19. Tru
CHAPTER 19
TRU
T hen
I walked down to that lake to be alone.
With my thoughts.
My memories.
My trauma.
As much as I hated to admit it, I liked Vaughan. The sight of him, the scent of him, the sound of his voice, the feel of his warmth, his sadness, his happiness…
His love?
Even his hate.
The familiarity of it all.
It was comforting when it was supposed to have been afflicting.
It shouldn’t have surprised me when he followed me down there.
I stared into his eyes, feeling like we were on the same side. Both of us knew what it was like to pray and not feel heard. In the blink of an eye, my life changed overnight, and I was no longer living under some random roof. Instead, I was with wealthy foster parents who genuinely seemed to like me.
I lived and breathed her demons until I was set free one day, but I still felt like a caged bird. There was no running away from my memories.
Not then.
Not now.
I hadn’t realized I’d begun crying, tears spilling out over what I could never change. It didn’t matter how much I’d tried, how much I’d cried, nothing ever changed.
Not with me.
Not with us.
A wave of emotions took over, and when Van grabbed my wrist to stop me from leaving and took a seat where I had once sat,I couldn’t have left even if I’d wanted to.
And the truth was, I didn’t want to.
I listened to him with the same longing I had for him to always listen to me. The same thoughts, the same fears, the same realizations of what I shouldn’t have experienced at such a young age. His sincerity caught me off guard, making me feel like I was the only person he had ever shared any confessions with other than his therapist.
For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel so alone. He understood what I went through in his own way, and it overwhelmed me as much as it calmed me. I saw a side to him he didn’t show anyone, and I had no idea why…
All I knew was that I didn’t want it to go away.
I didn’t want him to go away.
And my toxic trait was the fear that he would.
As soon as I felt the back of his fingers wipe away my tears, we once again locked eyes. Something deep inside me told me I could trust him, but our intensity wasn’t anything I’d ever experienced with anyone before.
It was thrilling.
Terrifying.
It was everything and more.
He had no idea how much he’d changed me by simply being by my side.
I was the first to break eye contact, looking back toward the lake instead and trying to reel in my emotions that never went away. I contemplated if I was really going to do this. I could feel his gaze on the side of my face, burning a hole into my skin, and a part of me knew he sensed that.
The effect he had on me.
I gazed up at the sky, needing a minute to gather my thoughts and what was happening between us. The stars shined bright above our heads, illuminating against the darkness of the sky with the moon smiling high like a Cheshire cat. The lake breeze brought a slight chill to the air, and I hugged my knees to my chest in a reassuring gesture, shielding myself to create some warmth around me.
I sat there beside him, feeling his honesty, his support…
His love?
My eyebrows rose, surprised by my own revelation. I finally admitted a truth out loud, and it felt amazing. “They say people can’t remember memories before the age of six, but I remember a lot of stuff. I can still taste my tears sometimes.” I hesitated for a moment, reliving the past for what felt like the hundredth time.
I covered my face, desperately trying to hide from him.
He didn’t allow it. He pulled down my hands, and I turned my face, not wanting him to see right through me.
I couldn’t stop the tears that fell out of my eyes, and I didn’t want to. I earned them, every last one—they were my badge of honor.
“I was in and out of foster homes for most of my life. The state promised me that things were going to be different.”
We locked eyes again.
My chest heaved, and my heart broke while Van’s stare never faltered. He sat there patiently listening to every word out of my mouth, never once interrupting me. I instantly looked down when I felt him gently place his hand on top of mine in the grass before he laced them together. It was such a soothing, reassuring gesture. Feeling like we were one.
To have a real connection with someone, with a boy who didn’t even know me but wanted to know everything, was an emotion I’d never experienced before.
I wanted to tell him everything, especially the effect he was having on me, and for a second, I’d thought about it. Except I realized I didn’t have to. He knew—he was feeling our deep connection too, making it a little easier to continue.
“I was by myself a lot. I’m still by myself a lot. More than I should be at my age.” I laughed even though I hated that fact.
My eyes were fixated on his hand that never left mine. In the dark, his rough fingers were so comforting resting over mine, and I wanted to turn my hand over to feel him.
When he reached over and lightly grazed the side of my cheek with his other hand, his fingers moved to tug on the ends of my hair that framed my face. His knuckles grazed my cheek, and I nervously licked my lips, peeking up at him through my lashes.
“It wasn’t you, Cinderella.”
I had no idea how much I needed to hear that from someone who actually saw me—who cared.
It’s not you.
It was never you.
You have a place in this world.
You matter.
You aren’t abandoned.
You’re a light in the darkness.
You belong .
He conveyed that in four simple words.
Slowly, he kissed away my tears until his lips were near my mouth.
It was the craziest sensation in all my life. He kissed me again. Except for this time…
It felt like we were breathing each other in.
Van
I held her hand.
I kissed her lips.
I listened to everything that came out of her mouth as if she was telling me the world’s biggest secrets.
I hadn’t tried to cop a feel or get into her pants. I didn’t so much as try to get her to make out with me. Being around her was enough. It was all I wanted. To be with someone, to really be with them on a level other than physical, was something I’d never experienced before. Something I never had, and I didn’t want it.
The bullshit.
The emotions.
The ups and downs.
Yet there I was, officially pussy-whipped with absolutely no pussy and sporting the worst case of blue balls known to man. I’d hung out with a couple of girls, trying to forget about Tru to no avail. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, and anytime a girl attempted to kiss me, I instantly turned my face.
She was the deepest connection I’d ever had with anyone in all my life. I didn’t understand any of it. The need to be around this girl was throwing me off-kilter. I thought about her constantly—the next time I would see her, talk to her, hold her…
The list was endless.
Our connection was easy. We didn’t have to work at it. It wasn’t a burden or a struggle to be with her like it sometimes was with other chicks. I used to get bored the minute the sex stopped and was moving on to the next.
Not with Tru, though. I wanted more. Our dynamic flowed seamlessly, our conversations, our chemistry, our friendship . Another thing that was new to me was being friends with a girl I was hanging out with. I never cared to get to know them. They were a means to an end.
It was simple.
Now I was in a dynamic I couldn’t get enough of. One of the things I adored the most about her was the subtle looks she would give me when she didn’t think I was looking.
She came into my life like a breath of fresh air, and I breathed her in like a man who was suddenly on death row. Unable to fight against her pull. Every time I was with her, I was lost in us. I never expected to fall for her. I wasn’t even looking for anyone, but there she was, this girl with such a force, such a drive. It was so fucking powerful that I never stood a chance.
Every time I told myself that today was going to be the time when I’d make my big move, and we’d get past this PG shit, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. She wasn’t just another chick I could nail.
It wasn’t about getting laid.
At least not with her.
“Do you believe me?”
“You haven’t given me a reason not to.”
“Good.” She smiled, and it lit up her entire face.
For the next hour, we talked about nothing in particular.
I watched the way her lips moved.
The way her hair blew in the wind, framing her face.
The way she laughed with her whole body, feeling it deep in my bones.
I especially watched the way she looked at me as I swept her hair away from her face. She didn’t say a word, but her eyes spoke for her. The way she affected my mind and heart was terrifying, but it was so real.
So consuming.
She felt it too. That much I knew.
Breaking our strong connection that held us captive, I cleared my throat and stood, bringing her right along with me. Something came over my senses, and I reached for my phone in my pocket to hit my playlist. Once I found the song I wanted, I set it on the ground next to us.
With the music and the bright moon shining above our heads, I spun her into my arms before holding her close to my chest. Taking one of her hands, I placed it on my shoulder, then intertwined the other with mine, placing it near my heart.
Her face conveyed so many emotions in a matter of seconds, and I paid attention to each one. She placed the side of her face on my chest. I knew what she was trying to do, but it didn’t matter because I already felt everything she was trying to hide.
Tru
Van grabbed my hand and led us back. Girls were looking at us, more like glaring everywhere we went. There we were, holding hands throughout the town. He didn’t do this. He wasn’t this guy. The open affection he showed me was as much of a shock to me as it was to everyone else. He wasn’t trying to hide the fact that we were hanging out.
When my eyes shifted to the photo booth by the trees, Van didn’t hesitate to take me over there.
I smiled, knowing he was doing this for me.
He knew how much I loved snapping photos.
“Come here,” he ordered, sitting me on his lap once the curtain was closed and no one could see us. We were both facing the camera in front of us.
“You feel good on top of me, Cinderella.”
I smiled. “You have to stop calling me that.”
“You like it.”
My heart sped up.
“I thought you didn’t like taking pictures?” I asked, trying to calm my racing heart.
“I don’t,” he whispered in my ear from behind me. “I’m doing this for you.”
I smiled wide, my stomach fluttering.
We took five pictures in different positions. The first was with us facing the camera. His arms were around my waist, and his face was nuzzled in my neck. I could feel his breath on my skin, igniting tingles to stir down my spine.
The next one, he started tickling me, and both of us laughed like fools as the camera clicked for another photo. The third picture was a funny one, where we were both sticking out our tongues. The fourth photo caught me by surprise as he spun me around so we faced each other.
I gasped when I realized I was straddling his waist, making him grin. Pulling back my hair, he kissed my lips, and the next two images were just of us kissing.
He rasped against my lips, “I’m going to like taking pictures with you.”
Everything was perfect.
He was perfect.