Chapter Thirteen
H oly hell, this man could kiss.
Her knees growing weak, Emily locked her legs around Jake’s waist and held on with her fucking life. It didn’t matter it was her lips he was kissing, his tongue exploring her mouth, she could feel that kiss everywhere—from the hairs on her head to the tingle in her pink-painted toes. With those fireflies stirring in her belly, her nipples throbbed and her pussy ached.
Only hours ago, she cried for his brother.
Billy came by before supper.
He stood on her porch. Wisps of hair blew around his face, sunlight catching in the dark chocolate strands, while he curled the fingers of one hand around the pinky of the other and twisted on repeat.
“I was hoping I’d get to see you.” Before it’s too late . Her arms twining around his neck, Emily nestled into him and inhaled the soothing familiarity of his scent.
His muscles tensing, Billy squeezed her, but then released her far too quickly for her liking. “Ain’t nothin’ could keep me away. You know that.”
“Still…” Emily tried to force a smile, rubbing her fingers over the place in his chest where his heart lay beating. “Come on in, and I’ll fix you some supper.”
“Can’t stay, baby,” he said, his lips pressed against her forehead. “Have to get over to the ranch for my shift, but I wanted to see you first and give you somethin’.”
“What is it?”
With the barest hint of a smile, Billy tipped his chin at the old, wooden rocking chair beside him. A bright pink box sat upon it, tied with ribbons in a rainbow of colors. “You can open it after I go.”
“Stay.”
“I can’t.” He gazed into her eyes, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “But the calving’ll be over soon. There’s gonna be a bonfire next weekend to celebrate.”
“It’s so fucked up.”
“What?” he asked, taking a step back.
I’ll be eighteen in a matter of hours, and then I can’t kiss you, or touch you, or anything…
“Last week we got a foot of snow, today it’s all but gone, and next week they’re throwing a damn party.”
His mouth quivered and he began wringing his pinky again. “That means we can get started on your flowers soon.”
She placed her hand on his to save his poor finger. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” And with her palm in his, Billy squeezed it. “Nothin’s gonna change, Em.”
Then why did everything feel as if it already had?
“C’mon, give me a kiss now.” Billy smiled at her, but it didn’t reach his eyes. They were gray, like Jake’s, except for a dark ring that circled the irises. Had she ever told him how beautiful they were?
He dipped his head, and threading his fingers into her hair, gently held her cheeks. Their lips met, his tongue touching hers, and Emily’s tears began to flow. Her hands roamed to every part of him she could reach, memorizing the feel of his hard, sculpted body beneath her fingertips.
Fuck these stupid rules. It isn’t fair .
Who made them up, anyway?
All too soon, it was over. Still, her lips remained on his. They tasted salty, and whether the tears were hers or his, she couldn’t say.
“I gotta go, babe.”
Nooo .
Emily couldn’t bear even the thought and held him tighter.
“Please, don’t make this any harder.”
One minute before midnight, Billy texted her.
Just remember I love you, baby. I’ll be kissing you in my dreams.
Jake’s text came a moment later.
She read it and cried herself to sleep.
But Emily wasn’t sleeping now. She was wide awake. And this was not a dream. With her ass planted on the granite-topped island, her legs squeezing his like a vise, Jake was here in her kitchen, kissing her.
She’d dreamt of it all of her life. Loving him and Billy. Being loved by them. So, why did she suddenly feel out of sorts, as if enjoying the kisses of one brother made her disloyal somehow to the other?
With her heart splintered into two jagged pieces, she wondered if her mom had ever felt like this. Grams? Arien? Of all of them, her step-cousin would best understand.
After a breakfast of kisses and heart-shaped blueberry pancakes, Jake left for work and Emily left for her uncle’s house to pay Arien a much-needed visit.
She walked right in and ran straight up the stairs to the room across the hall from Kellan’s. Arien looked up from her laptop, and a smile lighting her pretty face, she patted the space on the bed beside her. “Happy birthday, Ems. You’re early. Grams isn’t even here yet, and she’s helping me do the cooking.”
Sunday dinner at the ranch.
“That’s okay.” Emily grabbed her cousin’s hand, kissed it, then held it at her side.
“Tanner and Kellan are still out mucking around with the cows, or whatever it is they do,” she said with a giggle. “And I haven’t seen Billy or Jake yet today, if that’s what you’re wondering.”
“That’s not it.” Exhaling with a sigh, Emily stared out the window. “I saw Jake this morning.”
“Eek,” Arien squealed, clapping like she’d won tickets to see a Taylor Swift concert or something. “He kissed you, didn’t he? Was it wonderful?”
Her gaze went from the paddock outside the window to her cousin.
“That’s a silly question, huh? Course, it was.”
“Mmhm, it couldn’t have been more perfect, but…” Emily paused to swallow. Was it awful of her to even say it?
“But?”
“I feel…I dunno…guilty?” She drew her knees up, hoping to relieve the tightness in her chest, and returned her gaze to the window. “It’s like I’m betraying Billy. Trading one brother for the other.”
“It’s no such thing, Ems.” Arien got in her face, forcing Emily to look at her. “You’re a triad.”
“You ever feel like that?”
“Torn in two? Yeah, all the time.” Her lip disappeared behind her teeth as she slowly nodded. “But not between Kellan and Tanner. It’s my heart and my head that’s the problem. Because what feels right to me, the rest of the world sees as wrong. Maybe if I wasn’t an outsider, I wouldn’t feel like such a whore, and with my brothers to boot.”
“Stepbrothers.” Enough with that shit . Emily heaved a sigh. “Chrissakes, you didn’t even know ‘em six months ago, and you’re not a whore, so don’t you dare think like that.”
“She’s right.” Kellan poked his head inside the door.
Tanner came in right behind him. “You’re just ours, little sister.”
“How long have y’all been out there eavesdroppin’?”
Kellan winked at her, strolling across the room like he owned it, and claimed the other spot next to Arien on the bed. “I know it sucks, Ems. It can feel like forever, but y’all are favored. You will get through this test, and that’s all this is.”
He stopped talking long enough to kiss his stepsister, his hand snaking beneath her shirt to fondle her breast. “It’s your time to know Jake.”
“I do know him.”
“Not like you know Billy,” he countered, and stretching his arm out behind Arien, Kellan poked her on the shoulder. “And I ain’t talkin’ about his dick here, neither.”
“Jesus, Kellan.” Arien smacked him.
“Hush now, baby cakes. It’s all right.” He took Arien’s hand, and holding it to his chest, leaned forward toward Emily. “You deserve to know all of him. He deserves to know all of you, too. Look inside every part of that man of yours—mind, body, and soul. What are his dreams? His fears? His strengths? What’s his weakness? See, you and Billy have already done all that. Jake loves you, Ems, and he’s been waitin’ for you a helluva long time. He’ll tell you everything there is to know if you listen.”
Wow!
All this coming from a man who typically spoke in grunts and one-syllable words, Emily took what he said to heart. “Since when did you become Yoda?”
“Heh.” Kellan shrugged, his cheeks turning pink.
“I love y’all,” she said, climbing over Arien to kiss him. “I should get goin’ before Grams gets here and make myself pretty for my birthday dinner—act all surprised and shit.”
“Yeah, ya brat, you should. C’mon, I’ll walk you out to the car.” He got up to go with her, Tanner taking his place by Arien on the bed. Kellan paused, tracing his finger up the sole of her foot, then said, his voice husky, “And don’t you go nowhere.”
“You happy, Kel?” Emily asked once they were outside.
“Arien’s here. I’m happy.” His head bobbed, blond hair falling in his eyes, but as much as he tried to, Kellan couldn’t contain his grin. “You know I love ya, right?”
“I love you, too, even though you can be a real motherfucker sometimes.”
“Auntie Kim needs to wash that mouth of yours.” He chuckled, opening up her Mustang. “Look, I know it’s hard, but nothin’ worth havin’ comes easy.”
“Loving them is easy.” She got in. “It’s the stupid rules that are hard.”
“I know.” He held onto the roof, hanging his head inside the window. “And more so for Billy than anyone. So, when Jake is kissin’ on you, make sure Billy knows how much you love him, that you yearn for him too, and not just with your words.”
“I can’t touch him. They’re all I’ve got.”
He backed out of the car and winked. “There’s ways of touchin’ without touchin’.”
“So I hear.” Emily giggled, then chewed on her lip. “Can I say something?”
“Could I stop you?”
“Doubt it.” Shielding her eyes from the glare of the sun, she angled her head to look up at him. “I see you, Kellan Brooks, and I know you’re not an asshole. You’re just scared. Arien loves you, so maybe take your own advice. You can trust that she won’t hurt you. Let her in.”
“I’m tryin’.”
“I know.” Emily turned on the ignition. “Nothin’ worth havin’ comes easy, right?”
“Right.” He sent her off with a knock on the Mustang’s hood. “Happy birthday, Ems.”
The gentle breeze blowing through the trees almost felt too warm. It lifted the ends of her hair, its sweet floral scent perfuming the air as he kissed her. Jake grasped the back of Emily’s thighs, and urging her legs to straddle his waist, he carried her around the corner of the barn. He didn’t need an audience. Hidden from the fire’s light and prying eyes, here in the shadows, he held her against the decaying clapboard, burning to know the feel of her skin beneath his fingers.
A low, sweet sound, the coo of a dove, flowed from Emily’s lips. She pulled on his hair, tethering herself to him, as her legs slipped from his hips. Jake wedged his knee between her thighs to catch her. Damp silk on worn denim.
He kissed his way along her jaw and down her neck, licking the salt from her pulse as he eased the straps from her shoulders. Soft, pliant flesh, embellished by lace, molded to fit in his palm. Jake squeezed, and pushing the offending fabric away, caressed her nipple with his thumb.
With a breathy gasp upon his cheek, she squeaked.
Her fingers gripping the hair at his nape, Emily pressed her weight against his leg that held her. His lips on her skin, he smiled, and dipping his head, Jake took that nipple in his mouth. One hand splayed on her back, the other at her breast, he suckled. He licked, and laved, and sucked, and nipped, while soft coos became whimpers and she rocked herself on his knee, seeking friction.
“You okay, Billy?” It was Arien’s voice, wafting outside, through slats of thin, worn wood.
Fuck .
His brother. Her cousins. Their friends. They were all in there, mere inches separating them, on the other side of the wall.
Still, no one knew they were out here.
Kneading the fleshy pillow of her breast, Jake sucked on her nipple harder.
“Yeah, babes. This too shall pass, right?”
She moaned. Or perhaps groaned. Was there anguish in the sound he heard?
Maybe not.
Because Emily kept on rocking and panting, her fingers holding onto his hair. He hadn’t learned her body yet, the noises she made, or all her tells.
Oh, but I’m going to, dammit .
And he’d learn it well.
Jake would come to know her better than she knew herself.
“One year…”
He focused on Emily, encouraging her to come while tuning out the voices. Her arousal seeped through his jeans. His saliva saturated the lace, her nipple swollen beneath his tongue.
“Jake.” His name spilling from her throat, she sagged, weightless, against his chest.
He held her head on his shoulder, and listening to her breathe, placed a soft kiss on her lips.
“A man who can’t be with the woman he loves is missing a piece of his soul, Arien. I feel like I’m dyin’.”
Her breath catching, Emily stiffened in his arms. “Billy?”
Somewhere in the distance, lightning rolled across the sky. Woodsmoke mingled with the smell of a coming storm.
Jake just held her tighter.
And she raised her head, a tear sliding down her cheek.