The Fly-Half (Lincoln Knights #2)

Chapter Eleven

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Devon

I had no idea what the hell was going on in Jonny’s head and I was almost afraid to ask. He’d been all over the place recently and it was irritating the shit out of me.

It wasn’t even just the last few days either. It had been at least a few weeks—ever since he’d brought up the idea of my talking to Peaches. But if he hadn’t wanted me to do that, why hadn’t he said anything? I wished he’d talk to me about whatever was going on in his head, but every time I tried, he clammed up and turned defensive. Something was clearly bothering him beyond what he’d said about wanting to protect me, but I didn’t know if he’d figured out what it was.

And I couldn’t help if I didn’t have a problem to deal with.

I’d lamented all of this to Peaches on Thursday night over our cocktails, getting progressively drunker and more morose as I’d attempted to drown my sorrows in alcohol, syrup, and maraschino cherries. Poor Peaches deserved a fucking award for putting up with me, and I’d ordered him a load of cookies from Aiden as both a thank you and apology.

He’d had a lot of good advice, though, and there were a couple of things he’d said that’d stuck with me, repeating themselves over and over in the back of my mind throughout the last few days.

I wasn’t sure they were true, but I couldn’t stop thinking about them anyway.

“Devon, have you got five minutes?” West asked, sliding up to me as I finished putting my trainers on. The match was over and we’d all showered and changed, and I’d spent a very painful five minutes having the strapping tape removed from my knee. I was pretty sure I didn’t have any leg hair left underneath it and our sports therapist, Sammy, was not exactly sympathetic.

“Er, yeah, sure,” I said as I looked around to see where Jonny had gotten to.

“I sent him upstairs and said we’d catch up,” Mason said, leaning around to look at me from West’s other side. “He’s gone up to the lounge to see Ryan and Rory, who’ve agreed to run a distraction. Something about Christmas plans and the next holiday drag story time they’re doing.” He waved his hand like it wasn’t important. I frowned as I looked between the pair of them. Something was clearly going on, but I was missing the why.

I didn’t know if it was a trap, an intervention, or a fact-finding mission but, regardless, the pair of them were clearly trying to play Holmes and Watson.

If that was the case, West would be Holmes simply because he’d look better in a deerstalker.

“Okay,” I said slowly, putting my foot on the floor. “What’s up?”

“What’s going on with Jonny?” Mason asked as he stood and walked around to sit on the bench beside me. It was only the three of us left in the dressing room now, huddled together in a corner like we were plotting something.

“I don’t know,” I said, looking between them. “He’s been… off lately.”

“That’s one way of putting it,” West said.

“Yeah, I’d say he’s been a right mardy bastard,” Mason said with a chuckle, his mouth twitching with exasperated amusement.

I sighed and looked down at the floor, the mud blurring into the tiles. “I think it might be my fault.”

“Why would you think that?” West asked.

“I don’t know. He got really upset about me talking to Peaches, and at first I thought it was because he was trying to protect me because he’s seen how badly some of my exes have fucked me over.”

“If that’s the case, he needs to get his head out his ass,” Mason said, nudging his knee against mine. “You can date or fuck whoever you want. It’s none of his business.”

“I know. I told him that.”

“But that doesn’t mean he’s listened,” West said with a sigh. “I know you called him out again the other morning when he was being a dickhead about your date.”

“I’ve called him out so many times lately and nothing’s changed.” I wanted to laugh but I also wanted to cry. I had no idea what the fuck was going on with my best friend but the weight of it was starting to crush me, and I kept flitting between hope, anger, and despair. My worst fear had always been losing Jonny and now it was coming true. Maybe I should find an order of monks in France and go and live with them instead. My singing and my French were both passable enough.

“I’m sorry,” Mason said, putting his arm around my shoulder. “Want me to say something?”

“You can try but I don’t know how much good it’ll do.” I scrunched up my face as one of the things Peaches had said popped into the front of my mind. I still didn’t think it was true, but maybe it wouldn’t hurt to get a second opinion. After all, West and Mason had lived with Jonny for a couple of years now. They had to know him pretty well.

“Peaches said… he asked if Jonny could be jealous.” I looked between the pair of them, almost pleading with them to answer. “I said I didn’t think so, but Peaches wasn’t convinced. He told me to try flirting with him but…” My voice faltered and I gave up trying to finish my sentence.

West and Mason looked confused for a moment, a deep frown settling between Mason’s eyebrows. “Isn’t Jonny straight? Why would he be jealous?”

“Yeah, but up until August, you thought you were straight too,” West said with a wry smile.

“Fair point.” Mason nodded in acknowledgement. “Doesn’t explain the jealousy, though, does it?”

“It does if Jonny has feelings for Devon,” West said, rubbing his chin as his expression turned thoughtful. If he really was Holmes, he’d be smoking some sort of pipe right about now.

“He doesn’t have feelings for me,” I said quickly. It was a nice theory but one I wasn’t going to give airtime to. I couldn’t afford to give in to those kinds of fanciful notions. Not if I wanted to keep my sanity intact. “We’re just friends.”

“Even if you’re friends, he could still be jealous. It’s not an exclusively romantic emotion,” West said. “People get jealous for all sorts of reasons. Maybe he’s jealous of you spending time with other people, like he’s worried he’ll lose you as a friend.”

“That would make sense,” Mason said. “You’re his best mate and you only moved back here in the summer, plus West and I are in relationships now… maybe he’s feeling a little left out?”

“It’s still no excuse,” West said firmly. “If he’s feeling left out, he needs to talk about it rather than throwing a tantrum like a bloody toddler.”

“Maybe…” I pursed my lips slightly as I tried to think of a way to put my thoughts into words. “But why now?”

“Maybe it’s just a lot of things changing all at once.” Mason squeezed my shoulder. “Was there any reason Peaches thought Jonny might be jealous?”

“Yeah, did he think it sounded romantic?” West asked, leaning forward to look across me at Mason. “Jonny’s never done this before, right? I don’t really know much about his relationships.”

“I don’t think he’s had many,” Mason said with a frown. “Brought a few girls home, but not for a while. Maybe not even this year. I dunno. He’s never really seemed that interested in dating. You probably know more than us, Devon.”

“I don’t know much either. He’s talked about a few girls but nothing much. He’s not the bragging type.”

“Still doesn’t answer why Peaches thought his whole thing might be romantic,” West said. He was calm, but it was clear the whole situation was frustrating him. I felt the same. There was something we were missing, but none of us knew what it was. The answer was just out of reach and we were stumbling around in the dark trying to find it.

“I don’t know either,” I said.

“What exactly did you tell him?” Mason asked, sitting back and folding his arms across his massive chest. “You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want, but it might help. Three heads are better than one.”

West snorted. “At least in theory.”

“Don’t be a dickhead,” Mason said fondly. “I’m too tired to deal with that shit.” He stretched. “I just want to figure this out so I can go home and have dinner. I’m fucking starving.”

“You can go,” I said. “We don’t have to talk about this.”

“Yeah, we do,” Mason said. “Or I’m gonna hit Jonny with a wooden spoon the next time he opens his mouth to start bitching. I’m getting really bloody sick of his nonsense and I’m sure you are too.”

“A little.” The admission was hard but only because saying it aloud made it feel so real. Jonny knew I was pissed at him, that was obvious from the way we’d fought recently and the way I’d pushed back when he’d angrily declared he didn’t care who I shagged, but it was one thing to fight and another to admit it was getting to me. “I don’t want to lose him over something as stupid as a boy. It feels like maybe it’s my fault, but when I think that I get so angry because it’s not fair of him to make me feel like this. He’ll never want me the way I want him, so why the fuck can’t he let me find someone else?”

The words spilled out of me and the raw silence that followed made it seem like the whole world was holding its breath.

I’d said too much, let too many of my secrets out, and I couldn’t bring myself to look at either of the men sat beside me because I knew the second I did I’d fall apart. My feelings for Jonny were something I’d intended to take to my grave, and in three days I’d told three men, one of whom I hardly knew.

So much for secrecy.

“Hey, it’s okay,” West said, putting his arm around me and squeezing as Mason did the same from the other side. “We won’t tell a soul.”

“We promise,” Mason said. Their arms were a warm, comforting weight across my shoulders as they shuffled closer, practically enveloping me in a mountain of muscle. “And we’re not going to let you lose Jonny either.”

“I don’t think you get to decide that,” I said. It was meant to be a joke but it was very obviously not one.

Mason chuckled. “Watch me. I won’t have him fucking this up because he’s decided he can’t hold a conversation or get his head out his ass.”

“Thanks.”

“Can I ask…”

“How long?” I asked, finishing West’s sentence for him.

“Yeah,” he said. “You don’t have to tell us, though.”

“A while,” I said finally, fixing my eyes on a spot on the wall opposite us. “Long enough that I should’ve gotten over it by now. Not long enough that I’ve given up hope he might magically change his mind. But definitely long enough that I should know better.”

“We all need a bit of hope,” West said. “And people change. Not everyone knows who they are straight away. It takes some people a long time to figure it out.”

“Look at me,” Mason said. “I only figured it out this year. I thought I might be bi for a while but I never really acted on it until Ryan gave me space to explore. Some people don’t get that until they’re in their thirties or forties, even their seventies! Maybe Jonny’s just not there yet.”

“Maybe… Peaches said something like that too. The fact we’re so close, the fact he didn’t want to hear about my dates, how possessive he gets… only his suggestion was to try gently forcing his hand. See if that’d help. But I think it made him worse. If he does have feelings, he’s so unaware of them they might as well be non-existent,” I said sadly, my body sagging as all the fight drained out of me, my emotions pressing down on me like a ten-ton barbell.

“It’ll be all right,” Mason said, squeezing my shoulder again. “I promise.” He let go of me and stood up, gesturing towards the door with his head. “You go home and get some rest. Have something to eat.”

“What’re you going to do?” I asked, glancing between him and West. It didn’t feel like this conversation had really finished but it was clearly over.

“Nothing,” West said casually as he stood and stretched, showing off just how imposing his figure was.

“Nothing?”

“Nothing,” West said with a dark smile that almost looked wrong on his gentle face.

I decided it wasn’t worth asking any more questions.