Chapter Fifty Beckett
CHAPTER FIFTY
BECKETT
That’s our girl
S PRING HAS A WAY OF MAKING EVERYTHING FEEL LIGHTER . T HE SUN ’ S out more. The air smells fresh. And even Charlie is smiling more despite the most intense workload I’ve ever seen anyone undertake. She’s finally settled into the rhythm of us , this fucked-up, unorthodox relationship we have, and Will seems happy too. We’re all in a good place. For now.
But there’s this ticking clock. Graduation is right around the corner, and the pressure is building, the need to make decisions. Life is about to change, and I don’t know how to stop it from pulling us apart.
Tonight, Charlie is stretched out on the couch, flipping through one of her textbooks, while Will is sprawled on the floor, reviewing notes for one of his last exams. I have my laptop open on the other end of the couch from Charlie, aimlessly scrolling through job ads.
I’m not really looking for anything specific, just killing time. But my mind keeps drifting back to what’s coming after all this. The looming uncertainty that comes with graduation.
“Are you ever going to decide about that job offer?” Charlie is saying to Will, almost as if she’s been reading my mind.
“I don’t know. My original plan for after graduation was to travel around Europe for a year, but I’m not sure anymore. God knows my dad would be happy if I scrapped the traveling plan. He thinks it’s a waste of time and money.”
“Yo, Larsen, tell Charlie how you earned money last summer to save for the trip,” I say with a grin.
He rolls his eyes.
“How?” she pushes.
With a shrug, he says, “Worked as a pool boy.”
Her jaw drops. “How many?”
“How many what?”
“How many MILFs did you service?”
I howl with laughter. That’s our girl.
“Zero, you brat.” He sits up and pokes her in the ribs, then proceeds to tickle them until she’s squirming and giggling.
“You should skip Europe and go to Australia,” I tell him. “That way, I could tag along on some of your stops. Go to New Zealand maybe. There are some sick climbing spots there. And Bali’s, like, a puddle-jumper ride away.”
“That doesn’t sound entirely unappealing. I wasn’t locked on a particular location. All I wanted was to get away from here for a while. Breathe different air. Eat different food. See different people.”
“Would you come?” I ask, nudging Charlie with my foot.
She purses her lips. “My sister has a couple weeks’ vacation time she wanted to use this summer, and we were thinking of traveling somewhere together. Seoul maybe, but I don’t know if that’s a trip I want to take with Ava. But…New Zealand was one of the other places she threw out as a suggestion…”
My face lights up. “Do it.”
“But then I’ll have to explain to my sister why I’m kissing two different guys hello.” She bites her lip.
“Just kiss Larsen hello,” I say. I know they think it bothers me that he’s the “public face” of the relationship, as Charlie likes to call it. But it honestly doesn’t. The things I get to do to her in private make up for it. “Then when we’re alone, you can prove your love by kissing more than my mouth.”
Charlie grins. But it fades fast. “How would this work if we kept seeing each other after graduation?”
Her question brings an ache to my chest, because the way she phrased it reveals something I was afraid of.
She assumed it would end after graduation.
I suppose that’s a fair assumption, yet the idea of never seeing her again is physically painful. I’m obsessed with her. Ever since the truth about Shannon came out, it’s like something inside me has shifted. I’ve felt lighter. More willing to share things with Charlie and Will that I always kept buried.
I told them about how smart and kind Shannon was. That I don’t think about her as often as I used to but that when the memories do come, they’re agonizing. Bittersweet. But sometimes, they just make me smile.
I told them about all the plans Shannon and I made. How we wanted a big family someday. How I still want that big family.
But Charlie’s right. How the fuck is it going to work? I don’t even know where I’ll be. Neither does Charlie; she doesn’t know what grad school she’ll attend. And Will hasn’t decided if he’s traveling or accepting the job on that campaign.
“We’ll figure it out,” Will says in response to her question. That’s always his response. He seems to think stalling is a viable solution to this problem.
I glance back at my laptop just as Charlie says, “What about your plans, Beck?”
“I don’t really have any.”
“No? Because if you keep looking at jobs in Australia, we might start thinking you’ve got a secret plan to ditch us.”
I give her a half smile. “Nah. No plan to ditch you. But…I don’t know. Something about going back there feels right.”
“Wait, are you talking about more than just the summer?” Will’s tone sharpens. “Like a permanent move?”
I shrug, trying to keep it casual. “Maybe. I guess I’m thinking about it.”
“Are you serious?”
“I don’t know yet.”
I rake a hand over my beard, wishing I could shave the damn thing off already. But the team not only sailed through the playoffs, we’re playing in the Frozen Four tournament in Michigan next weekend. The guys will murder me if I shave the magic beard.
“I haven’t decided anything,” I assure them. “I’m honestly just looking.”
Charlie bites her lip. “What if you go to Australia and Will takes this job in DC? And then I end up in, I don’t know, Copenhagen for grad school.”
“Copenhagen?” he echoes in surprise. “Did you get into the program there?”
“No, I still haven’t received any acceptances other than MIT and Cornell.” She offers a dry laugh. “The two places I’d rather not attend. I’m just using it as an example. What if the three of us are spread all over the world, over three continents? Where does that leave us?”
The question hangs in the air, harboring an implication that none of us want to face.
Because we all know where that leaves us.
Alone. Single.
Will changes the subject then, and I’m grateful for it.
The next few days pass without incident. No more heaviness. No deep talks. Just lots of great sex and hockey practices. I end up applying to a bunch of jobs, not expecting much to come from it, but to feel like I’m doing something productive.
With the environmental science degree I’ll soon have, I qualify for a bunch of interesting entry-level positions at various environmental nonprofits. Climate and conservation organizations. I follow Charlie’s lead with her grad school applications by casting a wide net when it comes to jobs, looking beyond the continental United States.
Then I put it out of my mind as our practices become more grueling and we gear up for the most important series of games of the whole season.
The locker room is buzzing. Excitement and dread. Adrenaline and nerves. It’s the second-to-last game of the season, and everyone knows what’s at stake. We win tonight, we’re going to the final tournament tomorrow. But even if we win, it’s all winding down soon. For the seniors, like me, Ryder, Shane…it’s the end of an era.
Things won’t be the same after this.
I sit on the bench, slowly taping my stick, trying not to think too much. Beside me, Ryder is shaking out his shoulders like he’s already preparing for the game. He’ll be headed down to Dallas with the wife this summer. Going pro. Winning a Stanley Cup or two.
“What?” he says when he catches me staring at him.
I smirk. “Just thinking how I’m gonna miss your grumpy ass after you move.”
His eyes soften a little. “It’s weird, isn’t it? Possibly the last game with the team. Last few weeks at Briar.”
“Yeah,” I say. I’m trying to shrug it off, but it’s hitting me harder than I thought it would. I’m feeling the weight of it. The inevitable goodbyes. Soon, this team, my teammates…it’ll be just a memory.
Before the melancholy can take root, Shane strolls over, tapping his stick against the floor in a lazy rhythm. He’s also NHL-bound, heading to Chicago. Far as I know, Diana’s going with him.
“Look at you two, getting all sappy,” he drawls. “It’s adorable. Do you want me to film you guys braiding each other’s hair for an online tutorial?”
“I hope Chicago is ready for your smart-ass remarks,” I say.
Ryder snorts. “Either that, or his new teammates sign a petition to get him traded.”
I glance at Will, who’s taping his stick, focused, in the zone.
He still hasn’t decided what he’s doing after graduation. Neither have I. The uncertainty feels like a dark cloud hanging over me. It’s like everyone’s moving on, and I don’t know where I fit anymore.
My attention is diverted when Coach Jensen stalks in, tailed by his assistant coaches. He stands at the head of the room, arms folded over his bulky chest, shaking his head like he’s dealing with a bunch of toddlers when nobody has even said a word.
“Colson,” he snaps. “If I see you miss any checks tonight like you did last weekend, I’ll check you myself. Kansas Kid, don’t sass the refs again, or I’ll sass your fucking face.”
“What does that mean?” Patrick asks in confusion.
But Coach has already moved on. “Dunne, I need you on their winger—that goddamn nuisance, number fifty-five—all goddamn night. Focus on keeping the puck away from his grubby hands, not on your pretty-boy looks.”
“I’m offended by that,” I call from my perch on the bench. “I don’t even own a mirror.”
He ignores me. “Ryder, watch out for Palicki. He’ll be breathing down your neck all night.”
With that, Jensen turns to speak to his assistants.
“Was that our championship tournament pep talk?” Shane says with a sigh.
“I feel like Coach needs to take classes on how to be a nice human,” remarks one of our freshmen.
“I’m still in the room, Abrams,” Jensen growls from the door.
“Hey, Coach Hollis,” Shane calls out. “Why don’t you give the pep talk?”
Our assistant coach turns toward our side of the room with a dark scowl. “Oh, now I’m worthy of you?”
I swallow a laugh. Here we go. I’d kill to spend five minutes in that man’s brain.
“I heard about you joining Dad Chat,” Hollis says, glaring daggers at us. “And I don’t take betrayal lightly.”
“If it helps, we were removed from the chat,” I tell him.
“No, sir. It does not.” Hollis proceeds to shatter everyone’s eardrums by blowing his whistle. In the fucking locker room. “I will offer no pep until I receive an apology letter in my mailbox.”
“Mailbox? What century does he live in?” Shane murmurs to me, and I choke on my laughter.
We finish getting dressed, the anticipation once again building in the room. By the time we’re in uniform, every single one of us is wired and ready to murder our opponents.
Just as I’m about to head to the tunnel, my phone vibrates in my locker. I almost ignore the alert, but something makes me check it.
Figuring it won’t matter if I’m one minute late for warm-ups, I slide my gloves off and grab my phone, then freeze when I read the email on the screen.
It’s a job offer.
From an ocean conservation organization. In Sydney.
I skim the email, my pulse racing when I see the words salaried position . This is an actual position. Not an internship, not some part-time thing. A full-time, real job. The kind of job I’ve always been dreaming about. Actual fieldwork.
“Dunne,” a sharp voice says from the door. It’s Coach. “Get your ass out there and join your team.”
“Sorry, Coach. Coming.”
“ Now .”
I shove the phone back in my locker and scramble for the tunnel.