The Boss

Chapter 31

Jamie

The chat with Dad last night had left me craving good food rather than the fast shit full of fat calories and grease.

Jackie’s was only a block away from my apartment, so I got home from work, called in my order for pickup, then waited twenty minutes before heading out again. After my stomach was full, I planned to get in touch with Chaz, expecting eight would mean he’d be home and settled in for the night.

I hoped so, anyway.

My breath puffed in front of me with every exhale, and I hunkered deeper into my winter coat, telling myself the walk was good for my cold legs and frigid lungs.

I stopped before crossing the road, checking both ways, needing to wait for a car to pass. A quick glance at Jackie’s on the other side kept my feet rooted on the slush-covered sidewalk.

Chaz sat in the window with a blonde woman.

Blinking a few times to clear my vision, because I had to be seeing things, I told myself to bring whoever it really was into focus.

It was Chaz, all right, and fuck me, he looked good. A green button-down, hair freshly cut and actually styled for a change. The blonde sported a ponytail and wore a thick sweater.

A burning sensation flared in my stomach, and my breath came faster as he reached across the table and took her hand.

What the actual fuck?

He was…dating?

The urge to vomit rolled over me, making me lightheaded, my mouth watering like it always did before I spewed whatever was in my stomach. I swallowed convulsively, bending at the waist, hands on my knees to keep from passing out.

Jesus fucking Christ.

I knew Chaz would be the one to kill me, but like this? Making me relive my greatest heartache all over again?

A glutton for punishment, I slunk back a ways, hiding in an empty doorway, arms wrapped around myself even though I no longer felt the cold. At least the urge to throw up had settled enough that I could see straight.

I stared as the minutes passed, watching as they finished their dinner. He paid the bill with cash. Chaz helped her with her coat, his hand on her lower back as they passed from sight behind a wall.

Breath held, I stared at Jackie’s front door until it opened, and the blonde emerged, the woman from Shelly’s funeral who’d handed something to Chaz.

“Shit.”

I swallowed against the thickness in my throat as my ex-best friend followed the woman down the steps to the sidewalk.

They stood out front in the cold, mouths moving, but I couldn’t hear what was said.

Chaz held out his arms, and she stepped in willingly.

A shiver rippled through me as nausea once more stirred.

I tore my gaze off them and spun away, unable to watch him give his mouth to another woman. Couldn’t fucking handle that a second time.

One block…I could make it to my apartment without losing my shit.

I didn’t.

Tears coated my cheeks before I locked my door behind me, and I pulled at my hair, a whine building deep in my chest as I leaned against the wall in my entryway, coat still zipped up beneath my chin.

This could not. Be. Happening!

Pain in my throat made swallowing against sobs difficult.

I yanked at my coat’s zipper, feeling as though I was choking.

“Fucking… Goddamnit!”

I clenched my teeth, ripping off my coat, hands shaking while going straight for my work shirt. That landed on the floor too. Tore at the laces on my boots, jaw aching until I finished and tossed them aside.

I heaved for breath, hands fisted at my sides, no longer worried about the dinner I’d never picked up.

Numbness crept in, or perhaps my body was already shutting down, readying for what was to come. Hopefully, just an eternity of slumber rather than burning in hell for what I’d done and how I’d hurt Chaz enough he’d left the possibility of us for another woman.

My legs gave way, and I ended up on the floor, head in my hands, knees slowly drawing up so I had something to lean against.

At least the tears had stopped.

I stared, unseeing, the only part of my body not shut down being my goddamned heart that fucking ached like never before.

Jesus.

I tipped my head back against the wall, arms falling to my sides.

Now what?

My lungs still inflated on instinct. I wasn’t selfish enough to off myself—Dad would be devastated, completely alone. I had enough money saved to travel to parts of the world and see all the sights in an attempt to forget about who I wanted there with me.

But yeah, that wasn’t happening.

I needed my dad. Shifting onto my knees, I crawled toward where I’d thrown my coat. My cell was in the interior pocket.

A knock sounded on the door behind me, and I cursed, head hanging. Now was not a good time.

“Go away!”

I shouted at whoever dared to interrupt my grieving.

They knocked again.

Jaw clenched, I stood on shaky legs and stalked to the door. I yanked it open, ready to light into the asshole disturbing me?—

“Jamie.”

I gulped. Chaz stood in front of me, hands in his pockets, gaze wary as he looked over my face that had to be one hell of a miserable sight.

Why did he have to be so goddamned beautiful? How did he still manage to steal my breath and make my chest flutter after all the hurt between us? And where was his new woman he thought would be a better fit than the man who would give up his life for another night in his arms?

I glanced behind him and down the hallway. He was alone. “What are you doing here?”

I gasped the words out past vocal cords that felt raw and ruined.

“Can I come in?”

Staring, I nodded and stepped back on autopilot, desperate to have him in my space even if minutes earlier he’d taken a knife to my heart for the second time in my life.

He peered around my entryway.

Discarded clothes and my shoes littered the tight space. I left them laying there, stepping past Chaz, because I needed to sit before my legs gave out.

My ass met the couch, and I slumped, eyeing Chaz in all his put-together gorgeousness. Freshly shaved cheeks. Perfectly mussed hair…had it been that intentional messy or had that blonde woman made it like that when he’d kissed her senseless?

“Babs gave me your address,”

Chaz said, walking into the living room and eyeing the other end of the couch. “Hope that’s okay.”

“Why are you here?”

I asked, my tone wrecked. My face was probably puffy from crying.

“I know you asked for space, and I should have waited for you to reach out, but I’m ready to move on, Jamie.”

Yeah, he’d made that plenty clear when he’d wrapped his arms around that woman.

“Why show up here to drop that bomb on me, huh?”

I sounded pissed. Hurt. Both were so fucking true. “You could have just told me you were ready to try again with another woman. Didn’t need to witness it with my own fucking eyes.”

“Jesus—Jamie. Shit.”

Chaz tipped his head back and swallowed hard. “I’m going about this all wrong.”

I hated that the bob of his Adam’s apple made my dick swell.

“You saw me with Tara,” he said.

Tara. My new, least favorite female name.

“She is—was—Shelly’s best friend,”

he continued when I didn’t speak. Fucking couldn’t.

Memories clicked, but the burn of anger inside me didn’t subside. Was he so desperate to hold onto a piece of his wife that he would hook up with her friend? How fucking sick?—

“We agreed to meet for dinner for closure,”

Chaz said, cutting off my thoughts.

“Closure,”

I repeated, my tone lowering.

Chaz nodded and held my stare without flinching or hinting at needing to hide shit from me. “It was a one-time thing because I was hoping for answers. Nothing more.”

“Fuck.”

I rubbed my hands over my face and groaned as some of the tension seeped out of me.

“From your reaction, I’m guessing you still want me?”

“I promised always,”

I rasped, my hands falling to my lap, refusing to let that seed of hope inside me spring to life like it was dying to do. “Fucking meant it, Chaz.”

He exhaled long and quiet, once more shoving his hands into his pockets. “As much as I want to dive into you and forget about reality for a while, I have some shit to tell you first.”

There was no stopping that seed from bursting into full bloom regardless of wariness over what else he had to say crept in.

“Shelly was having an affair and was pregnant with another man’s child.”

His blunt words knifed me like a dagger to my chest, and I whispered a few curses as he continued.

“The accident happened when she was on her way to see a lawyer to start the process of divorcing me.”

“Fuck—Chaz, I’m so sorry.”

Chaz shook his head, the lack of pain in his steady gaze baffling when any other man would be bent over with grief. “We hadn’t…been together since last April. She met the guy in July, but I didn’t know that until today.”

“Tara.”

“Yeah.”

Chaz exhaled heavily again but didn’t take his focus off my face. “But I wasn’t sure of the timing of their sexual involvement the night I fucked you. I’d been too caught up in my need to think straight. Afterward, the sight of my cum reminded me of how I’d failed her, but I also realized the possible consequences of going bare. I freaked the fuck out because I wasn’t sure I was safe.”

A tingle slid down my spine and not the pleasant sort. “It’s okay,”

I whispered, praying like fuck that everything was all right.

“I should have told you right away, but I was ashamed and too caught up in my misery. I got tested the following week, and everything came back negative, so there’s nothing to worry about.”

Relief swept through me, causing me to sink further into the couch. I nodded, my brain and heart overloaded with what he’d shared with me. “I wish you’d told me sooner, Chaz. I could have been there for you.”

“This was something I had to work through on my own,”

he said, a soft smile on his face even though it felt like he had more to tell me. “I couldn’t have your magic dick distracting me from emotions I had to face, thoughts I needed to process, and steps I had to take. Then your admission to wanting her gone…”

He swallowed hard as though my betrayal still hurt.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Chaz. I was a heartless, selfish bastard.”

“I understand loving someone so desperately that moving heaven and hell to be with them oftentimes makes us wish for things we shouldn’t.”

Chaz studied my eyes, pain radiating between us.

“I didn’t mean it, Chaz, not really. I was just so goddamned jealous, and seeing the way she treated you?—”

“I know you didn’t really want her dead.”

Chaz finally removed his hands from his pockets and rubbed them down his thighs. “Forgiving both of us proved to be the hardest part of the grieving process so far. I never should have reacted in my anger and kicked you out that night, but I don’t regret having time alone to get my priorities and heart settled on moving forward.”

The wariness dissolved completely as I focused on those two final words. “So now what?”

Chaz opened his mouth then closed it again.

“What?”

I pushed, hoping whatever else was on his heart didn’t have the potential to re-rip scabs of healing between us.

He unzipped his coat and set it on over the end of the couch.

I sat, unable to move as he unbuttoned his green shirt and lay it atop his coat. He bent over, shoulder muscles rippling as he untied his boots. He slid them off. Unzipped his jeans and pushed them to the floor, stepping out of them, leaving himself in tight black boxer briefs and socks.

Pale, smooth skin glowed in the overhead light. Dips and swells of lean muscle flexed with every shift of his body. Thick calves and thighs made my hands greedy.

Saliva flooded my mouth, and I swallowed harshly as zaps of energy prompted me to touch and taste what he shared with me.

“Jamie.”

I licked my lower lip, realizing I’d been staring in silence for who the fuck knew how long. “Come here,”

I ordered in a ragged whisper.

Chaz closed the distance and straddled my thighs, his hands going straight for my face, hazel eyes wary and searching. He was warmth and hardness, a perfect fit for my lap. “Will…will you fuck me?”

Jesus—not what I’d been expecting, but I wasn’t about to complain or deny the man anything.

“Chaz,”

I croaked out his name and wrapped my arms around him, yanking him close enough that our chests crushed together. The scent of motor oil clung to him, that reminder of home I’d been desperate for. “I’d rather make love to you, but yes—I’ll give you whatever you want.”

“You, Jamie. I’m ready to live again. Make me yours.”

I leaned in to lay claim to his mouth, swallowing his groan as he shuddered in my arms.

When we had kissed before, there’d been an urgency brought on by infidelity and secret lust, the knowledge we’d done wrong and could be caught. While explosive, that coming together hadn’t allowed for true appreciation, and finally having the chance to love on Chaz how I’d always longed for, I wasn’t going to miss the opportunity to make this special.

“Want to take my time with you,”

I murmured against his mouth before licking deep, stroking along his tongue.

Chaz moaned and tightened his grip on me, grinding his hard dick against mine.

I grabbed his ass and struggled to stand, his chuckle against my mouth the sweetest sound I’d ever heard.

We stumbled down the hallway in my attempts to carry him, bumping into a wall and my doorjamb. Laughter and licks over lips accompanied us. A welling of what I could only describe as helium filled my chest, making my heart buoyant, all floaty and carefree.

I laid Chaz on my bed and followed, slotting myself between his welcoming thighs. We both groaned as our lengths pressed together, and I swiveled my hips to rub over him, hissing when his fingertips dug into my back.

“Jamie.”

“Yeah, baby—I’ve got you.”

He moaned as I dragged my lips over his neck, sucking and biting with tenderness, steadily thrusting against him.

Deep hunger dictated I devour. Tear him apart and mark his skin where everyone would see that he belonged to me now. But this wasn’t a claiming, nor was it a chase for release. The greatest gift sprawled on my bed, and I would savor every inch. Show him what it truly meant to be loved.

“Gonna take some time to get your virgin hole opened up for my dick,”

I murmured against his ear while threading my fingers through his thick hair.

“Been readying myself for a couple of weeks now.”

“Shit.”

I shuddered and stilled atop him, eyes closed and lips against his forehead as I struggled not to come. Images of Chaz fingering his ass or using toys to stretch himself caused my dick to buck against his, and I hissed through clenched teeth.

“You like that,”

he murmured without a hint of question in his voice.

“Fuck yeah, I do.”

I lifted my head to find lust-hazed eyes on my face.

“Had my focus on being with you but needed to see to other shit first. Had to make sure my head was set straight—or not so straight.”

A smile curved his lips, and I traced over the smooth skin with my fingertip. “Needed some healing so I could accept the love you’ve always wanted to give to me. Had to recognize that I deserved it.”

“Love everything about you,”

I whispered, my throat tight. “Always have. Always will. And I’m sorry as fuck for?—”

Chaz lifted his head and shut me up with his mouth and tongue until I lost my train of thought. “You’re forgiven—now fuck me before I come untouched.”

Sitting on my haunches, I kept my eyes locked on his, peeling down his boxers and removing his socks. He lay naked before me like a buffet, and I planned on gorging myself until we were both sated and passed the fuck out.

I started at his toes since I had his right foot in hand, biting the big one lightly before licking up his arch.

He jerked in my hold, laughing.

A grin flashed over my face, but I moved on from that part of him for his ankles. Calves. The back of his knee.

And still, our gazes remained locked, a deep intimacy from years of unrequited love connecting us. Fulfillment finally hovered on the horizon, and I wouldn’t stop until he rested in my arms, right where he was meant to be.