The Designated Twin

15. Lucy’s Journal

Friday, March 19th - 9:21 am – In my bed still rocking morning breath

Idid it. I gave up my prince. God, is this what You wanted? To tease me with actual royalty and then rip it away from me? Ugh. I’m sorry.

I can’t blame You. Your plan is perfect and good and… Well, God. I’m struggling to actually believe that if I’m being honest. I’m so happy for my sister. Truly. She deserves everything that is good plus some.

I’m happy I can help her for once. I’m happy I can serve her adequately for once. But I’m still hurting. I crave a happily ever after. I crave the comforting arms of a man—of a true love. I dream up these worlds and romances, but I don’t have one for myself. When will it be my turn? Oh, God… I know I sound so selfish right now. My heart aches, though.

The pain of loneliness runs so deep in my veins. I can’t admit this out loud to anyone. I can only bring it to You. I can only ask You to fill me up. Please, God… fill me up. Make this hurt go away. Help me to look outward more. Oh! Gabriel just messaged me. THANK YOU, GOD.