Chapter 26
CHAPTER 26
“ S amuels!” Charles bellowed from his study. He pushed the papers around his desk, he picked up a book and tossed it across the room, narrowly missing his sister who stepped in through the door.
“What are you doing?” She asked.
Charles looked up. “You’re not Samuels.”
Nora raised an eyebrow. “How astute. No. I am not Samuels. I told him not to come in here.”
Charles snarled. “Who are you to instruct my staff what to do?”
Nora straightened her back and pushed back her shoulders. “Your sister. I may only be thirteen but I have some say around here. You are being too mean and brutish to everyone, especially poor Samuels.”
Charles huffed. He knew his sister was right. He was being boorish to everyone but especially Samuels. The only reason Charles could figure out why was that Samuels was the last person to speak to Sarah before she left. In his mind, Samuels should have gotten him immediately, or at least done more to keep her from going.
“Samuels is tending to some other matters so I took it upon myself to see what you wanted before I fetch him. Perhaps I can help.” She said as she folded her arms impatiently.
Charles snorted. “You’re a child. You can’t help me.”
Nora rolled her eyes. “Suit yourself,” she shrugged.
She remained in front of him, rocking back on her heels.
Charles looked up from his desk. “Are you waiting for something?”
Nora took a breath and pushed it out.
“Since I have your attention, I do have a question.” Nora swayed back and forth on her heels, annoying Charles.
He waved his hand out in front of him. “Well, spit it out, as you can see I’m very busy.”
Charles gestured to the mess of papers on his desk. He then pulled at his cravat, the damn thing was nearly choking him.
Nora began fidgeting with her hands. “I, um, noticed the rooms upstairs were not being used.”
Charles looked up from his desk. “What rooms?”
“Sarah’s rooms.” Nora’s voice was small.
Charles quirked an eyebrow. “Of course, her bedroom is not being used. She’s no longer here.” He stood up taller. “Why? Do you want them? You’re hardly here.”
Nora rubbed her temple. “No. Not that room. Mother’s rooms.”
Charles collected more papers and fished through them. He tried focusing on the words that dotted the page but the script blurred in front of his eyes.
He cleared his throat.
“What of them?” He was having trouble concentrating on the conversation at hand. He pulled at his cravat again.
Nora sighed as she walked forward and sat in the chair in front of his desk. She leaned forward.
“Those are the Duchesses rooms, shouldn’t Sarah have occupied them?” Nora looked down into her lap. “She told me she used to paint. From what I remember Mother had a little paint studio set up.”
Charles swallowed. “I didn’t realize you frequented those rooms.”
Nora met his eyes and shrugged. “I usually don’t. But Sarah made my curious. She made this whole house feel like a home.” She dropped her eyes. “It never used to feel that way.”
Charles sighed and leaned back in his chair. He rubbed his eyes. He’d made a mess out of everything. And not just with Sarah, but with Nora. Actually, if he gave himself the proper time to think about it, he had messed up a big portion his life.
“I used to come here and we’d treat each other like strangers. We rarely ate together, we never would have gone on a picnic together.”
Charles looked up. “I spent time with you!” Charles was shocked at his sister’s interpretation of their past.
“Nora, you must know how fond I am of you. I would do anything for your happiness.” Charles pleaded. He knew he wasn’t the easiest to live with but he always made sure Nora felt welcomed here when she visited. He made sure she had excursions and he took her horseback riding.
“Except see to your own.” She countered.
Charles sat up in his chair. “When did you become so perceptive?”
A smug smile formed on Nora’s lips. “I have great role models in that area.”
Charles chuckled. “It sounds as though they could have been better.”
“Charles?” Nora reached and leaned onto his desk. “Why didn’t you allow Sarah to use those rooms?”
Charles waved her question off.
“No, do not dismiss me. Is it because of Mother?” Nora’s voice was timid but it struck him with such force nonetheless.
“Charles.” She chided. “Don’t you think it’s time to move on from the horrors of our childhood?”
Charles’s eyes swelled as his throat closed. “You don’t understand, Nora. The way they treated her and I just…”
“You were a child yourself. You had just lost your father, you inherited a duchy when you were barely sixteen. Then your mother died and you were in charge of a small child.”
Charles shook off the emotion that was settling over him. His skin began to itch and his cravat felt as if it was cutting off his air. He pulled at the cravat and tugged it off. He bounded out of his chair and began pacing the room.
“Charles. You did everything you could with what you had. Yes, from what I hear, and the things I’ve personally experienced, the townspeople haven’t been the most understanding but do not take it out on Sarah of all people.”
Nora remained sitting in the chair as Charles stalked the room pulling at his shirt. He unbuttoned his cuffs and rolled up his sleeves. Did someone light a fire in here? The room became stifling.
Obviously he was the only afflicted by this phantom heat. Nora sat calmly in the chair, nonplussed.
“I’ve only known her for a few days but anyone could tell she has a heart of gold and only wants the best for those around her. Even you cannot deny her that, Charles. Plus…”
Charles stopped and looked at his sister. He wiped the sweat that started to bead across his brow. “Don’t stop now, dear sister. Speak your mind.”
Nora’s shoulders sagged. “Plus, I really like her.” Nora’s voice began to tremble. “She was fun, and understanding, and I feel awful for shutting her out that one night.” Nora’s watery eyes looked up and met hers. “Do you think it’s because of that night that she left?”
Sobs wracked the young girl’s body. Charles rushed to his sister and gathered her in his arms. He was not good with the emotions of others, but seeing his sister cry was the one thing he could not stand.
“Shh, Nora. No, it was not you. It was me. I shut her out to protect you.”
Nora sniffled into his chest. “I don’t need protecting any more.”
Charles looked down at his sister. “Then why were you upset that night?”
Nora wiped her tears. “You’re right, I was upset that night over what those boys said. But you reminded me what Sarah told me about letting other people control my emotions.” She looked up into her brother’s eyes. “Charles, you, too, have given other people too much control.”
Charles squeezed his sister tighter before letting her go and holding her out at arms length. “I assure you, Nora, I do not let other people control me.”
Nora’s eyes widened as she pointed at him. A wide smile spread across her lips. “That’s it. That’s why you are the way you are. It’s not because you’re not capable of emotionl, it’s that you let other people control your emotions!”
Nora jumped and clapped like she just solved life’s greatest mystery.
Charles huffed and walked back to his desk to sit down. This conversation, full of its ups and downs, was starting to give him a headache.
“Nora, I have no idea what you’re talking about and I don’t see what this has to do with Sarah.”
Nora walked over to him and leaned across his desk. “You are so worried about how others perceive us your preemptively push people away. It’s not that you’re obtuse with other people’s feelings, it’s just you’ve been on the defensive side for so much of your life you immediately assume the worstof people.”
Charles furrowed his brow. “I do not care what people think of us.”
“Yes, you do!” Nora’s face lit up. “You absolutely do! Why else would you make sure I was protected-”
“Because I didn’t want to see you upset!” Charles interjected.
Nora didn’t let the interruption stop her. “True, but you always took it one step further. You changed trade routes, you went out of your way to punish the people that you’re supposed to protect just because they hurt my feelings.”
Nora jumped back when Charles slammed his hand on the desk. He knocked over his chair when he pushed out of it.
“It was more than just hurt feelings, Nora. Our mother…” Charles looked down as emotion swelled in his throat. “When our mother needed them most, after all she did for them, they turned their back on her. I will never forgive them for their behavior.”
Charles’s vision blurred with unshed tears. He hated thinking of his mother’s final days, how broken and lost she looked and there was nothing he could do to help her.
Nora took a deep breath. “Charles. They didn’t understand and a lot of time has passed. We’re all different people now. I think it’s time to move on.” She lifted a slender shoulder. “I have.”
Charles hung his head. The buzzing sound was back in his mind and his whole body was humming with regret, anger, frustration, and despair.
Small arms reached around him and enveloped him in a hug.
“It’s not too late to correct this, Charles.”
A tear rolled down his cheek and onto his sister’s dark head. He quickly wiped it so his sister wouldn’t see. He looked at his wet finger for a moment. When was the last time he cried?
He shook his head side to side. “I’m not so sure about that.”
“Truly, Charles. There was nothing you could do for Mother, but you can fix this with Sarah.” Nora pleaded.
She tightened her arms around her brother. Her strength settled him. As Charles stood holding his sister, he started to understand, that in this moment, for the first time in his life, he allowed someone to comfort him.
It wasn’t a terrible feeling.
Sarah sipped her tea while trying to hear the rushed whispers of her sister and brother-in-law who were currently standing in the hallway outside of the breakfast room.
It’s been a few days since she arrived and while her sister was more than welcoming, Derek seemed to have an entirely different opinion.
“She is your sister, and while our home is always open to your family, you need to find out her plans. I may run into Stoleton and I don’t want it to be awkward.” Derek’s hushed tone carried down the hallway.
Her sister’s laugh drowned out his whisper. “And where are you going to run into him? Neither one of you are social butterflies. Is there a Duke Club I’m not aware of where introverted Dukes go to make friends?”
Eleanor’s squeal reverberated into the breakfast room.
Sarah was happy Eleanor found her happy ending with her Duke. If only the same could be said for Sarah.
She sighed and put her cup back on the saucer. She added another lump of sugar and began to stir the cup.
“Good morning, Sarah.” Her sister’s voice rang out.
Sarah turned to her sister and accepted the kiss on the check.
“Good morning, Eleanor. You look well rested. Angela sleep through the night?”
Eleanor shook her head. “She did. Derek keeps insisting we let the maids tend to her overnight, but I just don’t want to miss out on anything. I can’t imagine not being there for her when she cries, or not being the first person she sees when she wakes up. As long as I remember that, the long nights don’t seem so bad.”
“You’ve always had a good night’s sleep so your memory of those awful nights aren’t as fresh, but trust me, my love, they are the worst.”
Derek sauntered in after his wife and sat across from her.
Sarah couldn’t help but think back to the first time she me the formidable Duke Graynor. He wanted nothing to do Eleanor or her family and here he was the doting father and husband.
Sarah’s throat tightened. She had her own stubborn Duke to deal with. Sadly, she seemed further from her happy ending than Eleanor was at this point in her marriage.
Eleanor swatted at her husband from across the table. “Oh you, stop it. Those nights aren’t so bad. Plus, you’re not the one who gets up. I do.”
Derek raised an eyebrow. “Yes, but when my loving wife leaves the bed she takes all the warmth with her.”
Sarah watched as a blush blossomed on her sister’s cheeks. She got caught up in their moment she didn’t realize she was still stirring her tea until the spoon hit the cup.
Eleanor and Derek both looked to Sarah, it was if they had forgotten she was in the room.
Sarah couldn’t blame them. If Charles looked at her the same way Derek looked at Eleanor, she wouldn’t look anywhere else.
“Please excuse us, Sarah. We’re being rude.” Eleanor offered.
Sarah waved her off. “Nonsense. I find it endearing. I only hope to have the same one day.”
Eleanor’s eyes flashed to Derek’s.
“About that. Now that it has been a few days, have you given any thought as to your next steps?” Eleanor’s voice was tender, which Sarah appreciated. It made up for the lack of understanding written on Derek’s face.
Sarah blew out a breath. “I honestly don’t know what to do, Eleanor. Every time I begin to think about it I end up crying.”
As soon as the words left her mouth the familiar tremble began in her lower lip.
“I wish he wasn’t so closed off. Or at least if he was completely closed off, I wish he wouldn’t give me glimpses of what it could be like.” Sarah pinched the bridge of her nose to stem the flow of tears that threatened to fall.
“I think that is the worst. When he smiles, or tells me a story, or the day we had the picnic by the lake? He was so carefree then. It was lovely and it gave me hope. Then he had to go and ruin it by shutting me out when his sister got upset at those boys.”
Sarah blinked a few times and only after she was sure the tears would stay put did she open her eyes.
“What happened with his sister?” Eleanor asked.
Sarah shrugged. “I’m not even sure myself. She had gone off to pick some flowers and before you know it, she’s back crying. I’m assuming she ran into some boys from the village who said something distasteful to her but what, I wouldn’t know.” Sarah sat up, anger was quickly taking over despair.
“No, it’s that I don’t know, it’s that I’m not allowed to know. I tried being there, for both of them, but they pushed me out. Him more so than her.”
Eleanor took a sip of tea. “How odd. I wonder why he would do something like that. And you said he wasn’t friendly with the townspeople?”
Derek snorted. “I don’t blame him there.”
Eleanor and Sarah both looked to Derek in earnest.
“Care to elaborate?” Eleanor prodded.
Derek looked at both women. “Oh, well, I mean, after how they treated his mother, I’m not sure I would not go out of my way to bend to their needs.”
Sarah leaned onto the table. Anticipation rushed through her mind like waves crashing against the shore. She shook her head to clear the chaos that was swirling around her.
“What do you mean, how they treated his mother?” Sarah held her breath, she didn’t want to risk the sound of her breath distracting her from Derek would say next.
“Oh,” Eleanor exclaimed. “You know, I do remember hearing something about his family now that you said that. I remember Mama and Papa talking about it when he got sick.”
Sarah’s patience had reached its end point. “Will someone tell me what happened with is mother?”
Eleanor’s eyes widened at her sister’s outburst, while Derek merely raised a bored eyebrow in her direction.
“I remember Mama saying that the Dowager Duchess had lost her husband and just over a year later gave birth to a healthy baby girl. But, due to timing, there is no way she could have been the late Duke’s. So…” Eleanor’s words trailed off when she looked to Sarah.
Sarah could feel all the color drain from her face. Her throat ran dry and her hands shook.
Honora.
Piece by piece the scraps of information she picked up started to take shape.
She knew from the stories she was told his mother was once beloved by the town. After her husband’s death she became pregnant, which would have been quite the scandal.
Scandal!
Charles was always saying how their family couldn’t afford another scandal. Honora’s birth was the scandal.
The town must have turned their backs on his mother which would have been devastating considering how much she cared for them when she could. It must have torn Charles apart seeing his mother being treated like that.
“Do you know how she died?” The words tumbled out of Sarah’s mouth clumsily.
Eleanor chewed her bottom lip. “I’m not sure I remember.”
Derek cleared his throat. “I think it may have had to do with the birth of the child. There was some complications that she never fully recovered from. I think she passed a year or two after the child’s birth.”
Sarah’s heart shattered at the thought of a young Charles, who had lost both parents, who was now left a duchy and a small child. He must have felt so alone. And if the town had turned against his mother, that means they must’ve turned their back on him in his hour of need.
Sarah slumped back in her chair. Her soul ached for the loss that young Charles must have felt.
She looked out the window. It wasn’t too late. She could go home now and talk with Charles, tell him she knows everything and nothing is a secret anymore. He can be open with her and she’d still be there.
Sarah met Eleanor’s eyes. She found comfort, understanding, and patience in her sister’s eyes.
Just then, Sarah had a thought. Eli.
She had seen the way Charles dismissed his own brother and he surely knows all of the families secrets. What’s to say even if Sarah would tell him she knows and understands that he won’t just continue to shut her out when he feels it necessary?
Melancholy seeped into her bones and settled in.
What good is knowing the truth, if the person who is hiding from it, doesn’t want to acknowledge it?