The Happy Hour

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty

Midday on Sunday came and went without any sign of Ash, and all Jess’s hope from the previous day drained out of her like water down a sink.

He had decided that they were over, that their argument had been enough to give up not only on her, but on the other friends he’d made at the market, and on Felicity. Jess had done that with her antagonism, her challenges, her lack of sympathy for him.

‘I’m sorry,’ Wendy said, as the shelves of clocks ticked round to quarter past twelve, the time displayed whichever direction Jess looked in.

‘It’s OK,’ she said. ‘It doesn’t matter.’

Her gaze fell on her prints, the photographs of the kite she’d watched on the heath, and that was all it took for the memories to assault her: that first meeting, his grey eyes bright with humour despite the situation; the way – one week when they’d talked about Wendy’s punny shop name – he had tried out umpteen different pronunciations of the word ‘vase’, each one more ridiculous than the last; how their first kiss had felt both shocking and inevitable, the wind coming off the river contrasting with Ash’s warm palms pressed into her lower back, his body crowding hers and her melting in the middle, like a marshmallow toasting on an open fire on a frosty night. Then Thursday at her flat, and the things she’d said to him, their harshness making her wince even now, when some of the immediate horror had faded; the salt of her tears mingling with body-wash bubbles as she’d let herself cry in the shower for the last three mornings.

‘Are you still taking a break?’ Wendy asked. ‘Will Felicity be waiting for you?’

‘Oh... yes. She will be.’

‘Take at least an hour, Jess. Get back here sometime before two.’

‘Thanks.’ She got her bag and left the shop. The market was heaving, the blue sky – unbroken by cloud – visible through the glass roof. She felt like a fawn skittering on new legs, everything unfamiliar and off-kilter. She had been convinced that, despite everything, Ash would turn up. A hopeful voice suggested he’d gone straight to Felicity’s, and Jess clung on to it the whole walk there.

But it wasn’t Ash who answered the door when she knocked, and it wasn’t Felicity.

‘Jess, my dude! Felicity thought you weren’t coming. Is that man of yours with you?’ Spade was in an old Proclaimers T-shirt, and without a hat his hair was especially wild.

‘I’m sorry I’m late,’ Jess said. ‘Ash isn’t here?’

‘Not yet. Come through.’

He walked back into the house and, when Jess followed, it took her a moment to register the difference. The hallway wasn’t clear, but there was a narrow pile of items along the wall, rather than a disorganised mountain range. She stepped into the living room, and couldn’t stifle her gasp. The fireplace was there in all its original glory, though it looked scuffedand in need of painting. The grey carpet was dirty and dusty, and would probably need to be replaced, but Jess could see it enough to notice, and that was huge.

‘Wow,’ she said, then thought of how Ash had always played it, his casual understatedness putting Felicity at ease. ‘Spade really fits in here, huh?’

He grinned, and Felicity turned from where she was examining the piles of stuff that still took over the back half of the room. ‘He offered to help me with a few things, and I thought it made sense, with you working so much and Ash only being available on Sundays. Spade has more...’

‘I’m a lazy layabout,’ he finished. ‘I don’t need to work any more, so I don’t – Market Misfits aside. But playing with Lola and Braden has given me a new enthusiasm for being part of the local scene, so I thought I could offer my services – which amounts to my two hands, my sturdy back and my smaller-than-normal brain – elsewhere. This seemed like a good enough where.’ He glanced at Felicity, and from the way his eyes darted away again, the pinpoints of colour on his cheeks, Jess knew that Felicity was far more than just ‘a good enough where’to him.

‘Nonsense,’ Felicity said.‘You’re a marvel, Steven.’

He chuckled. ‘Let’s not stand on ceremony. Spade, please.’

‘Steven?’ Jess shot him an amused glance.

‘A name from a different century.’ He gave a dismissive wave.

‘Is Ash coming?’ Felicity asked. ‘I had expected the two of you sooner. I’ve got the teapot out – with four of us here, I thought that level of ceremony was warranted.’ The smile she gave Spade was so mischievous, so youthful, that Jess’s heart squeezed. She hated having to let Felicity down. She felt Ash’s absence keenly, but she knew she wouldn’t be the only one.

‘He’s not coming today.’ She perched on the sofa that was now fully uncovered, and currently home to tabby Artemis and the sleek black moggy Bond. ‘He’s tied up with something.’

‘Those life ties get you in a bind,’ Spade said cheerfully. ‘Shall I make the tea and open those fancy biscuits you bought, Felicity?’

‘If you can find them in amongst the nursery of dolls,’ she replied, and Spade loped out of the room, laughing.

Jess blinked. Felicity was making jokes about the hoarding now? She hadn’t just turned a corner, she’d gone through the entire maze and found the exit.

‘Ash is tied up with something?’ Felicity asked her gently. ‘Or you and he have had a falling out?’

Jess sagged, and Artemis, who ruled the back gardens of Greenwich with a sharp paw, raised his head and then crawled onto her lap, the sound of his purrs rivalling a low-flying aircraft. ‘Is it that obvious?’

Felicity put down the jacket she was holding. It was plum-coloured, with a jewelled brooch on the collar. Jess wondered how anyone could lose something like that, then reminded herself that she and Felicity were very different people. Today, the older woman was wearing jeans and a loose grey shirt, its shoulders far too baggy. Was it...? She tried to remember if she’d ever seen Spade wearing something like that, as opposed to one of his slogan T-shirts.

‘You look tired,’ Felicity said, ‘and your smile isn’t reaching your cheeks, let alone your eyes. There’s none of your usual perkiness, and you’re usually so punctual. Both of you. It’s not just that he’s busy doing something else, is it?’

Jess stroked the purring monster on her lap. ‘We had a fight – but all couples fight, don’t they? One argument shouldn’t mean the end.’

‘How do you know it’s the end?’

‘He’s not picking up my calls or answering my messages.’ After leaving Lola’s flat the night before, she had tried to contact him, but everything had gone unanswered. ‘And he didn’t come to the market today. It used to be his sanctuary, before... before the other thing he had to do, before we even met. But he’s not here.’

Felicity crouched in front of her. ‘Do you know that he didn’t go to the market today?’

‘I... Oh.’ Jess swallowed. ‘You mean he could have come as usual, and just avoided seeing me?’

‘I don’t know what’s happened between you, but if he’s hurting, then he might have wanted that familiar routine, even if he’s not ready to speak to you.’

Jess nodded, but the idea went against everything she knew about him. He was, above all things, kind, and – even if he was still angry with her – she thought he would have popped his head round the door, acknowledged her at the very least.

‘How did you cope?’ she asked Felicity. ‘When your husband left you. When you ended up on your own so unexpectedly.’

The older woman lowered herself to the carpet and crossed her legs. She looked pointedly behind her, then raised an eyebrow at Jess.

‘Oh.’ Jess’s cheeks coloured. ‘Shit. I mean...’

‘I think we can both agree that I didn’t cope. This has been years of insecurity, years of... well, not facing the feelings I needed to face. Hiding behind possessions instead. Every purchase gave me a rush of adrenaline, a moment of knowing who I was, because that object was a little piece of me: I’d chosen it, and I could keep it as long as I wanted, even if it was just a Sunday newspaper. It’s laughable, because a thing can’t define anyone, but when you’re lost, you look for anything that might show you which way to go.’

‘It makes sense,’ Jess said. ‘You’d lost your husband.’

‘That wasn’t what happened,’ Felicity said softly, as Spade came into the room carrying a tea tray, the crockery and teapot jingling. Jess did a double take at the chintzy floral apron he was wearing, its lace trim giving him a rakish air. ‘You’re a darling,’ Felicity told him.

He gave a curtsy and put the tray down. ‘I’m gonna go and see about that pile of LPs in the bedroom.’

‘Steven – Spade – thinks he’s discovered a treasure trove.’

‘I have,’ Spade said. ‘Felicity is a dark, dark horse.’

‘I’m beginning to see that,’ Jess replied.

He poured the tea out, added milk and brought them each a mug, along with a plate of biscuits, then he squeezed Felicity’s shoulder, his fingers lingering at her neck for a moment before he left the room.

Jess took a sip of too-hot tea, counted silently to five and then said, ‘You were saying?’

‘Oh yes. Richard. He had a heart condition, and at one point, I thought I was going to lose him. But after the operation he made a complete recovery, and then he decided life wasn’t about domesticity; it wasn’t about routine, or lazy mornings with coffee and newspapers under the duvet. He wanted adventure, new experiences.’

‘You didn’t agree?’

‘Not at all. I wanted to focus on our family and friends, spend time with the people we cared about. At that point, I was still young enough to have a baby, and I thought that we could grow our family. But Richard wasn’t interested, so—’

‘He left you,’ Jess finished.

‘No.’ Felicity laughed. ‘I kicked him out. I told him that if he wanted a round-the-world ticket and an Indiana Jones hat, then he should fill his boots. And, after only a couple of hours’ protest – where his main argument was that I should go with him – he left. He never came back, not even for his things.’

Jess’s pulse raced. ‘But I thought... you said that he left you.’

‘He did leave,’ Felicity said. ‘But only because I told him to go.’

Jess blew on her tea, picked up a biscuit. ‘Right,’ she said. ‘OK.’

‘You’re wondering how I could have ended up like this, accumulating a city’s worth of things, when I made the decision?’

Jess nodded. ‘I thought that – that if you were in control, if you chose being on your own, then you’d – I’d – be OK. I thought that...’

‘You can say it: you won’t be saying anything to me that I haven’t thought about myself a thousand times.’

Jess swallowed. ‘I thought this was a response to trauma. I never thought it could happen to someone who was fine, and—’

‘But I wasn’t fine,’ Felicity said. ‘I didn’t really want Richard gone, but I was angry that his priorities weren’t the same as mine. I threw my husband out with the bathwater, then I stayed angry, and I didn’t let anyone else in for a long time. I tried to fill the hole up with objects, instead.’

‘Ash hasn’t been letting me in.’ The words rushed out before she could think about them.

Felicity nodded. ‘What about you, Jess? You’ve been such a help to me, and Spade was telling me how turning the TikToks towards Enzo’s plight was your idea, in the beginning. You’re always projecting outwards. Do you let people look after you, too?’

‘Sometimes.’ It came out as a mumble. ‘Not if I can help it,’ she added, when Felicity didn’t fill the silence.

‘So you and Ash pushed each other away?’

‘I think that... that if he cared about me as much as I care about him, he would have shown up today.’

Felicity took a biscuit and snapped it in half. ‘You can tell yourself that story until the cows come home, but you’re not inside his head. You don’t know how he rationalises things. You won’t know until you talk to him.’

‘I want to,’ Jess said. ‘But how can I, if he’s not answering my phone calls and messages, and I can’t find him?’

‘In that case,’ Felicity said, ‘It’s time to call in a few favours. Let the people you’ve helped, help you back.’ She rubbed Jess’s arm, took an iPhone out of her pocket and unlocked the screen. ‘I want to have a house sale, here. Get rid of most of these things; the ones that are good enough. If I help you, will you help me?’

Jess’s brain stalled. ‘You want to let people in here, so they can rake through all your things?’

‘There’s very little I need,’ Felicity said. ‘Whatever I sell, the money can go to Enzo – as much as he needs. When he and Carolina are on sturdier ground, we’ll find another good cause. Are you in?’

‘Of course I’ll help you organise it,’ Jess said. ‘I’m sure everyone at the market will want to be involved, too. And you don’t need to help me, Felicity. I’m not actually sure what youcan do.’

‘You’d be surprised,’ Felicity said, glancing up from her phone screen.

Jess sat back on the sofa. ‘You know when Spade said you were a dark horse?’

Felicity nodded, a slow smile brightening her eyes, making her look carefree.

‘I think he was right.’