Chapter 29
CHAPTER 29
Ash
I rushed out into the night again. I should not be running back and forth between tents in the dark like this. This was dangerous! God, what was I thinking? This was all dangerous. Max was dangerous, and yet I kept flirting with the irresistible danger of him, despite my better judgement. I was waging a war between body and brain right now, and my body seemed to keep wanting to win.
“Wait!”
I stopped running and turned round at Max’s voice.
“What?” I asked, out of breath.
“Your T-shirt, you forgot it.” He was standing there in his towel, looking way too hot for his own good, dangling my T-shirt from his finger. It took my brain a moment to register.
“Shit.” I gasped and tried to cover myself. How the hell had I not realized I’d run out half naked. I looked down and almost choked when I realized that the bra I was wearing was none other than my totally see-through white mesh one. I quickly cupped my breasts in my hands. God, why had I not chosen another bra for this? One that did not leave so little to the imagination.
“You can just toss it, thanks.” I gripped my breasts tightly.
“Toss it?”
“Yes, just toss it there, onto the walkway. I’ll get it.”
“No, Ash, I am not tossing your clothes around. It feels totally disrespectful.” He started walking towards me.
“No, stop. I’ll come and get it then.” I wanted to at least have some power and control over this moment, so I started walking towards him. He stood still, holding the T-shirt out for me. I locked eyes with him and started making my way down the walkway. He smiled. It was warm and . . . Wait! The way he was looking at me, the way a feeling was swelling inside as I walked, I’m sure this is what it felt like when you were walking down the aisle to meet your future husband or something equally, utterly ridiculous! This was ridiculous. It was all so . . .
“Ridiculous,” I said when I found myself standing right in front of him again. Our eyes were still locked, even if I didn’t want them to be.
“What is?” he asked, voice so soft I almost didn’t catch it.
“All of this.” I reached out for my T-shirt, but he didn’t let go.
“You’re still holding on to my shirt,” I said.
“That’s not what I’m holding on to,” he replied.
“What are you holding on to then?”
“ You .”
That one word cut through me like a scalpel. Everything inside me suddenly felt painfully frantic. As if it had all just been woken up from a long hibernation and had sprung back to life, desperate for something.
“I think you should let go,” I managed.
“Should I?” he asked, the words so, so loaded .
I didn’t manage to speak this time, simply nodded.
“Not good enough, Ash. I need to hear you say it out loud.”
I straightened up, tightening my grip on my shirt. “I think you should let go of my shirt now, Max.” I said it with as much self-assuredness as I could muster.
“Are you sure?” he asked, his eyes searching my face for something.
“I am,” I said, and with that, he let go of the shirt and it fell into my hands.
“So, I guess this is goodnight, then?” His eyes left my face, and they momentarily grazed my breasts and stomach. My body physically ached for him, just as it had only moments ago when his hands had been all over it.
“It is. Goodnight, Max,” I said, but was unable to bring myself to move off the spot my feet felt glued to. We looked at each other. One of us had to move, or this was not going to be the goodnight I intended it to be.
“Goodnight, then, Ash. Sleep tight.” And then he moved. Off the spot, down the walkway, and into his tent. I stood and watched as he walked away, a part of me willing him to stop and look back, and another part of me wanting to run after him and let him have every single inch of my body in any way he liked. But I did none of that. Instead I headed back to my room and collapsed on the bed in utter exhaustion.
Max invaded my dreams that night. I tossed and turned, caught somewhere in an agitated state that I hardly knew what to do with. By 3 a.m. I simply gave up, and didn’t even try to sleep. Every single inch of your body. That phrase ran through my mind over and over and over again.
Every inch?
All the inches?
That inch too?
No one had ever destroyed me like Max had done. Total emotional annihilation. But no one had ever made me feel this palpably, tangibly, sexually alive as he had these last few days either. But it would be a disaster. Wouldn’t it? There was just too much between us, too much had happened, too many things said and done, or not done, in our case. It would be madness hooking up with him, wouldn’t it? After all, he was probably the only person on earth capable of hurting me in a way that I never wanted to be hurt again.
But it would just be sex.
Nothing more.
Just sex.
My body was screaming “sex” and my mind was screaming “no,” and I was finding it very disconcerting.
Do it. Just walk over there and have sex with him. Hot, wild, sweaty sex with the man who does own a llama and therefore is probably able to give a woman seventeen orgasms and make her come just by looking at her.
Do not do it. Remember all the pain and crying, and all the endless waiting and wanting and—
“Fuck it!”
I grabbed the gown hanging up behind the bathroom door and dashed out of my tent. My mind decided to berate and warn me one last time.
This is not a good idea. Not a good idea. At all.
But I ignored it and continued to run down the wooden planks as fast as I could in case I was going to chicken out. I was going to have sex with him! The thought made me giddy with a kind of effervescent euphoria. There were a few lights illuminating the path, not very well, but just enough for me to see where I was going. I jumped over a stick on the path and then felt a sharp, strange pain on my ankle. I stopped and looked at my ankle—it was bleeding—and then I looked at the stick and that’s when my life started flashing before my eyes.
“ HEEEEELP , HEEEEELP , HEEEELP !” I screamed until my vocal cords couldn’t scream anymore. “ SNAKE ! SNAKE ! HELP ME ! I’ VE BEEN BITTEN !”
The snake was clearly frightened too. It raised its head and looked at me with its black, beady eyes. It had a huge red smile on its face, as if it was mocking me while wearing red lipstick. I felt suddenly very sick, and then it slipped off the path and into the bush.
“What’s going on?” Max was there in seconds.
“I’m dying!” I said, terror rising and exploding out of me. “A snake! It bit me! I’m going to fucking die!” I pointed to my ankle.
Max’s eyes made a beeline for my ankle and then it looked like every last drop of blood he had rushed out of his body. I’d never seen anyone look so pale. It made me feel pale and dizzy too. A tingly feeling surged over my skin and my head started to buzz.
“I think I’m going to faint!” I grabbed for the banister but missed and started to tumble. Max caught me and lowered me carefully to the ground. “I don’t feel good, Max. My heart, it’s racing. I don’t feel good. Help me.”
“I’ve got you, Ash.”
“I’m dying!” I whimpered at him as the second worst terror I’d ever felt in my life descended. “I’m too young to . . . Oh my God.” I felt frantic now and tried to breathe, but couldn’t. I started hyperventilating as I imagined all the venom surging through my body, attacking my lungs.
“What happened?” Bongani and the manager were there now with huge flashlights.
“She’s been bitten by a snake!”
“Where did it go?” Bongani asked.
I pointed at the bush, and like some fearless gazelle, he jumped off the walkway into it.
“I’m going to call for an airlift ambulance!” the manager said, running off.
Max cradled my head in his hands and I could feel the poison working, feel the tingling in all my extremities and my vision went blurry.
“Max . . .” My voice was soft; it was taking all my energy just to talk. “I don’t want to die. There are so many things I haven’t done. So many things I regret. I mean, I want more time with my friends. I want more cats. I want to travel and I want to overcome my fear of roller coasters so I can go on one at least once before I die and I want to go to Bali and walk on the beach at sunset and I want to eat real curry in India and I want to swim in the Maldivian Sea and it would be great, just bloody great, to no longer be cursed and to have one, just one actual orgasm with a human being, and to have good sex at least once in my life before I die! Oh my God, I am going to die!!!” I started sobbing just as Bongani emerged from the bushes holding a snake.
“Is this the snake?” he asked.
My sobbing ceased as I looked at the evil thing. Clown-like, still mocking me with its red smile. “Yes! That’s the one.”
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“I’ve never been more sure about anything before in my life.”
“Oh. Cool!” And with that, he released the snake back into the bush.
“What the hell are you doing?” Max shouted.
“It’s a red-lipped herald, totally harmless. Very, very aggressive snake—not surprised it bit you—but totally harmless.”
“Harmless!” I managed. “But I can feel it. My heart is racing. I’m sweaty, dizzy. I feel faint. I’m tingling all over. I’m struggling to breathe. I don’t feel well at all.”
The manager came running back down. “Helicopter will be here in fifteen minutes.”
“No need, red-lipped herald.”
“Oh, thank God!” The manager gripped his chest and exhaled loudly. “I’ll go and cancel it.” He sprinted away.
“You’re in shock.” Bongani walked over to me. “The sweat, racing heart, dizziness, tingling, it’s indicative of shock and panic. I don’t blame you, but you’re going to be totally fine. Put the bite under running water for five minutes, and I’ll go and get the first-aid kit. There’s some antiseptic cream in there and a plaster.”
“Are you sure?” Max asked. “Shouldn’t she just go to the hospital, in case something happens?”
“I’ll even give you some antibiotics to take if you’re worried about infection,” Bongani said to me. “But I promise the snake is totally harmless.” He turned to Max. “Help her to the tent, get her some Coke for the shock and I’ll be back soon.”
Max threw his arms round me and I felt my body being lifted off the ground as he buried his head in my neck and squeezed me so hard I thought I was going to break.
“Thank God. I thought I was going to lose you again,” he said, lips pressed into the side of my face. “And I can’t lose you again, Ash.”