Chapter 38
38
POLLY
Hank is lying awake beside me in bed.
I know he’s awake because he’s not snoring. He snores like a chainsaw, but I always manage to sleep through it. But right now, it’s one in the morning, and he’s not snoring. His eyes are wide open, and he’s staring up at the ceiling. I can feel my hand throbbing beneath the bandage.
Hank and I have been through a lot. He’s been through a lot because of me. And this is one more thing.
I hope I didn’t break him.
I didn’t make him go down to the basement again after he collected her plate. Tegan had to use the bedpan, and I couldn’t ask him to help her do that. It wouldn’t be right. When I went down there, her hair was matted and clinging to her scalp, and she looked like she needed a good shower. She could barely look at me, and she didn’t answer when I asked her how she was doing. Trust me, I told her. This won’t be the worst thing that happens to you in your life.
Really, I’m doing her a huge favor. I’m giving her her life back. She won’t have to be a mother to a needy baby she doesn’t even want. And I’m giving Hank and me a chance at happiness.
Someday, your family will be complete.
Before, I used to hope and pray that my mother was right. But I’m tired of waiting for the universe to give me what I want. I’m going to make sure my mother’s words come true.
“Hey.” I run a hand over Hank’s bare chest, which is covered in a healthy layer of dark hair. “Are you okay?”
He rolls his head in my direction. “We need to talk.”
Uh-oh. No good conversation has ever started with those four words. “Okay…”
He turns the rest of his body so he’s facing me. It’s hard to see his eyes clearly in the dark room. “Why are you doing this?”
“Doing what?”
He grunts. “Stop it, Polly. Just tell me why.”
“I already told you. I’m trying to help her. They’re not going to take good care of her in the hospital.”
“Bullshit. Tell me the truth.”
He knows me too well. He can see through all my lies—well, most of them. “Tegan is so young, and she’s not even married. I’m not even sure if she knows who the baby’s father is. We would be so much better parents for that child.”
“Oh, Polly.” He brushes a strand of hair behind my ear. I take it down from the braid when I’m in bed—Hank is the only person who gets to see me with my hair down these days. “That’s never going to happen, you know.”
“You don’t know that,” I say stubbornly. “If you give me enough time, I can talk her into it. She and I can come to an understanding. We can help her.”
“Polly, she stabbed you with a fork today. She’s not giving you her baby.”
Tegan did stab me with a fork. That is true. But she was much nicer when I came down later to help her with the bedpan. That is to say she didn’t try to attack me. She even mumbled an embarrassed apology to me for having soiled her sheets.
“I want to try to convince her,” I say. “You agreed to give me three days. And if you don’t…”
“Don’t you threaten me.” He grits his teeth. “I told you I would give you three days, and I’m not going back on that. Besides, we already lied to the police. If you don’t make nice with that woman, she’ll have us both arrested for kidnapping.”
“I’ll make this right. You have to trust me.”
“How do you think this is going to work? You think you’re going to deliver that baby in our basement? Just show up at the pediatrician for a checkup with a random baby?”
I could deliver her baby—I’m sure of it. As for the pediatrician, I’ll figure out some story to tell her. “Let me worry about all that.”
Even in the dark, I can see the doubt on Hank’s face. He doesn’t trust me. He doesn’t think this is going to work out.
“Listen,” Hank says. “I think you should give Dr. Salinsky a call.”
I hate it when he says that. Why should I call my shrink? I’m happy for the first time in a while. I’m excited for our future together. All three of us. “I don’t need Dr. Salinsky,” I say through my teeth.
“You don’t have to tell her what’s going on. Just… I think you should call her.”
“Hank.” I trace the curve of his collarbone with the tip of my finger. “Don’t you get it? This girl could give us everything we’ve ever wanted. This girl could make our lives complete. Isn’t it worth taking a chance for that?”
“But I’ve already got everything I ever wanted.”
My husband can be so maddening sometimes. “Well, I don’t. And if you don’t think it’s worth trying to make our family complete, then I don’t even know what.”
“Polly…”
I’m done with this conversation though. If Hank is pretending he doesn’t want a child as badly as I do, then there’s no point in even talking to him. I grab the covers, pull them up to my chin, and roll over so that I’m turned away from him. His fingers are on my shoulder, but I don’t turn around.
“I need you to make this right, Polly,” he says.
I don’t answer him. I am going to make this right, but it’s not going to happen like he wants it to happen.
One way or another, I’m getting Tegan’s baby.