Chapter 48
48
I stood aside to let her past. I needed some time to think, so asked if she wanted tea and then my brain went off on a tangent, wondering why we British think that a sweet cup of tea is good for shock. This time, she didn’t get china cups and a tea tray. Two mugs was all I could muster up under the circumstances.
In the kitchen, I was glad I’d removed myself from the situation, for a few minutes at least. Some deep breathing would hopefully allow me to calm down enough that I could listen to what she had to say to me.
‘I’m sorry you had to find out that way, Joanna,’ she said when I’d returned to the lounge where she sat on the sofa. ‘Juney always said that I should reach out to you but I was too much of a coward. How do you find the words to tell your daughter that you gave her up? I tried once many years ago but was told that you didn’t want to be contacted. Then, when we found out – by pure coincidence – that you’d married Juney’s nephew, it was almost like it was meant to be. But because you’d said you didn’t want to know me, I never came forward.’
I just couldn’t find any words that were appropriate. I sat with my arms folded across my chest.
‘Does my mum know?’
I couldn’t bear the thought that my mum had known all along and hadn’t said anything. Had everyone been lying to me for the whole of my life?
Tessa shook her head.
‘No, she knows nothing.’
‘Well, I suppose that’s something. I feel like she should be here for this.’ I knew I was glaring at Tessa, but I couldn’t seem to help myself.
‘I don’t really know where to start, Joanna.’
‘Why don’t you try at the very beginning? And then you can tell me why you gave me up.’