20. Fathers Orders
Adrik sat in his room, with a drink in his hands. A half-empty bottle of vodka rested on the nightstand beside him. The effects of the liquor were starting to make the room spin, and he enjoyed the numbness of his body. If he could function like this, he would be drunk for the rest of his life. All the thoughts in his head that blared with a red flashing light were now loose pieces of paper flying in the wind above him, and he had no desire to reach for them, to keep them in order, or to find solutions to each problem. He laughed instead, letting the wind blow away all of his stress.
He stood, and the world wobbled.
Adrik held onto the nightstand. With more focus than he should need, he made it out the door without hitting the wall and down the hallway. It was dark, with only a dim nightlight against the wall to guide him. His hand dragged across Helina”s door until he stood before Katia”s. He didn”t bother knocking. He pushed his way in and shut the door behind him.
Katia sat in bed, holding the blanket to her chest. The only light came from the backyard.
”What are you doing here?”
Adrik leaned back against the door, staying in the dark. It”s been a few years since he came into her room.
Resentment was impossible to quell as memories assaulted him.
They got married at eighteen and struggled with infertility for years. Adrik shared Katia”s bed every night till she was six months pregnant. He had known no other woman, staying loyal to her, helping her through emotional upheavals and uncontrollable fears when she thought the baby wouldn”t make it. He had been present at every doctor”s appointment. They had the beginnings of a beautiful family.
Until a simple text message on her phone made him realize she was cheating on him the entire time.
It shattered the future, shattered his heart and any chance at healing. And because of her actions, he hadn”t bonded with Helina when she was first born. He had to wait for a DNA test to confirm she was his. Only then did he allow himself to hold her. Two months of her life he missed out on because Katia couldn”t keep her legs shut. Her cheating not only denied him a future with a wife and daughter at his side. It denied him the ability to connect. He felt like he was holding someone”s kid for a long time. It wasn”t until she called him ”Papa” that the world righted itself, and he”d been addicted to Helina ever since, trying to make up for the years he was indifferent to her existence.
”Father wants another kid,” Adrik said, putting his hands in his pockets and resting his head against the door. He thought it would be possible to touch her if he drank enough to forget, but the memories were resurfacing like a sunken body that escaped its chains. He closed his eyes, swallowing.
This bedroom reminded him of their first night together. The bedsheets and furniture were the same. It was like entering a portal going back in time.
Her whimpers echoed in his ears.
Adrik had never forced himself on a woman. And Katia hadn”t fought him. But she didn”t want him, and it had been apparent how she trembled.
”You still beat yourself up.” She brought her legs into her chest. ”I”ve let it go. You should, too.”
He forced a bitter chuckle. He doubted she let anything go. Katia was a vengeful woman despite how hard she played perfection. ”I”m not a fucking…” He couldn”t even say the word. It was ridiculous, he knew. He killed, tortured, and did other horrible things, yet this gave him PTSD.
”You did what you had to. Just as I did.”
It was a different way to make rape sound less rape-y, but it didn”t fix it.
Katia straightened her back. ”But if you touch me now, I”ll fight you the whole fucking time.”
Adrik met her gaze. Her features were hardened, and there was a knife in her hand. She must be sleeping with it. He almost wanted to fight her just to fight. Maybe in the effort, he”d kill her, and then he wouldn”t have to fuck her.
”I”m not having another baby.”
”What am I going to tell my father?”
”I don”t give a shit. Tell him I”m barren. Tell him you can”t get it up. I don”t get you sometimes, Adrik. You act like such a badass, but then Daddy says something, and you become a little bitch.”
Adrik stepped forward, and she quickly moved to her knees, both hands on the hilt. He thought of how he”d snatch it out of her hand, press it against her neck, and make her regret ever challenging him.
”You should know by now he always gets his way.”
”You are more powerful than him.”
Adrik shook his head. ”That”s what he wants us to think.” Dizziness overcame him, and he stumbled back till he hit the door.
”You can”t fuck anyway. How much have you drunk?”
He couldn”t remember.
”I”ll pretend.” She lowered the knife back beneath the blanket. ”I”ll say something tomorrow about being up late. We can pretend.”
It sounded nice. And if it worked, that would be great. But it had to be convincing.
Adrik pulled his shirt over his head. Her eyes were wide, panicked. Despite how she said she would fight, if he attempted, she”d have to cave. It was part of the contract. She wanted to act like he was the only one who followed orders.
Adrik tossed his shirt on the floor.
Taking his lead, Katia got up and messed up the neatly made bed, pulling all the sheets into a big pile. With the cover of her nightgown, she pulled her panties off and left them on the floor. She looked at him, hoping that was enough.
”You better put on a good show. Or I”ll have to.”
She nodded, trembling.
Adrik stayed for five more minutes before he left, shutting the door. It was a relief and a brand-new stress all at once. He didn”t know if getting it over with was better. What would the punishment be if his father found out about his lie?
Adrik walked down the hallway, sluggish, with a hand on the wall to help keep him steady. His feet stopped of their own accord when his fingers dragged across Jolie”s door. He stared at the doorknob, imagining what would happen if he were to go inside. Would she welcome him to her bed? With a single touch, she”d heal all the damage inflicted on his soul. He”d be brand-new again, unsoiled by the sludge. She”d find the parts of him buried beneath his father”s world. He”d be different somehow in her hands. Better.
Adrik glanced behind him and found Katia standing in the doorway. She met his gaze, reading him in an instant. Katia knew what he was feeling even though he still wasn”t quite sure. She knew because she had felt it once.
Adrik realized then that she”d never forgive him for killing her lover. And in the unstable mess of his mind, he wondered what she would do to exact revenge.
Adrik turned away, too tired to think more of it.