Chapter Nine
The upstairs guest room was far enough from the fray downstairs that when they closed the door, they were really alone.
“That went better than expected,” he said at last, finally, reluctantly letting go of her hand.
She felt the loss of his warmth acutely. “I-I think it really did,” she agreed, trying to ignore the fluttering going on inside her.
“Thanks for backing me up.”
“Sure. That’s me. The back-up plan.”
He turned a serious look on her. “That’s not what I meant. And you should never be anyone’s back-up plan.”
She exhaled a laugh. “Should I write Theo a letter, outlining that particular axiom?”
“Theo doesn’t deserve a letter.”
Smiling at him, she found she liked him more and more each day. Why wasn’t he remarried? Taken? Loved by some free woman who had not sworn off love forever? “You’re right. He is erased,” she declared. “Good riddance.”
“Atta girl.”
For a long moment, they stood at the end of the queen-sized bed, which was wrapped in cozy blankets, white lace-edge pillowcases and a patchwork quilt thrown loosely over the end. There was a little antique dresser and a pretty chair sitting in the corner and the whole room was scented by the lavender flowers that were in the vase on the bedside table. There was a bathroom door to the left and a small lamp glowed on the counter, reflected in the mirror above the sink.
Isabella looked at Will. He looked at her.
Heat eddied inside her. “I… uh, I’m just gonna—” She pointed at the bathroom, grabbing some things off the bed.
“Of course.”
She finished up in the bathroom quickly after washing her face and brushing her teeth and found him staring out the window into the darkness when she returned.
“Penny for your thoughts,” she said lightly.
He turned and smiled. “I was just remembering all the times I stood at this window, dreaming of my future. This was my room once, growing up.” His gaze wandered over the walls. “Used to have Terrell Davis and Deion Sanders posters on the walls and football trophies on that shelf. Definitely not this furniture. But it’s been a long time. It’s become something else.”
“Must be strange being back.”
“It is. A good strange. I’ve missed them all.”
She moved beside him at the window to look out.
“That tire swing under that oak tree over there?” he said. “Now and then, we’d find time to use it. Mostly, the old man kept us busy working the place.”
“Even in the dark,” she said, “it’s beautiful out there. Look at the moon.” It was bright and full, casting shadows across the landscape. Almost like a spotlight was on Montana and this very special little piece of heaven.
“What did you think?” he asked. “Of them?” His family, he meant.
“I liked them very much. All of them.”
His smile sent warmth down to her toes. “The feeling was mutual, I’d say.”
Again, an awkward silence stretched between them.
“Well,” he said at last, “I’ll give you some privacy…” He shrugged out of the shirt he’d bought and changed into earlier and tossed it in a corner, leaving him in his undershirt. “I need a shower.”
“Good,” she said. “Right. I’ll just…” Sit here and imagine you naked under the hot water.
He walked into the bathroom, shut the door, and she heard the shower go on. She exhaled a deep breath, digging into the bags of things she’d purchased earlier until she found the cute, silky PJs she’d bought. She’d intentionally purchased something that wasn’t risqué and didn’t invite trouble. But even as she changed, trouble was exactly what was on her mind. She wanted another kiss. She wanted to taste him again. She wanted that tumble in her belly again that his kiss had inspired.
Sitting beside him at dinner, she’d wanted to touch him a hundred times. Just reach her hand over and put it on his knee under the table where no one could see. But that would have been foolish at the very least, awful at best. He had a lot coming at him all at once and she shouldn’t get in the way of any of that.
You’re being ridiculous. You hardly know him. And what would he think of you if he knew you were fantasizing about his kisses so soon after you’d left the man you intended to marry behind you? And what did that even mean? That I’m fickle? That I never really loved Theo, after all?
But why should she feel guilty after what Theo had done? There was no future there for her. She needed to move on.
But what if she was just trying to make herself feel whole again? No, it didn’t feel like that at all. That kiss with Will felt more right than any kiss she ever had with Theo. But to imagine it was anything more than a misplaced crush would be silly. Besides, she’d sworn off that L word for good. She would not say it again.
She hadn’t listened to her gut when it came to Theo. She’d ignored what her instincts were telling her about him and convinced herself that everything would be okay. And look where that had gotten her. And now her gut was practically screaming at her that Will might be the real deal, but her instincts were simply unreliable. They were certainly, at the very least, impractical, considering this relationship had zero prospects.
Right?
As she slipped under the covers, she pictured him in that shower a few feet away, naked with all that steam. And if she wasn’t so hung up on appearances and keeping things on the up and up with him—
The shower turned off and, a few minutes later, he came out wearing a pair of new drawstring dark blue pajama bottoms, slung low on his hips, and scrubbing his hair with a towel.
She’d seen him before half-naked, but that didn’t lessen the impact this time. Her gaze trailed down the six-pack abs and the strong muscles of his shoulders. All those years of football had not hurt him at all. Unless she looked at his left leg and the myriad of scars from the surgeries he must have had on it. But those scars were beautiful, in a way. Because they were his history, written on his skin. A history of the dreams he’d made happen.
He ran a hand through his still-damp curls, leaving it messy. Sexy.
She gave herself a mental fan.
“This is a little awkward, I know, for you,” he began. “But—”
“It isn’t. I mean, maybe it is. But no one has to know.”
“Except us,” he said, his gaze hard and fast on her. “I was gonna say, you don’t have to worry. The two of us sharing a bed again.”
“It’s not like we haven’t done it before.” She blushed. “And when I say it, I didn’t mean—”
His grin grew. “You mean sleeping with a practical stranger?”
She smiled back. “It is pretty strange, right? The two of us? Here we are. Sleeping together again, pretending to be—”
“Not strangers.” He lay down on the bed and rolled toward her, his hand bracing his cheek as he studied her.
“Right. I’m not… I don’t ever do… this. I mean, I don’t want you to think I get into bed with men I don’t know, generally. Ever. Except you.”
“What else don’t you do?” he asked.
She frowned for a moment. “I’m not sure—”
“If we’re going to pull off this thing, we should know each other, shouldn’t we? So, what else don’t you do? What will you wade into Dallas rush hour traffic for? And what’s off your list?”
Distracted by the contraction of his bicep on the pillow near her face, Isabella averted her gaze to the ceiling. “I don’t eat sushi,” she said. “Not because I’m afraid of it, I just don’t like the taste. But I will brave the traffic for a good Italian gelato at my favorite little Italian place across town, if I have a craving. Which I often do. I don’t suppose there are any gelato places in Marietta?”
“Unlikely,” he said, “but I haven’t been here in a while.”
Disappointed, she nodded. “And off my list? Let’s start with Theo, and weddings, and go right to love altogether.” She flicked a look at him to gauge his reaction, but his face revealed nothing. “What about you?”
He flopped backward on the pillow, staring up. “I can’t do vegan—not that I’ve tried that hard. However, my thinking about cattle as beef has shifted. Which is a dangerous thing for someone who comes from the cattle ranching business. I don’t do social media or give a damn what people say about me or my career anymore.”
She rolled toward him. “What people? Who would know better than you?”
“People. People who thought I should have been able to come back to football. People who weren’t there for the surgeries or the years of PT.”
“Trolls.”
That little dimple appeared in his cheek. “Yeah. Anyway, they’re off my list. Along with running 10Ks. Those are probably a long shot.”
Now she propped her head on her hand, facing him. “Your list is way deeper than my list. I just talked about sushi and gelato. Now I feel shallow.”
That made him laugh. “Well, you did throw love out the window. That’s deep.”
“Well, in my case, love apparently took the first shot.”
He rolled toward her. “Everyone gets a little bit bloodied by relationships. Don’t you think? Not to diminish what that asshat did to you. Unforgiveable. But coming out unscathed is… impossible.”
His ex had bloodied his heart, that was certain. Ditched him the way Theo had ditched her. For more. For someone else. She had a hard time imagining how shortsighted that woman must have been to have let a man like Will go. But then, here she was, talking about love as if it were a binary thing that one could take or leave. It wasn’t. Love, she’d discovered, was fluid and complicated and had a will of its own. Love chose you, not the other way around. And for all of her bluster and denial about never stepping foot in that emotion again, she could feel it—against her will—eddying up inside her as she lay beside him, feeling protective of him, ready to fight all the trolls who thought they knew him better than he did himself and would dare call him out.
The feeling took a different shape than it had for Theo, or any man for that matter, and had a different vibration even that settled in her chest whenever he was near. And before she could stop herself, she leaned forward and kissed him.
The first touch of her lips to his surprised him, and her for that matter. She hadn’t intended to kiss him then, or at all tonight. But there he was, looking all tousled and telling her things he probably never shared and she just… just… kissed him.
And oh! He tasted sweet, just as she’d known he would. Like a craving for her favorite gelato or, to tell the truth, freedom, she’d craved another one of his kisses all day. She began to pull away, to apologize for the uninvited kiss, but his answer was to close the gap between them with another kiss, this one better than hers. This one—if she’d been standing—would have buckled her knees. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer, until she was beneath him. She savored the weight of him, all the hard muscled strength of him holding her.
She forgot to think as his mouth moved over hers, his fingers buried in her hair, his breath coming hard and fast against her cheek.
Suddenly, he broke the kiss, touching his forehead to hers, eyes slammed shut. “I haven’t stopped thinking about kissing you all day,” he whispered.
“Neither have I,” she admitted, stroking the back of his neck, feeling the heat there.
“I told you that you wouldn’t have to worry about…”
“Does this feel like I’m worried?” She curled her fingers into his hair.
He smiled and kissed her briefly again. “No.”
“Unless you don’t want—”
He answered that with another slanting, hungry kiss, then slid his mouth down the side of her throat, nipping at her skin, sending a quake through her that reached all the way down to her toes.
“Oh—” She gasped, melting into the bed.
“I want,” he whispered against her skin as his mouth trailed down the vee of her silky pajamas, and his fingers worked the buttons. “I definitely want you.”
This, she thought, this was what she needed. To be wanted. Needed even. To feel a connection with him that went beyond what had come before. Not in the desperate way she’d always wanted a man, but in a different, feeling-herself kind of way. She wanted him inside her, to be part of him, even if—especially if—it was only to be this one time.
He unbuttoned her top and kissed the top of her breast, cupping her with his hand. His thumb traced around her hardened nipple, then he replaced his thumb with his mouth.
“So pretty,” he whispered.
Isabella arched her back at his touch and plunged her fingers into his dark hair, scraping her nails along his scalp as he turned his attention to her other breast. He took her into his mouth, sucking and torturing her with his teeth until she exhaled a shaky breath and wound her leg around the backs of his. Every nerve in her cried out for him. As hungry as his touch was, he worked unhurriedly down her belly, kissing her, licking her, leaving a shivering trail of moisture on her skin until she felt almost frantic for more.
The feel of his skin beneath her palm, damp with need, the way his muscles flexed and moved as he discovered her, all of it stoked the fire inside her. She felt wanton, abandoning all their rules, their tacit agreements to remain neutral, businesslike. Pretending nothing was happening between them. And she marveled that what had started there, so randomly, could become this. Whatever this was. It didn’t matter.
She told herself that it would only be this once. All too soon it would be over, and she would only have the memory of him. So, she tried to memorize the shape of him, every nuanced touch and sip he took of her. The sensation of every scrape of his shadowed jaw against her skin. Being touched by him was a revelation.
His hand found the dampness between her legs, and he sighed with pleasure. Her hips moved against his pressure there until he slid back up to claim her mouth again with his.
This time, she felt the quake in his kiss, the need that he barely restrained.
“You sure?” he whispered against her mouth, and she knew if she’d said no, he would stop. She trusted that much about him.
“I am,” she whispered back. “Please, Will. I need you to—”
“What about—”
“IUD. It’s the one thing I couldn’t leave behind.”
He reached for something from the bedside table and held up the little packet and ripped it open. “Still, I picked some up today. Honest to God, not that I thought… but just to be safe.”
“Thank you,” she murmured, brushing his lips with hers. “But maybe you did kind of think this might…”
“Maybe,” he admitted. “Because I couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss.”
“Me, too. But this one was even better.” She covered his hand with hers and directed it downward again. “And this… this feels very real.”
His fingers moved again inside her and Isabella arched her hips against his hand. She reached down to touch him, too. All the hard, velvet feel of him.
“Let’s forget about all of that,” she breathed. “Forget about who we are. Where we’re going. Forget everything but now.”
“Now is everything.” He slid her bottoms down her legs, and she kicked them off.
He did the same with his own and rolled over on top of her, his weight on his elbows as he kissed her neck and the rest of her, thoroughly. She took her own turn, exploring the curves and dips of his body with her mouth, touching him the way she’d been wanting to touch him now for days. A gentle give and take between them became, in the end, a fevered urgency. She needed him inside her, and it wasn’t long before she was practically begging him.
“I—Please, Will,” she hissed in his ear. “I need you.”
Moonlight spilled across the bed from the nearby window as he made love to her. They moved as one, as if they’d done this a hundred times before, without any awkwardness or uncertainty. She wrapped herself around him and he around her as an ancient rhythm overtook them and they forgot to think at all. And if the bed creaked with their movement, they didn’t hear it. He filled her with such finesse and skill that she thought she might lose herself completely in him.
Their skin grew damp with heat as their rhythm quickened but he held himself back until she muffled her cry against his shoulder as she found her shattering release. Then he found his own, only after, collapsing beside her in a heap of satisfaction.
They lay like that for long minutes, not talking or even looking at each other. Spent. Happy. She could almost hear him smile in the darkness.
But now that they’d done it, emotions began to creep in. Judgment. Not about him. But about herself.
Finally, he rolled toward her and slid a hand against the smooth skin of her abdomen. “You,” he whispered, “are beautiful.”
She covered his hand with her own. “You are. But someday,” she said, “you’ll probably judge me for this. Think that I’m a terrible person, or fickle to have done this with you so soon after Theo.”
He shook his head. “I don’t judge you.”
“It’s all right if you do.”
“I don’t. I won’t. Theo did what he did. He’s the past.”
She inhaled the scent of him beside her, a heady mix of soap and sweat and him. “Right. Absolutely. I never, ever want to see him again.”
Now, the man who lay beside her kissed her shoulder. “I’m the last person who should be judging anyone. I just want to lie like this with you and fall asleep. We’re both tired.”
She kissed his hand. “Good night, Will.”
He pulled her hand to his mouth and kissed her palm. “Good night, Izzy.”
*
Perhaps awkward wastoo harsh a word for the way Izzy felt the next morning, waking up wrapped in Will’s arms. Maybe wonderment was a better word. Listening to the sounds of his breathing, deep and regular beside her, the feel of his skin, warm against hers as the sun came up, made her question how something so good had fallen into her lap when everything was at its bleakest. Last night had been… amazing.
Beautiful.
Confusing.
She wasn’t a one-night stand kind of girl. She’d never done temporary anything in relationships. Mostly, they’d all carried on past their expiration dates simply because she’d hung on for longer than was wise. She’d blamed her parents for making everything about her childhood feel temporary. Their time together, their love for her, even their love for each other. So, she’d gone the other way. Overcommitting. Waiting for that other shoe to drop.
Even now, the idea that this thing with Will could be real didn’t feel possible. Maybe that was because the deal they’d made, about her temporary stop here, still stood. He knew, just as she did, that this was a temporary thing.
And perhaps that was as it should be. That they would make love once, memorably, and in a day or two, part ways as they’d always intended. Somehow, she’d forget him and the feelings rising in her, because all of this had just been like a link in a chain, with the rest of her life waiting on the other side of this moment in time. And it could never be more than that.
Reluctantly, Isabella slid out from beneath the weight of his arm, got up, and dressed quietly before heading downstairs. There was coffee brewing already on the counter, but no one was in the kitchen. She poured herself a cup and walked out onto the deck with the Cricket phone she’d bought yesterday in town. It was early in Seattle, still, so she decided to text Carrie instead of call. It was unlike her not to answer Isabella’s call last night, but maybe because it was a number she didn’t recognize, she’d ignored her call.
She texted, “Carrie, it’s Isabella. This is my new temp. phone #. Can u call me when u wake up?”
Almost instantly, her phone rang. Isabella answered it.
“Issa?”
“Carrie! Did I wake you? I’m so sorry.”
“No,” she said. “I’m awake. I’ve been awake most of the night, actually.”
So had she, but probably for different reasons. And there was a beeping sound in the background she couldn’t quite place. “Where are you? Is everything okay?”
“Um, well, yes. Sort of. I’m glad you called me. I wasn’t sure how to get hold of you.”
“I got a cheap phone in Marietta yesterday since I don’t have mine.”
“Marietta?” she echoed. “Montana?”
“That’s right. But you tell me first. What’s wrong?”
“We had a little scare yesterday. I’m… in the hospital.”
Isabella shot up off the porch swing and nearly stumbled into the potted red geraniums. “What? Did you have the baby? But it’s too early, isn’t it?”
“Too early, yes,” she affirmed. “And no, I didn’t. But I did go into premature labor. They were able to stop it, but they put me in here on bedrest. Which I’m apparently on for the rest of my pregnancy. They’re monitoring the baby for a bit before they send me home to bed.”
“Oh, Carrie, no!” She had breezed through her other two pregnancies without issue.
This was like a lightning strike out of the blue. Isabella curled her hands around the porch railing, sensing that that same lightning might have struck her, too.
“I’ll be fine. I really think I will. The baby will be fine. My mother, bless her heart, insisted on coming to stay with the kids so Deke could still go to work. And—”
“Of course, she did.”
“And so she could take care of us. Here’s the rub… she’s in the guest room. Probably for the duration. I know I invited you to stay with us, but I’m so sorry. I wish we had more—”
Yup. Lightning.“Don’t you dare apologize,” she ordered as her brilliant plan for her new future seemed to evaporate in a flash. “That baby and you, you’re all that matters. Don’t even worry about me.”
“I feel horrible. And in your hour of need.”
That sounded practically biblical. How pathetic was she that her best friend was worrying about her silly troubles while going through nearly losing a baby? “No. I’m fine. Really. Listen, that’s why I was calling. We made a pitstop in Montana at his ranch.”
“Whoa, wait. What? Whose ranch?”
She scanned the vast tract of land that surrounded the house. “Will’s.”
“Will’s?” she repeated. “You mean… the limo driver?”
“Yeah. That’s the one.”
“Hmm. So, this random limo driver, Will, also owns a ranch in Montana? He’s a cowboy-limo driver?”
“Uh-huh. And an ex-pro football player.” She had to admit, his life choices were diverse.
“Okay. You’re giving me a contraction here. Just kidding. What’s… going on?”
She lowered her voice. “It’s all good, really. Except we’re sort of pretending we’re together for his family’s sake, but—”
“Sort of pretending?”
Not exactly pretending.“Yeah. That’s another story. But he’s great. And kind. And he’s saved my sanity this past week and he… Carrie, he has these really… blue eyes.” She sat back down on the porch swing which gave a little creak.
“Uh-oh,” Carried breathed ominously through the phone.
“What, uh-oh?”
“Are you… are you Lamar Odem-ing with Will?”
“No! No, he didn’t want me to face an inquisition from his family about what happened. It’s nothing like that. He’s not… I’m not—Anyway, my point is, you don’t have to worry about me.”
“Now I am worried.”
“I’m just here until Lucille forwards my stuff to you and you get it to me. It’s… it’s a pit stop, is all. I already told Lucille to send my things to you. Have you gotten them yet?”
“Not as of yesterday. But when they come, I can have my mom forward them to you, though, when they arrive. Just text me an address. Are you sure you’re all right? I hate that I have to back out on you like this. And I really want you to come to Seattle. I miss you.”
“I’m fine. And that’s still my plan.” Maybe? “I’ll figure it out. Once I have my ID and credit cards, I can fly there and get an apartment or a hotel or something there until I find a job. Whenever I get my things.” A pain lodged behind her breast, quick and sharp at the thought of leaving him forever and ever, amen. “All you need to think about is that baby. All right?”
“Okay. Thanks for understanding. You be careful with Will. Don’t let him hurt you.”
“Don’t worry. And you stay horizontal. Take care of that baby and you.”
“I will. Love you.”
Isabella pressed a knuckle under her nose to keep from crying. “Love you back.” Quickly, she texted Carrie the Hard Eight’s address, then tucked her phone back in her pocket. This whole wedding/trip-idea for her future was snakebit. Staying with Carrie was out. Now what?
She curled into the porch swing, hugging her knees. She’d never felt more lost and at loose ends than she did at this very moment. What in the world was she going to do now?
“There you are.” Will’s voice came from the doorway.
Isabella jumped to her feet. Had he heard any of that?
“Oh. Hi!”
He was dressed and shaved, and looked as good as a man could look at this hour of the day. He was holding a cup of coffee.
He pushed through the screen door that creaked on its hinges. “I see you got coffee. I woke up and you were gone. Worried me a little.”
“I didn’t want to wake you.”
He sat down on the swing beside her. “Were you just talking to your friend in Seattle?”
He had overheard her. “Carrie. Yes. Everything’s… fine. She can’t wait to see me.” It was a lie.
She’d told a lie straight to his face, but she needed time to process this new information. Figure out a plan for the rest of her life. Had she made him come all this way for nothing? Was Seattle even still in her future? How could she even explain this to him?
He nodded. “That’s good. I guess.”
Wasit good? Was he relieved after last night that she’d be going soon?
“About last night—”
“We should talk about—” she said at the same time.
They both broke off, embarrassed.
“You go,” she encouraged.
He swallowed hard. “I hope you don’t feel like I took advantage of—”
“We’re both adults. I wanted it, too. And it was nice.”
“It was nice,” he said with an ironic smile. “Better than nice. For me at least. When I woke up and you were gone, I thought—”
“No, I just needed to make that call to catch Carrie up.” She took his hand and kissed his palm. “It was nice for me, too. But I’m not that girl who does things like that. I’ve never been a spontaneous… one-night stand kind of girl.”
“Is that what you think it was?” he asked, looking bothered.
“Well. Wasn’t it kind of that? I’m just saying, I wanted it, too. But we both know how this ends right? I go on to Seattle when I get my things, start my new life and you go back to Dallas, or… or you stay here with your family. And that will be that.” That was the deal. The only deal on the table. And she didn’t want to make him feel obligated to think it was anything else.
He opened his mouth to say something, but she spoke first.
“But I won’t regret last night,” she went on softly. “Ever. I won’t regret any part of this week with you.”
A muscle jumped in his jaw. “Neither will I.” He stared down at his coffee for a moment before taking a long sip, seeming to change his mind about what he’d been about to say. “You up for a ride? I want to show you the ranch.”