photo album once again. He flipped through it until he found what he was looking for.
Ahhh, there’s my big, bad wolf…
He smiled down at Kage’s baby photo, lit a cigar, and let the ashes fall upon it…
Genesis placed the jade and pearl bracelet deep into a splintered well within the tree. The surrounding foliage swayed in the sweet breeze, the sounds of birds and insects all around them. ‘Poison,’ by Brent Faiyaz, played from her phone that she’d placed on a nearby rock. Roman sat with his legs crossed before the tree of life and death, watching her decorate it with pretty white wildflowers, shiny ribbons, and jewelry. When she was finished, she leaned into the tree and kissed it.
He lowered his head, closed his eyes, and said a quiet prayer.
“Thank you,” he whispered in her ear as she sat beside him, leaning her soft body into his form. “This was beautiful. What a great idea.”
“You’re welcome, baby. After the move into the new house, and your new workload ’nd all, I wanted us to just get away for a moment.” She tossed up her hands. “You mentioned comin’ out here more, and I figured maybe we could have some sort of ceremony, too. We’ve been going nonstop since after the honeymoon to London it seems. It’s nice to slow down.”
He nodded in agreement.
She got to her feet, reached into a satchel wrapped around her body, and pulled out more flowers to toss them all over. She wore overalls, a black shirt beneath—so comfortable, laid back, and yet, so gorgeous, too. Completely in her element. That was one of the many things he loved about Genesis. She could glam it up or dress down, and still look like a queen. He looked at the tree, which was draped in sparkly, pretty things.
The thing he had been most afraid of, now he felt nothing but love for. A tall, dead tree, held together by a shiny red thread.
“When I was a little boy, one side of it was dark, the other light and healthy. Leaves still growin’.” She sat back down beside him. “Now, it looks mostly dead, but it still stands. I guess that’s how life is, Gen.” He leaned close to her and kissed her forehead. “We give everything we have to who we love, and when that’s all gone, we give ’em our last breath.”
She traced the side of his face with her fingertips, then pressed her lips against his. An enchanting shudder heated his body as they hugged one another tight. The music was playing, the air sweet. Sexiness, love and gratitude all around them.
“Oh, Lord, you smell so good, Roman…”
It was his cologne. A new one that smelled like a combination of white musk, citrus and blue sage. Just about every time he wore it she tried to jump his bones. Of course, that was his plan all along.
“Let me see what color bra and panties you have on today,” he pestered, pulling at her clothing.
“Don’t start no mess now. We do have to eventually go home,” she said, pulling away. “Besides, I have to get up early in the morning. I can’t be rolling around in the dirt with you. Need to help with two root canals.”
“Work again? We have plenty of money, baby. I earn enough for you to have a soft life, if you want. I’ve asked you to quit your job a million times.” He grabbed her into his arms again, covering the side of her neck with kisses as his nature rose. “Just concentrate on your jewelry business and—”
“Nope.” She shook her head. “I told you that I love what I do. I’m no longer doin’ it for the money, that much is true, but I still genuinely enjoy it. Besides, when we start a family, I’ve already agreed in advance to stay home with our baby, so let me enjoy this time, please.”
“I know, I know… just bein’ selfish I guess.”
They smiled at one another, then held hands.
“I could look into your eyes all day.” He winked at her. “But you still can’t go to bed early for work. We have dinner reservations later tonight.”
“Oh, really?” She grinned. “Well, this is the first I’m hearing about it. Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise.”
Standing, they collected their water bottles and jackets, and headed toward his truck. He opened the door for his baby, helped her in, then got in the driver’s seat. As he started up the car, Sam Tinnesz was on with ‘Play With Fire,’ featuring Yacht Money, blasting through the speakers. Pulsing and banging—just how he liked it. But then, he froze… looking off into nothingness. Not moving a muscle.
“What’s wrong, baby?” she questioned over the music, strapping herself in with the seatbelt.
“…Nothin’. Give me one minute.”
He jumped out of the truck, closed the door, and jogged back over to the tree in the remote wilderness. The wilderness that broke his father’s heart. The wilderness he cried in. The wilderness he laughed and ran in. Hide and go seek thyself…
He stood there with her—the tree. He was certain she must be female, though he wasn’t an expert in such things. She just felt like that to him. Now she was covered in jewels and petals from his soulmate. His next heartbeat. He stood at the base of it and wrapped his arms around the wide trunk, hugging it hard.
“When I was a child, I was lost. I found you. I blamed you for my decisions and misfortunes. I turned a miracle into a monster, and a monster into my misery. When I was a young man, I came to you again. Broken in spirit, broken in my heart, and broken in my pocketbook. I wanted to see you again, and you were here for me. I sat down at your roots, and I cried into your soil. My tears fell into the soil all around you. Watering nightmares, fueling future dreams. I left back into the world, living my life while you stayed right here. Faithful. Waiting for my return. When I revisited, little wildflowers had blossomed at your base, where my tears had fallen.
“Most would say it was the rain and the sun’s work, but I’d like to think it was from me. Over the years, I’d come and go, havin’ a healthy fear of you, until finally, that fear was all gone—and there was nothing there but love, respect and trust. You were so big and mighty. So mysterious and brooding. So gentle, yet so strong. You held my secrets better than a journal. You became my mama, my daddy, and my God. Everything a man could need. It sounds strange to be so enamored with a tree, but I was forever changed after I hid behind you in a childish game of hide and seek. You’re the most beautiful tree in all of the land. I know that physically, you can’t grow anymore. It was my turn to grow… You have nothing else to give but shade and dreams. But this time, I don’t want nothin’ from you. My greed for you has perished. I want to honor you and tell you how much you mean to me.
“Sheep huddle and hide, and usually trust only a few… That was me. The black sheep, hidin’ behind the tree. It took the threat of the very thing that I loved the most being taken from me, for me to wake up and see that life is more important than a fat wallet, a job title, or the dollar amount in a bank account. I found my gifts, my talents—and how ironic that the almighty dollar is made from you, too. Paper, paper, paper… but your roots are where your magic lies…
“The parts no one can see. Sometimes, the hidden parts of us, the quiet parts of us, the secret parts of us are the most powerful of all.”
He dropped his arms at his sides and looked way up towards the sky. She stretched towards it all the days of her long life. Her many arms and crowns were beacons welcoming all lost little boys and girls…
He kept his eye on the sun. Placing his hands together in prayer, he closed his eyes and spoke aloud. “God, I’m not what I’d call a prayin’ man, but I want to thank you for everything you’ve done for me. The lessons, the love, and this life. I like nice things, but that’s just it. They’re just things. I come from humble beginnings, so I appreciate a hard day’s work, or just the simple things in life. Mama kept me grounded. My failures kept me unassuming.
“I thought you’d forgotten about me when my parents fought one another. I thought you’d forgotten about me when I and my brothers were taken away from my mama and placed with strangers. I thought you’d forgotten about me, after all the times I watched my daddy lie on the couch, a needle stuck in his arm, or an empty bottle on his chest. I thought you’d forgotten about me when I got unfairly kicked out of the Marines. I thought you’d forgotten about me when I was sleeping in my car and barely had enough money for a candy bar. Crazy thing is, I didn’t give you credit when things got better, though.
“Maybe a little bit of it was shame.” He shrugged. “Knowin’ I’d done somethin’ woolly to make a better way. Back then, I saw it as a thief taking away from another thief. So what? But it does matter. Principles matter. Integrity matters. Generosity matters. I tried to make it right, God… Because you showed me that even in our darkest days in the forest, when the rain is pourin’ down on our heads, and we feel alone, we’re not. You’re the tree. You’re there. You’ve always been there!” He blinked back tears, then continued.
“I would’ve never believed it if you told me ten years ago that on this day, I’d be married to that amazin’ woman sitting in that truck waiting for me, and that my wife would be my best friend’s sister. A girl I’d known about for years… You were preparing her for me, and me for her. You’re amazing!” He pointed towards the truck in the distance but kept his eyes on the sky. “I would’ve never believed that I could come under attack the way I did, jailed under false pretenses, having to bleed my guts out in front of my boss, and everything else that has taken place, dropping me to my knees, and still, somehow, someway, I made it to the other side.
“I ran through the fire, using this brain between my ears, and offering room for forgiveness. For myself, my mama, and my father. I’ve learned a lot about myself lately. Some of it isn’t so great, but one thing is for sure, Lord, you made a man out of a mess. Sometimes, we don’t know we’re shattered until a beautiful lady walk into the kitchen of our hearts, bends down, and picks up the broken pieces. She sits there with her glue and thread, her pretty beads and jewels, and she turns jagged, old bits and pieces of us into something shiny and new. Something beautiful.”
God positioned the Tree of Life in the midst of the garden, alongside the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Genesis 2:9: “And out of the ground the LORD God made to grow every tree that is pleasing to the eye and good for food. In the middle of the garden were the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.”
Roman touched the tree with a gentle hand, caressing the rough bark. Blinking his joyful tears away, he turned and walked slowly back to the truck.
His queen was inside, tapping her foot to the music, looking like a beautiful flower grown from the Garden of Eden: Book of Genesis. He leaned in, wrapped his hand around her neck, and brought her in for a searing kiss. When he let go, he kicked the truck in drive, and drove peacefully with his soulmate, hand in hand, over the hills and through the valleys of the wilderness, leaving the Elk Trail far behind…
~The End~