The Boss

Chapter 6

Chaz

Iwoke up exactly as I had feared.

Wrapped all over Jamie’s hard body like a goddamned octopus, clinging to him like he filled my lungs and gave me the desire to live out my teenage wet dreams.

He breathed heavy, head facing my way so his exhales heated my scalp.

Sweat smeared over both of us, but I’d kept my shirt on last night, so there was that. But my dick was rock hard and aching.

Goddamnit.

I clenched my eyes shut and held still as stone for roughly five seconds before telling myself I had to move away before Jamie woke.

Rather than shifting back, my hips tilted forward, rubbing my length lightly against his thigh, seeking that fantasy of friction I lived out inside my head whenever I climbed into the shower and had a moment’s privacy to jerk off.

Fuuuck.

My balls drew up tight, taking me to the edge of nutting in my shorts without a single caress. It’d been too long since someone else had physically inspired me to come. Last time it had happened with another in close proximity had been back in the spring while attempting to make a baby with my wife.

And I’d been thinking about Jamie then too.

Fucking cheater.

While not unfaithful in the flesh, I’d sure as fuck crossed that line in my head. Wasn’t fantasizing the same as committing the crime? Maybe not in court but definitely in a woman’s mind if she ever found out.

Guilt swamped in like a stinking bog, black and ugly as fuck.

Dick going limp in a flash made rolling away from my best friend easy.

Jamie didn’t move as I unzipped the screened opening of our tent and slipped outside into the cooler morning air. Still, no breeze rustled leaves, the reason the heat had stayed trapped inside the tent with us.

I filled my lungs, stretching my neck side-to-side and forcing thoughts of Shelly and how badly I wanted intimacy with Jamie rather than her from my mind. Talk about a rock and a hard place.

But what choice did I have?

I’d vowed?—

Shutting down the usual bullshit once more attempting to take over my mind, I set about making coffee. Coach Bernard had an electric box set alongside the cement pad he used to keep his old pop-up camper on. A new trailer was hitched to his truck and followed along southwestward—probably deep into Texas by now.

Jamie and I had lifted the picnic table onto the platform, so while he continued to sleep, I set to spoiling my best friend rotten. The coffeepot brewed and griddle sizzled on one side with still-chewy bacon, just the way he used to like it, and the other was readied for his favorite cheesy scrambled eggs.

He’d provided last night’s dinner, the beer, and the water since Coach didn’t have a well on-site, so I’d brought along the makings for breakfast. Lunch, we hoped to fry up some fresh-caught fish, but we didn’t have any luck the day before.

“Fuck, that smells amazing.”

I grinned, my focus on cracking eggs into a bowl as Jamie shuffled up alongside me as though asleep on his feet. He’d never been a morning person, and it warmed me to find something about him completely unchanged.

He grabbed bacon right off the griddle, cursing as he juggled it.

“Idiot,”

I mumbled, and he chuckled before scarfing the piece down.

“Mmm,”

he moaned, the sound deep in his chest.

Teeth clenched against my unsatisfied dick’s wish to swell, I whisked the eggs a little too hard.

“Careful,”

he teased with a low rasp while pouring himself a cup of coffee. “We only have that one dozen.”

“Yeah, yeah,”

I muttered, tossing in a handful of shredded cheese before pouring the mixture onto the bacon-greased griddle.

Jamie sipped and moved in close to look over my shoulder when he easily could have just checked out my work from my side.

Spatula in hand, I tensed as his chest brushed my back, his chin settling onto my shoulder for a brief second.

“Smells good,”

he murmured, his sleepy, rumbling voice so goddamn close to my ear that shivers raced over my skin, causing goose bumps to riddle my arms and neck.

Shifting to my left rid me of his touch, and I crouched to pull a container of OJ out of the cooler. “Want to grab some plates and forks? Won’t be but another minute for these eggs to finish.”

Jamie did as suggested, and we kept silent when sitting to eat. We chowed down like we had as growing teens out in the wild, the fresh air intensifying our appetites. Food completely wiped out, we sat in our lawn chairs with another cup of coffee each while Jamie’s brain came back online and we made a plan for the day.

Fishing in the canoe I’d brought along, swimming once the heat of the day got to be too much, then napping in the shade of the huge oak alongside the water’s edge.

Sounded like perfection to me, especially considering my company and the lack of a nagging wife up in my business.

Jamie seemed relaxed and totally chill, so he’d definitely been passed out when I’d been on the verge of humping his leg with my morning wood. Either that, or he hadn’t minded one bit?—

Nope. Couldn’t let my mind start wandering along that goddamned path.

Straight, I reminded myself since Jamie hadn’t ever once given me reason to believe otherwise, and I didn’t need to know otherwise because I had a ball and chain.

That shut-eye in the grass while a nice breeze cooled our lake water-covered skin turned out to be the best part of our day. Both sunburned and beat, we sprawled out and dozed, waking only when a boat beeped their horn from the cove’s entrance, the people onboard hollering and waving.

Took my bleary eyes a few seconds to blink clear. By then, Jamie had already identified some of the guys who’d been on our football team back in high school, two of whom had caught up with him at the welcome home party. At least they continued on by rather than pulling in for a visit, which probably would have lasted well into the night considering the beer bottles they’d lifted. Their hoots had made it clear they’d been partying it up and didn’t have plans to stop anytime soon.

Jamie and I had bullshitted on and off since morning, the comfort and ease between us as it used to be before responsibilities had swamped our lives. An occasional raunchy thought or certain way he moved his muscled body got my saliva glands going, but I was proud of myself for tearing my focus off him rather than drooling and my dick giving up my secret.

We lowered the grill part of the fire pit over glowing embers again and cooked marinated chicken breasts exactly as we’d done the steak the night before. Deciding to splurge a bit, Jamie had opted for pre-made Alfredo he wouldn’t usually eat, but with training long over, he didn’t mind foregoing macro counting when he felt like it.

More often than not these days, he’d admitted to doing so, patting at imaginary fluff atop perfect abs I’d tried not to lust over when swimming.

I’d moved the conversation on to the upcoming season and his and Coach Dave’s plans. Our town wasn’t much, but enough kids were bussed into the high school from smaller settlements miles away. Still didn’t make for a lot of athletes, but Jamie held onto hope that his experience would bring more to the table for the Pippen Bobcats.

When we finally sat to eat dinner, the sun had sunk behind us, casting a rainbow of colors through the sky.

“Gonna be better sleeping tonight,”

Jamie said around a mouthful of food.

I nodded, taking note for the first time that the mugginess had faded from the air. “Supposed to drop into the seventies overnight.”

“Thank fuck, because wearing shorts to sleep is bad enough when it’s cold never mind stifling hot.”

His complaints over restrictive clothes always made me chuckle. Also had all sorts of shit I had no business thinking about riddling my mind.

We continued scarfing down our food, once again wiping out what we’d made and leaving us both feeling bloated from the pasta.

“Goddamn,”

Jamie complained, sprawling on the grass again rather than sitting by the fire pit.

“You alright?”

I asked with a chuckle, eyeing how he rubbed his bare stomach.

What I wouldn’t give?—

I yanked my attention off him and placed another log onto the fire so we could have s’mores later. Maybe. Depended on how quickly our metabolisms made room for further indulgence.

“Why does food always taste better when it’s cooked over an open fire?”

he asked, and I poked at the hot coals a bit, waiting for the log to light.

“No clue but glad as fuck it does.”

Heaving a heavy exhale, I finally sat beside him, leaning back on my hands, gaze taking in what we could see of the sunset still streaking the sky.

Silence settled between us, a tension I recognized slowly slithering into my body. Did he feel it? The unrest inside me from my unrequited want for him? Was he even aware of how hot he was lying on the ground, arms up and hands beneath his head acting as a pillow, making his biceps pop? I eyed tanned muscle in my periphery, my desire to lick and taste his sweat on my tongue stronger than anything I’d ever experienced before. The sexy V leading into his shorts. Rippling abs. Prominent pecs with small, tight nipples.

I forced my gaze to stare out over the lake, remembering the pontoon full of people I’d seen creep by the cove’s entrance today. Three women in skimpy bikinis had snagged my focus the first time they’d cruised past, but none of them had instilled that same draw inside me as that of my best friend a foot away from me.

I’d only ever had Shelly, and I wondered over Jamie’s sex life. Not that it was any of my business, but curiosity had my brain buzzing.

“You must have had a different woman every night,”

I said, hating how the idea of that caused jealousy to twist around my stomach and squeeze.

“Nope. Not a one.”

I whipped head toward Jamie to find him peering up at me, his gaze wary. “What? Why not?”

He studied me with an intensity that caused my dick to perk up.

Clearing my throat, I shifted my ass on the ground, hoping to ease the ache spreading through my groin.

“I’m demisexual,”

Jamie finally said, his voice low. “Never felt a connection strong enough with someone to make a move.”

“Shit. You’re a…virgin?”

I cast a side eye, not ready to face him.

“Didn’t say that.”

Oh….oh fuck.

“You’re into guys too?”

I whispered, unable to keep from giving him my full focus.

Jamie swallowed hard before turning his face toward the sky so I no longer had access to his eyes. “Yeah.”

I stared, beyond baffled, mind fucking blown.

“That gonna be a problem?”

he asked, taking on a defensive tone when I didn’t respond right away thanks to my unhinged jaw.

“I’m pan!”

I blurted, my insides jittery as fuck. “I mean, I’ve only ever slept with Shelly, but…yeah. I’m pretty much attracted to it all. Beauty to me knows no bounds or gender, so if you’re into guys, no problem here.”

We both sat quiet, our breaths somewhat stuttering in and out into the tense stillness zapping between us. I had no fucking clue what to say. Couldn’t ask why he’d never told me because I’d never shared my truth either.

Part of me wanted to question his sex life further, but that shit wasn’t any of my business, and I didn’t need to be thinking about Jamie having sex with another guy.

Eventually, I grew weary of leaning on my arms and lay down beside Jamie, watching pinpricks of light begin to break through the darkness overhead.

“Remember when we used to try counting the stars?”

I asked, figuring it would be best to change the subject before shit got weirder than it already was.

Jamie chuckled. “Yep.”

“The depths of the unknown, all that unfathomable distance beyond this lump of rock floating in space, is humbling,”

I murmured. “Kinda makes me feel inconsequential at times, you know?”

Jamie shifted, turning onto his side to face me.

My body rolled without thought, mirroring his position, and my heart rate jacked up to twice the norm.

I could still easily make out the dark blue of his eyes and the thick lashes Shelly had always envied. We’d never been this close intentionally outside bro-hugs, not with this kind of tension, the urgent need to close the gap between our bodies.

“Did you?—”

“Have you ever?—”

We both spoke at the same time and stalled out, our light laughs shaky with obvious nerves.

“Go ahead.”

I urged Jamie to continue, my pulse thrumming, butterflies attacking my stomach. Did we approach dangerous territory in sharing more personal shit than we’d done before? We both identified as queer, something else we had in common, but this yearning to explore beyond friendship thrilled yet scared the fuck outta me. I’d wanted him for so long and was nothing but softened clay in his hands.

I would have difficulty not being shaped however he desired.

Internally, I shook my head at myself, needing to stay on the safe side of friendship where infidelity wouldn’t make me feel even shittier than I already did.

“If Shelly hadn’t been in the picture back then…”

Jamie’s voice trailed off, and I waited to see what he meant to ask me.

“What?”

I prompted him to continue, my tone nothing but a mere whisper, desperate for him to fill the thick air hovering over us like a heavy blanket.

He exhaled deeply, his gaze penetrating. “Do you think that maybe things could have been different between us?”

he whispered.

Oh, Jesus. Fuck.

I swallowed hard, clenching my eyes shut. Why, of all the times he could have spoken up about his wonderings, did it have to be when I was already married—and to one of our friends? Honoring my wife meant lying about my feelings for Jamie, but I couldn’t do that to the man who I would have given anything to go back and choose instead of her.

I steadied myself before speaking raw truth that couldn’t be taken back or erased from his mind. But I couldn’t bear to meet his gaze. My eyelids stayed glued shut. “I only asked her out because I assumed you were straight. Didn’t dare to dream I could have you.”

Jamie cursed beneath his breath.

“It’s always been you for me, Chaz,”

he whispered, his voice breaking and shattering my heart. “You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted.”

“Jamie,”

I choked out his name, curling in on myself enough my knees brushed against him.

He pushed hair off my forehead, and I bit back the whine rising up from deep inside my chest. “Want to kiss you so fucking bad right now.”

“I…”

I shook my head against stating the same, trying like fuck to focus on what was right. “That wouldn’t be fair to Shelly.”

I grasped at the memory of my wife in my mind, the war inside me one that no man should ever have to face. Devastation didn’t begin to describe the havoc wrecking my head and heart.

“Yeah.”

Jamie sighed heavily and rolled away, putting space between us that was cold and goddamned wrong.

For the best.

Why didn’t that feel right either?