The Bull’s Head (The Wald Pack #2)

Chapter 1

Theodore “Teddy” Egorov sucked in a breath as his First’s mate—Cece, his former First’s mate, he reminded himself for the hundredth time—drove down the ramp that would take them to the home of Malachi and Alpin, the First and his mate of the recently formed Wald Pack. And also Teddy’s new home.

“You don’t have to do this,” Cece reminded him. “You’re under no obligation.”

And Teddy knew she told him the truth, but being back with Ivan and the rest of the pack was… draining. After they’d discovered how their former leader, Hiram, had committed the ultimate betrayal—murdering his mate and their children, then blaming it on Teddy and Ivan and having them beaten and left to die—Teddy was adrift. Ivan told him it would work out, but that was his answer for everything.

This wasn’t something that could work itself out. Alana, Casper, and Dimitri were dead. No matter what anyone said, Teddy had failed to save them. He’d spent years believing he deserved whatever punishment he had coming, but to find out they were nothing more than means to an end?

“No, I want to be here,” he said, his voice breaking.

Besides, he liked the rabbit and wolf. Alp was gentle and kind. The way he’d spoken with Teddy and Ivan before they stormed the lab where dozens upon dozens of shifters were held and experimented on, even though Alp had to be terrified because he had been held there, too, and they’d cut off his hand. Still, he put Teddy and Ivan first.

And Malachi was stern, but approachable. He had a gruff edge, honed from many years he’d spent alone, until the fateful night he saved Alp from the men who’d been torturing him and far too many other shifters.

“Sweetheart—” she began as they got out of the vehicle.

“No. Please, I have made up my mind. This is where I shall stay.”

Even though his heart wasn’t in it at all.

“Cece!”

Alp’s voice echoed in the large garage as he bounded toward Cece. When he reached her, he jumped up and she snatched him in mid-flight, then pulled him to her and spun him around.

“Oh, honey. It’s so good to see you. How are things going?”

Teddy bit back a laugh when Cece continued to hold Alp, who didn’t seem to mind in the least.

“It’s… tough. The logistics of this is a nightmare. So many people, and almost all of them are damaged in some way. Lydia is talking about closing her practice and moving here full-time, but Mal forbid it, because he won’t have her giving up her life or depriving Swenson of their only decent vet.”

Cece nuzzled Alp’s hair. It seemed a common thing for wolves. Teddy had to admit, he enjoyed it when Damon and Cece gifted him with their touch. He would miss that.

“We’ll find her some help,” Cece promised.

“I would really appreciate that. I don’t want her getting burned out.”

“No, that’s not what we want either. She’s an incredible ally, and those are few and far between.” She turned her gaze on Teddy. “And now, Wald is getting ready to accept one of our finest into their ranks.”

“It is a pleasure to see you again, First mate.”

Alp’s cute little nose wrinkled, just like his bunny’s would. “Do you let him talk to you like that?” he asked Cece.

“Oh, don’t even get me started on this one,” she complained. “All these years, and he still defaults to it on occasion.” She held Alp with one hand as she reached out to cup Teddy’s cheek. “And I’m going to miss the hell out of him.”

“I’m sorry,” Teddy whispered. He’d been so certain that he’d needed this change, but now? “I could stay, if you wanted.”

Knowing Damon and Cece, plus their sons, Wiley and Micah, would have his back, Teddy thought maybe staying would be the smarter choice. But looking at them, especially Cece, reminded Teddy of the day she found him and Ivan, naked in the snow, waiting to die, and the reasons for it. How she’d nursed him and Ivan back from the brink of death and made them part of her pack. He owed her everything, and now he was leaving her.

Cece lowered Alp to the floor, then turned and pulled Teddy into her arms. “Nothing would make me happier,” she told him. “Even Damon is sad that you’re leaving. And don’t ask how Wiley and Micah reacted when I told them. Before we left, Damon had to take them out camping so he could explain why you were going. You might not see it, but you’ve always been more than a bodyguard to them. You and Ivan? You’re family. It hurts, but we understand sometimes family has to move on.”

“I have to do this,” Teddy ground out, hoping to finally convince himself. “I need to find out who I am. Is there more to me than a bodyguard? Is that all I’m good for?”

“What? No, I never said?—”

“Not you,” he hastened to add as he tapped his fingers against his temple. “In here now is such a… what’s the phrase Damon uses? Shitshow. Hiram….” Teddy choked on the name of the man he thought would always be their leader. “He let us take the blame for the murders he committed. He had us beaten and was going to sell us to a monster. Were we ever more than bodies to him? Is that all I am?”

“No,” Alp insisted. “You have a body, yes. But you’ve got a mind as keen as any I’ve seen. Cece is amazed by you and Ivan. When we needed someone to help put this mess in order, you were the first person she suggested. We don’t need another body. Well, that’s not true. We need like fifty of them, but that’s not the point here. We need that brain of yours. Do you get it?”

And he did. Deep down, Teddy knew no one thought of him how Hiram had. Still, after twenty years, it was hard to think of himself in any other way.

“Thank you, First mate.”

“Alp,” he insisted. “We’re family, you, me, Mal—everyone here. We all owe you our lives. We went through hell together, and you can’t be calling me by a title. Okay?”

Teddy did like the bunny. He was a breath of fresh air.

“Yes, Alp. Now, where should I start?”

“By giving me a hug,” Cece said. “As soon as we finish unpacking your stuff, I have to get back to the pack.”

“Oh, but you just got here,” Alp complained, his pink lip jutting out. “Can’t you stay the night? My mom sent some recipes to the cooks, and they’re going to be making her pasta primavera tonight.”

“I’d love to, but Damon and the boys won’t be back until Wednesday, so I’m in charge and?—”

Alp held up a finger as he fished out a shiny phone from his pocket. He touched the screen with one of his slender digits, then held it up to his ear for a moment. “Damon? Hey, it’s Alp, and I was wondering if you have a second?”

“Alp, hang up that phone,” Cece insisted.

He ignored her, which amused Teddy to no end. Cece was a warrior who had beaten him and Ivan, even when they were in bear form. She was not one to be messed with. She wasn’t even cowed by her husband.

“They got here like five minutes ago, and now she wants to drive all the way across country again because you’re out camping with the boys.” His eyes gleamed when he held the phone out to Cece. “He wants to talk to you.”

The glare Alp got spoke volumes. She held the phone to her ear.

“I’m headed back tonight, and … but … Damon, I … I’ve driven through the night before, and—” She glared at Alp. “Yes, First. I’ll be staying here tonight, and you’ll contact the council to let them know.” She sneered at Alp and mouthed, “I will get you for this, rabbit.”

After she handed the phone back, she growled when Alp chuckled, as he held the phone to his ear again. “Thank you, Damon. Say hi to the boys for me. Let Micah know everyone loves his painting and ask if he’ll consider working his magic on some other walls. See you next month.” He snapped the phone closed, and his smile was radiant. “You’re staying over! That’s so cool.”

“I will take you out and hunt you down, Alpin Dawkins. Then I’ll call your mother and tell her you were fucking delicious.”

Alp waved a dismissive hand. “You say that now, but wait until we get some popcorn and cuddle up in the media room with the kids to watch Frozen . Again. You haven’t lived until you have a bunch of kids screaming at the screen and singing ‘Let It Go.’”

Cece cocked her head as Alp led the way through the garage, into the proper areas of the Wald compound, and then into a large room with an enormous television set mounted to the wall and beanbag chairs spread throughout, in addition to the sofas and love seats. “You love it.”

Alp pinched the bridge of his nose. “Maker help me, but I do. Most of these kids have never seen a movie before, let alone had buttered popcorn. It’s like we’re opening up new worlds for them and showing them that this place isn’t something to be terrified of. The people who’d done the shitty things here? Yes, them for sure, but the building is just that—a building.” Alp chuckled. “I even dragged Mal in to watch with us one night, and by the time the credits were rolling, we had a mob of kids surrounding us, climbing into our laps, winding their small arms around our necks, and Mal was sniffling along with the rest of us.”

“I would like to watch with the children,” Teddy said. He’d never seen Frozen either, though he’d heard from…. His throat tightened, and he found it hard to breathe.

Cece crossed the room in less than a moment. She put her hands on his shoulders, and held his gaze. “Teddy?”

“Alana, Dmitri, and Casper will never again see a movie.”

Cece squeezed Teddy harder. He knew she was trying to keep him from flying apart, but it wasn’t working. He was once again falling into despair, knowing that those who’d trusted him to protect them were now rotting in their graves, and it had been his fault.

“No, sweetheart, they won’t. You did your best to keep them safe, but Hiram’s betrayal destroyed them, not you. There was no way either you or Ivan could have protected them, because you were good men who had a shitty leader who lied to you. He set you up, and nothing could have changed that outcome.”

Her words made sense, but Teddy had seen and laughed with the kids a few hours before Hiram murdered them. He’d been amused by Casper and his gap-toothed way of talking. How Alana had cuddled him to her and told him his teeth would grow back in soon, and then he’d be able to shift and have sharp and strong teeth. She assured him if he ate right, he would one day be big like his brother, who was a small child.

And now he never would.

“Cece?” The word was torn from his throat as he cried out.

“I’m here, Teddy bear. I’ve got you.”

He pulled her to him and buried his face in her neck, sobbing. Why couldn’t he let it go? He’d done nothing wrong, and everyone knew that. Everyone but Teddy. Every time he tried to convince himself, the faces of those children rose up accusingly, telling him in no uncertain terms he was the reason they were dead now.

Teddy was used to Cece holding him close, but he was shocked to feel another set of arms encircle him.

“We’ll get through this, Teddy, I swear to you.”

“Alp? I’m sorry, you don’t need me to?—”

“We do,” Alp insisted. “Wald pack is a place to heal, to find yourself again. If you want it, this could be your home too. I know the Walker pack took you in and gave you back your life, but maybe here, with us, you can rediscover the joy in it.”

Joy? Teddy knew he didn’t deserve that. “Thank you, First mate.”

“Alp, you silly bear.” There was teasing, but Alp never stopped hugging Teddy, and for that, he was eternally grateful. When he looked up, he realized they were no longer in the media room, but had moved to a smaller, quieter room with a desk that had a computer atop it. He was grateful, because he didn’t want anyone else to see him break down.

At least not yet.

They stayed in the office for another thirty minutes, and wedged between Cece and Alp, Teddy finally was able to breathe again. His panic had been bad, but definitely not the worst ever. No, those attacks were reserved for his dreams, when Teddy was alone in his room, with nothing to keep the shadows of his failures from reaching out and pleading with him to save them.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come home?” Cece whispered in Teddy’s ear.

“Thank you, First mate, but…. I truly think this will be a place I can heal. I won’t be guarding anyone, so maybe I can slough off that role. Damon told Malachi that I would be good working in an office, sorting through Hyde’s papers, and making order out of the chaos that was caused when we… we….” He sighed. “When we killed these people.”

The rumble started out low, menacing, but grew until it needed voice. “No,” Cece barked gruffly. “These weren’t people. They called us monsters, but they killed innocent children, just like Hiram had. All of what happened here? It could have been avoided if the Council had looked into Hiram’s dealings. If Hiram hadn’t been so goddamned deranged. If….” She shuddered and shook her head. “No, sweetheart, these weren’t people. They lost the right to call themselves that with their first murder of a shifter.”

Teddy glanced down at where Alp’s arms still held him tight. He swallowed hard, looking at the place where Alp’s hand had been. The one Hyde and his people had cut off, trying to see if they could regrow lost limbs.

“No, they weren’t people at all,” he agreed. “If they wanted monsters, they only needed to look in the mirror.”

Cece snorted, then hugged Teddy again. “It’s going to be okay, Teddy. I swear it. And if you ever need me, you get on the phone, and I’ll be here as fast as I can. Damon, Wiley, and Micah will come too. We’re your family, and there’s no getting rid of us.”

The tension bled out of Teddy and he surrendered to the hug, reaching out and embracing Cece and Alp and squeezing them until Alp squeaked.

“I’m sorry, First… I mean, I’m sorry, Alp.”

The smile he got was blinding. “It’s fine,” he promised. “I give the kids a hug every night and kiss their foreheads, telling them this is their home and we love them. Maybe, one day, you could help me with that.”

The thought that a child might look at Teddy and not see the guilt in his expression?

“I think I would like that,” he replied.

“Great. Now, let’s see about getting you settled in.” He waved a hand at Teddy. “Since you’re so… big, we took one of the larger rooms and converted it. It’s pretty basic right now, but we can order you some things tomorrow. Or we could take a trip to the store in Swenson.”

“I’m sure it’s fine,” Teddy said. “I don’t need much.”

Cece snorted. “He’s been with us for years, and his room consists of a bed and a dresser. He takes Spartan to a whole new level.”

“I have simple needs,” Teddy told Alp. The truth was, he never became attached to anything anymore, because he never knew when it would be taken away from him.

“Well, the rooms lack color, so you’ll have to get something to make it lived in. Plus, there’s always the chance that one—or more—of the kids might ‘accidentally’ show up, and you don’t want them to worry you won’t stay. It’s up to you, of course. We just feel that we have to give the kids as much stability as possible, at least until we can show them no one here is going to disappear on them.”

“I understand” came the solemn reply. “Very well, we shall make it into a home so the children know I am a fixture and they can depend on me.”

Like Alana, Dmitri, and Casper had. Only this time, Teddy vowed he wouldn’t fail.

“Cece, wanna come with us? You can see the place before we hit the kitchen for popcorn.”

Cece’s shoulders slumped. “When I told you we were going to be best friends, I never thought you were this much a pain in the ass.”

Alp patted her on the shoulder. “Live and learn, baby,” he said, then cackled. “Guess Mom didn’t tell you everything, did she?”

This time Cece grinned. “I like a lot of butter on mine. And salt is non-negotiable.”

Alp grasped his chest, looking very offended. “Is there any other way?”

When they came down from their laughter, Alp led them through the corridors of Wald. Teddy was amazed at the changes in what had once been gray, featureless laboratories and offices. Now there was color everywhere, from the sky blue paint on the walls, to the dark blue floors, plus dozens of pillows in every conceivable color. Gone were the glass windows on the labs, and now there were rooms with blinds for the older residents, and bedrooms stuffed with plush toys and soft beds, instead of the cages that each person had been forced to live in. In the larger areas, walls had been knocked out and replaced with half walls, giving the area a large, airy feeling. These had been turned into several common areas—logical, considering how many people would now call Wald home—and they each had cream-colored carpets, overstuffed furniture in a variety of bright, breezy color schemes, televisions, stereos, bookcases filled with literature from superhero comics to Moby Dick and Citizen Kane , to a vast array of romance novels for every taste. There was also a computer section set up, with e-readers, laptops, and other devices for those who Hyde had maimed that would, hopefully, allow them to find out life was still possible, if they’d only embrace it.

“This is amazing,” Teddy said softly.

“Thank you. The workers are doing a wonderful job. We still have a big crew here, fixing up the next sections. There’s going to be more rooms for those who are tweens and teens now, as well as more for when the other kids get older. Plus, hopefully, we’ll be able to get our other residents to shift back, and they’re going to need a place to live.”

“Other residents?”

Alp sighed. “We have six shifters who haven’t reverted yet. We don’t know if it’s because they can’t, or if they simply refuse to do so. One of them was kept walled off in a lab, stuck in a pen that wasn’t big enough for him to turn around. He was forced to stand there on the concrete floor, without access to sunlight, grass, or water, and only enough straw to….” He sighed. “To soak up the urine, but even that was swamped. When Lydia went in, she swore he was dead. She knelt down and put a hand on his side. He leaped up, bellowed and thrashed, which scared the hell out of her, and she slipped in the… excrement that seemed to never be cleaned.”

Teddy was aghast. He knew how horrible these people had been, but every time he looked, there were new depths to their monstrosity. “Are they okay now?”

Alp blew out a breath. “They’re getting better. Callum—he’s the bull, according to Hyde’s records—refuses to shift back. Lydia suggested we move him outdoors, let him eat some real grass in addition to the food, antibiotics, and other medications she’s been giving him. The workers made him a small barn where he could have access to the outside. He sits in his pen, and he eats, but he won’t interact with anyone. We have to sedate him in order for Lydia to be able to examine him, because he becomes aggressive.”

That sounded wrong on so many levels, but what could Teddy say? He held his tongue while Alp continued to chat about the changes done to the former military base. Teddy pushed everything else out of his head. He needed to focus, to understand about his new home.

At least until he failed them too.