The Embrace of Evergreen (Unexpected Love #2)

Ethan

Ethan

My fingertips trace along a jaw I never thought I’d see again, never thought I’d touch again. My gaze follows as they trail up along cheekbones that are as familiar as my own and yet somehow seem to belong to a stranger. Fourteen years is a long time. The green eyes looking back at me don’t look happy to see me after all this time. They look confused and concerned. They look sad. There is a scar that cuts through one of the dark eyebrows above those eyes. I know that scar. I was there when he got that scar.

Jayce. The scar belongs to Jayce.

My gaze shifts to Blue. He’s kneeling over me, storm-grey eyes glassy as he searches my face and whispers that everything is okay. His hand is crushing mine in his concern, and I let my other hand drop away from Jayce to wrap around Blue’s forearm.

“Told you I shouldn’t carry your work. I could just pass out at any time. ”

He chokes out a strangled laugh, and tears leak from the corners of his eyes as he leans over and presses a kiss to my forehead. “You scared me to death.”

“I didn’t mean to. I didn’t expect them to be here, that’s all.” Our faces are so close that our breath mingles, and even though I know the others are gathered near enough that they can likely hear us, my words feel private and intimate. “I’m just glad the gallery was closed when we found out that I’m apparently prone to fainting when startled like I’m a Victorian woman in a too-tight corset.”

“I know you’re rambling to lighten the mood, but nothing’s wrong with passing out when you’re startled.”

His lips are so close, and his eyes are so sad and worried that I lean up to steal a soft kiss in the hope it will prove to him that aside from a mountain of embarrassment so large, I know I’ll never be able to completely let it go, I’m okay. “I know,” I mumble against his lips, grateful to have him here with me.

“You feeling okay? Ready to sit up?” Blue shifts at my side, sliding a hand to my back and helping me sit before actually waiting for a response.

Jayce and Namid are staring at me, concern still etched across their faces.

“Well…I’m just going to head up to the office and let you boys have a few minutes. It sort of feels like you have some things to talk through, huh?” Max pats my sh oulder tenderly as she rises and makes her way to the stairs.

“I’m sorry, I…”

“Ethan, we didn’t…”

Jayce and I start talking at the same time.

I shake my head with a rough-sounding laugh. “You go.”

Jayce offers a pained smile. “I was just going to say that we didn’t mean to scare you. We had no idea you were even in town, let alone here at the gallery.”

Blue shifts behind me, his hand sliding to rest comfortingly on my hip, and Namid glances down to watch the movement with a wide grin. “Expected or not, I am absolutely thrilled to get the chance to meet you. Your dad has always had nothing but good things to say.”

I feel myself cringe at the mention of my dad. “Did he not tell you I was in Seattle? Maybe he hasn’t gotten my letter yet. I know sometimes the mail can take weeks to reach him way up there.”

Jayce and Namid exchange a furtive glance that has me suddenly sweating with anxiety, wondering what other surprises are in store for me and how bad they’ll be. Because, of course, they’ll be bad. I’m not the kind of person who often encounters good surprises .

“What?”

“Umm…well…we don’t live in Alaska anymore. We moved here a few months back, all of us, Jayce and me and your dad.” Namid is clearly apologetic about the fact that I didn’t know, and while I know it isn’t his fault that Dad didn’t tell me, the anger and hurt that rush through me are overwhelming enough to take the place of the surprise and confusion that have had my stomach in knots since I first saw Jayce and Namid walking toward me.

“Why didn’t he tell me he moved? For fuck’s sake, I’m his son. I know we don’t talk all that much, but still, I’d have thought I meant enough to him to be told that he left the only home he’s ever known. I mean, Jesus, I haven’t heard from him in almost a year, and it turns out it’s because he’s just packed up his life and moved onto a new one without bothering to loop me in.” I’m nearly shaking, and my voice is loud enough to ricochet off the sculptures and fill the gallery.

I jerk away when Jayce reaches out and rests a hand on my knee. “He did tell you, Ethan. He wrote to you when Namid and I got together earlier this year. He wrote when we decided to move and again once we were settled. I don’t know why you never got those letters, but he’s been worried sick thinking that you haven’t responded because something has happened to you or that you’d decided to cut him out of your life completely without at least letting him know. ”

My rage evaporates almost instantly. It’s the exact scenario I’ve been worried about myself but in reverse. It’s my fault our relationship is like this. It’s my fault we’ve been so estranged. He’s always tried so hard to stay in contact, always gratefully accepting any scraps of connection that I’ve thrown his way. Of course he wouldn’t just move without telling me.

“I didn’t get any letters. He’s…is he here?” I look around, almost in a panic, wondering if he’s in the gallery somewhere.

“No. He’s back at home on the peninsula about two hours away. Jayce and I came into town for a few days to set up for the exhibition,” Namid says with a gentle half-smile.

“And Jordyn? Did he move with you guys too?” Hope and anxiety battle inside my chest. I honestly don’t know how it would feel to see Jordyn again, especially with Blue at my side, but even though I’m not prepared for it, I want to see him. I want to hug him and tell him that everything is okay and that I understand why he did what he did when we were young. Namid and Jayce share another brief look, their shoulders tensing, the look in their eyes quickly squashing the flicker of hope.

“Jordyn umm…” Jayce clears his throat and squeezes his eyes tightly for a moment, and almost as if he somehow knows what’s coming, Blue’s hand tightens on my hip. “Jordyn passed away in a car accident almost two years ago. ”

“Two…” My breath comes in harsh, ragged gasps as I fight back the burn in my eyes, and a cavernous, aching emptiness settles over me. It’s not possible for Jordyn to have been gone for two years without me knowing. Surely if a soul as connected to mine as Jordyn once was had simply ceased to exist, some part of me would have noticed its absence in the universe. Some part of me would have felt the world crack open up under my feet and gravity threaten to pull me down into endless darkness. I would have known. Wouldn’t I ?

Blue’s hands on my back are warm. Strong, nimble fingers dig into my skin as the world fades away, and I’m left with only the serrated rush of oxygen tearing through my shattered lungs and the thunderous pulsing of my heart as it fights to understand how my world can be so radically different from one moment to the next.

Jayce and Namid shift closer, the weight of their hands pressing into my thigh and shoulder, anchoring me in place as best as they can. They look older than they did a moment ago, their eyes as hurt and lost as I suddenly feel. I don’t know what to do. I’m falling into something so dark and bottomless that I can’t find a single point of light to cling to, so I hold on to Jayce’s gaze as if that connection alone can somehow anchor me to reality. Surely when he lost Jordyn, his universe fell to pieces, and everything suddenly ceased to make sense the way it has for me. Surely Jayce will have answers. He’s here, standing and living as if the world somehow continued to spin when his reality collapsed like a black hole in a single instant. He found a way to survive when it must have felt like his heart had been torn from his chest. Surely he’ll be able to tell me how to survive this too.

I was sixteen when I first began to fall in love. I was seventeen when I realized that’s what the butterflies swirling in my chest actually meant. I was eighteen when my life fell apart and I ran until I lost everything, until I lost myself. At thirty-two, just when I thought I managed to pull life back together, just when I thought I’d managed to move on and find everything I never even realized I’d been searching for, everything I know has fallen apart once more.