Chapter 42
Claire
When Ryan’s lips touch mine for the first time, I worry for just an instant that it won’t be everything I hoped for. After all, I’ve never kissed anyone other than Zach. He was my first crush, first kiss, first boyfriend, first everything.
But my expectations are completely blown out of the water.
This is what kisses are supposed to be.
He starts slow and sweet, as if he’s just savoring the feel of my lips against his.
This is what he’s been waiting for, and he’s taking his time.
One hand stays in my hair, and the other lightly skims my waist and presses against my back, holding me to him.
I’m secure in his arms, completely sure that he’ll never let me fall.
At the faculty gala, Ryan used his words to tell me exactly what he felt.
I know conceptually that he loves me, but now I feel it.
He’s writing the proof with his lips, moving them gently across mine, every caress another line of evidence to the conclusion that he wants me.
Slow and careful, he doesn’t rush, but the way he holds and kisses me is more testimony that he cherishes me.
That I’m valuable and precious to him. That he’ll never hurt me, and that I’m safe with him.
I just hope he can tell I feel that way about him, too.
Because our time apart and the way I missed him have solidified how incredible Ryan is. He’s kind, thoughtful, generous, and considerate. He’s charismatic and funny, but it’s not just for show. It’s his genuine light shining through.
And beneath the feelings of love for Ryan and his love for me, I feel an overwhelming sense of relief. My heart pounds as we kiss, saying, Finally. This is where you’re meant to be.
After kissing for what feels like both way too long and not long enough, we head to the beach.
I’ve never been to Hawaii before, and despite the fact that I’ve grown up in Southern California my whole life, this beach feels like it belongs on another planet.
The sand has an orange tint and is softer, without rocks digging into my soles.
And the water is pleasantly warm with gentle waves, unlike the freezing water that crashes on the shore back home.
“This is heaven,” I say, sitting in the sand next to Ryan, our hands interlocked. We’re both in our regular clothes, with him wearing his business slacks and button-down shirt from the interview, and me in my casual dress.
“It is,” he agrees, picking up our joined hands and kissing mine. My heart flutters in my chest, a feeling I’ve denied for the last three years but now embrace.
He looks up at me. “How long are you here?”
I shrug. “I just bought a one-way ticket.”
He raises his brows. “So what’s the plan?”
“I’m here as long as you are,” I say. “I’m in no rush to go home.”
He sighs happily, and the warmth in his gaze fills me down to the tips of my toes.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I pull it out to see a message from my dad. How did everything go?
I grin. “Can we take a picture and send it to my dad?”
“Sure. Did you tell him about me?”
I nod. “My mom is still processing everything, but my dad was incredibly cool about canceling the wedding and, you know, changing their plans for the future.”
“But it’s your future.”
“Exactly.” I twist around, and Ryan follows suit, so we can take a selfie with the ocean behind us. I lean my head on his shoulder, and we both have the happiest smiles. I send it to my dad, who immediately replies by sending a thumbs-up.
Ryan peeks over my shoulder. “Thumbs-up? What does that mean?”
“It means he’s happy,” I say with a laugh. “He’s not the most text-savvy. But that’s as enthusiastic of a response as we’ll get.”
“Got it.” We settle back on the beach, and Ryan wraps an arm around my waist. We watch the waves and dig our toes into the sand, contentment washing over me.
“How did you get here?” Ryan asks. “Like…what made the difference between the gala and now?”
I tell him about Annie and graduation and all the inner growth I’ve done.
“It’s…uncomfortable,” I admit. “I’m not used to my mom being upset with me.
But when I think about the two options—married to Zach or being with you—it’s not even a question.
And I wish I hadn’t waited so long to figure it out. ”
“I’m just glad you did.” He leans his head down, resting it on mine. Then we sit and watch the ocean waves roll in and out, and for the first time in a long time, I feel at peace.
We spend a week on the island. I meet Ryan’s mom, who is just as lovely as he is.
Every morning, I get up early and watch them surf while I work on my novel.
Ryan and I have breakfast at a local diner, head back to the beach or the pool at my hotel, and then go on excursions.
One day we go snorkeling in Molokini Crater.
Another day, we drive the road to Hana, and I find my favorite place in the entire world—the Seven Sacred Pools.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen anywhere more beautiful and awe-inspiring, and sharing it with Ryan makes it even more inspirational.
He lets me stand and enjoy the view for as long as I want.
The drive on the other side of the island is a little scary with all the off-roading, but it’s an amazing experience that I’ll never forget.
The day before we’re supposed to fly home, we’re lying by the pool, and Ryan gets a phone call from Haleakala Community College. He shows me his phone before answering the call. “Hello, this is Ryan.”
I can only hear Ryan’s side of the conversation, where he just says “uh-huh” and “thank you.” The conversation lasts a few minutes, and my heart races in anticipation. Finally, Ryan says, “Okay, great. I’ll get back to you.” He hangs up the call and looks at me, his expression slightly pinched.
“What happened?” I ask.
“I made it to the next round of interviews. They want me to interview with the president of the college.”
“That’s great!” I say. But inside, I feel a little twist in my stomach.
I knew before I came out here that he was interviewing for another job. He told me he didn’t think the interview went well because he got distracted thinking about me and about how he didn’t really want to be here. So I figured it wouldn’t be an issue.
But now that the opportunity is here, I don’t want to push him to come home. He seems so relaxed and happy. He fits here, and I feel guilty pulling him back home. If this is what’s better for him, I want him to do what he needs.
He holds my gaze, studying me for a minute. “You’d really be okay with that?”
“With what?”
“Me working here. Leaving you back home.”
I press my lips together. “I’d be sad. You know that.
You’re the best part of working at Coastal Vista.
But I don’t want to hold you back, either.
” I pause. “I love you, Ryan. And I feel like you’ve been hung up on me for years, and I don’t want to do that to you anymore.
Love means supporting the other person’s goals and desires.
So whatever you decide, I’ll support you. I want you to do what’s best for you.”
He studies my face for a moment, and I brace myself for the reality of living without him.
Before I can ask how we can do this long-distance, he swings his legs around on his pool chair so he’s sitting up and facing me, then leans down and presses a kiss to my lips.
“I love you, too. You’re incredible.” He picks his phone back up with a big grin on his face and dials a number.
“Hi, Jon. Thank you so much for the call, but I’m going to turn down the offer.
Yes, I know. Thank you so much. I wish you the best.” And then he hangs up.
I stare at him, trying to understand what just happened. “Wait. You’re turning it down?”
He nods. “The whole reason I even applied was because I needed to not be at Coastal Vista anymore—not when you were so close but impossible to have.”
“But you love it here.”
“Yes, but as a vacation spot. I don’t need to live here. I need to be where you are. And Coastal Vista is home to me now.” He leans in towards my face. “You’re my home.”
“Oh, good,” I say. “Because I really didn’t want to move again.”
With a chuckle, he presses a kiss to my lips.