The Family Behind the Walls

25. Jordanna

TWENTY-FIVE

JORDANNA

OCTOBER 8TH, 1943 – ?óD?, POLAND

We’ve been running as if we’re ping-pong balls bouncing from side to side, looping around trees and crouching beneath large, leaning tree trunks. I don’t know how much farther I can run. My lungs are burning, and my throat is tight. My legs are merely thin sticks holding me up and this speed is too much. “Papa, I can’t.”

“We’re almost there,” he says between gasping breaths, running backward for a few seconds as he searches the area again. “We must have lost him—if there was someone following us. It’ll be easier to hide when we reach the field.”

Alfie wraps his arm around me, hoisting me around his shoulder to take the burden of some of my weight in addition to his own. He’s in no better shape than I am but he doesn’t seem to be struggling as much.

He curls his hand around my waist, gripping me tightly as we continue running from whatever might be chasing us. The surrounding sounds are bouncing off the trees, making it impossible to know what direction the source is.

A cloud of glowing fog appears in the distance between some trees. For all I know, these woods could go on and on, but maybe it’s a way out. With every heavy step, my organs rattle in my body, my brain sloshes around in my head. Everything aches. We reach the fog and there’s a warmth within the cloud, the sun must be shining through on the other side.

A dirt road across from a sprawling field is what finds us on the other side. “Where are we?” I ask Papa.

He pulls out his beloved black compass from his pocket, clicks it open, stares at the markers, then closes his eyes before counting something under his breath. “Through the field. Just another ten minutes or so.”

“Until what?” I cry out.

“We get to the train station.”

“Papa,” I say with a wheeze. “What in the world are we going to do at a train station? We’re registered Jews and now escapees of an imprisoned ghetto.”

“I’m here, Jordanna. I’ll take care of you now,” he says, reaching for my chin, taking a long moment to stare into my eyes. My heart aches. We shouldn’t be standing here. Someone or something was following us in the woods. “Are you all right, Alfie?”

Alfie doesn’t respond. He’s studying every direction from where we’re standing. He also didn’t hear him. Papa wouldn’t know about Alfie’s ears. We didn’t know before he and Mama were taken from us.

“He can’t hear you,” Lilli tells Papa.

Papa pinches his lips. “I’m sorry,” he says, shaking his head. He taps Alfie on the shoulder and gives him a nod, nudging his head toward the field.

From a higher elevation on the dirt road, I didn’t realize how tall the wheat was. It isn’t tall enough to cover the top of our heads, but we can easily duck down if need be. Papa leads the way, pushing through the wheat to clear a path for us to move through.

It’s a harder walk than the woods would have been with sharp prickly awns whipping back at us. From behind me, Alfie tries to grab the handfuls of wheat roots from Papa’s grasp to keep the path open but we’re moving too quickly to keep up with one another.

I can’t see behind Alfie and maybe it’s for the best, but I’m worried someone could be following us and we wouldn’t hear them over the crinkles and crackles of the roots we’re stepping on.

It feels as if an hour has passed when more trees appear on the horizon. I fear another hike through the trees.

“Don’t worry. The woods are shallow,” Papa huffs.

Once we reach the shade of the overbearing trees, I stop to catch my breath, holding my hands against my shaking knees. “Where will we take the train to? What about Max? He was taken to ?ód?, close to where we were. We need to find him.”

“Yes, I know. I—we need to get you to safety first.”

“You know where Max is too?” I ask.

“Yes. He’ll be fine. Come along.”

“He’s not fine, Papa. He wrote me a letter weeks ago. They were working him to the bone.”

Papa takes in a deep breath and releases the air slowly. “Jordanna, I need to get the three of you to a safe place first. Trust me, sweetheart.”

“I miss Max too,” Lilli says, resting her head on Papa’s shoulder.

Papa swallows hard and presses on through the woods. It isn’t long before the sound of chugging steam and the whistling of an engine whirs toward us.

“How are you going to get tickets?” I ask Papa.

“We aren’t. The sun is beneath the horizon and the darkness will be in our favor. Once the train begins to move, we’re going to make a running leap for the open second-to-last freight car. The conductors don’t check tickets there.”

What if we’re not fast enough? Who is going to get on first? What if Papa goes first and the rest of us can’t catch up?

“Jordanna, you and Alfie are going to go first, and I’ll make sure Lilli and I get on after you. Just wait until I tell you to run. Can Alfie hear any sound at all?”

“Not really, but I have a way of communicating with him. I’ll tell him the plan.”

I grab Alfie’s hand and begin tapping out Morse code, the instructions Papa just gave us. It takes a moment to get all the words out but it’s important he understands completely.

“All right,” Alfie says after.

I glance back at Papa, ready to continue toward the station. “Did you just talk to him through Morse code?” Papa asks, his voice scratchy with phlegm.

“Yes.”

“You make me very proud. I don’t quite have words to describe what I’m feeling at the moment, but you are something special. All of you are.”

His eyes fill up, but tears don’t escape. He wipes his face on his sleeve and clears his throat. The train whistles again and Papa’s gaze darts toward the tracks and he waves us along.

The woods line the tracks, only a dozen steps away at most. The back of the train isn’t far from us, just a minute or two’s walk to meet the rear-end cars. There are metal steps leading toward the closed freight door. I hope it isn’t locked.

The grind of metal against metal warns us the train is about to move. We’re still hidden within the shadows of the trees, needing to run the twelve or so steps to the metal railing. Papa’s hand is on my shoulder. “Hold on,” he says. A whoosh of steam spouts, and Papa nudges me forward. “Go now. Go.” I have Alfie by the hand, and we make a run for it, he takes the lead, catching the railing before me and yanks me up onto the step, pushing me back against the car door.

“Stay there. I’m going to help your Papa,” he tells me.

Papa is running with Lilli in his arms, needing to speed up a bit more than the pace we were going, but grabs a hold of the railing and flings himself and Lilli up to the steps. Alfie snatches Lilli from Papa’s arm and I turn around and silently pray the car door isn’t locked. I yank on the lever, the rusty metal groaning and vibrating against my hand. The door slides on its own just a bit, telling me we’ll be able to get inside. I push it open the rest of the way and grab the inside wall to twist myself in and against the wall. The other three do the same and Papa secures the car door, closing us inside.

Air pours through an open window at the top of the car, and I look around, realizing we’re not in a freight car as we thought, but instead among horses. Brown horses line both sides of the car walls, with troughs and rope, keeping them secure to their spot. They seem to all be staring at us but at the same time don’t seem very bothered by our presence.

“Sit down here,” Papa says, pointing to the floor beside the door. We do as he says. He follows, leans back against the wall and runs his hands across the top of his head.

“Where’s Mama?” Lilli asks.

It’s the only question I’ve wanted to ask Papa, and the only question I’m fearful of an answer to. And he hasn’t said a word about her. He would have if there was something to say. Mama has been my guiding light and I can’t lose her. I can’t go through life without her. I need to believe she’s still waiting somewhere for us.

Papa lowers his head as if with shame. “I don’t know, little mouse. When we were taken to aid with the aftermath of the firestorm, I was grabbed from behind and dragged to a building still in flames, instructed to go inside and pull out anyone who was still alive. They didn’t give me a chance to tell your Mama I had to help elsewhere, and when I returned to the square, she was gone. No one could tell me where she went, and I still don’t know. I’ve been trying to find all of you, all this time, I haven’t stopped searching.”

“How will we ever find her? And what about Max?” I press.

“We need to go to a refugee camp in Hungary. It’s going to take a bit to make our way through Poland, then Slovakia, but Germany has yet to occupy Hungary. I know a place we can go. Once I have you settled, I’ll return for the rest of our family.”

“No, Papa, I don’t want to leave your side again,” Lilli cries out.

He pulls her onto his lap and wraps his arms around her. “I don’t either, but?—”

“No, Papa,” she pleads. And it’s the most heartbreaking sound in the world.