Chapter 22
Rose is still chuckling half an hour after ending the call with Sally. How she wishes she could have been a fly on the wall to see Paul’s reaction when Sally told him those three important little words. Rose is so proud of the way her old friend stood up to her ex after all those years of being his proverbial doormat. She’s even prouder of the way Sally has changed and grown stronger in the last few months too. Sally is convinced it’s because of the inspirational garden she’s spent so much time in, and Rose tends to agree. After all, she’s had a similar experience. She might have set out to transform the garden, but she has to admit, it’s probably the other way around. Although she’s happy she’s lent a hand, the garden is a law unto itself, really, springing up new flowers, shrubs and grasses here, there and everywhere.
Rose leans her arms against the half-open stable door and gazes out at the multitude of colours bursting from the green, inhaling deeply the competing scent of garden flowers, and sea air. The passion flowers threaded through the willow arch shiver in the breeze and Rose realises it’s not just new life springing up. Over the last few months, older, forgotten-about plantings have been brought to Rose’s attention, like the willow. Under the nurturing guidance of the garden, she’s tended and nourished, watered and fed, eventually seeing the renaissance of things originally planted years ago, mostly by Glen. She likes to think they are a sign he’s always with her. She also knows he’d be proud of what she’s done. Not only for the garden, but for herself and for those dear to her.
A warmth spreads from the pit of her stomach into her chest as she realises something else. The garden has created a renaissance in her too, and in Flora, Sally, Josh and Louise. Bella has drawn sustenance from its calm sanctuary, while the children are young shoots, full of spring sap, energising all those around them. Rose remembers yesterday when Wesley wanted to show ‘Weez’ his sunflower, which he said was bigger than Molly’s now. And it is. Rose thinks Weez might have given it some plant food last time she was here, but she’ll keep that knowledge to herself.
Daisy, though she’s not here as often as the others, calls the garden her little piece of paradise, and talks to her daisies (and her dad) as she comes through the gate, and is so excited about the surprise party for Sally. She told Rose she’s organised some music too, and it would be wonderful if she would give them a song or two. Apart from family and friends in the wild garlic days, Rose has never sung in front of an audience, but she reluctantly agreed. The last few months have taught her that new things should be welcomed. New friendships, new hobbies, new ways of being, new growth. Life does have a tendency to be too short – something she witnessed on a regular basis in her years as a nurse.
Thinking of which, Louise will be here soon to plant her memory of Matthew. Louise told Rose the other day that when she sees his memory plant blooming year after year, it’ll be like part of him living on. The bees will be nourished by him, and in turn they will help to pollinate and distribute new growth in an ever-turning cycle of life. Rose thinks that’s a lovely idea. Louise also said that before she met Flora, Rose and the gang and visited the garden, the thought of planting a memory for Matthew would have brought her terrible sadness. Her main thought would have been that he was gone and she was alone. Now she’s looking forward to it with hope and acceptance. Rose takes a deep breath and hugs herself. Nature works in mysterious ways, her wonders to perform. She knows that isn’t quite right, and might be seen by some as sacrilegious, but for Rose, it’s perfect.
* * *
Louise trundles a little trolley behind her up the path and waves at Rose, who’s deadheading the Convolvulus. ‘I’m here! Are you ready to see what my memory is?’
Rose lays her secateurs on the wall. ‘Yes. I can’t wait!’ Rose has an orange tiger lily in mind for some reason, but she finds she couldn’t have been more wrong when she hurries over and looks in the trolley. It’s a leafy shrub with an abundance of delicate white star-shaped flowers. ‘Oh wow. It’s so gorgeous … is it a jasmine?’
‘It is. I won’t tell you its Latin name, as it’s hard to pronounce, even for me.’ Louise shoves her tortoiseshell glasses up the bridge of her nose. ‘But it’s an evergreen star jasmine. It likes to grow up a warm wall, so I thought it would be ideal along from the roses, and its delicate scent will be the perfect complement to theirs.’
Rose touches her nose to the petals and inhales the sweet perfume. ‘Stunning.’ Straightening up, she notices Louise looks a bit tearful and wonders about the memory behind the jasmine.
Louise fiddles with the hem of her navy smock top and gestures towards the shrub. ‘It was Matthew’s favourite flower. I once asked him which one he liked best and he said he couldn’t possibly say, as he loved so many of them. But eventually, he said it was this one. Mainly because…’ She stops and Rose can see she’s struggling.
‘You don’t have to tell me, it’s fine.’
‘No. I want to. It’s a happy memory, and as I said the other day, watching it grow will be like ensuring part of Matthew lives on. So, he said it was mainly because the jasmine reminded him of me. On the surface, I present as delicate and understated, but he knew my depths, my beauty and strength. This jasmine remains evergreen through the coldest winters and thrives again in the spring. It’s constant and steadfast … like our love.’ Louise smiles as she blinks back tears.
Rose squeezes her arm and a look passes between them which says all that’s needed. ‘I’ll get the spade,’ she says, and makes her way to the shed.
* * *
On the day of the party, Rose’s kitchen has been a hive of activity from early morning as she and Bella have been busier than the bees in the garden, baking, cooking and making sure all the party food is ready to go. She checks her list again and finds it’s all present and correct and everything has fallen into place very well. Cooked chicken (two kinds), glazed ham, sausage rolls, scotch eggs, tiny pasties, a variety of nuts, crisps, sandwiches and salads, new potatoes and savoury rice. Flora’s bringing some homemade quiche too (and James, a new friend from art class) and Louise is contributing salmon. Josh is bringing himself, as he agreed to come last minute. He wasn’t sure if he should, with Lucy still being in hospital, but his sister insisted he came and let his hair down.
Everyone is bringing a bottle too, so in addition to the drinks Rose has, everyone should be catered for. Although, there are three old workmates and their partners coming too, as Rose accidentally let it slip to one of them in the post office. Then she felt obliged to invite them and the others. Never mind, it will all be grand. It’s now 6pm, everyone will be here in half an hour and the surprise party can begin. Just time to change, and then when they arrive, make sure everyone acts normally until Sally goes to check the pond for the unveiling. Then at Rose’s signal, the cake will be carried in by Angus, Sally’s son, who miraculously came back from his travels yesterday.
Rose checks the positioning of the number 50 candle on the cake again, and thinks how lucky it was that Angus came back in time. Rose got in touch with Sally’s daughter Pippa, to tell her about the surprise party and invite her and her partner Megan. Pippa told her that she knew that Angus was aiming to surprise his mum, coming home a few days before her birthday, but he was staying at his friends in Exeter last night, as their flight got in late. She’d pass the details on to him. He was travelling down to Cornwall this afternoon and agreed to come to the surprise party. It will be the extra icing on Sally’s cake when he appears.
‘You should go and get changed, Mum. Stop faffing and double-checking everything,’ Bella says, coming into the kitchen. She puts some of the party food on two paper plates for the children as it’s getting a bit late for them to eat, and Wesley’s gearing up for a rebellion.
‘Yeah, I will. I’m excited, but I just want it to be perfect for her. She’s had such a shit time this year with all the upset over Paul, she deserves some fuss.’
‘It will be grand. You excited about singing too? Daisy’s just arrived with her husband and a few musicians, they’re setting up in the garden.’
This is news to Rose and she’s not sure she likes the sound of it at all. ‘I thought it was a karaoke machine thingy. Where the hell has she found musicians?’ There’s an unsettled feeling in the pit of her stomach. She didn’t agree to sing with a proper band, for God’s sake.
Rose makes for the door, but Bella stops her. ‘Mum, go and get changed. It will be fine. You don’t want people to see you with food stains all over your top.’ Bella points at the stairs. ‘Go!’
The unsettled feeling grows as Rose imagines her voice drying up mid-note, or forgetting the words, and she wishes she’d said no to Daisy. Her singing was for the people she knew and was comfortable with. Her voice came from the heart, lifted her spirits and hopefully those of her audience. But how can she sing with people she’s never met? This is not something Rose has planned for at all, and thoughts of singing and being the centre of attention, perhaps scrutiny, are in danger of ruining the wonderful evening she’s organised for Sally.
Applying scarlet lipstick to match her red dress and strappy sandals, Rose wills herself to be happy and forget about Daisy’s silly band. The main thing is that she needs to relax and enjoy the party. Rose decides she has no obligation to her oldest friend, because she moved the goalposts without warning her, didn’t she? New challenges might be one thing, unwelcome hurdles are quite another. Rose needs to be true to herself and do what she feels comfortable with, and if telling Daisy she’s not singing helps her do that, then so be it.
* * *
The garden is alive with laughter, the buzz of conversation and quiet anticipation. Rose and Bella enlist the help of Louise and Josh to carry all the food out to three trestle tables which have been set up next to the picnic table, and Flora and James take out glasses and drinks. Rose likes James straight away and thinks he and Flora look like they’ve just returned from Woodstock, fifty-odd years on. Both are tall, with grey hair in ponytails, she in boot-cut jeans and a yellow fringed top, he in similar jeans and a purple T-shirt. They seem to embody the spirit of the hippiedom and the summer of ’69. They are laughing a lot together, Rose notices as she ventures out into the garden. It’s a joyful sound which helps to put her in a better mood. Daisy and her ‘band’ have their backs to her at the far end of the garden under the pergola, and the evening shadow and rampant honeysuckle prevent Rose getting a clear view of them.
The children try to help with putting out the food but just get under everyone’s feet, so Louise takes Wesley off to measure his sunflower. There’s also a worry that the little boy might give the game away to Sally about Angus. When he arrived a little while ago, before they’d squirrelled him away in one of the bedrooms, Wesley had asked if Angus was Jesus. They had all fought to keep a straight face, because the tall, blue-eyed, dark-haired, bearded youth was indeed a dead ringer.
Sally comes up the path towards Rose, a half-smile on her face. ‘I can’t believe all these people are here for the unveiling of the pond. I hope they’re not disappointed.’ She looks towards the pond, where a tarpaulin suspended from poles obscures the whole area.
‘Of course they won’t be disappointed. It’s marvellous.’
‘Do you think the fairy lights in the shrubs and grasses behind is going a little over the top?’ Sally fiddles with her beaded necklace and starts to worry a nail.
Rose has the fleeting impression that Sally wants to be anywhere else but here, but that she’s rising to the challenge. Strength and resilience learned during the break-up and creating this pond are making her stay, and Rose wants to give her a big hug. This might not be the best idea, though, as it could set her off, and then she’ll be in a complete state for her surprise before it happens. The right time for that will be when she sees the cake and Angus..
‘I think the whole thing is absolutely perfect, Sally. Now stop worrying. I’ll quieten everyone down in a few minutes and then we’ll charge our glasses. Josh and Bella are standing by to drop the tarpaulin when I give the signal.’
A few minutes later, Rose takes Sally by the hand and leads her to the tarpaulin. Flora gives them both a glass of fizz and then Rose takes a deep breath and taps a spoon against her glass. Everyone gathers round in quiet expectation, even the children are silent for once, and she takes a moment to appreciate the gathering of friends in her little Eden. To Rose, it seems like even the flowers are taking part, charging the air with their scented energy.
‘Ladies, gentlemen, and children,’ she winks at Molly and Wesley. ‘Tonight, we’ve come together to see the end result of this lovely lady’s efforts over the past month or so.’ Rose slips her arm through Sally’s and is unsurprised to feel it shaking. ‘Sally had an idea, or should I say a vision, of how to make this wonderful garden that means so much to us all, even more special. Her contribution will add to the sensory nature of this space, and provide a calm and contemplative area for us. And those beautiful lilies floating on the surface there will be in remembrance of Sally’s dear friend and neighbour, Grace. Thank you, Sally.’
Rose nods to Josh and Bella, who unhook the tarp from the poles, and Louise helps Wesley and Molly to operate the remote for the waterfall. Bella flicks on the fairy lights and as the waterfall trickles into life, there’s a round of applause and a whoop or two. Sally’s chin trembles, but she’s holding it together. Just.
‘Thanks so much, everyone. I have adored working on this, and it’s given me the confidence to try other projects I never dreamed I could have attempted a few months back.’ She looks at Rose. ‘And of course, I couldn’t have done it without the encouragement and generosity of this lovely woman, who agreed to let me loose in this fabulous garden in the first place.’
Rose gives her a quick hug and looks to the stable door to see Angus give her the thumbs up. ‘There is a little surprise that Sally doesn’t know about, though.’ The little knot of people share knowing looks, and a few chuckles, while Sally slides Rose an apprehensive glance. ‘This wonderful lady will soon be turning fifty, and so we thought we’d celebrate that too. Happy birthday, Sal!’
Everyone echoes the sentiment with raised glasses, and Rose nods to Angus, who steps down from the doorway carrying the cake. Sally’s hands fly to her mouth and she says through her fingers, ‘Angus! I can’t believe it…’
As Angus reaches them, he hands the cake to Rose and envelops Sally in a big hug. ‘Happy birthday, Mum.’
Everyone sings happy birthday as Rose lights the candle, and when Sally’s calmed down a little and wiped her tears, she manages to blow it out. ‘Did you make a wish, Mum?’ Angus asks.
She smiles. ‘I was going to, but then I didn’t, because everything I could wish for is right here in this moment.’
* * *
The party starts in earnest as everyone migrates to the food tables, and Rose thinks she couldn’t be more satisfied with the way everything has turned out. She discovers she’s suddenly ravenous and then remembers she’s not eaten since breakfast, as she’s been so busy. Grabbing a plate, she’s about to help herself when she sees Daisy making a beeline towards her. While Rose was saying those few words for Sally, she noticed Daisy hovering at the back, unwilling to meet Rose’s eyes. Rose suspects that she knows she’s gone too far and is apprehensive about broaching the singing subject.
‘Rose. Can I have a moment?’ Daisy’s grin looks a bit set, as though it’s masking apprehension, and Rose thinks her assessment is correct.
‘Hi, Daisy. Yeah, but I’m starving – we can chat while I stuff my face.’
‘Grub looks fab.’ Daisy grabs a plate and follows suit.
Rose wonders when her old friend is going to tackle the live band issue, because the space between them is full of the sound of their munching, but nothing else. It feels awkward, but there’s no chance Rose is going to make it easy for her.
Daisy swallows a mouthful of quiche and then the set smile is back. ‘Let’s take our drinks over there.’ She nods towards the pergola where the sound of a guitar tuning up winds sinuous notes through the evening air. ‘Come and meet the band.’
Rose sighs. She knows Daisy is unsure about her response, and so she should be. ‘Look, Daisy, I know your heart’s in the right place, but I’m disappointed that you didn’t ask me first about singing tonight. It was scary enough when I thought it was going to be karaoke, but this…’ Rose gestures towards the band. ‘I’m not happy about this at all.’
Daisy looks genuinely shocked. ‘Oh? I thought it would be a lovely surprise for you.’
‘Really? Then why have you been acting so weirdly tonight?’
Pink-cheeked, she replies, ‘Well, there is one part of the surprise that I’m not sure you’ll be totally okay with.’ Rose is beginning to get frustrated now and it must show on her face, because Daisy adds with a sigh, ‘Come on. It’ll be easier to show you.’
As Rose approaches the pergola, she can see three men. One is Daisy’s husband Steve, he’s on drums; one is vaguely familiar, maybe an old friend of Steve’s, on keyboards; but the one on guitar, she has no idea about, because he has his back to her. Daisy goes over and whispers something in his ear and he turns to face Rose, a big smile on his face. It takes a few moments to register the steel-grey hair, bright-blue eyes, assured smile. It can’t be. Tristan Carthew. No way.
What the fuck, Daisy?For a second Rose thinks she’s spoken those words out loud because Tristan’s smile is erased by a puzzled frown. It’s probably because she’s staring at him daggers. Then he steps forward, looks like he’s going to hug her, but instead, lightly touches her arm for a second. ‘Rose, it’s so good to see you.’ He tries the smile again. ‘You look like you’ve seen a ghost.’ He nudges Daisy, who’s anxiously scanning Rose’s face. And so you fucking should be anxious, Rose wants to say. ‘Told you that you should have warned her, Daze.’
‘Yeah, Daze, it might have been nice to get a heads-up,’ Rose says quietly, with a glare cold enough to wither the entire honeysuckle.
Daisy lets out a self-conscious laugh. ‘I thought it would be a nice surprise. Tris came down for the school reunion last week and he’s having a bit of a holiday at ours. Steve, Tris and Ron have been jamming in our garage, they’re even considering a few gigs…’ She’s talking so fast, the words keep bumping into each other. ‘Tris has his own band back in Wales and they play pubs on weekends, don’t you, Tris?’ He gives a small nod and looks at the floor.
Maybe it will swallow him up with any luck,Rose thinks.
Daisy glances at the floor too. ‘And I suddenly thought, what a nice idea it would be to have you on vocals, like the old days.’
She stops abruptly when there’s no response from Rose. Not even the hint of a smile. Rose watches Daisy swallow hard and fiddle with her earring, something she’s done since they were kids, when she knows she’s messed up. The awkward silence grows between them until it feels like a physical wall. They’re both staring at Rose, and with an effort she remembers her manners. It’s not Tristan’s fault, after all.
‘Well, I must say it’s nice to see you, Tristan. I’m not sure my vocals will be up to it, though – you know, singing with a live band. We’ve had no time to rehearse and I’ve no clue of what you’re going to be playing.’
Tristan looks like he’s been thrown a bone. ‘Hey. No problem.’ When he smiles, it’s so genuine and warm that she can see echoes of the young man she knew and finds herself thawing a bit. ‘We thought we’d play all the ones we used to sing together, and just in case you’re hazy on the lyrics, I got them printed out.’
‘Oh, I don’t know … it’s all a bit sudden and as Daisy knows,’ she says pointedly, ‘I haven’t sung in public before.’
He shrugs. ‘Have a think, no rush … just let us know.’
Rose isn’t sure what to think. What she does know is that the little challenge of doing a bit of karaoke has morphed into a formidable shit show on a grandiose scale. This was supposed to be a cosy evening to celebrate Sally’s pond and her birthday. Now it feels like everything is ruined because of Daisy’s misguided attempt to give her a ‘nice surprise’.
She gives him a tight smile. ‘Yeah, I’ll have a think.’ Without looking at Daisy, she turns and hurries off.
She’s not sure where she’s headed, until she finds herself tucked away around the side of the house, far from everyone else. The evening sun angles in between the shed and the cottage, floodlighting Madame Aggie Panther as she dances with the breeze in her beautiful bee pot. Glen. She wants Glen, and she always feels closer to him when she’s next to Aggie. Rose runs her hands along the four tall stems, strokes the petals the colour of Glen’s eyes and thinks about him. What would he say she should do, if he were here? Probably that she should stop worrying, go for it and knock everyone’s socks off. Then it occurs to her that this situation wouldn’t have arisen if Glen had still been here. Daisy had manufactured the whole thing because she had some stupid romantic notion about Rose and Tristan. Rose hadn’t gone to the school reunion exactly because she wanted to avoid all that silliness, but no, Daisy wouldn’t take no for an answer, would she?
‘I’m sorry for upsetting you, Rose.’ Daisy’s standing behind her looking like a chastised child. Rose is calmer now, but not up for forgiving her just yet.
‘Then why did you? You told me you were unsure about my reaction to the Tristan part of my “nice surprise”. That should have been enough for you not to have done it. I already said no to the stupid reunion, for god’s sake.’
Daisy claps her hands together as if in prayer and then stares past Rose at the Aggie blooms. ‘I just thought it would be lovely for you to sing again. You were so happy when you had your wild garlic experience, as you call it. You remembered how you felt when you were sixteen – said singing out loud made you feel young again, made you realise there are still new things to do – new challenges to take. You ripped up your box.’ She flits her eyes to Rose’s and away, as though she’s unsure the connection will be welcome. ‘I know I never let on, but I remembered that Tristan was a big part of that day too. I took the photo, after all … so…’ She uses folded arms as a full stop.
The breeze jostles the huge head of one of the Aggies into Rose’s arm – a nudge to respond. Anger, resentment and disappointment subside as she looks at her old friend’s downcast face. Daisy’s actions came from a good place. Rose needs to take apart why she was so angry, but at the moment she finds she can’t coordinate some of her thoughts properly. A few of them gain clarity and she says, ‘Look, Daisy, I get that you were trying to do something nice … I really do. But the Cardinham Woods days have gone. We can’t recreate them, nor should we want to. I loved the way I felt amongst the bluebells and garlic in the spring of this year in the woods. The memory of that day in the past helped me come to terms with no longer being a nurse and to sort out my future, as you’ve just said. But I wanted to remember those times as they were.’ Then Rose’s thoughts get so tangled, she has to leave them inside her head.
‘I’m so sorry, Rose. I’ve ruined your night…’
Rose touches her arm. ‘You haven’t. Look, I’ll be okay in a while. Go back to the others, I’ll get a glass of something and have a think.’ Then she walks away before Daisy can say anything else.