The First Loss: Vaelor x Elora (Rogue X Ara Book 3)

Chapter 11

My hands trembled harder with each passing hour since the metal band had been slipped around my finger.

Were we sure it was merely a ring? It felt like a chain—the smallest of shackles with the heaviest weight.

My entire left side felt heavier as Alivia and I followed behind Godrick to the meeting, my eyes unfocused but hovering on the bottom of his flowing black cape trimmed in gold.

We were mere minutes from the room that held the King of Ravaryn and his council, but I couldn’t be bothered to feel excitement or nervousness or anything at all. No, I felt…nothing, as though my heart were protecting me from the inevitable breakdown, but not here, not now. Tonight. Tonight, I could fall apart and shatter into pieces on the floor. Tonight, I could flood my room with tears until there were none left to be shed.

But for now, I was grateful for the shield of numbing hollowness.

Even my breaths felt forced, like if I didn’t remind myself, I would simply stop breathing. My heart didn’t race any longer, but each thump nearly made me wince. Perhaps my rib cage was bruised from the force of my heart pounding against it just hours ago, because I had never felt an ache in my chest like this.

My feet had walked along on their own accord as my mind wandered—or rather, didn’t think at all—and stopped when Godrick’s did. We stood by as one guard knocked twice and another announced what I assumed was our arrival on the other side of the closed double doors; I could hardly hear anything over the ringing in my ears, or maybe it was cotton, or maybe my ears simply refused to listen to anything else. Not after today, not after the words I had forced them to endure in the orchard. I might as well have had my head underwater.

Two men pulled the doors open, revealing those inside, but my gaze stayed on Godrick’s cloak, billowing behind him as he strode forward. Alivia slid an arm into mine, hooking our elbows, and led me to the side of the room, where we stood with other higher-ranking officials.

As Godrick moved away, my gaze fell to a beam of silvery-white washing over the black-tiled floor from the window. The two panes of glass were propped open, allowing the soft sound of falling rain to fill the silence as people waited for one of the two kings to begin.

It was almost comforting, the silence. All I wanted to do was stare until I no longer saw anything around me and sink further into the world confined in my skull. I didn’t want to listen or look or exist. I wanted silence, isolation, and a hefty glass of wine, a bottle, even. I wanted my scream to be the only thing I heard. I wanted?—

“I want to renegotiate,” a distinctly familiar voice said.

My entire being froze, listening. Ice poured through my veins. My lower lip trembled, but I forced my face to lift toward the voice, knowing what—who I would find.

Two silver eyes looked back at me.

Silver. Eyes.

Silver.

Silver.

Silver.

Why? Why would Wryn be here? Why was he standing next to…

Every memory flashed behind my eyes so fast, my head spun, and I tightened my grip on Alivia’s arm to keep from swaying.

“Wryn?” I breathed.

“Wrynwood,” Alivia corrected. “Vaelor Wrynwood.”

I’m going to collapse. Tingling replaced the numbness in my extremities, my chest rising and falling too quickly. I tried to take a slow breath, but he looked at me.

He looked at me.

Across the room, despite every watchful eye. A dozen people stood among us, and he looked at me.

Wryn, with a blue, velvet cloak and a silver crown on his head, looked at me.

Why is he looking at me?

My attention snapped to Godrick, his expression as confused as I felt, eyes wide and brows furrowed. He slowly followed Wryn’s gaze to me, and we locked eyes. I shook my head faintly, not knowing what else to do before his gaze returned to Wryn.

“There’s been peace between Auryna and Ravaryn for over a hundred and fifty years, peace you established with my great grandfather,” Godrick said. “Why would we need to renegotiate?”

Against every screaming instinct, I faced Wryn to find his gaze still firmly locked on me, as silver and blazing as ever. It remained, unwavering, as he spoke his next words to Godrick. “If you want to keep that peace, I want her.”

The blood drained from my face, and the engagement ring suddenly felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. I don’t know why, but my other hand found it and spun the gold band around my finger. Wryn didn’t miss the movement. I knew he wouldn’t because he never did. A muscle ticked in his jaw, and the room grew tense, a few men whispering and discreetly stepping away from Wryn as thunder rumbled in the distance, the sky darkening. When his gaze lifted from my hands, it crawled up my body so languidly that an uncomfortable amount of time passed. I shifted on my feet, my cheeks burning furiously.

“Elora? You want…Elora?” Godrick asked, shaking his head. “She’s engaged—as of this morning, actually.”

Wryn’s head snapped to him with a ferocity I had never seen in him before, and I jumped at the abruptness, but time slowed as he stepped closer to Godrick and looked down at him, standing at least a foot taller, a silver light illuminating Godrick’s face. “If you want to keep the peace, I. Want. Her.”

Godrick didn’t shrink away. Instead, he met Wryn’s gaze with the fierceness of not just a king but a father. “She’s my daughter,” he whispered, his hands clenched into fists at his sides.

Wryn’s face softened slightly. “I know, and I will treat her with nothing but respect.”

“Why?” Godrick’s brows furrowed, his eyes imploring. “Why do you want her? You don’t know her. She will not?—”

“My reasons are mine and mine alone.”

“I cannot…” He shook his head before tipping it back to the ceiling with closed eyes. He inhaled slowly before meeting Wryn’s gaze again. “I will not force her to go. If she goes, that’s her decision.”

Panic clawed at my tightening throat when they both turned to me. I clutched Alivia’s arm for dear life, glancing up at her, only to find she was already staring at me in bewilderment, her eyes bulging and mouth hanging open in a slight smile. She nodded faintly, giving my arm a quick squeeze.

The weight of every gaze in the room was too much. My ears rang. My throat went dry—so dry and tight, I didn’t even know if I could utter the word yes…or no. I wanted to run out of the room, out of the estate, out of Wryn’s reach. I wanted to crawl out of my damned skin.

But I didn’t because I was Godrick’s daughter.

I took a slow, deep breath, my heart thundering as I pulled my trembling arm from Alivia’s and shifted my attention to Wryn. He stood tall, his shoulders back and chin high, the crown atop his head glittering with blue stones, the metal shaped into bolts of lighting that wound through his dark hair. I tried to find the Wryn I knew—the gentle artist, the friend who wrote me again and again, then surprised me at the ball with flowers and a grin, the man who pushed me against the wall and devoured me, the coward who ran from me when I admitted my feelings.

At least if I saw the coward, I could feel sympathy for him.

But he wasn’t here. This man was not my Wryn.

This man was a…king.

My stomach bottomed out as it suddenly dawned on me, as if it hadn’t fully hit me minutes ago, and I quickly locked my knees before my legs gave way, weak and trembling beneath the pink chiffon. I glanced down and cringed at the multitude of apple blossoms, swallowing hard against the rising knot in my throat.

This damned dress wrenched the dagger of lies in my gut. I wanted to rip that dagger from my insides and cut the dress from my body. Fuck being naked in front of everyone. I didn’t even think I would truly care in this moment. I would let my heart bleed out onto the floor to not be clothed in Wryn’s flowers before him.

Wryn was a king.

Wryn was the King.

Wryn was Vaelor Wrynwood. The Kind King. The Unmarried. The Storm Bringer.

My eyes darted to the window for a split second, the rain pelting the glass, the storm that had interrupted our engagement, before turning back to Wryn, the man who stood in the lightning six months ago.

Wryn was a liar.

I couldn’t stop the scowl twisting my expression, a bitterness filling my mouth, my hands balling into fists at my sides. Dismissing Wryn entirely, I said to Godrick, “I’ll do it. I’ll go.”

Godrick strode toward me to grab my hands, his head tilted, the crease between his brows furrowing deeper. “Elora, are you sure?”

I closed my eyes in search of some semblance of solitude. No. “Yes.”

After my agreement, I was whisked away, and everything happened in a blur. A woman named Iaso entered my chambers at some point, and my world was thrown on its axis yet again.

With deep brown skin kissed with gold and amber eyes, I recognized her immediately. Despite my silence, she was kind and warm. She spoke freely, speaking to me like a friend, and brought another dress for me to change into. I didn’t know how I knew, but I did. I knew in my bones this was at Wryn’s request. He didn’t want me to ruin this sweet apple blossom gown.

“Are we riding back to Ravaryn?” I asked.

“Yes,” Iaso replied as she pulled two dresses from her bag and held them up, glancing between the two. “We thought maybe you could wear a more comfortable dress, one less…special.”

“No, I’ll wear this. Thank you, though.”

She lifted a brow. “Are you sure? I don’t mind letting you borrow one of mine. It’s a long journey, several days of travel.”

“I’m sure,” I said with a nod. If Wryn wanted to protect this dress, then I wanted to destroy it, cover it in mud and muck, tear the hems, fray the ends. I wanted the pink to turn black.

I wanted to upset Wryn as he did me. It was petty and childish, I knew it was, but I couldn’t help it—or maybe I could. Maybe I could try to make the best out of an inevitable situation, but I didn’t want to. Not yet.

It wasn’t Wryn who gave me this gown, though, and I needed to see the woman who did. I needed her and my sister, but I had a sneaking suspicion the moment they entered, the numbness would dissipate and I would burst into tears. I probably needed that, a good cry with my people before I sealed this emotion off—something I didn’t do often.

I cleared my throat. “Do you know where my…mother is? She hasn’t come to say goodbye yet.”

Iaso tilted her head to the side, a sympathetic smile curving her lips. “They’ll be by soon.”

Not long after that, she was gone, and there was another knock on the door. Alivia and Emma entered, Alivia with a phony smile, but Emma…

“Oh, Mother,” I managed through my burning throat, my eyes brimming with tears. My hand flew to my mouth when a choked sound broke free. I didn’t call her Mother often, but she was. She was my mother, and I was leaving her, leaving them all.

Her eyes were red and swollen, her bottom lip still trembling like she was barely holding herself together, but the moment “Mother” left my mouth, she broke too. She ran to me and threw her arms around my shoulders in the tightest hug she’d ever given me. I couldn’t breathe, but I didn’t need air. I needed her. I needed Alivia. I needed my family.

My tears fell faster than the steady rain pelting my window, and I sobbed into her shoulder with Alivia’s hand on my back for what could have been hours. When I finally looked up, a deep wave of exhaustion threatened to take me under.

“You should know, they decided it would be best to keep your departure with him a secret, for now at least,” Emma said.

My brows furrowed, and Alivia and I asked simultaneously, “Why?”

Emma shook her head. “Safety, I suppose? I wish I knew specifics. Godrick merely said that Vaelor requested secrecy. No one outside of your father’s circle is to know.”

“That’s…” My voice trailed off when I realized I was spinning the engagement ring around my finger again. I looked down at it before pulling it off slowly and handing it to Alivia, closing her fingers around it. “Don’t tell Evander why I left or where I went. Tell him…Tell him I left to travel. Tell him I got cold feet, but that I do love him, as a friend. Tell him he deserves better and that I’m sorry. So, so sorry.”

My heart broke for him, the kind, goofy man I’d known nearly my entire life. He did deserve better than this, and while I didn’t want to hurt him, I was marginally relieved I didn’t have to marry him—but this was worse. This was taking me from my family.

My poor heart broke for both of us, no longer protected by numbness. No, now it was distinctly painful, breath-stealing, demanding to be felt.

Alivia nodded and slipped the ring into her pocket with one hand but held onto mine with her other, refusing to release me, her face strained.

“You’ll have to go soon,” Emma said.

I clutched both of their hands, closing my eyes and committing the feel of them to memory. “I know.”

“You’ll be okay,” Alivia said, her voice deathly serious. I opened my eyes to her, and my head jerked back a few inches at her expression, burning with intensity. “I’m serious, Elora. You will be okay. More than that, you’ll thrive. You’ll reside with King Vaelor in Draig Hearth, and you will live. Do you hear me? You live, Elora. Live. Bake and read and explore and smile and laugh. Do you understand me? You do not let this dull you, because you’ve always been bright, far too bright for this world, and if you weren’t in it, then…who knows? We may all be plunged into darkness.”

I didn’t know how or what to say. She had never spoken like that, but Goddess… “I love you, Liv.”

“I love you, too, El.” Her voice cracked on that last syllable, but she cleared her throat, lifted her chin, and any emotion slid from her face, carefully hidden behind her mask of royalty, just as she had always been taught to do.

“You will bring him to his knees,” Emma said quietly. We both swiveled to her, shocked. “Such is the power of a woman. You can bring any man to his knees, and this time, it will be the King of Ravaryn. You do not break, Elora. You bend, but never the knee. You never surrender. Not to any man. Ever.”

They didn’t know the King of Ravaryn had already knelt before me for entirely different reasons, but chills spread over my skin regardless, a renewed strength rushing through my veins. I nodded once and squeezed their hands. “I will not surrender.”

“No, you will not,” Alivia whispered.

With that, she kissed the back of my hand and released me. Emma did the same, and then, with one last sympathetic glance, I was alone.

Utterly alone.

I glanced around the room, the one I’d stayed in every year for as long as I could remember, every inch tainted with memories and love, especially after Wryn had come into the picture. He’d become associated with these peace treaty meetings, long before I knew of his actual association. He’d become the reason for my excitement, and now…

The walls were closing in, the memories suffocating. I was drowning in nostalgia, my lungs filling with regret before I had even left the estate.

I sucked in a deep breath, snatched my bag off the bed, and walked out the door without another look back.

When I made it to the courtyard, horses were already prepared, Iaso and her male friend already atop theirs. Godrick’s face was tight, his hand motioning through the air as he spoke with Wryn who stood by with two sets of reins in hand.

A subtle wave of relief washed over me. At least I would have my own horse.

Wryn spotted me first, his head swiveling in my direction. I averted my gaze to Godrick who stopped everything and strode toward me with a sad smile and that deep furrow between his brows. My feet stilled where I was, and I dropped my bag when he neared me with open arms. As he threw them around me, my breath hitched, and tears threatened to fall again. I slowly wrapped my arms around his waist when my body was wracked with a held-back sob.

“You are so brave,” he whispered.

I shook my head against his chest, fighting to not start crying again. “I learned from the best.”

He released a breathy chuckle and tightened his hug. “We love you.”

“I love you all too.”

With that, I steeled my nerves, stood tall, and gave him one last smile. He returned it with one as false as they came; the corners of his watery eyes didn’t wrinkle. I would miss that sight.

Peeking around him, I found Wryn atop his horse with averted eyes.

“I’ll see you later.” I refused to say a final goodbye. I would see him later. My hand landed on his arm to give a quick pat as I walked around him, taking a slow breath.

“See you later,” he mumbled behind me.

My horse, a dappled gray, remained still and steady as I grabbed the horn of the saddle, slid my foot into the stirrup, and hauled myself up. I didn’t so much as look at Wryn when he clicked his horse forward. I merely stared ahead, looking much farther than my eyes could see.

I looked to the apple orchard, to the border mountains and Ravaryn, to the crashing sea and Draig Hearth.

I looked to the future, because it was inevitable and rushing toward me faster than I ever could’ve imagined.