1. Chapter One
Chapter One
Mac
“Can you just forget I ever said that?” I stare expectantly at the shrink across from me, only to receive an arch of her manicured brow in response.
“That’s not how this works, Mac. You know that.”
My nostrils flare with my inhale, and a muscle works in my jaw just as my thumb raps a baseline on my thigh.
“But how is that night relevant to anything?”
Doc taps the cap of her pen against her chin and crosses her ankles. “It has to do with the issues you’re having with your brother.”
“I feel like this is a conflict of interest,” I mutter with a roll to my eyes, and I pick up the beat in my head with my other hand along my knee.
“It’s absolutely within your right to choose someone else to discuss these things with.”
Not only does the idea of rehashing all my life’s problems to yet another stranger have my stomach twisting up, so does the ease of Doc’s statement.
“ That . Right there.” She points that pen in my direction. “What just happened in your mind?”
I sigh again.
It seems to be my favorite pastime every time I find myself sitting across from this woman who clearly has all of her shit together.
Which is exactly why I’m seated here, across from all four of her degrees.
And she’s there, with her notepad and her head-shrinking notes.
“I don’t wanna be a burden to another stranger.” Her other brow wings and I roll my eyes. “Right. Watch what I say about myself.” I blow out a breath and rub my palms along my jeans. “I don’t want to start over.”
She nods, jots something, then sets the pad aside. “Back to that night. On the bus with your brother. What happened?”
“I cried like a little bitch.”
“About?” she presses, and my rubbing palms start to itch even more.
I huff. “Shit I can’t have. That’s it. I need to just get over it.”
Doc’s lips purse. “Expecting to just get over something you feel strongly about does not make them any less true to you. How you feel is just as important as anyone else.”
“No,” I half snap. “No, it is not.” My jaw works and my eyes shift over the little room.
Unseeing. Unsettling.
“Tell me again.”
My teeth grit and my limbs start to jitter. “ Fine . If it’ll get you to stop asking.”
I just want to move. To run. To get this the fuck over with so I can go back to beating the shit out of my set and hiding in my hole of self-doubt.
It’s easier .
“I’m listening.”
I let loose a soft growl and open my mouth. “We’d been on the road, again. It feels like we’re always on the road. Bouncing from city to town to plane to bus.”
I lick my drying lips and dart my gaze from her waiting stare to the floor.
“We landed in a hotel, and I tend to sleepwalk from time to time. Have since I was little, I guess. It’s supposedly a stress thing.”
“Did you that night?”
My shoulders drop. “Yeah.” I swipe my hands again. “Completely naked. Down the hall.”
“That must’ve felt odd.”
I flick my sight back up to meet hers. “Yep. Especially when you wake up, screaming mad and terrified, in the arms of your bodyguard.”
Doc gives a subtle nod. “Embarrassed, too. At least I would be.”
“Nope. Not even a little bit.” I rub my chin. “Not until we made it back to the room and for the first time since I became an adult did someone other than my twin give a shit if I made it back to sleep.”
Doc nods some more and leans forward to brace her elbows on her knees. “Then what?”
“Then—” The word cracks just like the organ behind my ribs. “Then he stayed with me. Swore he just wanted to make sure I didn’t do anything stupid.”
I swallow the boulder-sized lump.
“The he you’re mentioning is Jordan, right? Your bodyguard?”
All I can do is nod.
“So, he stayed in the room with you. Made sure you rested. Took care of you.”
Another nod.
“I don’t need anyone to take care of me,” I say on a cracked whisper to the floor.
“What happened next, Mac? What lead to the bus with Rex?”
I suck in a breath and ignore the way my eyes want to sting at the reminder.
“Jordan was still there when I woke up.”
“And?”
“And every day since.”