The Funny Thing About Love

51. Nell

51

NELL

As I walk into the office on Thursday morning – the day of the Kay DeBlue show, the last official day of my internship – I honestly can’t remember a time when I’ve felt more nervous.

It’s like there are so many things rushing through my head I can’t focus on one in particular.

On the one hand, yesterday was literally one of the best days of my entire life. That twenty minutes or so when it was just me, Talia and Kay in the writers’ room was honestly like a dream. Sitting there, with my two absolute comedy heroes, pitching them my ideas . . . And they both loved them. Kay’s eyes lit up as she read the Facebook Mums sketch – she actually screamed with laughter at one point.

We did a little read-through, and she threw in some of her own ideas, which were all amazing. And then I showed them the other sketches I’d worked up, and they gave those the thumbs up too. Talia suggested making Facebook Mums the opening sketch – which traditionally has to be the strongest – and Kay fully agreed. I was so knocked out I could barely string a sentence together.

And then Nate stepped into the room, and everything changed.

As soon as he came in, the atmosphere frosted over. For the rest of the meeting, as he took Kay through all the other sketches, he literally didn’t look at me once. If I spoke – even directly to him – he never made eye contact. I think even Talia could sense how weird it was.

By the end of the meeting, we all agreed that Facebook Mums would be the opener, and Nate had confirmed that my name would be in the writers’ credits at the end of the show. I should have been walking on air – and I was – but I still have no idea what was going through his head. I don’t know if he’s angry that I refused his advances the other night, or just embarrassed. Maybe both. Whatever, he’s acting really strange towards me and it makes my stomach churn.

And to make matters even more confusing, I still have no idea what’s going on with the writers’ assistant job, and whether this week really will be my last at Punching Up. And – the cherry on top of the nerve-shredding cake – I still haven’t spoken to Charlie.

After Kay left, I spent the rest of Wednesday at my desk, typing up the final scripts for my two other sketches. I haven’t seen Charlie once. I know I’m supposed to be focusing on the show, on the job, but it’s so hard to get him out of my head.

I wish I could ask Chloe and Mica’s advice about what to do – but I still haven’t even had a chance to tell them about Charlie’s apology. As soon as I arrived home on Tuesday night, still in tears, Nate was the only thing my flatmates wanted to talk about.

When I told them about him trying to kiss me, Mica practically hit the ceiling. ‘What the actual fuck?!’ she yelled. ‘He’s the head writer and you’re a fucking intern! Do you have any idea how fucked up that is?!’

Chloe nodded. ‘She’s right, Nell. You should really tell someone about this.’

I dabbed my eyes and tried to fob them off. ‘He was just a bit pissed . . . I’m sure it won’t happen again. Maybe I was giving out signals that I liked him, I don’t know . . .’

I withered under their stares. Even as the words came out of my mouth I knew I didn’t believe them. Why the hell was I defending him? I know full well what he did was wrong. It stepped way, way over the line.

I guess I just don’t want to rock the boat. I’m on the cusp of landing my Dream Job. I don’t want anything to screw it up.

Mica was insistent though. She said I should talk to Charlie’s dad. But all I really want to do is talk to Charlie.

In a weird way, that brief kiss with Nate just hammered home how amazing – how right – kissing Charlie felt.

As I settle down at my desk, I resolve to put Charlie out of my head. There’s enough to focus on today without my mind drifting back to him. I will be seeing a sketch I’ve written performed live by one of my heroes. I will be seeing my name in the credits of my favourite show. I will maybe – maybe – get offered the job of my dreams. I can think about Charlie later.

Feeling very pleased with myself at having made this resolution, I head off to the kitchen to make some tea. Where – of course – I bump straight into Charlie.

‘Oh. Hey.’ My stomach flips as I step into the room and see him.

He straightens his back and gulps. ‘Hey.’

‘Look, Charlie –’

‘Nell, I –’

There’s an awkward pause as we both tail off to let the other finish. And then we both laugh.

‘You go,’ he says, sweeping a lock of sandy hair out of his eyes.

I take a deep breath. ‘I guess I just wanted to say . . . thank you. For the other day. For explaining. And for apologising. It . . . it meant a lot.’

Relief floods his face. ‘Nell, I meant every word of it, I swear. I am so sorry. I haven’t been able to think about anything else for the past few days.’

‘Me neither, actually,’ I mumble.

A smile creeps across his face, revealing those dimples. Oh God. I suddenly really want to kiss him again. ‘Can you forgive me?’ he asks. ‘For being such an utter, utter twat?’

I laugh again, then peek back down the corridor to make sure there’s no one coming. When I see it’s empty, I can’t hold back any longer. I take three steps towards him and reach for his hand.

But before I can kiss him, he stops me. ‘Nell – I need to tell you something first.’

My chest tightens. ‘What?’

‘Yesterday, Nate and Bishi . . .’ He sighs and fidgets on the spot. ‘They offered me a job here.’