Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
I t should not have been possible for him to immediately lose sight of the most stunning woman at the ball, but it felt as though she was there one moment, slowly walking away from him and the next the crowd had swallowed her.
This was not what he had wanted when he had started out the evening. He had plans . It had been in his mind that he would approach her with consideration, give her space and let her get used to being near him again, try to win her back gently and instead she got under his skin and he was telling her that she could not forbid him from calling her beautiful.
It is not the time to be stubborn, Pembroke , he thought to himself as he strode through the crowd, trying to use his height to peer over the heads of the gathering and pick out where she was. It is the time to mend, not to demand, damn it all.
No woman alive had ever made him feel as frustrated, confused or out of control as Louisa.
"Lord St Vincent!" a lady called, distracting him the moment he thought he had spotted a fluttering of embellished white satin and calling his attention to several ladies on the edge of the dancing all looking at him over their fans like predators watching a wounded gazelle. "What a delight to meet you here, my lord. Please let me introduce my sisters to you."
As tempted as he was to walk away, there was no way to do so now that he had made eye contact. There was no way anyone would believe that he had not seen them or heard their invitation and worsening his reputation at this moment was the last thing that the St Vincent title needed.
"Ladies," he said coolly, crossing to them and making a bare bow as they chirped and chattered. They asked after his roses, they asked after his horses and his wife and his estate and he could tell that they were looking for specific information but not what that was. It was a good few moments before he could make his apologies and escape. By that time Louisa was long gone from the ballroom.
He had two choices. Stand around looking cross or wander around looking like a wet puppy who had been deserted by his lady. Neither sat well with him. Cedric Pembroke did not pine. He would not pine. He would remain in command of himself and find some matter of conversation to have while Louisa threw her tantrum.
Yes.
It was decided. Cedric was not going to chase after her. He would wait for her to return to him, as she would have to. That was the best way forwards.
This decision was far easier to make than to hold to. There was no lack of conversation to be had at the party, for sure, but no matter what happened the lack of her at his side burned like a barely healing wound. He could not think of anything but the fact that he did not know where she was and she might be in need of him. He was certainly in need of her.
"My lord?" a woman's voice interrupted his thoughts and for a moment he thought perhaps Louisa had made her way back to him, but on second glance it was her younger sister, Alexandra Balfour. She was looking at him with eyes that were a little too cold and a little too assessing for his liking.
"Miss Balfour," he said, bowing his head slightly. "I did not know that you were attending tonight."
"Indeed, my lord, I was hoping to see my sister but I have not had the pleasure as yet. Did she accompany you here tonight?"
"She did. She has taken a turn to clear her head," Cedric said shortly, not wanting to start speaking to Louisa's sisters on the matter when they were sure to have heard of his every failing. "May I help you?"
"Perhaps you might," Alexandra said slowly. "It involves you as well, my lord. May I beg a moment of your time further from the musicians where we are less likely to be overheard?"
Cedric raised a brow but offered his arm to her and escorted her over to where he could collect a small glass of brandy. There were only a few older gentlemen nearby, old enough that it was unlikely their hearing would be sharp enough to understand them if they spoke in low voices.
"Enough with the mystery, Miss Balfour. You say this involves me, am I to understand that it also involves my wife?"
"You are," she said, twisting a kerchief around her fingers in nervous distress. "I had hoped that matters would settle themselves but it has only gotten worse. I am surprised that you yourself have not heard of it yet, my lord."
"Heard of what?" he snapped, swiftly losing his patience.
"The rumors that are being spread around the ton about my sister," Alexandra shot back spiritedly. "How can you not have noticed them? It is all that many gossips will speak of. And it is vile, horrible lies but there seems to be no squashing them. Someone is feeding the rumors, someone with social stature far above my own. I am beginning to be frightened about what may be spread next, they are getting well out of hand!"
Cedric felt his face pale, cold and horrified. "What kind of rumors are they spreading?"
"At first it was what one might expect considering your marriage and how it happened, but now they are saying that she is promiscuous, always seeking out male attention, that she has rid herself of multiple children and that is why she was seen to be a wallflower. It seems that they become only more horrible and creative the more time that goes by!"
"And you don't know who it is who was spreading these rumors?" Cedric asked, rage slowly flooding into him at the thought of the nasty minded gossips of the ton saying such terrible things about his Louisa.
"I have just recently discovered who it is," Alexandra said, meeting his gaze. "I feel you may be the only one who can save my sister, I just want to know whether you care enough to do so."
How was it possible that everything had started just like this all those weeks ago? Louisa slowly slipped down a corridor and out into the 'Westcotts' garden, moving further and further away from the sounds of the party until she was in a private little spinney lit by a single bright lamp and surrounded by dog roses.
If she had known what going to the ball and trying to dip in the lake would bring to her would she have done the same thing? Louisa found that she didn't know. It would be easier to never have known what it was like to love Cedric and think that she was loved in return. It would have been easier to never feel like she had found a place that she finally belonged where people loved her for herself and could see the real her.
Oh .
Her heart ached inside her chest. She sank to the little bench tucked in the spinney and covered her face with a hand. Seeing Cedric, being close to him and being touched by him hurt so much worse than anything she had felt before. She longed for him, for the ease of their lives before everything had fallen apart. Would they never be able to be at ease with each other again? Would she ever get to spend soft moments in the nursery with him, or debate some point of a novel over breakfast?
She sobbed softly, the tears slipping at last down her cheeks. There was nothing that she could do about it. He had set his heart against her and she knew as well as anyone that his heart was fiercer than her own, hardened after many battles. She was tender and shy, vulnerable and he did not want her.
She could not bear it. He did not want her.
But being apart from him forever would be just as bad. To never see his smile again, the way he wrinkled his nose a little when he was thinking through a problem, the ink stain on the side of his palm from where he worked too late at his papers. She would miss a hundred little things, the sound of his voice and his laughter and oh the children as well . She could not leave them and she could not be expected to stay forever in the state of a wife who was not wanted and a governess whose own duties had been replaced.
What was she to do? She had said that she would stay and see her duty through but was it too high a price to pay? Would she be able to leave even if she could?
"Well hello there, beautiful lady," a voice said, startling her so badly that she jerked upright on the bench and dropped her reticule.
A young man had entered the garden, tall and slender and wearing the very latest fashion in the way of the dandies and fashion plates, not the easy way that Cedric did it. He had curled hair fastidiously arranges around his face and unless she were greatly mistaken the jewels in his cravat and on his fingers were finer and more expensive than half the ladies at the ball.
Louisa had never met Mr. Danbury, but she had heard of him. Even she, with her limited social circle, had been hard pressed to ignore the rumors of the young man of moderate means who used his good looks and his pretty words to lure young women into disrepute and leave them, destroyed and ruined for his next piece of sport.
Even though she had never been introduced to him, her sisters and other ladies had been careful to point him out at any event he attended. Avoid that one , they had said. He is rotten through. He is no gentleman.
"Good evening," she said stiffly, rising to her feet and blindly wiping at her eyes hurriedly, hoping to erase any evidence that she had been weeping. "I do not think we have been introduced sir. I shall retire back to the party immediately."
"Not so fast, pretty lady," Mr. Danbury said in a drawl, bending and picking up her reticule but not handing it to her. He held it instead just a little out of easy reach so she would have to approach him to get it. "There is no need for such formalities between beautiful people, don't you think? I am Eustace Danbury, and you are Lady Louisa Pembroke. We have been introduced."
"I am expected back indoors," Louisa said coldly. "My husband will be wondering where I am."
"Husbands often wonder, but one need not worry until they come looking, don't you think?" he smiled, a little secretive smile like he thought they were both in on the same joke. Louisa felt sick. He was tall and he looked able to catch her should she run.
She made more of a curtsy than she owed a gentleman of his rank, dipping her eyes away from his dangerous gaze. "I am sure that you know more about what you are talking about than I do, sir. I must excuse myself. I have a headache and I will be calling for my carriage to go home."
"Don't go, sweetheart," he said, stepping closer to her and cutting off one of her avenues of retreat. "We are just getting to know each other. You are in such fine color this evening too, I'm damned curious to see how far your blush travels under all that white."
"Sir, you are being too familiar with me," Louisa said, pushing every ounce of chilly disdain that she had ever heard one of her sisters use on an unwanted suitor into her voice. "I am not interested in you. I wish to retire and you shall let me go."
"Now, now," Mr. Danbury moved fast like a cobra, grabbing her by the arm as she tried to slip away to the right. "It is very pretty, this pretense of modesty that you put on to make me more inflamed for you. But it is not necessary, lovely lady Louisa. I have heard all about you from all over society and what a naughty lady you are too. Tricking dashing and devilish Cedric Pembroke into a marriage, carrying on with all comers. Oh you are delicious. I am delighted to meet you. We are going to have all sorts of fun."
No.
No. No, no, no.
Louisa felt her heart spring into triple pace in her chest, hammering in her veins as she swallowed around a dry mouth, eyes fixed on him and the feeling of his fingers on her skin burning her like a brand. No, no. This - whatever this was - whatever he wanted - this couldn't be happening.
"Let me go!" she said loudly, pulling on her arm as she tried to fight her way free of his tight grip. "Let me go, sir. I do not want to be here anymore. Don't touch me!"
"Steady on," Mr. Danbury said, pulling her closer to him no matter how much she fought. "All right, beautiful. If you want a fight, I can give you one. I do like a woman with spirit. It's even better if you bite."
No matter what she did she could not free herself from him. Louisa kicked at his shins but er flimsy slippers barely made a dent. He had her pinned, trapped against the bench, his hands on her arms and his eyes already traveling all over her body. She would not be able to get free of him. He would make her reputation true and then -
Oh god. Cedric. Please.
She screamed - as loud as she dared and then his hand was on her mouth and all she could smell was cologne and brandy.