33. CARLEEN
Chapter thirty-three
CARLEEN
The kitchen feels quieter than usual, save for the faint hum of the fridge and the obnoxious slurp of Ryder sipping his coffee from across the room. I scrub at a stubborn spot on the counter, pretending I don’t notice him. But I do. Oh, I definitely do. He’s perched on one of the barstools, broad shoulders hunched slightly as he holds his mug with those ridiculously big hands.
Another loud slurp cuts through the silence.
I sigh, dropping the rag with a wet smack and turning around. Ryder’s eyes—those sharp, clear blue ones—are already locked on me, unreadable under the faint crease of his brow.
“You’re not even drinking that,” I say flatly, crossing my arms over my chest.
His lips twitch like he’s fighting a smirk. “Just enjoying the atmosphere.”
“Bullshit.” I jab a finger in his direction. “What’s going on, Ryder? You’re acting weirder than usual. And considering your usual is lurking silently in corners like some broody gargoyle, that’s saying something.”
His smirk finally breaks free and it’s unfair how devastating it looks on his face. I called him a fucking gargoyle and he’s just sitting here, like he walked out of a goddamn magazine. Unfortunately, he did. I have several of them in my living room.
He sets the mug down with deliberate care, his long fingers lingering around the handle. I brace myself, fully expecting some half-assed explanation or a deflection. What I don’t expect is him rising from the stool and closing the distance between us in three slow, calculated steps.
His presence is huge . Ryder’s always been larger-than-life, but right now, he’s everywhere—crowding my senses, filling the space around me. And when he stops in front of me, just close enough that I have to tip my chin up to meet his gaze, I stop breathing altogether.
“Carleen,” he says, voice low, rough, a bit of his Alpha purr pushed into that one word. Before I can form a single thought, his hands come up—one cradling the side of my face, the other sliding around to the small of my back—and then his mouth is on mine.
I don’t even think. My body reacts on instinct, arms wrapping around his neck as I melt into him. He kisses me like he’s been holding back for years, like he’s finally letting go of whatever leash he’s had on himself. It’s intense, consuming, and I’m right there with him, tilting my head to give him whatever he wants.
He lifts me without breaking the kiss, setting me down on the kitchen counter like I weigh nothing. His hands grip my thighs, keeping me anchored to him as his lips move against mine, pulling soft, breathless sounds from deep in my chest. But then my brain catches up with my body and a flicker of panic shoots through me.
“Ryder,” I whisper against his mouth, my hand pressing flat against his chest. “Red.”
He stops immediately. Like a switch has flipped, he pulls back, his forehead resting against mine as he takes a deep, steadying breath. His broad chest rises and falls under my palm, and when he finally lifts his head, his expression nearly undoes me. There’s regret there, shame even, but mostly— goddess —there’s so much care.
“I’m sorry,” he rasps, voice barely more than a whisper.
“Don’t,” I say quickly, wrapping my arms around his neck again and pulling him closer until his head rests on my shoulder. “Don’t apologize, Ryder. You didn’t do anything wrong. I just… I need a second.”
He nods against me, his breath warm against my neck. My fingers find their way into the short strands of his dirty blonde hair and I hold him there, my chest tight with something I can’t quite name. It feels fragile and massive all at once and I know if I let it slip away, I’ll regret it forever.
After a moment, he lifts his head, his blue eyes soft now, vulnerable in a way I rarely get to see. His hands settle on my thighs again, thumbs brushing over the fabric of my leggings.
“Carleen,” he says softly, voice steady despite the way his fingers tighten just slightly on me. “Can I be your Alpha? Will you let Ashton and I take care of you? Will you be ours?”
The weight of his question settles heavily between us, but it’s not suffocating. It feels… warm. Safe. I’ve been waiting weeks for this very moment, for Ryder or Ashton to make it official. We’ve all been busy in our own little projects, finding time for each other as life tries to drag us apart. I knew that there was never a good time but it still made it hard that we’d spend time together but it was always goodnight, watching them leave down those stairs.
My lips curl into a soft smile. “Yeah, Ryder. I’d love that.”
The relief that floods his face is immediate and so raw that it punches straight through my chest. He exhales shakily, leaning forward to press a lingering kiss to my forehead, his lips staying there for just a second longer than necessary.
I’m not sure why but Ryder and Ashton make me feel safer than any other Alpha I’ve ever been with. Ryder is the perfect amount of calm in every stressful situation whereas Ashton reminds me that not everything has to be perfect. That it can be messy and chaotic and still wholly ours.
Even in this moment with Ryder's hands moving slowly up and down my thighs, I don’t feel as terrified or out of place as I thought I would be. Maybe it’s too soon and maybe I’ll freak myself out but I want more than just the kisses and his firm touch.
So, I direct his lips back to mine, silently giving him permission to take more. Ryder steps forward, pressing himself against me, his cock thickening against my inner thigh. I cling to him, waiting for the inevitable panic to surge through me but it isn’t there. It’s just love and adoration and something wholly Ryder. "Are you sure, Carleen?" Ryder's deep voice breaks the silence, his eyes searching mine for any hint of hesitation.
"Yes," I whisper, my voice steady despite the turmoil inside. I want this, need it, even if I don’t fully understand why. I lean forward, my lips brushing against his softly, a gentle kiss that belies the intensity of our desires. As our lips parted, I speak, my voice trembling slightly. "I want to be yours and Ashton's. I want a family to call my own. I don't know why, but I feel safe with you, Ryder. I want to try..."
A single tear escapes down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away, embarrassed by my own vulnerability. I trust Ryder, but sharing my deepest insecurities isn’t easy. "I want this with Ashton too…" I trail off, struggling to find the right words. This feels like a pivotal moment in our relationship and yet, I'm hoping it isn't the end. That one day it will be Ashton spending the night with me or both of the St. James overwhelming me at some point.
Ryder's eyes soften, a small smile playing on his lips. "That'll happen sooner than you know. It’s only a matter of time. I see the way you two look at each other but right now, it's just you and me, Carleen. No one else matters."
His words sent a shiver down my spine. I know he’s right, but hearing him say it makes my heart race. I nod, taking a deep breath, steeling myself for what is to come.
"Use your words, Carleen," Ryder whispers, his voice hoarse with desire. "Tell me if you need me to stop. I'll respect your wishes, always."
I nod again, my heart pounding in my chest. "I want this, Ryder. I trust you."
With gentle hands, Ryder reaches for the hem of my shirt, slowly pulling it over my head, revealing my bare skin. His touch is electric, sending sparks of desire through my body. I arch my back slightly, offering myself to him, and he responds by caressing my breasts, his thumbs grazing my nipples through my bra, causing me to gasp.
"You're so beautiful," he murmurs, his warm breath tickling my ear. "So damn perfect."
I close my eyes, savoring the sensation of his hands on my body. I want more, need to feel him, to be closer. I reach for his shirt, my fingers fumbling with the buttons, eager to expose his chiseled chest. As I finally succeed, I let my hands roam over the expanse of black ink covering his skin, feeling the heat radiating from him.
Ryder steps closer, his body pressing against mine, his erection, hard and insistent, firm against my thigh. My hands find the button and zipper of his pants, and with a quick movement, I free him from his constraints. His cock springs free, thick and heavy, and I can’t help but let out a soft moan.
He groans, his head falling back as I give him a few experimental strokes, his hands gripping the edge of the counter for support. "Carleen, fuck, you’re going to make me blow my load before I’m inside of you."
I smile, enjoying the power I hold over this powerful man. I want to tease him, to make him beg, but my own desire is becoming too much to bear. "I want you inside me, Ryder," I whisper, my voice husky with need. "Please..."
Ryder's eyes darken, and with a swift motion, he positions me on the counter. My legs wrap around his waist, his hardness pressing against my core, seeking entrance. "Are you sure, baby? We can take it slow," he pants, his breath hot against my neck. I can feel him at the edge of his restraint. He’s wanted this since the first day I met him and I can’t think of a better Alpha to share myself with.
I nod, my hands gripping his shoulders, urging him on. “Yes, absolutely sure.”
With one powerful thrust, he fills me, stretching me until it’s almost painful. I cry out, my body welcoming his invasion, my muscles clenching around him. Ryder begins to move, his hips snapping forward, driving into me with a primal rhythm. The counter beneath me shakes with each powerful stroke and I hold on tightly, my nails digging into his shoulders.
"Fuck, Carleen, you feel so good," he grunts, his eyes locked with mine, his expression fierce and possessive. "So tight..."
Ryder pounds into me, his pace relentless, his cock hitting my sweet spot with every thrust. I am lost in a haze of pleasure, my body on fire, my mind consumed by the raw, animalistic act of claiming and being claimed.
"You're mine, Carleen," Ryder growls, his voice rough with desire. "Always remember that. One day, I'll mark you and everyone will know it."
His words send a jolt of excitement through me. I want to be his, to bear his mark, to belong to this powerful man. I arch my back, offering myself to him, my body demanding more. One day, I tell myself. Hopefully, I’ll be ready sooner than later.
Ryder's eyes widen as my pussy clenches around him, milking his cock. With a final, powerful thrust, he buries himself deep within me, his release filling me as my orgasm explodes through me. His name is a scream on my lips as I bury my face into his shoulder, lightly dragging my teeth along his skin. One day I’ll mark him too, to show everyone who Ryder St. James belongs to.
As the climax subsides, both of us are still panting, our hearts racing, our bodies slick with sweat. Ryder is still inside me, his cock still hard, and I hold him close, my arms wrapped tightly around his neck. “Is it always like this?” I ask, wondering how stupid my question sounds. After all, Alphas are supposed to be sure and steadfast in their decisions.
Ryder lovingly kisses my forehead, running his fingers through my curls. “Fuck, I hope so, Carleen. I intend on proving myself over and over to you every chance you let me.”
“I like the sound of that.” If I had given myself to Ryder a week ago, I would have terrified myself and possibly pushed them away, unable to understand what was going on in my head. Now? I couldn’t be more sure about this choice.
Ryder’s hips shift toward me and I chuckle, shaking my head, mumbling something about how he shouldn’t be ready to go already. He just responds that when it comes to his mates, he will always be ready.