4. Spencer
CHAPTER 4
SPENCER
I’m kissing Grady Landry. I’m kissing Grady, and the flutter that ripples through me sucks the breath right out of my lungs. This is not what I had planned on doing tonight. In fact, I had actively tried to avoid it. I should be trying to avoid it. But the feeling of Grady’s tongue as it sweeps across the back of my teeth has me coming unmoored, floating, untethered from the realities that I need to keep me grounded.
The night air is chilly, but the heat radiating from Grady’s body keeps me from feeling cold. He backs me towards the van, never letting his mouth leave mine, until my back hits the turquoise metal, sending a different kind of shiver through me. The cold feels good on my feverish skin.
Grady bends down, running his hands from my rib cage to my hips, to the soft spot beneath the curve of my ass. In one swift motion, he lifts me off my feet, his large hands gripping my thighs in a way that feels secure, safe, even though I’m no longer on solid ground. I wrap my legs around his hips, steadying myself and taking some of my weight from his arms, and he responds by pushing his hard length against me.
Our tongues roll together in tandem, like they’ve always known how to do this, together. The moment I saw Grady standing in that pediatric emergency room, all tattooed and just a little dishevelled in the sexiest way, I knew it would be like this. I knew that it would be explosive, like fireworks lighting up the sky for a brief moment, both of us watching in rapt attention knowing that in just a few seconds, it would be gone.
One night. This one night with Grady is intoxicating. He is intoxicating. His scent is intoxicating. Like vanilla and leather and tobacco, and I want more. My hands roam up his firm chest and find the sides of his face before I wrap them around his head and dig my fingertips into his scalp. Not hard, but with just enough pressure that a groan escapes his lips and vibrates through me down into my core.
Suddenly he’s pulling me away from where my back was resting on the side of the van, and carrying me towards the door. I make use of the time he’s walking me over by trailing kisses down the side of his face, along his jaw, his neck, feeling the burn of his beard on my cheeks. He’s supporting me with one arm now as he reaches out and tries the handle.
He yanks on it a second time.
“Is there some kind of trick to this thing?” he asks, his voice deep and husky. It might have broken the mood if I wasn’t so damn turned on already.
“Oh, sorry, it’s locked.” He sets me gently on the ground so I can find the keys in my pocket, and I unlock it as quickly as I can. “Welcome,” I say, his hands finding the curve of my ass once again, as I climb up the steps ahead of him.
“This is where you’re living, huh.” Grady takes a moment to look around when I flick on the overhead light. The space isn’t much to brag about. The revamped version of the vintage van boasts a tiny kitchen on one side that I can conveniently reach while I’m lying in bed, and a folding table big enough for two abnormally short people. “I think I liked the pantry better.”
“Ass.” I laugh, but the fact is, I’ve rather enjoyed the cozy van and I’ll miss it when I have to return it to WanderLuxe. The sight of Grady having to crouch in the camper draws another laugh from my throat.
“At least I could stand upright in the pantry,” he says, ducking slightly as he climbs up inside.
“Who says we’ll be standing?” I quip back, flashing him my best sultry stare.
“I like to do all fucking entirely vertical. That’s the only way I do it.” His expression is neutral, waiting to gauge my response, but his eyes twinkle with a hint of mischief.
“Fucking? Oh no, sorry, I think you misunderstood me. I thought we were just going to watch a movie tonight. You know, paint each other’s nails, braid each other’s hair.” The smirk on my face is enough to tell Grady that I’m joking, and he meets me over by the counter, once again hoisting me up so I’m seated on it. The ease with which he lifts me is slightly jarring and more than a little hot.
“You might be. But I’ve already decided how my night’s going to go Spencer Sinclair,” Grady growls, his eyes gripping me in his stare. He lowers himself to his knees in front of me and spreads my legs wide, so he’s positioned between them. “Even if I have to beg.”
Fuck me.
Kneeling in front of me, Grady’s eyes just about meet mine. He sweeps his hands up from my thighs, taking the bottom hem of my tank top and sliding it up. His touch is light on my skin, and it sends a shiver through me. The air in the camper is cool, making my nipples harden in response.
Grady groans at the sight of me, his eyes roaming over my breasts, worshipping my body from where he’s kneeling before me. He cranes his neck up while I lean down to meet him, and this time our kiss is softer, gentler. He lingers in it, taking his time before trailing his teeth gently down the column of my neck, across my collarbone. I throw my head back, giving him better access to places I want to feel his lips.
His mouth dips lower, hovering over my breast, making lazy circles around my nipple with his tongue.
“Oh god,” I breathe as the sensation of his breath on my firm peak sends a needy warmth down between my thighs.
“You like that?” Grady looks up at me, his brown eyes searching my face for any indication that I want to take this further. I’m practically panting as I nod, and Grady takes that answer for what it is; I want more. I want it all.
His hands find the waistband of my jeans and make short work of taking them off, leaving me sitting on the counter in my thong.
“You are just as perfect as I imagined you’d be,” Grady says, and the turn of phrase tugs at the back of my mind.
“You’ve imagined me?” I try to keep my tone light and flirtatious, but he returns nothing but complete sincerity.
“More than I’d like to admit,” he answers, and now he’s set off full-blown alarm bells, lights and sirens in my head. Just how deep have his thoughts about me gone? Because thinking about me in some vague way to get off when he’s lying in bed at night is different than thinking about me, thinking about me.
I’m yanked back to the present moment, as Grady brings his hands up to stroke the inside of my now bare thighs. My eyes flutter closed at his calloused fingertips brushing gently over my skin, just for a moment, and then logic once again takes over. I need Grady to know what this is. Most importantly, that it’s not going to be the type of relationship that he should continue imagining.
I pull away from him suddenly, and his eyes search my face for some indication as to why I put a halt to such a good thing. Because it is a very good thing.
“Are you okay?” he asks. My chest heaves as I try to hold myself back from kissing him again. I’m more than okay. I want this as much as I think he does, but we need some ground rules first if this is going to happen.
I nod to reassure him before I say, “We need to set some things straight.”
He blinks at me, waiting for me to continue. The look in Grady’s dark hazel eyes tells me that he will agree to whatever condition I set if it means he gets to be with me tonight.
“Rule one: this is just for tonight. We get whatever this is out of our systems, and then we’re done.” Repeats can only happen with strangers I know I’m never going to see again. A week in Amsterdam with a hot Dutch guy is one thing, but being with Grady, my best friend’s brother-in-law is dangerous. I won’t be able to avoid him forever.
He nods again. “Rule two: there are no strings attached, okay? I don’t want flowers, I don’t want dates, I don’t want boyfriend material from you. Just sex.”
So far, based on the openness in his expression, it seems like my first assumption was correct, and Grady is in fact, ready to go along with my rules. Good.
“Done.” Grady leans in to kiss me, but I’ve thought of one more loose end that I need to tie up, so I put up a hand between us.
“Last rule: we don’t tell Ally. In fact, let’s never speak a word of this to anyone, just to be safe.” My words are clipped, and I need to get them out as quickly as possible so we can resume what we were doing. “She catches one whiff of this and we can say goodbye to rules one and two. It won’t be casual anymore. She’s hardcore when it comes to relationships, monogamy. She’s a penguin, and she thinks everyone else is a penguin too.”
“A penguin?”
“Yeah, they mate for life. Ally and Mason are penguins. You and I are not.”
“Got it,” Grady says.
“Just like that?” I question. His willingness to accept whatever boundaries I set is slightly jolting. Part of me doesn’t trust it.I’ve had one too many guys tell me the same thing, just to show up at my place unannounced, wanting me to get brunch with their mothers or some other giant overstep. I learned it the hard way, and I’m not going to deal with it again.
“Just like that. Let me be whatever you need me to be. This can be strictly casual if that’s what you want.”
“But is that what you want?” I push. The only way this works is if we’re totally honest about being on the same page.
“Don’t worry about me. I want what you want. But damn your pretty little mouth tasted so fucking good that I’m going to need you to shut up so we can keep this going,” Grady murmurs, his voice sending a soothing warmth down my spine and low into my belly, making me forget what I was ever concerned about in the first place. He reaches his hand up to cradle my face, and when I open my mouth to utter my agreement, he swipes his thumb over my lips. “Not. Another. Word.”
His eyes never leave mine, even as he brings the same thumb that brushed across my mouth downward to trace a feather-light line down my centre through the fabric of my thong. My breath hitches as my hips buck in response, an attempt at applying more pressure on my swollen clit. But Grady removes his hand and now I’m aching for his touch.
“Uh uh,” Grady tsks. “I’ve thought about this for way too long. If we’re doing the relationship rules on your terms, we’re doing this on mine.”
It’s a good thing that Grady picks me up off the counter again because after that comment, I no longer have the use of my legs. He just about throws me onto the bed and I land on the soft duvet with a shriek. Grady lips slide into a smile I can only describe as hungry as he comes to lean over me.
My hips squirm beneath him and I wrap my legs around his waist, finding his hard length in his jeans and lining my pussy up against it. This time, he doesn’t complain, and I feel the muscles in his shoulders slacken as I writhe against him.
He grazes his lips against mine before sweeping down and taking my nipple in his mouth, more forcefully this time, sucking and biting the hard peak.
His other hand finds the sensitive spot between my legs once again, pushing the fabric over to the side and sweeping down my slick core.
“You’re so wet for me already,” Grady moves back up, so his face is in line with mine as his fingers make a sweeping motion up and down my slit, stopping to circle my clit as he reaches the top. “I think you’ve been thinking about this for a while now, too.”
I let out a guttural moan. I don’t have the words to answer him. There is nothing in my head except the overwhelming sensation of his fingers rolling over that bundle of nerves.
Grady kisses me, and I can feel his grin against my mouth. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
I give a slight nod as our lips move together, and when Grady pulls away for a second, I manage to rasp the words, “take that as I need you to fuck me right now.”
The word need is intentional. Having Grady fuck me is no longer a want. My body is yearning to feel him inside me the way my lungs yearn for air.
“Condom?” he asks.
“The drawer,” I answer, looking over to the kitchen drawer that is also serving as my nightstand. Grady reaches in and pulls one out, before pulling down his jeans to reveal his already hard length. He makes quick work of the condom, rolling it down to the base of his shaft.
Sensing my urgency, Grady slips off my thong, gripping my knees and pushing them outward. Something flashes across his eyes as he stares at me, now completely bared to him. He sucks in a breath between his teeth.
“You’re so fucking gorgeous,” he whispers, using two fingers to find my opening. He looks me dead in the eyes as he stretches me open with them.
“Fuck me like it’s your last time.” I rasp. Grady removes his hand, and uses them to spread my legs wider, as he pushes his tip into me. My body stretches in response to his width, the pressure of him filling me sending intense waves of pleasure through my core. This is only the beginning, and I’m already wound so tight, so close to falling over the edge.
He only breaks eye contact with me to close his, as the sensation of me around him overtakes him. Grady pulls back slowly, and I savour the friction between us until he drives himself back in. I can only buck my hips as he pushes into me, our bodies making a slapping noise as we quicken our pace, each of us taking cues from the other.
In this moment, my body belongs to Grady, but he has not taken. He’s not concerned about what he’s getting out of this at all, like his pleasure is secondary. He gives and gives to me until the tight coil within me snaps. There’s nothing I can do but allow the hot, tingling sensations surge through me in cascading waves.
Grady doesn’t keep going as the waves of my pleasure settle into gentle ripples. He doesn’t keep the pace to find his own release. He halts and removes himself from me with an inner restraint and strength that must be akin to the Hulk. Once again, he’s kneeling before me, and he dips his head to plant butterfly soft kisses on my swollen, sore clit, as if to soothe it after the pounding he just delivered.
This time, his movements are gentle, and the change in speed and intensity has my pleasure building back up once again.
“Grady,” I cry out. I am once again floating in a space between heaven and earth, and Grady’s tongue flicking that sensitive spot is the only thing keeping me tethered to this realm.
Grady finds my edge with ease again, and though the waves aren’t as intense, they roll in more slowly and linger, making all my muscles clench and tighten until they are too tired to hold on anymore.My breath heaves as I let my body relax into the bed. My eyelids are heavy, everything is heavy.
“Give me a minute,” I rasp. “Now I owe you,” I assure him, though how I’m ever going to pay him back for this escapes me at this point in time. I can no longer move, and every muscle in me is spent. As if understanding this, Grady lies on the bed beside me, resting his head on his outstretched arm.
“You don’t owe me anything.” His voice is low, gravelly, and slightly out of breath. He reaches towards me and brushes a lock of hair off my face.
“Good. Because thanks to you I have lost the use of my body.”
Grady chuckles softly and leans over, placing a kiss on my forehead. I close my eyes and revel in the endorphin-induced bliss. I’m only half aware of Grady kneeling to reach over me and open the back hatch of the camper van. He unlatches it and the cool breeze from outside is a reprieve from the humid, sticky air inside.
Somehow, I manage to sit myself up and grab a blanket to wrap around my shoulders. Grady is sitting on the opposite edge of the bed now, my duvet wrapped around his waist, and he’s looking out at the night sky, the moon high above. I meet him at the back door, dangling my legs off the bed out the back of the van.
“This has been my favourite thing to do since I’ve been on this contract. I’m going to miss this van,” I say, gazing out at the shadow of the mountains, the last of the snow capping the tops illuminated by the light of the moon. “Sometimes I just lie in bed at night and look up at the stars. It’s just so peaceful when the world is quiet like this.”
“Has it been lonely? Driving across Canada all by yourself?” he asks, peeling his eyes away from the night sky to look at me.
“I don’t really get lonely. I enjoy my own company,” I say plainly. I’ve learned that my own company is the only thing I can truly depend on, and I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’d rather be single forever than spend even a day of my life relinquishing control to someone else.
“Do you ever think about settling down? I mean, not settling down, but giving up the constant travel? Making a life for yourself somewhere more permanent?” Grady points towards the wall at the foot of my bed, covered in a collage of photos. Some of them are of the places I’ve been, the friends I’ve made along the way. Others are magazine clippings, destinations I have yet to visit.
“Okay, I have a new rule,” I say as a response. One open admission is enough for tonight. I don’t need Grady caring about me or what I choose to do with my life. “No personal questions.”
“Personal questions can just be friendly, no?”
“Not when you’re hooking up with the asker of said questions. Personal questions lead to connection, and connection leads to feelings, and feelings are never good for either party involved.”
“Noted. No more personal questions.” Grady gives a curt nod, his mouth forming a tight line. “You can live in my mind as Spencer Sinclair, perfect stranger.”
“Good.” I look back at him, his eyes lingering on my mouth.
“Good.” There’s a pause between us that stretches on longer than is comfortable.
“Don’t go falling in love with me, Landry.” I point a warning finger at him. “This”—I gesture between us—“is just to get whatever attraction we have for one another out of our systems.”
“Cross my heart.” Grady makes an X across his impossibly firm peck.
“Promise that after tonight, we’ll keep our distance from each other?” I ask. Tonight needs to stay limited to tonight. Feelings are easier to shut down when you don’t keep revisiting them. I can’t promise that I’ll have any restraint if we’re constantly around one another.Grady makes me feel like I want to throw caution to the wind, like I want to make bad decisions.
“Jeez. For someone so free-spirited, you sure have a lot of rules.” Grady shoves my shoulder lightly.
“I do like to think of myself as a free spirit. But rules are good for me. They keep me in check.” My mother could have used more rules when it came to men. I’ve witnessed first-hand what having a “free spirit” can do if you don’t reign it in every now and again. Chaos. Utter chaos and avoidable pain.
I twirl the end of my hair around my finger, a nervous habit. Grady doesn’t push it any further, thankfully.
Instead, he says, “I can respect that. But can I make one request?”
“Shoot.”
“If tonight is our last night together”—Grady shifts so he’s on his knees, crawling towards me, closing the distance between us—“I want to make you scream my name until the sun comes up.”