23. Chapter 23
Chapter twenty-three
Once I emerged from the tunnel back inside the castle, I realized that I couldn’t go looking for Dey to heal me. He was with my father, and I didn’t want to explain to either of them how I ended up with a knife wound. I doubted anyone would believe me if I said I bumped into a shelf of daggers.
So I went in search of the only two people that I could trust. Thankfully, I ran into Cam right outside the castle.
“Princess!” he shouted, rushing over. He threw his arms around me for a quick hug that I suprisingly didn’t protest. “Wait, what is this?” He pulled his hand back to look at the blood coating it, and his eyes widened.
“Yeah, I was coming to find you or Ram. I was hoping you could help.”
“Of course. Come, sit,” he said, leading me over to a bench. “Unfortunately, I am not the best healer. Ram is somewhat better, but he is on the king’s guard duty today. Let me see what I can do.” He paused as he moved to look at my back. “Apologies, Princess. I am sorry, but I need access to the wound, and your… Well, your tunic is in the way.”
I looked over my shoulder, and I could have sworn I saw a blush on Cam’s dark skin. “Can’t you work around it?” I pleaded. “Dey was able to heal me with my clothes on when I almost died.”
“Dey is a much stronger healer, Princess. I would be happy to fetch him for you.” Cam took a step back toward the castle, but I grabbed his hand.
“Wait. It’s fine. I don’t want to see Dey right now.” I chewed on my options. “Can you just cut the tunic a little?”
“I can try.” He unsheathed a dagger from his belt, and I felt a gentle tug as he sliced through the fabric.
I clenched my teeth when several stuck fibers pulled free of the wound, but a soothing warmth seeped into my shoulder blade, and the pain receded almost instantaneously. I slumped forward, exhausted from holding my body tight for so long. “Thanks, Cam. You're a lifesaver.”
He held out a hand for me. “The blood still needs to be cleaned off, and I have a short break before I need to report back. If you want to come down to the cottage I can assist you.”
I took his hand and stood slowly, shifting my back around a bit to test how everything felt. No pain. No stiffness. It was like it never happened. Perfect. Now if I could just get cleaned up before anyone saw me, I might get out of this whole nightmare with a shred of dignity intact. “Sounds great. Thanks.”
We made our way into the orchard, and Cam managed to stay quiet for all of thirty seconds. “So are you going to tell me what happened?”
I sighed. “Sin happened.”
Cam stopped abruptly. “Sin hurt you?”
I briefly contemplated the safest explanation. “Not exactly. It was mostly my fault.”
“I see. Because you stabbed yourself in the back?” he asked suspiciously.
“Yeah, something like that. Can we just drop it? I need to get cleaned up, grab Sin’s sword, and get back to the arena within an hour. So I sort of need to hurry.”
Cam held the door open for me as I stepped into his cottage. Rather than the two bedroom home I had expected, the interior was all one spacious open area with four sturdy pillars in the center, and two single beds flanked by small wardrobes off to the right. There was a brick hearth on the back wall with a bulky cooking pot in front of it and smaller pots stacked messily off to the side. A table sat off to the left of the room with a few cabinets behind it along with two metal chests.
It would have been one of the cutest cabins I’d ever seen if it weren’t for the assortment of dirty clothes, boots, weapons, and books that covered every surface in the room. Definitely a bachelor pad.
Cam walked over to the cabinet by the table and pulled out a pitcher of water, a small basin, and a handful of towels.
“Over here,” he said, gesturing for me to take a seat at the table. “We do not have hot running water so this might be a little cold.” He paused. “You will need to remove your tunic.”
I cursed myself for assuming he would have a shower. I trusted Cam and yet…
“I can hand you a blanket,” he added at my hesitation. “My only intentions are to clean your wound, Princess.”
“It’s not that. It’s… Just promise you won’t say anything.”
Cam frowned. “Say anything about what?”
“My back. Just don’t say anything at all. To anyone.”
He placed a hand across his chest solemnly. “I would never betray your confidence, Princess.”
Resigning myself to the inevitable, I took a seat in the chair facing away from him and pulled off my tunic.
There was no mistaking his choking noise for anything other than dismay. I should be used to it by now, but the reminder still hurt every time.
Thankfully, he kept silent as he poured water into the tub and wet the cloth. He ran it over my back, and I suppressed a shiver at the cool touch.
The silence started to eat at me as I waited awkwardly while he cleaned up my wound. “So, don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s a little weird talking to you without Ram around. I feel like you guys should have teased me at least four or five times by now.”
Cam let out a sardonic laugh. “My brother certainly likes to find the fun in life. It can be very infectious at times. When I am alone, though, I am a bit more… reserved, I suppose.”
I thought back to the few times I’d spent with them. He wasn’t wrong. Ram was definitely more outgoing, but Cam was an idiot if he thought he wasn’t also amazing. “Well, I honestly think you’re both great,” I said, not liking the slightly sad tone I’d heard in his voice. Jenn had always been the fun one between the two of us, and I knew the hint of resentment that could build from that.
He tossed the bloody rag on the table when he was done, and I cringed at how much red was on it. I knew the dagger was sharp, but it hadn’t felt that painful at the time. I guess I had been more lost in the feeling of Sin’s body pressed against mine than I realized.
“Are you all right, Princess?” Cam asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said, getting to my feet. “Just didn’t realize the cut was that deep.”’
“It was likely a fenite dagger then. It is the same metal that Sin’s sword is made of.” He hesitated, then added quietly, “It is the same metal they used for the Sonaria.”
I shuddered, thinking back to the awful feeling that had slithered under my skin when I had been near the dungeons. If fenite prevented healing, then no wonder the small jab bled so much.
“I should probably get going,” I said, breaking the uncomfortable silence. “I need to drag that sword back to the arena before Sin freaks out again. Any chance you have a shirt I could borrow? Preferably a non-bloody one?”
Cam chuckled. “Yes. I think I can find something for you.”
He pulled a tan tunic from the wardrobe on the right and handed it to me. It was practically a dress with how big it was, but at least I wouldn’t be making a scene wandering through the castle in my bra.
“Thanks,” I said, heading to the front door with Cam close behind me.
“I will escort you back to the castle, Princess. I am due to relieve Ram soon anyway.”
We left the small cottage behind and made our way back to the front entrance. When we hit the glittering courtyard, Cam gestured to the left. “I need to go this way. Take care of yourself, Princess. Do not let Sin push you around. As they say in your world, he is all bark and no bite.”
Images of the kiss flashed through my mind. The rough way he had pushed me against the rack of daggers.
“He definitely has bite,” I muttered under my breath as I left Cam and headed off to collect Sin’s sword.
“Here’s your damn sword,” I huffed, tossing the heavy weapon at Sin’s feet.
He looked up from where he lounged on a bench in the arena, the picture of calm and collected with his legs crossed and his arms folded behind his head.
“Why do you even have a fenite sword?” I demanded.
“It was a gift.”
“And?” I pressed, refusing to give up. There was no way he actually fought with that thing just because it was a gift.
“And it is very useful in battle,” he replied. “I have become somewhat desensitized to the painful effects of fenite over the years.”
It was honestly more than I expected him to share, and I seized the chance to keep him talking.
“Have you fought in a lot of battles?” I asked, regretting the question the moment I started imagining Sin shirtless on a battlefield, his chest gleaming with sweat as he cut down his enemies.
“Just the one,” he said simply, getting to his feet. “And no, I’m not going to talk about it.”
“Fine. So are we going to talk about what happened earlier then?” I asked, hoping to provoke some kind of response. I hated this new cold Sin. I hadn’t even realized how much I had enjoyed bickering with him.
“No,” he replied firmly.
“No?”
“No.”
“And I don’t get a say?”
“No,” he reiterated, turning back toward the hallway that surrounded the arena.
“So that’s it?” I shouted to his retreating back, equal parts annoyed and disappointed. “We pretend like nothing happened except now you keep to one word sentences? Look, it was a stupid mistake, and you were just reacting in the moment. You’ve made it very clear you don’t feel anything for me, and I’m fine with that. So can we just go back to normal?”
Sin paused at a door, and I hurried up behind him. Glancing over his shoulder, I saw a room full of metal bars and round balls of increasing size that filled the racks throughout the room.
A weight-lifting gym then. Lovely.
“You’ll start in here to build up your muscles,” he said, still refusing to face me. “Start by lifting the smallest ones. When you’re done, run ten laps around the arena for stamina. Get some food afterward, then come find me in the barracks at the back of the castle.”
He turned to leave, but I caught his arm, refusing to let him walk away. “Sin, you said you were actually going to train me today.”
“I can’t train you when you’re this weak,” he stated, all of the earlier passion missing from his hard face. “Anything I teach you would likely just get you killed in the forest if you attempted it. You’re better off trying to improve your overall strength and endurance for now.”
He yanked his arm out of my grip and headed toward the stairs. At the base of the first step he paused, reached into his pocket, and tossed me a thin black cord. “To keep your hair out of your eyes.” Then he was gone.
I clutched the small bit of leather in my hand and leaned back against the wall. I hadn’t thought he noticed or even cared that I was struggling with my unbound hair. Was this just Cennux Dreisin following best practices for training, or something else?
Frustrated, I dragged the smallest weight I could find over to a bench. Maybe I was just trying to see something in Sin that wasn’t there. I’d been sleepwalking through my life for so long, of course I’d be drawn to someone who was so intensely alive. Didn’t mean he felt the same.
Still, I’d do what he asked if only in hopes it might fix things between us. At the end of the day, he was my only chance to learn anything useful.
I struggled my way through a couple bicep curls, but even the lowest weight was almost more than my pitiful arms could handle. I sighed, dropping the hunk of metal to the floor with a thud.
Maybe Sin was right. Maybe this was all just a huge waste of time.
I lifted weights for as long as I could, then started on my laps. I made it less than one loop before I was huffing and puffing, but it was a start at least.
Dragging my ass back to the castle, I decided to skip lunch in lieu of an obscenely long shower. I felt a little bad about all the magic being used, but I couldn't resist lingering under the hot spray, enjoying how the heat poured over my skin. Back home, I always had to rush my showers in order to keep the water bill low.
Clean once more, I collapsed onto the bed, not even caring that my wet hair was soaking my pillow. I just needed a short rest, then I’d go see what pointless plans Sin had for the afternoon.
I must have dozed off because the next thing I registered was soft hands caressing my back, and fingers running through my long hair. The ministrations felt heavenly, and I snuggled deeper into the blankets, content to enjoy the delightful dream.
My eyes popped open as reality crashed into me. Kiahna and Niahna pulled their hands away when I shot up in bed.
“Shit!” I swore, rushing to the window. Sure enough, both suns were on their descent. I slept the entire afternoon away, and Sin was going to kill me.
I sank back onto the bed, and Kiahna began brushing my hair again as Niahna selected a purple sleeveless dress with blue paneling from the oversized wardrobe.
I was debating abandoning the sisters to go find Sin to apologize, when Dey rapped his knuckles on my door and stepped inside. He spoke to the females in Rivellan, then Kiahna stopped brushing my hair, and they briskly exited the room.
“Princess, I wanted to talk to you,” he said, lowering himself onto my bed a fair distance away from me. “I know what happened today. I do not need all the details, but I do have one question.”
“Uh, ok,” I replied, completely clueless as to why he was so solemn.
He straightened his tunic, steadying himself, then asked, “Do you love him?”
I blinked at him. “What? No,” I sputtered. How did he even hear about me and Sin?
“It is okay if you do,” Dey said wearily, folding his hands in his lap. “I know that I have not proven myself worthy of you.”
I jumped up, staring at him in disbelief. “Dey, I have no clue where you got this idea that I’m in love with him, but it was one kiss. And it was a huge mistake.”
Pain swam in Dey’s amber eyes. “You do not need to spare me. I know that it was much more than a kiss. I just hope that you and Cam are happy together.”
“Wait, what?” I took a step back. “Did you say Cam? You think I slept with Cam?”
Dey’s face crinkled in confusion. “Of course. Who else would I be talking about?”
“I thought you meant Sin!”
“Sin?!” Dey leapt to his feet, eyes blazing. “You slept with Sin?”
“No!” I threw up my hands in exasperation. “I didn’t sleep with anyone.”
“Then why did a servant tell me that they saw Cam sneak you into his cottage, and you were wearing his tunic when you left?”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” I swore. “Everyone in this damn castle needs to mind their own freaking business.” I took a deep breath, trying to reign in my frustration. “I got injured earlier in the weapons room. Sin said he wasn’t a very good healer, so I found Cam. We only went to his cottage to clean off the blood, and I borrowed his tunic for the walk back to my room. That’s all.”
“You did not have sex with Cam?” Dey asked, cautious optimism on his face.
“No! I adore Cam, but it’s not like that.”
Dey collapsed onto the bed, his entire body sagging with relief.
I perched on the edge of my dresser, crossing my arms. “It wouldn’t matter if I had though. You don’t have any claim over me.”
“I know that, Princess,” he replied softly. “I can still hope that someday that will change.”
I grabbed the discarded brush and began raking it through my tangles. “I don’t know if that will happen, Dey. It’s hard enough for me to even consider being friends with you right now given your opinion on humans.”
He leaned forward eagerly. “So teach me. Explain to me why you believe humans are worth defending so vigorously.”
I continued to fight with the rat’s nest on my head and thought about what Jo said earlier. That I should give them a chance. I didn’t know about the whole of Rivella, but I guess I could give Dey a shot. “Okay. We can start over.” A smile blossomed across his face, and I quickly clarified, “As friends.”
Dey chuckled and got to his feet. “In that case, I will leave you to prepare for dinner. Perhaps this evening I might escort you?”
“Sure,” I agreed. “Why not?”
He stepped toward the door but halted abruptly and turned back around. “Princess…” he said, his eyes narrowing. “What exactly happened with Sin that you assumed I was referring to him before?”
Crap. I really hoped he had forgotten about that.
Focusing intently on a particularly nasty tangle in my hair, I said, “Ummm… Sin and I sort of… kissed. In the weapons room.”
The stony silence was a palpable weight in the air, then my door swung open violently, slamming into the opposite wall. I looked up in time to see Dey disappear.
“Shit,” I cursed, leaping to my feet to run after him.
Dey must have the speed of a cheetah because he was already at Sin’s room before I was halfway down the hall.
“Dreisin!” he shouted, pounding heavily on the door. He rattled the knob and when it didn’t open, I thought he might yank the door right off the hinges.
I had never seen this side of him before. This was bad. This was very, very bad.
The door flew open just as I arrived behind Dey. Sin stood there, freshly showered and pulling on his long black tunic. He barked something in Rivellan at Dey, and to my horror, Dey responded by punching him squarely in the face.
Sin went down hard, and Dey stalked into the room.
“Dey!” I screeched. “What the hell are you doing?” I lunged forward, but he kicked the door shut behind him, and I heard the loud thunk of a lock slamming into place.
Oh God. They were going to kill each other, and I couldn’t do a thing to stop it.
I pressed an ear to the door as Sin and Dey shouted at each other in Rivellan. All I could hear after that was the sound of fists contacting flesh, and I winced as a loud crash thundered inside the room.
I started banging on the door frantically, screaming, “Dey! Sin! Stop this!” A pained cry rang out from the room, and I was pretty sure it was Dey that time.
I kicked at the door, but it barely moved under my feeble attempt. A feeling of guilt and worthlessness swept over me and my knees buckled. As my throat started to seize up on me, I collapsed hard onto the stone floor. The impact barely registered, though, as I struggled to take in even a single breath. Panic crushed my lungs in a vice grip I was helpless to break through. I tried to cry out again, to beg them to stop, but the words wouldn’t come.
I never should have told Dey about the kiss. Hell, I never should have kissed Sin to begin with. They were hurting each other, and it was all my fault.
My fault. My fault. My fault.
The words ricocheted through my brain, growing louder and louder, until they were screaming inside my skull.
“Please,” I croaked out weakly. My entire body strained as my lungs spasmed with sharp inhales, unable to pull the oxygen any further than my lips. “I’m begging you,” I wheezed. “Please stop fighting.”
The noises inside the room ceased as a familiar cloud of black started to roll over my vision. Someone yanked the door open, and I fell backward, my head slamming into the floor.
I barely recognized the two males hovering above me. A nasty gash over Sin’s now swollen left eye dripped blood down the side of his face, and his jaw looked awkwardly out of place. Shredded strips of Dey’s tunic were all that remained, and a dagger-sized chunk of wood stuck out of his chest.
Both males dropped to the floor at my side, and Sin grabbed me first, hauling my slack body into his lap. Dey reached for my arms to pull me over to him, but Sin curbed the action with a harsh word in Rivellan.
“What is wrong, Princess?” Dey asked, yanking the wooden shard from his chest.
“She’s having a damn panic attack,” Sin stated as if it was painfully obvious. “She doesn’t have her medication.”
I briefly wondered how he even knew about my pills, but then Dey’s hands cupped my face, and my entire field of vision was filled with him.
“Let me help you,” he pleaded. “Just like last time. I can fix you.”
“She’s not broken,” Sin argued. “She just needs to work through it.”
“No, she needs me to help her,” Dey shot back.
“Keep your grubby powers out of her brain!” Sin shouted, his outrage echoing loudly through the hall. “She doesn’t need you messing with her head.”
“And she does need you?” The thinly-veiled threat underneath his words hung in the air as I struggled to regain control of my breathing.
Sin’s response was in their language, and whatever he said caused Dey to press pause on his anger. Eventually, he bit out a single Rivellan word.
The floor dropped away as I was lifted up and cradled against Sin’s chest. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around his neck. He still smelled like the ocean, but underneath it was the coppery tang of fresh blood. Tilting my face to look at him, I watched as the gash over his eye sealed itself up, the swelling visibly dissipating.
Guilt was plastered across his face as he whispered, “Just breathe, Fea Remia. Just focus on your breath. In and out. You can do it.”
I closed my eyes, trying to do as he said, but I couldn’t force the air down.
My body jostled in his arms slightly as we ascended a flight of stairs. More than one by the feel of it.
A gentle breeze hit my face, and my eyes shot open. We were outside, on top of one of the turrets, and the sky was on fire with clouds blazing orange, red, and purple. I took in a sharp inhale at the beautiful sunset, and to my shock, the oxygen filled my lungs.
Sin carefully set me on my feet but maintained his hold around my arms, keeping me steady as my legs shook.
He rotated me slowly, and the ocean came into view. The mist glowed with the flaming light of the setting suns in a glorious display of exploding color. A breeze ruffled through my hair, and I couldn’t tell if I was scenting Sin or the actual ocean. I didn’t care either way. The smell of fresh salty air surrounded me, and the tightness in my chest began to ebb, my heartbeat slowing to a reasonable pace.
I noticed Sin staring at me cautiously, as if afraid I might shatter in his arms. I took a deep breath, relishing the cool air as it coated my lungs and hazarded a smile at him.
He smiled back, the first genuine smile I had seen on his face, and I did shatter then. Every ounce of anger and frustration I felt toward him burst into countless glittering shards, and I knew I would do anything he asked, run a million miles or lift a thousand pounds of weight, if it meant he would keep smiling at me like that.
A cough sounded over his shoulder, and the smile dropped away as storm clouds rolled over his face once again.
I pulled myself from his arms, my legs feeling steady enough to stand on their own and glanced over to see Dey glaring at Sin from against the wall of the turret, his arms crossed, muscles still tight with anger.
Sin gave me one last lingering look, then left down the stairs, muttering something in Rivellan to Dey as he passed.
I cautiously approached Dey and placed my hand over his chest where a rip in his blood-stained tunic was the only remaining evidence of the injury.
“You’re healed,” I said quietly, not ready to look him in the eye yet.
“Yes,” he replied, his arms relaxing to his sides. “I am a fast healer. That was not our first fight, nor will it be the last.”
“But it was the first fight you had over me.” I forced myself to meet the pained expression on his face. “I don’t belong to either of you, Dey. I’m not staying here longer than a few more weeks. You shouldn’t be fighting over me.”
“I know, Princess,” he said, caressing my shoulders. “I know that you are not mine. Sin told me that he kissed you in the heat of the moment and that it was a mistake, but the thought of his lips on yours…” Dey swallowed roughly. “Sin is not who you think he is. And he had no right to touch you.”
My mouth opened to correct him. To tell him that I kissed Sin, not the other way around. Before I could get anything out, Dey put two fingers to my lips.
“You do not need to apologize,” he said, misreading my thoughts. “I should not have reacted in such a way. I am displeased that you saw me like that. I do still hope that I can be better for you.”
We stayed like that for little more than a few seconds, then he pulled back and straightened. “Stay up here as long as you like. The setting suns are quite magnificent. I will have the servants bring dinner to your chambers. King Verren will understand.”
He placed a chaste kiss on my forehead, then headed back down the stairs.
I don't know how long I stayed there, staring out over the calm blue waters of the ocean. I imagined hopping on one of the small boats and disappearing into the mist, leaving all of my troubles behind me.
It would be pointless to escape, though.
Not even the suffocating fog that hovered just beyond the bay would be enough to save me from myself.