The Discerning Gentleman’s Guide

Chapter Twenty-Three

Under certain circumstances a foreign wife is permissible. It is never appropriate, however, to entertain an American. Not only is their lineage sullied with impurities, they also harbour some worryingly Revolutionary tendencies...

H e had failed to return home for dinner and Amelia was in no mood to sit with his family and pretend that nothing whatsoever was wrong. They had been understanding when she had excused herself and she had gratefully fled back up to the quiet battlements, where she could worry about him in private. A few minutes ago she had heard the unmistakable sounds of his horse returning but, like a coward, she had not gone downstairs to greet him because she was too frightened of what he would say.

‘I thought I might find you up here.’ He was smiling, a huge relief, considering, and was delightfully windswept still, and rumpled from his prolonged ride. Despite her better judgement, Amelia rushed towards him and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist, burying her face in his waistcoat.

‘I have been worrying about you.’ So much that she couldn’t think straight. ‘Why were you gone so long?’ All the tears she had been holding back trickled over her cheeks afresh.

‘Don’t cry, love.’ His arms came about her and he rested his chin on the top of her head. ‘I was in no fit state to come home. So I rode.’

‘I had no idea my father was coming here.’

‘And I had no idea that your father was a peer, so I suppose we are equal. Why didn’t you tell me that Bray was your father? I would have done something about it.’

The ‘it’ Amelia presumed he was referring to was her past. ‘The damage was done a long time ago. I try to forget about him.’

‘Well, I dare say questions will be asked now. Especially after my spectacular bout of public violence. I am still not sorry that I hit him, in case you were wondering. If I had a pistol, I would have shot him and been done with it. The man deserves nothing less. Lovett says that I thoroughly broke his nose, though, so that gives me some comfort.’ His own nose was nuzzling into the sensitive space between her ear and her shoulder, reminding her of the intoxicating effect he had on her body. ‘But I still want to kill him.’

‘That is very noble of you. Please don’t. I would hate to see you hang for someone so insignificant.’ His lips had found the shell of her ear and he nipped the soft flesh with his teeth.

‘Lie with me tonight, Amelia.’

‘That is probably not a good idea.’

‘Maybe.’ He tilted her face to his, his eyes so intense and so full of wanting that she found herself drowning in them. ‘But I am so tired of feeling lonely. Tonight, let me be just Ben. Your Ben...please.’

She answered him with a kiss because she was incapable of saying no. Even though their situation was hopeless, she still wanted one night, still needed the comfort only he could bring. Amelia sighed against his mouth and allowed her fingers to weave a lingering trail through his hair. He was right. All of the obstacles between them would still be waiting for them in the morning, but tonight she did not care. ‘Take me to bed, Ben.’

Wordlessly, he took her hand and led her back down the narrow spiral staircase, stopping halfway down to kiss her again, before leading her down a maze of dimly lit passageways and up another, even narrower, spiral staircase that went up and up. Eventually, they arrived at a heavy wooden door. Once he pushed it open, the room beyond was round.

‘Are we in the turret?’ The idea was so ridiculously romantic, yet so geographically impractical that it made her smile and he appeared delightfully sheepish as he nodded.

‘When I was a boy, I had a wooden bow and arrow which I loved. I was convinced that I was one of the knights of old and that it was my solemn pledge to protect the imaginary queen who lived up here. I kept disappearing at all hours of the day and night, so one day my mother and Uncle George moved my bedchamber here, so that I could protect the castle at all times if we came under siege.’

‘Very sensible.’ Amelia tried not to let her nerves get the better of her as he closed the solid oak door behind them and turned the heavy key in the lock.

‘For privacy,’ he said, looking suddenly worried that she might misconstrue his intention. ‘You are not a prisoner.’ For good measure, he clasped his hands behind his back and looked pained.

Amelia giggled then at the ridiculousness of it all. She had consented to be here and he had asked her to come yet, now they were here, the gravity of what they had come here to do made the atmosphere tense. It was all so ludicrous and awkward. Neither of them quite knew what to say to make it less so. Her laughter seemed to ease the tension and she was hugely relieved when he joined in. He unclasped his hands and brought them in front of him, staring at them in irritation.

‘It is a nervous habit. I am trying very hard to be less stodgy.’

‘I quite like the stodgy. It is endearing.’

He reached out and took both her hands, tugging her closer. ‘You should probably know that you are the first woman that I have ever brought here. I usually visit...um...’ He was beginning to blush and Amelia could not help teasing.

‘When you visit what? Other ladies? Brothels? Your mistress?’

‘No brothels.’ He took a step towards her. ‘And no mistress. Not any more.’ He took another step to bring his hips flush with hers and she saw the light of passion begin to simmer in his gaze. ‘In fact, my lovely Amelia, there has not been anyone in quite some time.’

Amelia enjoyed the sensation of smoothing her flattened palms over his broad chest until they came to rest on his shoulders. ‘In the spirit of honesty, then, you should probably know that there has never been anyone. Ever.’

His Adam’s apple bobbed nervously and he stared at her for several long seconds. ‘Then you honour me, Amelia.’

His kiss was achingly gentle. His hands settled on her hips and did not move while he placed tender open-mouthed kisses along her jawbone and then slowly down her neck. Impatient, she pushed his coat off his shoulders and he watched in amusement as she undid the buttons of his waistcoat with slightly shaking fingers. Beneath her palms, she could feel the heat of his skin through the thin linen of his shirt, but when she attempted to untuck it from the waistband of his breeches so that she could plunge her hands beneath that unwanted barrier, he held her at arm’s length.

‘I will not let you hurry me. We have all night and I fully intend to thoroughly enjoy every single moment.’

With hooded eyes and painfully slow fingers, he carefully plucked each of the pins from her hair until it hung to her waist. To torture her further, he picked up a heavy lock and wound it around his hand before he kissed her again. ‘I did not know until recently that I preferred brunettes.’ He trailed his lips across her collarbone and then back up to her face. ‘And beautiful brown eyes.’

Amelia felt his hands drift to the laces at the back of her dress, felt the bow at the base of her neck come undone, and then her tight bodice loosened as the laces slid effortlessly from their eyelets. Every part of her body began to tingle with awareness when he stood back again to watch as he bared her shoulders to his intense gaze. The fabric pooled at her waist, so it seemed appropriate to shimmy out of it; however, Amelia now felt self-consciously exposed, standing in nothing but her plain shift and half-corset.

Once again, he unlaced the small garment slowly and let it drop to the floor. His eyes drank her in, lingering at the swell of her breasts rising from the top of what was left of her clothing, before he stepped forward and scooped her up into his arms as if she weighed nothing at all. He kissed her deeply again, then strode to the bed. She managed to kick off her slippers before he lowered her onto the counterpane and slowly rolled off her stockings one by one and tossed them on the floor.

When his fingers went to the ties of her shift Amelia experienced a ripple of excitement, closely followed by a moment of fear. As the candles were all still glowing softly, he obviously intended to see her completely naked, and that was something that she had never been in front of anyone.

‘Wait.’ His fingers paused at her neckline and Amelia licked her lips awkwardly. If she was about to be naked, she certainly did not wish to be the only naked person in the room. ‘Perhaps you should take off your shirt first?’

Without taking his eyes off her, he grabbed the bottom of the linen and pulled it up and off in one fluid motion. The sight of his bare skin, the shape of his intriguing male muscles and the unexpected dusting of golden hair across his abdomen and chest rendered her speechless. Without thinking, she reached out one trembling hand to touch him and experienced a moment of feminine triumph when she felt his heart begin to hammer beneath her palm. It was empowering.

Rising up onto her knees, Amelia began to explore his torso, first with her fingers and then with her lips. She heard his breathing become heavier, more erratic, but he did nothing to stop her. Only when her hand reached the waistband of his breeches did he take control again, but he allowed her to unbutton his falls while he undid her shift, before he pulled back again.

The bulge in his lap magically held his trousers up and held her transfixed. She was beyond curious to see what lay beneath that tented fabric and her open curiosity made him smile.

‘You first,’ he said, gesturing to her shift with a flick of his eyes, and then promptly crossed his magnificent arms over his magnificent chest and waited for her to comply. Feeling suddenly bold, she slowly slid the straps of her shift off her shoulders and allowed the fabric to fall far enough that it rested on the crest of her bosom. She gave him a knowing look beneath her lashes and heard him chuckle. ‘Minx.’

One of his hands came forward and gave the soft muslin a tug, exposing her pert nipples to his eyes, and she watched them widen. The blue irises darkened further when she raised herself up onto her haunches and brazenly pushed the flimsy fabric over her hips, watching his gaze follow the journey intently until it rested on the dark curls at the apex of her thighs. She could tell that he liked what he saw. His eyes came back up to her breasts and then returned to her face and he licked his lips and swallowed.

‘I believe that it is your turn now...Ben.’

Satisfyingly, a muscle twitched in his jaw as he fought to maintain his control, but then he grinned wolfishly. ‘Help yourself.’ He saw her hesitation and purposely folded his arms across his chest again. ‘I dare you.’

Amelia had never been one to shy away from a challenge and she was almost squirming in her desperation to see him completely nude. She forced her hands to work slowly as she pushed the buckskin down over his hips, openly staring at the intriguing golden hair that appeared first, until his manhood sprang free, so hard and so much bigger than she had anticipated. Boldly, she traced the shape of it, marvelling at the heat and the smoothness until he growled, hauled her into his arms and sent her toppling backwards onto the bed.

From then on his onslaught was relentless. He kissed and nibbled every inch of her skin, avoiding her breasts and that intimate triangle of hair. The more he tortured her body, the more those parts cried out to be touched. Amelia pushed her breasts towards his mouth time and time again, and each time he found somewhere else to nip and tease until she was writhing on the mattress. ‘Please!’ She had no idea what she was asking for and she could tell that the wretch was openly enjoying the effect he was having. ‘Ben—please! Touch me.’

‘Where?’ he asked with feigned innocence and then trailed his lips over the undersides of her breasts, then, inch by painful inch, he continued upwards until she did not think she could stand it any more. As his mouth finally closed over her taut nipple, she moaned and arched upwards, the pleasure was so intense. So perfect.

Once he had fully worshipped one breast, he turned all of his attention on the other while she raked her hands through his hair and made noises that she could not quite believe came from her. By the time his fingers wound a lazy path towards her most secret place, she welcomed them gratefully, allowing her legs to fall wantonly open. Amelia groaned as he gently explored the soft folds, and then almost screamed when his finger circled a part of her body that she had not known existed.

‘Oh, Ben.’ Her words came out on a sigh as she surrendered to his touch. Over and over again he teased that aching bud, staring down at her face as he did, so intently that it made her feel beautiful. When her body began to tense and her hips began to buck, he plunged his fingers inside her. Lights exploded behind her eyes and for a second or two she actually thought that she might die from the sheer bliss of it all. And then she experienced the most tremendous rush of pure, intense relief and floated back down to earth completely boneless.

‘You look smug.’ He did. Delightfully so and Amelia could not even muster the strength to cover her nakedness.

‘I am smug. And you are perfect.’ He shifted his body slightly so that the male part of him rested insistently against her stomach. Without thinking, Amelia moved to accommodate his hips and looped her arms languidly around his shoulders.

‘Are you going to show me what happens next?’

‘Only if you want me to. It might hurt, I’m afraid.’

‘Will it feel as good as that just did?’

‘I hope so. Eventually. Perhaps better.’ His teeth had found the soft part of her ear again and already she could feel her body begin to reawaken. Unconsciously, she tilted her hips upwards and felt his hardness nudge at her entrance.

Amelia raked her nails gently down his spine and brought them to rest on his deliciously rounded, firm buttocks. ‘Go on, then.’

So he did. With a look of intense concentration, he carefully pushed inside her. From the outset, she welcomed his intrusion, enjoying the sense of completeness at being so intimately fused with this wonderful man. The muscles of his abdomen were clenched so tightly, the tension in his big body so extreme that she knew that he was holding himself back for her. When he reached the barrier of her virginity he paused and rested his forehead against hers in apology. Instinct made her wrap her legs tightly about his hips. ‘Please, Ben,’ she whispered next to his ear. ‘I want this.’

With a sigh of acceptance, he pushed through, screwing his eyes shut tightly so that he did not have to see her wince at the unexpectedly sharp, but brief, pain. Her own body tensed and she forced herself to relax. As soon as he began to move, she knew that everything would be all right. Because being joined with him, filled with him, was the most wonderful feeling in the world.

Bennett felt like a brute. She was so small and tight, yet so trusting and eager, and he was so big and clumsy. But then she opened her eyes and gazed up into his and he saw nothing but desire and pleasure in them. She wanted him and she wanted this. Emboldened, he began to move quicker and, to his complete delight, she moaned her encouragement loudly. When he thrust into her deeper, her hips came up to meet his enthusiastically and she clawed at his back, wrapping her lovely legs even tighter about his waist and writhed and cried out his name. There was nothing reserved or proper or awkward in what they were doing, only rightness. His body had been made to fit with hers perfectly, as if they were both created to be together like this. When he felt her body tighten and pulse around him, he gave up trying to be gentle and clamoured hungrily for his own release. All the while she urged him on, meeting him thrust for thrust until he lost the ability to think about anything except the way it felt to be buried deep inside her. Fused with her, almost as if he was a part of her. Meant to be. Perfect. His climax came out of nowhere and stunned him; on a guttural cry he spilled inside her. And then he collapsed into the warm comfort of her arms and buried his face in her neck.

Undone. Unravelled and changed irrevocably.

* * *

‘Why did your father disown you?’ She was curled against his chest contentedly, but Bennett had to know. They had been avoiding this conversation for most of the night and in the morning he had to travel back to London.

She shifted slightly so that she could prop her head on her elbow and absently trailed a finger down his stomach. ‘My mother was American and an heiress. By the time she met my father, she was all alone in the world. He had gone to America to find himself a wealthy wife and she was the most obvious candidate. She was young, beautiful and impressionable and hopelessly impressed with his title, and he can be quite charming when he puts his mind to it. To begin with, he was happy with his choice but, after she had me, my mother found it difficult to carry another child. Like all of the aristocracy, my father needed a son and became more and more frustrated by her inability to provide him with one. After a while, he bitterly resented her. We were both shipped out of the house in Mayfair and sent to live in Cheapside when I was twelve. My mother was convinced it was a temporary separation, but my father had quite different ideas. He had her money, but he no longer wanted her, and I believe he even considered divorce. From then on I saw less and less of him. I didn’t mind that. I had never really had that much to do with him anyway, but it destroyed my mother. She spent every hour of every day blaming herself for his disinterest. Then her physical health deteriorated too.’

Her hand stilled on his stomach and a faraway look came into her eyes. ‘The War of 1812 gave my father the perfect opportunity to be rid of her. As soon as England went back to fighting with the Americans, my father applied for an annulment. By then, my mother’s place in society was well and truly forgotten, so he was able to do it quietly. Fortunately for him, British hatred for America was at its peak, so the bishops were sympathetic to his plight and granted it. After that, he refused to continue to pay for the house on Cheapside and we were left to fend for ourselves. The law was completely on his side, of course, because once the marriage had been declared null and void he was legally absolved from any financial responsibility, despite the fact that a great deal of his money had originally come from my mother. Because the marriage had ceased to exist, I went from a viscount’s daughter to being illegitimate overnight. I am not sure how much money he paid to keep the whole sordid affair out of the papers, but he managed it. In the end it all fizzled without much of a scandal and he was able to move on with his life and remarry. You already know the rest of the story.’

Something about the brief tale did not ring true. ‘Annulments are difficult to obtain. Even if your mother was an American, that would not have given the bishops a valid enough reason to void the marriage, especially as your parents had a child.’

‘Oh, Ben,’ she said on a sigh. ‘That is because I have not told you the worst of it. My father knew something quite damning about my mother’s family that he was able to twist and use for his own benefit. My grandfather fought against the British in the Revolution, and not just as a soldier. He used his fortune to pay for an entire regiment of militia. A very bloodthirsty and successful regiment of militia. And his signature proudly sits on the Declaration of Independence. In the eyes of the British government, my grandfather was a traitor. And although my father knew about all of this before they married, he lied and told the bishops that she had concealed that pertinent information from him. As a loyal peer of the realm, he could not live with the shame of knowing that he had been duped into a marriage with the enemy. The bishops believed him and the annulment was granted with surprising haste.’

Bennett took a moment to let that all sink in. It was certainly much worse than he had anticipated. Not only was she illegitimate, but she was also the granddaughter of a known Revolutionary. Parliament might be accepting of the first, considering the circumstances by which it had come about, but it would never accept the second. Never in a million years would it accept the second. Unfortunately, she understood his silence. ‘You cannot marry me, Ben. Your political career would be over.’

He pulled her close and held her tight. ‘That doesn’t matter, Amelia. So long as I have you I will be happy.’ And perhaps he could be. He still had estates that needed managing, business affairs and investments that needed overseeing. His days could still be filled with purpose—a lesser purpose than he had been born for, granted, but he would make the best of it for her.

‘Of course it matters. I will not be the cause of you abandoning all of your dreams. Besides, I am rather relying on you to change this world we live in for the better. You cannot achieve that from outside of the Cabinet and I am not prepared to allow you to make that sacrifice on my behalf.’

Bennett felt sick at the stark reality that she presented. ‘What about us, Amelia?’

She was quiet for so long that he began to dread her answer. After tonight, surely she did not expect that he would be able to walk away? ‘We will always have tonight.’

‘I want you to be my wife!’

‘We both know that is impossible, Ben. Please don’t make this harder than it already is.’ She rolled on top of him then and waylaid him with kisses that did not fool him. She was trying to distract him and because he did not know any of the answers he let her. His intense frustration at their seemingly hopeless situation combined with his building passion made further conversation on the subject impossible, and by the time he had finished making desperate love to her she claimed that she was too exhausted to continue to discuss it. So Bennett slept with her in his arms.

He wasn’t the least bit surprised when he awoke in the morning to find that she was not there.