The Family Behind the Walls

27. Jordanna

TWENTY-SEVEN

JORDANNA

OCTOBER 9TH, 1943 – SOUTHERN POLAND

It took a long while for Lilli to settle down and fall asleep on Papa’s lap. I was able to get some sleep too and through the air vents above us, sunlight is beginning to seep into the car. The educators must know we’re gone by now. I don’t want to think about what’s happened because of our disappearance. The thought makes my stomach hurt, but my stomach already aches with hunger and it’s hard to tell what pain is from where.

I watch the horses eat whatever is in the barrel in front of their noses, feeling jealous of their freedom to breathe fresh air, and eat and drink as they wish. One of the horses seems disinterested in its food, instead cleaning his backside. The thought of taking a handful of his fodder is reeling through my head. These horses are treated so well, I imagine their food must be made from common ingredients to keep them healthy.

I push myself up to my feet, finding Papa with his eyes closed and Alfie too. I’ll get enough for all of us to share. The horse is still occupied when I reach the barrel and I’m quick to scoop my hands in, taking a heaping pile to bring back to Papa, Lilli, and Alfie.

I take two careful steps away from the horse, going either unnoticed, or they aren’t fazed by my presence. I take another step away, avoiding sudden movements, but the floorboard creaks, a loud whiny groan. The horses all begin to thrash their necks, their manes wild in the air. Growling sounds echo between the walls. I’ve never heard horses make such terrifying noises before. The apparent anger follows neighs and horseshoes clomping back and forth, shaking the car.

Papa jumps up to his feet, pulling Lilli up with him. The movement wakes Alfie and he follows Papa to his feet too.

“What happened?” Papa calls out before spotting the heap of fodder in my hands.

“I’m sorry, Papa,” I cry out. “I was?—”

“Come here. Come here.” He reaches out for me and pulls me to stand behind him, along with Lilli. “The shouts—I hear shouting. The SS are making their way back to this car. They’ll find us.”

“Where are we going to go?” I ask, shaking against the wall.

Just as my question comes out, the sound of a whistle follows the shouts Papa heard—an officer’s whistle, demanding attention and silence. The whistle continues to grow louder and louder.

“There’s no time. We need to get off the train!” Papa says.

We’re moving so fast now. I don’t know how we’ll be able to jump and make it off in one piece.

Papa struggles to open the car door, sliding it open as trees blur by us.

The whistles have grown even louder. There’s no doubt there are officers heading back here. Papa grabs Alfie’s shoulder and gives me a look, one I don’t quite understand. Regardless, Alfie does and steps forward to be the first to jump off the train. He pulls Alfie in and gives him a hug and a kiss on the head.

Then he hands Lilli over to Alfie. Papa grabs me, pulls me to his chest, and kisses the top of my head. “We can do this. We’re warriors, you and I. Always.”

The jump Alfie takes with Lilli is horrifying, watching as they roll away from the tracks. I’m holding the railings, my knuckles straining against my skin as I fear the thought of letting go. There’s no time to stall though. I turn back for Papa, waving him along to jump with me.

The whistle blows again. This time it’s a piercing loud shrill. The horses let out another wild growl, even more vicious than before. “You there!” a voice shouts.

“Jordanna, you must jump now!” The urgency in Papa’s shout makes me squeeze my eyes shut while willing myself to jump. But my legs won’t move.

“I’m scared!” I cry out, turning back for Papa’s hand. Except, the train door is closing, leaving me with a split second view of his face, void of emotions, pale, then leaving me with nothing more than the sight of a steel panel in his place.

No.

“Papa?” I scream.

The numbing realization that Papa is still inside, and I’m out here causes me to lose my grip on the metal rung, forcing me air bound, away from the speeding train.

My body slams against the unforgiving hard ground, sending me rolling and rolling without the ability to stop.

The world spins around me, trees are upside down, sideways, and every which way.

Once I stop moving, I try to push myself up by my arms, looking toward the train, but it keeps moving, disappearing into a distant fog. There’s no sight of Papa reopening the train door to jump. My momentary fear cost us everything. He must have closed himself inside the train, allowing himself, and himself only, to be caught by the officer.

I’m the one who disturbed the horses, and I’m the one who took too long to jump. I should have been the one caught, not him. It’s all my fault. “Papa!” I scream, reaching for the train as it disappears into the thin fog. I keep screaming, crawling in the direction of the train, not knowing what else to do. Alfie jumps on top of me and pulls me in, holding me so tightly against his chest I can’t scream any more. I open my eyes, finding blood dripping down his hand. Even in the middle of this horrifying moment, as my world is shattering around me, the strong hold of Alfie’s embrace numbs the pain. I wish he could numb it forever, but I can’t ask him to be that person for me. Not now. Not with our lives in turmoil.

“Where’s Lilli?” I pull away, finding her behind Alfie, curled up into a ball, crying.

I’m bleeding too. My legs and hands.

Alfie struggles to stand through his obvious pain, but still grabs Lilli, lifting her into his arms before pulling me up to my feet and wrapping his arm around me. He doesn’t take a pause before pulling us toward a small opening in the woods. Another dark entrance that could lead to only God knows where.