The Garden of Memories

Chapter 24

Amonth on from the party Rose is still incredibly energised and uplifted. She sings every day, mostly to herself in the garden, where she’s convinced the notes are purer, but sometimes to Bella and the children in the evenings. Wesley is a very demanding audience, and at the end of every song, always says, ‘Again, Granny. Again!’ Bella keeps insisting her voice is getting better all the time, which isn’t likely, given her age. Rose is sure the singing voice diminishes like everything else as time progresses. Though she’s happy to believe it, if Bella says it’s true.

Daisy and she are all good again, and Rose apologised for her ‘drama queen’ outburst. She was genuine about the apology, but there was only so much of her that went along with the drama-queen description. Rose had real concerns about ruining her early memory in the woods that day, and she’s so thankful that didn’t happen. She’s found that the two experiences are able to co-exist side by side without arguing with each other.

Today she’s putting the finishing touches to a chocolate cake. Baking is something she never had much time for as a busy nurse, but lately she’s remembering the therapeutic benefits of weighing, mixing, sprinkling, and melting to create something so deliciously comforting for all to enjoy. Rose lets the children lick the mixing spoon, just as she used to with Bella, and just as Rose’s own mum did with her. Making a cake, she decides, is more to do with providing love than food, and the added bonus is the delicious aroma of a cake baking in the oven.

Wesley runs in as she’s spreading the last of the chocolate icing on top. ‘Wesley have some now, Granny?’

‘Not yet. We have visitors coming later, so we’ll save it for then. You can have a big bit, of course.’

Wesley pouts but doesn’t make a fuss and runs off. He’s growing up so fast, Rose notices. Four years old next month, then he’ll be at school before she knows it. Goodness. It doesn’t seem that long ago that Bella was starting school. When she thinks about it sometimes, it’s almost impossible to imagine that her daughter is a mother herself. Where have all those years gone? Rose runs water into the sink and reminds herself it’s pointless to wish time would slow down. Actually, on second thought, she doesn’t want it to. Instead, she’s thankful she has them all here. Something she thought had gone forever when they moved up country. She mentally crosses her fingers that Nigel gets the job he’s going for at the end of the week too. If he does, then Bella can start looking for a place to live for them all nearby. Rose will be thrilled for them, of course she will, but the cottage might feel a bit empty after all that explosive energy, otherwise known as her grandchildren, has gone.

As she puts the scones she made earlier on a cooling rack, she realises that these days her cottage is rarely empty for long. There’s always someone popping up, and this afternoon she’s really looking forward to welcoming Josh and his gran, Lily. There’s a little apprehension at the back of her mind, because being in a new place could be disorienting for Lily and this could make her dementia worse, but at least they’re prepared for that eventuality. Rose is delighted that Josh’s sister Lucy is coming too, as she’s making a wonderful recovery, and Josh told her she’d love the garden.

A few weeks ago, James and Flora were here for a couple of days, sketching and painting the jasmine. James is such a brilliant artist – in fact, Rose was surprised just how good. Flora, as she’s fond of telling people, has a good eye for composition and colour, and while she’s not as talented, the two finished paintings complemented each other perfectly. Rose thinks the artists themselves do the same – but she instinctively knows Flora wouldn’t like that mentioned. At first, Rose was thinking of joining them with Bella’s old paint box, but something told her they’d be best left to their own devices.

* * *

Josh draws his car up outside and Rose looks through the stable door, arms folded, worry suddenly at her side. Lots of ‘what ifs’ chase each other around her head as she watches Josh and Lucy – his female double – help their grandma from the front seat. What if Lily can’t cope outside the home, and as a consequence, what if she has a meltdown? What if she becomes unmanageable – throws herself to the floor? What if she becomes violent? Rose tells herself she used to be a nurse and would be able to handle the situation, but just ‘what if’? Rose thinks Lily looks even more like the late queen today, as she has on a tweed skirt, paired with a blue twinset and pearls. Lily takes a few steps towards the sweet peas and her vacant expression is blown away over the sea on the breeze, along with Rose’s what ifs.

A sunshine smile puffs up her cheeks and she waves at Rose as she approaches. ‘Look at my sweet pea flowers,’ she says, cheerily. ‘Aren’t they splendid? I grew them from seed, you know.’

‘They are indeed splendid, Lily. You must have green fingers.’ Rose takes her hand briefly and Lily looks at Rose as though she can’t quite place her. ‘I’m Rose. Remember, I visited you a few weeks ago?’

‘Of course I do.’ Lily snorts and taps her cane twice on the path, but looks unsure.

Lucy smiles and shakes Rose’s hand. ‘Hi, pleased to meet you. It’s an old cliché, but Josh has told me so much about you.’

Even though they’re twins, Rose can’t get over how alike they are. The same tumbling curls of gold, the same moss-green eyes, earnest expression and half smile. She laughs and replies, ‘Now in answer to your cliché, I respond – all good, I hope?’

‘All good.’ Lucy takes a breath and turns in a circle. ‘And he told me so much about this place too. It’s simply stunning. I can feel the good vibes already and the scent in the air is extraordinary.’

‘And all the colours of the rainbow,’ Lily says, nodding sagely.

Josh takes her arm and they do a slow tour of the garden, much to Lily’s obvious enjoyment. ‘Look at the beautiful pond, Gran,’ Lucy says, pointing. ‘Gorgeous lilies.’

Lily laughs. ‘Like me! I’m a gorgeous lily too.’ Then she walks over to the Golden Gate rose. ‘You lot – come and smell this. It would give Chanel No. 5 a run for its money! Nothing like the smell of a natural rose, I always say.’

Josh whispers to Rose that he can’t remember his gran being so animated for years. ‘This place is certainly bringing her out of herself.’

‘Oh look, sage, rosemary and mint! I do love some mint on my new potatoes.’ She turns to Rose. ‘Have we had lunch yet? I could eat some potatoes… I grow them in my garden.’ Lily’s smile droops as she looks one way and the next. ‘Where’s my vegetable patch? It seems to be missing.’ Then more urgently. ‘I can’t see my vegetable patch!’

Rose takes her elbow. ‘Don’t worry. We’ll look at it later. How about we have some tea and homemade chocolate cake, Lily? I’ve made scones too.’

Rose’s firm but encouraging tone calms Lily instantly and a smile lights her face. ‘Cake. Yes, I do like cake. Homemade cake, especially.’

* * *

Rose leaves Josh and Lucy to settle Lily on a chair by the picnic table, as she isn’t sure Lily would manage cocking her leg over the attached bench. She’s in two minds whether to allow her to meet Bella and the children, because she’s already shown signs of distress over the ‘missing’ vegetable patch. Bella suggests they could easily come back inside if Lily can’t cope, and Rose agrees. Molly and Wesley were briefed that the elderly lady visiting them this afternoon might not like lots of yelling or running about, and they should be on their best behaviour. Wesley said he always behaves bestest when he has cake, which sent his mum and grandma into fits of laughter.

Rose takes out the cake and scones on a tray, while Molly carries the plates and Bella and Wesley follow behind with the tea and butter. As they approach, Lily looks up from sniffing a sprig of lavender Josh picked for her and smiles broadly when she sees the children. ‘Hello. What lovely faces you have. You aren’t twins, though.’ Lily winks at Molly. ‘You are definitely the bigger one, young lady.’

Wesley just stares, but Molly says, ‘Yes. I’m the eldest.’

‘I have twin grandchildren. They have lovely faces too.’ The twins share a smile. ‘Josh is boisterous and Lucy is very pretty. Funny too. She has an infectious laugh. Do you laugh?’ Lily leans forward and scrutinises Wesley’s face.

‘Yes.’ He looks at his mum. ‘But Mummy says I have to be quiet today ’cos the old lady won’t like noise.’

‘What old lady?’

He gives her an incredulous stare. ‘You.’

Rose feels the adults hold a collective breath, but Lily’s raucous laughter, braying through the summer afternoon, puts them at ease, and they laugh along too.

‘I do like you, young man,’ Lily says when she’s got her breath back. ‘Who are you and what’s your name?’

‘I’m Wesley and my sister is called Molly.’

Molly huffs. ‘I can say my own name, thank you very much.’ To make up for being upstaged, she smiles at Lily. ‘Here’s a plate for you. My granny made the cake. Rose is my granny,’ she jabs a finger into Wesley’s arm, ‘and she’s his granny too.’

Lily takes the plate, but her smile is a little vague and she glances at Bella. ‘You can’t be Rose then, you’re too young to be a granny.’

Molly screws up her face in disbelief, and is about to jump in, but her mum heads her off at the pass, explaining who she is, and points to Rose. ‘Rose is my mum and she made the cake.’ Bella takes the cake slice and slips it onto Lily’s plate. ‘Do try some.’

Lily takes a forkful, makes appreciative noises, and thankfully there the matter rests. Rose gives her daughter a grateful smile. ‘After we’ve had tea, maybe we could sit in the shade on those deckchairs under the pergola.’

‘I’d like that very much,’ Lily says. ‘The honeysuckle is beautiful, wild and free as it should be. Too much unnecessary pruning goes on these days. That garden I can see from my window in that…’ Rose can tell by her irritated expression that she’s searching for the words, ‘…that other place I stay in … is regimented, sterile.’ Lily twists her nose to the side as though there’s an unpleasant smell under it.

‘That’s right, Gran,’ Josh says. ‘You always say the garden should be allowed to have a mind of its own.’

‘I do,’ Lily says, with a proud smile. Then scrutinises his face. ‘You’re my Josh. My sweet pea, aren’t you?’

Josh has a mouthful of cake and looks as though he’s about to choke, so Lucy jumps in, ‘That’s right, Gran. And I’m Lucy, remember?’

‘Lucy … but you’re a young woman, she’s little.’ Then she shrugs and dabs her mouth. ‘I suppose you must be, because you have her eyes.’ To Rose she says, ‘That cake was delicious, by the way. Can we go and sit with the honeysuckle now? The perfume is so enticing.’

* * *

Josh was ecstatic that she remembered who he was and was utterly convinced it was because she was here in the garden amongst the familiar smells, colours and sounds that she remembered from her own cottage garden many years ago. He’s now sitting with his gran, who’s nodding off in a deckchair under the pergola beneath the honeysuckle. Bella and the children are at the park, and Rose and Lucy are sitting on the grass next to the pond. Rose says how therapeutic it’s been for Lily to spend time in the garden, and maybe they could pick her some sweet peas, to take back to her room in the care home.

Lucy tries, but can’t hide her sadness. Rose guesses it’s about Lily not recognising her as she does her brother. Her guess is confirmed when Lucy says, ‘I know I must sound like a whining kid, but I think Josh must be her favourite.’ She holds her hands up as Rose is about to speak. ‘Yeah, I know it’s rare for her to remember anyone at all now, and I shouldn’t let it get to me. But he’s always been her favourite. Her little sweet pea.’

‘I doubt very much that she has favourites.’ Rose has no clue if this is true, but Lucy needs a lifeline. ‘Lily told Wesley that you were pretty, clever and had an infectious laugh, remember?’

Lucy nods. ‘Yeah, but Josh was the one she’d take round the garden when we were little, pointing out this flower and that plant. Telling him all about them.’

‘But Josh told me he always loved being in the garden – that he was interested in growing things from an early age. Maybe you weren’t as bothered?’

Lucy considers this and then gives a nod and a shrug, which Rose expects is a concession to her argument. ‘Hm. Anyway, I’m glad she remembers him. And I’m glad he’s going to work in horticulture. Josh told me the other day he’d applied for three posts, as he prefers to learn on the job, rather than get academic qualifications. I think he’s had academia up to his eyebrows.’

‘Yes. He’s a natural. And I’d argue doctoring is vocational. I’ve known a few over the years who were pushed into it, like your parents aimed to do with your brother, but their heart wasn’t in it. I could tell.’

At the mention of her parents, Lucy’s already serious expression turns gloomy. ‘They have a lot to answer for, the two of them, that’s for damn sure.’

Rose wants to ask Lucy about her life on the streets and how she’s feeling about everything now, but feels it is too soon, on the one hand, and that she hardly knows the girl, on the other. Something noncommittal yet sympathetic might be best. ‘Yes, Josh told me much of his background. You both had it tough.’

Lucy gives her a quick glance and then she leans back on her elbows, turns her face to the sky, allows the sun to find it, and closes her eyes. They sit in companionable silence together, listening to the waterfall and letting the whisper of the perfumed breeze through the grasses soothe them. ‘This place is heavenly. So relaxing. I adore being next to water. The sea especially, but this waterfall is a balm for the soul too.’

The calming effect of this space is exactly what Rose hoped would happen when visitors came to it with troubled minds. ‘I’m so pleased you like it. I know I’d be lost without it now. It’s a place where memories grow, and so much more. I love to share them with my friends.’ Lucy’s puzzled, so Rose explains.

‘Ah yes, Josh said you told him something along those lines about this garden,’ says Lucy. ‘I have a few memories I’d like to plant here to remind me that life is worth living and worth the effort. I’m not a big flower person, though. Maybe I could plant seaweed?’ Lucy laughs, but Rose notes the sadness behind it.

Even though she’s unsure of overstepping her boundaries, she finds herself saying, ‘You can talk to me about how you ended up in hospital, or anything else that might be bothering you. I’m a good listener, and it goes without saying, I’ll keep anything you say to myself. Only if you want to share it, obviously.’

Lucy looks thoughtful. ‘You used to be a nurse, yeah?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Okay. I think I’d like to tell you … you might get it more than some people – being a caring type – and you made this garden, so you have to be pretty special. Josh says you are anyway, so I trust you.’ Lucy rolls her eyes. ‘I’m burbling on. Okay, I’ve not told anyone apart from my counsellor, but the overdose wasn’t an accident.’

Rose takes her hand but says nothing.

‘I’d had enough of being weak, having no direction, disgusted with myself for needing the drugs, but powerless to stop. I felt worthless. I was worthless. The things I did to get a fix … you wouldn’t believe.’ Lucy’s shame and self-loathing contort her face.

Sadly, Rose would believe it. She’s seen and heard the stories of so many Lucys turning up at AE far too many times. Though this doesn’t stop her heart aching afresh. ‘I’m so sorry.’

Lucy squeezes her hand. ‘Thanks. So am I. One night, I just thought, Fuck it. I’ve had enough. You know? What’s the point in life?’ She gestures at the growing things all around her. ‘Now I’m on the mend, I’m seeing the answer to that question everywhere here. Can you imagine what would happen if a sweet pea or rose thought “fuck it” and gave up every time a storm kicked its arse? Or the bees? They have a tough enough time as it is, struggling against loss of habitat and all sorts of toxic shit in the atmosphere and on crops. But do they give up? No. They keep coming back time after time, no matter how tough it is. That’s nature for you.’

Rose is finding it hard to keep her emotions under control. Lucy looks so impossibly young right now. She’s been through so much, but she has such an expression of determination in her eyes. ‘We can learn a lot from nature, that’s true.’

‘One good thing came out of all that, though.’ Lucy plucks a blade of grass and chews it. ‘My parents have now realised what a monumental shit show they’ve made of everything. Josh helped too, of course. He told me he’d threatened to leave if they didn’t change. Anyway, I’ve agreed to stay living at home for a while, just to see how it goes. They know that if they return to their old ways, both of us are gone.’ She looks at Rose, head on one side. ‘But you know, I think they’ve learned their lesson. Shame it had to be at my expense – Josh’s too, to a lesser extent. They fucked us both up.’

‘But you’re putting that right already. And soon, with counselling, you’ll feel well enough to go for your dreams.’

‘Hope so. I’m getting help with my drug addiction too – that won’t be an easy fix.’ She winks at Rose. ‘Ged it? But yes, working with marine life is my dream. Always has been.’

‘Yeah, Josh told me you’d like to work at the seal sanctuary at Gweek, if possible.’

‘I would. That’s a long way down the line – but I’ll get there.’

‘I know you will. And if you’d like me to come with you to the sanctuary to help get the ball rolling, I will.’

‘Thanks, Rose. But that’s the kind of thing I need to do for myself.’ Lucy smiles and hugs her knees. ‘Though I’d like to come back here from time to time, if that’s okay? I’m going to try to do what makes me happy from now on, and being here does.’

‘I’m glad. And it’s more than okay. I’d like that very much.’ An idea comes to Rose and she says, ‘I think it might be nice for you to come and plant that memory you mentioned. Something that has to do with the sea. Obviously not seaweed, as you said.’ She chuckles. ‘I’ll have a think. Maybe ask my friend Louise. She knows everything about plants.’

‘Thank you. I’d love that. Then every time I see it, I’ll remember how far I’ve come.’,

* * *

Later, just before they leave, Lucy presents a bunch of sweet peas to her gran. ‘These will look nice by your bed in the cream-and-lemon vase, Gran.’

‘Yes. Thank you very much. I love sweet peas.’ Then Lily puts her nose to a bloom and smiles. ‘You have the look of my granddaughter Lucy. She’s a bright one.’

Rose shares a warm smile with Lucy and then she gives Lily a quick hug. ‘It’s been so nice to have you over, Lily. You must come again.’

‘I will, Rose. Thank you, and the cake was delicious. Goodbye.’ Lily taps her stick on the path and sets off for the gate.

Josh laughs. ‘I’d better catch up with her before she disappears down to the beach. Thanks again, Rose. This place has done her the power of good.’

Lucy gives Rose a big hug and nods at Josh as he helps their gran into the car. ‘Josh is right. She’s more like the old Gran than she’s been for years. Thanks, Rose. And for the chat.’

‘I’ve loved having you all. And you’re so welcome. See you soon, I hope.’

* * *

Rose watches the road long after the car disappears over the brow of the hill, lost in thought. Just before Lily came, she’d had a text from Daisy asking if she’d agree to sing with the band again at the weekend. They’d arranged a little pub gig in Port Isaac and the band would love it if she’d join them. Immediately she’d dismissed the idea. It was great fun last time, but she didn’t want to make it a regular thing. But something Lucy mentioned earlier made her think. She said she was going to try and do what made her happy from now on. Singing in general makes Rose happy. Singing with the band last time definitely made her happy, so maybe she should reconsider. She’ll ponder on it. She imagines Glen rolling his eyes at that, and smiles.