Chapter 56
CHAPTER 56
Max
I watched them, feeling sick to my stomach, and it took every last drop of restraint not to walk up there and throw him out. Christ, the way they were laughing and sipping expensive champagne together was enough to make me want to blow up the entire restaurant. I stood there feeling like I was a part of her life in some way, but also not a part of it. She had her own life and it did not involve me. Her own friends whom she laughed with, a cat, neighbors who she hung out with, a job, a car, and an apartment. And now she had her own doctor date, and all I could do was sit on the sidelines and watch.
No. Fuck this . I was going to march up to that table and put an end to this wrist-smelling and laughing and everything else that was happening right under my nose. I was going to be an asshole! And I would probably hate myself for it tomorrow, but I wasn’t sure if I would hate myself more if I let her fall for this guy, and lose her. I straightened up and walked over.
“Hey,” I said as soon as I reached the table. I could tell Ash was shocked and her champagne shook in her hands. I turned my attention to Dr McHottie and stuck my hand out.
“It’s you!” Ash gasped, and spluttered.
“Max,” I stated, looking at the guy.
“Hey, Max, nice to meet you. I’m Sibu.” And then the guy stood up to shake my hand. He stood up. All respectfully, like a bloody gentleman.
“I saw you at the airport, didn’t I?” he asked.
I nodded. “Briefly.”
“Sorry, I was in a hurry or I would have introduced myself.”
“Uh . . . sure.” I was so taken aback by this man—it was hard to describe. He exuded this energy that was so likeable, and yet I was quite determined not to like him.
“How was the trip? I assume you have something to do with production as well?”
“I manage locations, and scout them.”
“So you get to travel for work—sounds like the dream job.”
“I get to go to some really interesting places.” For some reason, I felt myself responding. He had this way about him that was engaging, it made you want to talk with him.
“What’s the most interesting place you’ve ever been to?” he asked, turning his body to me now, as if he was fully engaged in this conversation.
“Socotra Island. Off the Yemeni coast,” I said without thinking.
“How do you spell that?” he asked, taking out his phone. “I want to google it.”
I spelled it for him and he typed it up and then put his phone away. “Thanks, I’m going to check it out later. So how do you guys know each other?” he asked, sitting back down all demurely.
“Funny story that—we used to date,” I said.
“Back in high school,” Ash quickly added.
And then the guy chuckled. “I bumped into my high school girlfriend a few months back and we had such a good laugh over some of the questionable fashion choices we made back in the old class of 2009.”
“Class of 2009?” I asked. “How old are you? You look younger than that.”
“I get that a lot. Can only put it down to good genes. Too lazy for a skin-care routine and too shit-scared of Botox. I stick needles into people all day, but I’m too scared to have needles stuck into me.” He smiled at me. “I’m actually thirty-four. But I went through this huge denim-from-head-to-toe stage back in the day. And I even tried to bleach my hair.”
Why did I suddenly like this guy? Why was I suddenly smiling at him?
“Ash wore this dress to prom that had so many shiny things on it, it was a literal disco ball. She could blind people with it.”
“I bet she still looked good, though.” He smiled over at her with . . . fuck . . . something totally genuine in his eyes. My stomach twitched. I looked over at Ash. This was the kind of guy that would not cause her distress, not like me. He seemed like the kind of guy who would be easy to fall in love with, and it would be uncomplicated and good.
“Yeah, she did. Prettiest girl there that night,” I said, looking at her. She was still the prettiest girl here tonight too.
Ash forced a small smile and quickly looked away.
“Do you want to join us for a drink? I won’t invite you for the entire date, if you don’t mind. I would like some time alone with the prettiest girl in the restaurant over here. But I did order a large bottle of champagne and I’m sure we could both do with it having one less glass in it.”
Damn. I liked this guy.
I looked over at Ash again and then took a step back from the table. My heart felt like it was cracking.
“Nah, I don’t want to interrupt, just wanted to come over and say hi. You guys have a good time, and make sure she gets home safely.”
And then he stood up again and took my hand. “Not to worry, I will. Nice meeting you, Max. And I’m going to check out that island.”
I shook his hand and looked at him. “Yeah, nice meeting you too.” I meant it, and I hated that I meant it. And then I walked away. I walked upstairs to my office and collapsed on the sofa there.
I loved her too much to see her unhappy. And if this guy was going to make her happy, then I needed to step away. And he seemed like the perfect guy for her. Not like me. This guy was a smooth ride in a luxury SUV . We had been like a rally car, tearing around, turning sharp corners, making our heads spin.
I put my hands over my face and felt like squeezing my head off. I needed to get her out of my mind. At least I didn’t have to worry about her tonight. That guy was too much of a gentleman to let anything happen to her.
Handsome, nice Dr McNiceguy.
You need to let her go. You need to let her go. The thought repeated over and over again.
What I really needed was a fucking distraction. I needed to get her off my mind in some way. Any way. If I carried on thinking about her and Dr McNiceguy downstairs, or her and what was probably going to happen later tonight with Dr McNiceguy, I was going to drive myself insane. If I carried on like this, I was afraid of self-combusting, blowing myself to little pieces and then never being able to put myself back together again. So I turned to the only distraction I could think of, the only one that I’d used in the last thirteen years. I picked my phone up and sent a message.
Max: Hey, what you doing tonight?
Bianca: So weird, I was just thinking about you.
Max: What a coincidence, I was thinking about you too.
Bianca: And what exactly where you thinking about?
I was about to type something filthy about our naked bodies when—
“Fuck!” I dropped my phone on my desk and walked away from it. What the hell was I doing? I turned and looked back at the glowing screen and folded my arms in defiance of it. I couldn’t do this. Not anymore. Not since Ash. Being with her had changed everything, had changed me, and there was no way I would ever be able to go back to the way I was, even if she and I were never together again. I walked back to the phone and started typing again.
Max: I have a confession to make . . .
Bianca: What?
She clearly thought this was still part of the flirtation.
Max: I’ve fallen in love with someone.
Bianca: What?
Max: Well, I’ve actually realized that it’s more like I’ve always been in love with them.
Bianca: I’m kind of confused here???
Max: What I’m trying to say is that I’m not going to sleep with you tonight. Or any night. And I’m sorry that I messaged you like this. It was wrong of me.
Bianca: WTF , Max!
Max: Bianca, you’re gorgeous and funny and smart and a serious catch.
Bianca: Are you drunk or something?
Max: No. I’m sober. More sober than I think I’ve ever been.
Bianca: I’m seriously still confused here.
Max: Let me unconfuse you. I’m no good for you. You deserve to find someone that will love you the way you deserve to be loved and then love them back as hard as you can! It’s taken me thirteen years to figure this out, and this is going to sound cheesy as hell, but it’s about love, Bianca. It’s all about love. That’s the thing that really matters. It might be the only thing that matters.
Bianca: I can’t figure out if that is the weirdest thing anyone has ever said to me, or the nicest thing?
Max: Well, I was going for the latter.
Bianca: Well then, I guess, thanks . . . ?
Max: Take care, Bianca.
I put my phone back down on my desk. It felt very final. It was. I was putting that part of my life away as well.