Chapter 15
15
I hardly noticed where I was walking, only realizing I’d made it back to the great house in a haze of near delirium.
Edgardo was the first to meet us on the lawn, no doubt noticing the state we were in, and asked what had happened. Qian told him everything—about the bird, about how it almost got me.
“I thought it had left,” I said, still shocked. “It took off and sounded far away.”
Edgardo’s eyes widened, and he shook his head, stunned. “You could have been killed. That was a wakwak,” he said. “They’re carnivorous birds in the mountains. They have the ability to throw the sound of their wingbeats, creating the illusion that they’re farther away than they actually are, which makes them exceptional hunters. In actuality, the fainter the sound, the closer they are. You’re lucky you weren’t seriously injured, Your Majesty.”
“Qian saved me,” I said.
That’s when Lucas, Amador, and Heng came over to see what the commotion was about. My throat tightened when Lucas met my gaze. Someone took my hand, and I jumped, but then I realized it was Nix. She’d come to check on me.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
I nodded, but I slipped my hand out of hers and backed away. I just wanted to be alone.
“The wakwak must have been the thing that killed the horse the other night,” Qian said. “We found evidence of it left behind. I did what anyone else would have done.” He turned to Heng and said, “We found a nest as well, with eggs. Go and destroy it before any of its offspring hurts anyone else.”
“Yes, sir,” Heng said, and together, he and several of his men went back the way we came, weapons at the ready.
I couldn’t meet Lucas’s gaze, even though it burned through me.
“Could there be more of those things?” Amador asked, fearful.
“It’s very possible,” said Edgardo.
Qian hefted his bow. “Then we have work to do. Sir Lucas,” Qian prompted, “would you like to join us?”
Lucas glanced at Amador and then at me. He swallowed thickly before he nodded. A duty to protect.
Before he left, Qian took my hand. “Don’t worry, MJ. You’re safe now.” He gave my fingers a small squeeze before he and Lucas disappeared into the jungle. I couldn’t watch them go.
I marched as quickly as I could inside. Nix followed close behind.
“Do you want to talk about what happened with Gani?” Nix whispered. She leaned in so no one else would hear, but I shook my head and kept walking.
“I just want to lie down,” I said. “I’m going back to my room.”
Alone, I walked as if floating, because I was so tired and frustrated and confused, and I just wanted to be somewhere far away from everyone. But everything went away the moment I came to my door. Sitting on the floor in front of it was a book with a note taped to it.
Special delivery, from your good friend Romulo.
I snatched it up off the floor and burst into my room, eager to read what he’d found. My heart hammered in my ears as I flipped through the pages. Every one had delicate, neat handwriting. It was then that I realized what it was.
“A diary?”
I went to my bed, shoved aside the manacles, and sat down to read.
Miguel left me.
I went to see him tonight, and he told me he didn’t love me anymore. He said that he had fallen in love with someone else. I begged him to tell me why, asked if I had done something wrong, asked him if I had angered him somehow, but his mind has been made up. He is marrying Lucia.
My heart might as well be torn from my chest. I am alone. I cannot get out of bed. I cannot eat. I am pitiful. I cannot take care of myself, let alone take care of my people.
This was Yara’s diary.
How could Romulo have gotten his hands on such a thing? It must have been incredibly difficult to find, and no doubt expensive, too. I couldn’t stop reading. Her words seemed similar to how I’d been feeling. They resonated deep in my bones.
Something terrible is happening to me. A change has overcome my body.
I went to see the royal physician. She is a venerated mambabarang, with decades of expertise. She would know what is afflicting me.
She said that my heart has been damaged. No potion she’s brewed, no talisman, can cure me. She says that my affliction is too powerful for any medicine. I must marry another to mend what’s been broken.
Only a vow of true love is strong enough to break this curse.
A curse. My heart thumped as I turned the page.
Suitors from across the land have come to see me, but my transformation is quickening. I am afraid to let any of them see the monster I’ve become. The men visit me behind a curtain, ask to kiss my hand, but I will not let them. They cannot know that my hand has turned into claws. They will fear me the moment they know the truth.
One suitor, a prince from Avalon, attempted to pull the curtain back to see my face. He said he wanted to take in my beauty for himself, but I nearly clawed his eyes from his head out of fear. He’s now already engaged to someone else, after telling me how much he loved me only days ago.
No one will have me. I am alone.
I am running out of time. How can anyone love me enough to marry me?
I flipped the page, fearing I already knew what was going to happen.
I am more monster now than I am human. What few hours I have as myself I spend recording my days here in this journal. It reminds me of what I have, for when I become the monster, I no longer remember my own name. I cannot remember what it’s like to feel sand beneath my toes, the salt water on my legs, the taste of fresh fruit, or the warmth of sunshine on my skin. Such things sicken me. I hide indoors, fearing that anyone who sees me will know the hideousness that lurks within. Fewer suitors arrive on my doorstep. Rumors have started to spread. All know that a monster lurks in the palace.
The mambabarang says that with the waxing moon, the monster grows more powerful. When it is full, I will be a monster forever.
At night, my body separates. My upper half grows wings, and I soar through the kingdom, attacking anyone I find. A bounty has been put out on my head, but no one knows my true nature. I have killed. I truly am a monster. My own father fears me; my sisters abhor me. If I were to fall by a brave datu’s blade, I would know it was for the best.
I’ve sent myself away to live in the great house in the mountains. There, I will be sure not to hurt anyone. I will live in solitude for the rest of my days. I am resigned to my fate. Deep in my soul, I know that this is the last day I will have a human body, human hands to write, a human mind. Who would hate me so much to curse me so? My own family has disowned me. I fear I am already dead to them. I pray that no one will ever suffer like I have. No one deserves such a fate.
I have one last hope. One last chance to save myself. My power is my only salvation.
The last page was covered in hundreds of handwritten triangles. Delta signs. They were the same as the symbol on the empty tomb.
Change, change, change.
What did it mean? What did any of it mean? She was just like me. She was the manananggal all those years ago, and she had been right—the historians had made sure no one spoke her name ever again. She was worse than dead. Only one thing was for certain…
“Full moon,” I said, staring at the orange glow of the setting sun. “I only have five days left.”