Chapter 15
After wakingup in Cruz’s bed, I’d decided to take a walk to clear my mind. When I first heard the notes to one of the songs I’d played with Phantom at Howlers, I assumed I was sleepwalking. My feet continued down the path as I followed the music like the Pied Piper was calling me. Stumbling into that room and finding Phantom playing the piano had sent my heart racing, and I pinched myself to make sure I really wasn’t sleepwalking.
Euphoria engulfed me.
Phantom was here.
On this ship with my other guys.
That was when it hit me. I’d called them my guys. I’d run from attachments for so long, yet they’d still caught me in the end.
What did it all mean? Would the others understand Phantom joining?
My feet had been rooted in place as I watched, my body unable to move as I listened to the music he played. Fear I’d lose this magical reality Cruz and Jace believed in coated my skin, sweat gathering as my breathing quickened. My heart hurt at the thought, but I knew I couldn’t start anything without Phantom. I’d have to find a way for them to accept him, too.
His name slipped off my tongue when the music ended before I could stop myself. I had to know if this was real or a vivid hallucination of my subconsciousness.
“Phantom?”
His head snapped up, and the air lodged in my throat as the man who’d revived my passion for music stared at me. His hood had fallen with the move, and pale blue eyes pierced into me. I’d know them anywhere, but I still didn’t trust myself.
“Kieran?”
My brain broke. My usual chatty self had lost the ability to speak as everything crashed over itself in my mind as it tried to find how I’d missed this. How had I not known? Was everyone in on this joke? Was it all an elaborate plan?
His hands pulled me over to the piano before I could run away, his words floating over me as he explained. I still didn’t know how to speak, so I turned and let my hands do the talking for me and played a song. Kieran joined in, and the rhythm between us fell into place as the trickle of connection we had exploded into a stream of passion, like someone had found the release valve, opening it up entirely.
My heart pounded as my body vibrated from the music. I was utterly bare now; my shields and walls had fallen, making me the most vulnerable I’d ever been. The need to touch him and cement everything between us rode me hard, and I had to physically restrain myself.
Could I do this? Everything would change from this moment on if I did.
Kieran’s eyes held so much emotion I didn’t know how to take it. He looked at me like I was the sun, but I worried I’d catch him on fire.
Spouting off something about time, I fled from him and back to Cruz’s room. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t make myself go to sleep or forget about the lost look on Kieran’s face as I ran.
I thought with all my rules and boundaries that I’d be able to protect myself and prove I could choose a better life for myself. But what good were rules if you hurt not only others, but yourself?
I’d worn many hats and labels in my life, but I never thought coward would be one of them.
Dressing in a green bathing suit and dress cover-up, I escaped to the lido deck with Buns like the coward I was now. I’d been out here for a few hours, relaxing under the umbrella and attempting to read a book. But I couldn’t focus, so I stared off wistfully as I stroked Buns.
“Firecracker!” Jace bellowed, causing several people to turn toward him as he bounded onto the upper deck. I’d hidden far away from most guests in a back corner, but Jace had found me, anyway.
He smiled brightly as he neared, and his beauty momentarily bewitched me. His upper chest was on display, golden skin and muscles everywhere my eyes looked. Jace had a tattoo on his ribs, but I couldn’t make out the details from here. I dropped my sunglasses, hesitant, as I waited for him to yell at me for avoiding Kieran.
“Where have you been, hot stuff?” he asked as he flopped down by my feet and scratched Buns under her chin.
“Oh, um, just wanted to get some sun,” I said, crossing my legs.
“Sure. That’s why you’re in the shade? What’s up, Ev? Did something happen?” His hazel eyes were stormy as he scanned me, searching to figure out my deal.
“Why would something have happened?” I countered, knowing exactly how defensive I sounded.
He snorted and shook his head. “When I saw you last night, you were getting plundered by Brazilian Ken and looking delicious as hell. Unless orgasms work differently for you, then I’d surmise that something has happened between then and now since you’re all gloom and doom. Add in the fact that Kieran has been withdrawn all morning… I’m going to take a wild guess it has something to do with him.”
“You saw us last night?” I gasped, choosing to focus on that part.
“Yep. I jacked off Kieran while we both watched. He has a thing for watching, if you recall.”
I gulped, that knowledge sending shivers through me. Why was that so hot?
“Hmm,” I said, at a loss for words.
Jace moved closer, his hands running up my thighs now. “If I promise to drop whatever you’re trying to avoid, will you spend the day with me?” he asked.
“Doing what?” I licked my lips.
“We’re docking soon, and there’s a beach I want to check out. Kieran has a tee time with the group, so you won’t run into him if he’s who you’re avoiding.”
“I’m not avoiding anyone. I just wanted some time to myself,” I said, but even I didn’t believe myself.
“Sure, Firecracker. So, will you join me?”
“Fine,” I drawled, knowing it was a losing battle. Jace snickered, knowing he’d won.
“Come on then. We’re close to docking. Let’s take Buns to Cruz and grab whatever we need for the day.”
I glanced over and saw the island had come into view while I’d been sulking. Jace was right. I needed to get out of my head and enjoy the day. Sitting and thinking had never been my thing, so I didn’t know why I thought it would work now.
Within thirty minutes, we’d transferred Buns and grabbed our stuff. I had a straw purse with extra clothes, sunscreen, and a towel. I’d changed into a cute romper with my suit underneath. Jace had his camera with him, making me curious about where we were going.
Much to my surprise, Cruz hadn’t put up a fight. He planned to visit a few bars he’d heard things about, hoping to find some new drinks to add at Howlers. There was a doggie daycare on board, so he was going to drop off Buns so she could play with other doggos. He waved as he parted from us, giving me my first look at what it might be like if we were dating.
“My time, Firecracker,” Jace purred and directed me to a Jeep. He confirmed with the driver where to go and pulled me into his arms as it took off. It was too loud to talk, with the wind blowing around, so I let myself relax into his embrace, the thoughts and fears quieting for once. When we pulled up to our destination, I was confused.
“I thought you said it was a beach?”
I peered around me, wondering if I was missing something. The Jeep had dropped us off in the middle of the woods, a tall structure before us to climb. I couldn’t read the sign, but the picture led me to believe it was some type of extreme sport place. I scrunched up my nose.
“We are. We just have to take a zipline to it.”
“Zipline?” I repeated, following him up the wooden steps as excitement bubbled.
“Yep. Have you ever been?” he asked, glancing back to grab my hand. The action was so natural, it felt like we’d always done it.
“Nope.” I shook my head as I focused on my steps.
“You’ll love it.”
His smile was so infectious that I couldn’t help but return it. I trusted he knew what he was doing and I could let him lead for a bit.
Jace did that a lot—took the pressure of having to know something. He wasn’t as domineering as Cruz, but he exuded a self-assuredness that calmed me in a different way. Jace and I had a lot of the same energy, but where I felt like a chaotic wave battering against a shore most of the time, Jace was a soft pulse of peace.
The top of the structure came into view which was basically a wooden treehouse surrounded by tall trees. A man and woman smiled at us, and I realized we hadn’t run into anyone else the whole time. Was this not a popular place, or had Jace done something?
Before I could ask, Jace exchanged words with the couple, making me feel lost, not knowing the language. Jace beamed at them, joking as he talked with them, and I found it exciting to watch even if I didn’t know what was being said. You could read a lot of it in their body language. He wrapped an arm around me, smiling as he peered into my eyes.
“It’s Everly’s first time.”
“Very good. We’ll take care of you, Miss Everly,” the man said, his words heavily accented.
I listened intently as they reviewed the safety protocol and hooked us to the harness. They strapped our belongings into an enclosed bag along with my sandals, so they wouldn’t fall off over the forest floor. Jace hooked it to him as they latched the last piece on me.
“Ready?” he asked from behind me. I couldn’t turn with the helmet, but I nodded and took a deep breath.
The next second we were flying, and I let out a whoop of laughter as we flew across the line, our bodies extended high above the trees. Nature flew by, the view incredible as we zipped through it. I threw my arms out as I shouted, giggling as adrenaline pumped through me. Jace’s arms surrounded me, and I could feel his breath on my neck.
“Amazing? Isn’t it?” he asked.
“Incredible.”
The end came all too soon, and I bent my legs like the instructor had shown me as the beach came into view. Another man was waiting and grabbed us as we slowed. He laughed and said something I didn’t understand. Jace did, though, and answered back, laughing.
“He said you were a natural and have a beautiful laugh,” he told me as the man unhooked our harness.
“Oh. Thank you,” I said, and he nodded, smiling.
Once we were free and all the equipment recovered, the man took it and handed Jace our belongings and a cooler. He then walked to a vehicle and waved goodbye before he sped off.
“Where are the rest of the people?” I asked, my throat a little sore from screaming.
“People?” Jace asked, taking my hand and leading me over.
“Yeah. Other tourists? Natives? I don’t know. Just people.”
“It’s just us, Firecracker.” He smiled at me, a hint of vulnerability in his eyes.
“Oh. Okay.”
“You’re not disappointed?”
“Why would I be?” I asked.
Instead of answering, Jace picked up his pace and pulled me around a corner. I stopped when the beautiful sight came into view, blinking as I took it in. A majestic waterfall fell from the trees we’d just been in, and a small pool with rocks and a beach surrounding it. It was stunning and took my breath away.
“We get to swim in there?” I asked, convinced it was only to look at. It was too pretty.
“If we want to. First, let’s eat. I had them pack us a lunch.”
“When did you have time to do all of this?” I asked, amazed at the date he’d sneakily prepared.
“Before we left,” he said, his cheeks pinking.
“It’s very sweet. Thank you. I don’t think I’ve ever been on a date quite this fun before.”
Jace’s smile grew as he spread out a blanket and pulled out food and drinks. Our conversation was light as we got to know one another and ate, and I recalled the things he’d listed in the binder, or lack thereof.
“You know, you were very thorough when listing things about Kieran but vague about your own details.”
His shoulders tensed, and he glanced up, his eyes meeting mine, a little more guarded.
“What do you want to know, Firecracker? I’m an open book. All you gotta do is ask.”
I assessed him, knowing that wasn’t entirely true. But I wasn’t here to uncover his secrets, only to get to know him more.
“It said you like to dance. What kind?” I asked. He instantly deflated and returned to his cheerful self.
“All kinds. I was forced to take all the lessons as a kid—Latin, ballroom, tap, ballet, and contemporary. At some point, I fell in love with it and thought about pursuing it for a while. But I didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought in the end. Photography was a better fit.”
There was something hidden in what he was saying, but I couldn’t figure it out. His upbringing sounded a lot like my own.
“Same. Between music and dance, I never had a free moment growing up. Once I got past the level of being competent enough to please my mother, I was allowed to stop dancing. Music had been my first love, until it wasn’t.”
“You’re magnificent at Howlers. Why don’t you do that more?”
“That’s a bomb of a question.” I blew out a breath. “I’m not ready to answer it yet. Can you ask me another time?”
“Of course. Sorry, I didn’t know it was so complicated.”
“Complicated.” I huffed out a dry laugh. That was one word for it. “I know, you know.” I dropped my eyes. “Last night, I heard Kieran playing.” I peered up, Jace’s hazel eyes catching mine.
“So that’s what this morning was about?”
I bit my lip but nodded. Jace put his glass down and moved closer, taking my hand in his.
“Kieran’s past with music is just as complicated as yours sounds. Don’t be too hard on him for not telling you. That’s his safe place, and he loved performing with you the most. That’s how I knew you were the one to fill the ad.” His hand squeezed mine, and he blew out a breath before turning to meet me dead on.
“Kieran’s my best friend, and I love him, but there are things I don’t understand or connect with him on. Same for me with him. He gives me something I need, but it’s not everything. I knew a while back our answer would be to find the right woman to balance us both out. I know I joked at first about us sharing, but that’s how we are. This isn’t just a fling, baby. I believe you’re the balance to our teeter-totter, Everly.”
The blood pounded in my ears, the sound of the water the only other thing I could hear as I tried not to pass out from the sheer amount of fear I felt at his words.
“That’s a lot of pressure,” I whispered, dropping my eyes. “I understand why he didn’t tell me. I’m not even mad about him keeping it to himself. We’re all entitled to our secrets, and we’ve only just started to get to know one another. If anything, it scared me because my one barrier to giving in to Cruz was knowing that Phantom owned a piece of my heart. And now…” I trailed off, too scared to admit the rest. I picked at something on the blanket, my body needing to move or I’d throw up.
Jace’s hand cupped my cheek and lifted my face up to where I could no longer hide.
“And now nothing is stopping you from giving in. For letting yourself fall in love and be loved. For trusting others and caring about them as much as yourself.”
I sucked in a breath. Jace wasn’t playing around. Tears formed in my eyes, and I wanted to be angry at him. How did he see me so clearly? I didn’t even see myself that well, but he did.
Jace saw me.
“I know I’ve been the architect behind everything, but it doesn’t mean I’m not scared, Firecracker. We just confront those fears differently.” He gave me a sheepish look, his one shoulder shrugging as his cheeks pinked.
“What do you mean?” I asked, unsure of what he was saying. Jace was so sure of everything.
“I hide my fear by being so confident that no one questions it. You hide yours by being so independent you don’t have to rely on others. We’re both so scared of being hurt that we hurt ourselves first.”
Fuck. He was right.
Hadn’t I just realized that, too? Pushing people away was exhausting. All the walls, rules, and emotional condoms I had to keep me from feeling weren’t working, and I was only hurting myself by trying to prove I didn’t need anyone.
I slept in a dog kennel, for fuck’s sake, just to avoid asking someone to let me crash!
There’s independence and just being plain stubborn. Time to evacuate your stubborn era, girl. It’s not a good look.
I cleared my throat and took a deep breath. Jace’s eyes were soft as he watched me drop all the unnecessary barriers and lay myself bare. Even though I was emotionally naked, I felt lighter than I had in years.
“So… What do we do now?” I asked, hoping he had the answer. He smiled, setting off butterflies in my stomach.
“Buckle up and jump, Firecracker. If you hadn’t taken the step to trust me earlier, you would’ve missed out on the zipline. Nothing is guaranteed, and pain is inevitable. But there could be a lot of good in between. So what will it be, Firecracker? Will you jump into the in-between with me? With us?”
Without thinking, I surged forward and sealed my lips to his. It was the only way I could think to answer him, by stepping across a line I’d formed.
Jace froze for a second at the shock of my lips on his but immediately responded by pulling me into his lap. Our hands frantically pulled at clothes as we tried to feel one another skin to skin. My romper slid off, and my bikini top followed just as quickly. Jace’s shirt flew off in a different direction, and I untied his shorts, releasing his cock. Our tongues collided with one another, the action undoing me.
This. Was. Why. I. Hadn’t. Kissed.
My heart was tied to my tongue apparently, sending fuzzy flurries through me as I tried to meld our two bodies together.
“Shit, Ev. I’d wanted to spend hours exploring your body, but I need you right now.”
I was already pulling my bottoms off, wanting and needing the same thing. I sank into him in the next second, both of us hissing as he filled me. It was quick and dirty as we rutted against one another, chasing the high of what we were feeling. My body spasmed quicker than I thought possible as I clawed at Jace’s back, squeezing his cock as my walls milked him.
“Fuck. I’m coming,” he shouted, biting my shoulder as he exploded. We sat there panting as we came down. My body tingled, and my heart felt full. “Come on. I’ve always wanted to fuck in the water.”
He smiled, standing and pulling me with him. He yanked off his bottoms and then became momentarily distracted as he touched my breasts, his mouth wrapping around my nipples. Cum dripped down my leg, and I grimaced. I’d been dropping the ball so much lately. With Cruz, I knew and trusted he was clean, and God forbid I got pregnant; he would be there. Hopefully, Jace was the same.
“You’re clean, right? I know that’s dumb to ask after, but….” I motioned to my leg as it dripped.
“Why is that sexy as fuck? And yes, Firecracker. I’ve only been with Kieran in the past six months. He’s good, too, if you want to file that away. I can’t believe I fucked you bare and was too high on desire to appreciate it. I guess that explains why I came so fast.”
“Sure, stud,” I teased as I clapped him on the shoulder, moving toward the water. He laughed before he ran toward me, picking me up and carrying me the rest of the way into the water. I giggled and squirmed in his grip but didn’t try all that hard to get out.
We spent the rest of the afternoon playing in the water, and Jace proved he wasn’t a quick fuck by bringing me to orgasm several more times. I even let Jace take a few pictures of me, feeling more beautiful than ever as he posed me and showed me how to “make love to the camera.” By the time we packed up and returned to the waiting vehicle, I felt lighter and like a different person.
Here’s to jumping into the in-between.