The Charlie Method (Campus Diaries #3)

Chapter Forty-Four Beckett

CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

BECKETT

Safe

I WANT TO BE AT THE G RAHAM C ENTER EARLY TODAY SO I CAN SHOW my dad around the facility, but Will has his head buried in his laptop and isn’t ready to go, so he tosses me the keys to his SUV and says he’ll catch a ride to the rink with Shane.

Despite the circumstances that landed Dad on my doorstep, I’m happy to see the big oaf. It’s always a good time with him. He’s going to tail the team bus this afternoon in Will’s car and come to our game against Quinnipiac.

As I reverse out of the driveway, the sun glints off the windshield and reflects the snowdrifts on either side of the street. We got lucky with the snow situation this winter. So far at least. The temperature has been freezing, but the snowfall has been almost nonexistent. According to my Marine Ecology and Conservation professor this term, climate change is the devil, and soon all the oceans will dry up and we’ll all die of heatstroke. Actual rant she went on last week when someone asked if a mild New England winter is a bad sign.

In the passenger seat, Dad stares out the window, watching the residential streets of Hastings whiz by. He hasn’t said much since we left the house. It’s strange seeing him like this, unsettled, like a man who’s lost his anchor.

“So what’s the plan?” I ask him. “Are you going to book a flight home for tomorrow? Monday?”

He lets out a heavy sigh, still focusing on the passing scenery. “I don’t know, kid. Your mum’s still pissed. Never seen her this mad before.”

“Well, you did accept a job offer that requires moving across the world without consulting her. Can’t say I blame her.”

“I thought I was doing the right thing. That once it became a reality, she’d get it, you know? She’d feel like she was going home. But Meg doesn’t see it that way. She thinks I’m being selfish.”

Because he is.

I have to swallow a laugh, given that he’s genuinely upset here, but come on, Dad. You don’t make big life decisions like that when your wife isn’t on board. He should know better.

He scrubs a hand over his face. “I got caught up in the excitement, I s’pose. Thought I was doing what was best for us, for the family. Now I’m not so sure. Maybe she’s right, and I was trying to do what’s best for me.”

I hear the weariness in his voice, and it hits me that he’s not just frustrated. He’s scared. Scared of what this boneheaded decision might mean for their marriage, for their life together.

“So what are you going to do?”

“Gotta let the job go. Stay in Indy, work things out with your mum. But the thought of passing up this opportunity… It feels like I’m giving up something important.”

“It’s not worth losing her over. You know that.”

“I know. But it’s hard, kid. It’s hard to let go of something you’ve worked so hard for. You know that feeling.”

He pauses, and it lasts long enough that I glance over at him. His forehead has a disconcerted groove in it.

“What?” I say.

“Ah…so…that Charlie girl. I like her. She seems smart. Funny.”

I knew this was coming. From the second Dad met Charlie earlier, I’ve been waiting for him to bring it up. Grill me about her.

“You didn’t tell me you had a girlfriend.”

“It’s new.”

He nods, but the lines in his brow don’t smooth out.

“What?” I say again.

“Probably shouldn’t tell you this while you’re driving, but, ah, your girlfriend was making out with your roommate after he got out of the shower.”

The resulting silence is so acute, I can hear my own lungs fluttering as I drag oxygen into them.

When I don’t respond, Dad continues in an awkward tone.

“Saw them when I went upstairs to grab a hoodie from your room.” He gestures to the Briar U hoodie he now wears instead of his polo, as if to prove he’d really been upstairs.

I stay silent, trying to figure out how to answer.

“Beckett,” he presses.

Finally, I loosen my grip on the steering wheel and give him a sideways glance. “Charlie’s not just my girlfriend. She’s Will’s too.”

His eyebrows shoot up. “Excuse me?”

I shift my gaze back to the road. “Yeah. We’re… We share. It’s complicated.”

“Complicated?” He lets out a short laugh, but there’s no humor in it. “That’s one way to put it. Son, what the hell are you doing? How do you think that’s ever going to work out?”

“It’s working fine so far,” I admit. “We all care about each other. We make it work.”

He’s quiet for a moment, his eyes burning a hole in the side of my head.

“And what about the future?” he finally asks. “What if you want to get married? How does that fit into this arrangement?”

I swallow hard. I haven’t thought that far ahead, not really. We’re just taking it day by day, enjoying what we have.

But now I feel the doubts creeping in.

“I don’t know. We haven’t talked about it.”

He sighs, shaking his head. “You’re playing with fire, kid. I saw the way you looked at her. This isn’t some casual fling. You’re involving your heart in something that could blow up in your bloody face. And for what? Because you’re too scared to let someone in for real?”

I frown at him. “What?”

“You’re saying that’s not what this is?”

“That’s not it at all,” I snap, my knuckles tightening on the wheel.

“You think I don’t know what you’re doing? You picked this girl because it’s safe. Because deep down, you know this isn’t going to go anywhere. It’s an excuse to keep your heart locked up.”

The accusation stings more than I expected. I’ve been trying not to overthink it, but Dad’s right. It’s not just about now. The future is a big, looming question mark.

“I’m not doing this because it’s safe.” I hear the defensive note in my voice and wince. “I care about her. I care about both of them.”

“Do you? Or are you just hiding behind them because it’s easier than facing the possibility of getting hurt again?”

I open my mouth to respond, but the words won’t come. I don’t know how to answer that. Because maybe he’s right. Maybe I have been using this situation as a way to protect myself, to keep from fully opening up, from risking everything.

“Beckett,” Dad says, his tone gentle now, “I get it. I do. After what happened with Shannon, I understand why you’d be scared to let someone in. But this isn’t the answer. You can’t… share a girlfriend. You’re only hurting yourself more in the long run.”

I stare straight ahead. I don’t want to admit that he might be right. I don’t want to face the possibility that I’m sabotaging something out of fear.

“I don’t know,” I mumble. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“It’s okay not to know. But don’t settle for something just because it feels safe.”

We drive the rest of the way in silence.