Chapter 15
Quinn
Iwoke up with the sense of a cry lodged in my throat. When I opened my mouth, a sound more like a squawk tumbled out of it. I shoved myself upright on the leather seat, my pulse racing, getting my bearings.
I was sitting in the passenger seat of Rollick’s car, wearing the same clothes I’d had on for our trip up the mountain in Oregon. My messenger bag lay at my feet. The driver’s seat appeared to be empty. The car was parked on a city street, the buildings around me draped in the darkness of night.
Knuckles rapped against the window next to me. As I flinched, Rollick opened the door from the outside. He was holding my backpack, slightly unzipped. I made out the corner of my laptop through the gap.
I stared up at him, blinking against the glow of the streetlamp beyond him. The warm air that wafted over me smelled strangely familiar.
“What’s going on?” I demanded, and memories rushed back to me. “You took me away! I could have—I was going to try?—”
“It wouldn’t have done any good,” Rollick said, calmly but firmly. He motioned for me to get out of the car. “Come on now.”
I eased gingerly out of the car onto the sidewalk and peered around me. Even in the darkness, my surroundings looked kind of familiar too. It was a residential street lined with two-story houses.
Wait. That one on the corner with the arched windows—I knew that place. It was just down the street from…
From my parents’ house.
My gaze jerked to Rollick’s face. I kept my voice low, thinking of the sleeping people in all the houses around us that we wouldn’t want to wake up and notice us. “We’re back in Jacksonville. What the hell are we doing here?”
The demon let out a huff of breath. “It shouldn’t take too much explaining. If you’re going to insist on it now, let’s get more out of view.”
He ushered me into the playground where I’d spent so many hours of my early childhood. As we walked past the swing set, I glanced around at the equipment with a sudden burn of tears behind my eyes.
What sick game was he playing at now? I’d thought we were past emotional manipulations.
I spun toward Rollick. “What the fuck are we doing here? What’s wrong with you? I?—”
He caught me by the shoulders, his expression so strangely intense that the words died in my throat. A smack of anguish hit me, like the turmoil of emotions I’d felt from him as we watched his plan fall apart… earlier this night? Last night? When the villainous duo of ancient monsters had overcome the warriors sent by the rulers of the shadow realm.
A chill of my own rippled through my limbs in the wake of the demon’s anguish. Had something even worse happened since then?
I opened my mouth, but before I could say anything else, Rollick broke the momentary silence.
“I’m trying to fix this,” he said raggedly. “I’m trying to put this one thing back the way it should have been.”
I blinked at him, totally bewildered. “What are you talking about?”
“You—” He sucked in a breath, an almost frantic light dancing in his eyes in the darkness. “You weren’t supposed to be a part of this. These aren’t your powers. It wasn’t your heart. You wanted to do so much with the little bit of time you have, and this conflict has stolen it from you. You belong here. You should get the chance to do as much as you can with your life, however long you can extend it.”
My brain couldn’t quite compute what he was saying. “You… want me to go back to my regular life? My parents—my classes—but the behemoth and the leviathan are still out there, aren’t they?”
“It doesn’t matter,” Rollick insisted. “You can let me deal with them. I’ve already had thousands of years more than you’re going to get. I should be the one taking that burden. I should have from the start, but I was too caught up—” He cut himself off with a growl. “I was selfish. I’m ashamed of that, but I’m trying to make it right. Let me do that.”
I was still having trouble wrapping my head around this switch of attitude. “Won’t they come after me? Isn’t that why I’ve been on the run from the beginning anyway?”
He tipped his head toward my torso. “You’ve got your special vest now. You’ll want to keep that on for the time being. I’m going to look into other options… I might be able to have some shirts constructed for you that simply have silver thread woven through them to enough effect that they’d effectively shield you, so it isn’t quite so awkward.” His mouth set in a grim smile. “And whatever I do next, I’ll make sure the bastards are too distracted to even think about you.”
“What the heck are you going to do?” I demanded. “I thought you said those warriors were the toughest shadowkind out there.”
“They probably weren’t the smartest. I have resources I haven’t called on yet—a lot of them. I’ll figure something out.”
“This doesn’t make any sense. You pulled me into this situation.”
Rollick closed his eyes with a pained expression that echoed the emotions radiating off him. “I know. I realize I’m changing my tune. And maybe you still can’t trust that I mean what I say.” He fell silent for long enough that my nerves started to twitch. His fingers squeezed my shoulders gently. Then he met my eyes again.
“I didn’t get into this business for myself, you know. At first, I was a lot like Torrent used to be, though lighter on the chemical indulgences. I enjoyed all humanity had to offer, and I could exude enough charm and authority to get pretty much whatever I wanted. But I was still getting my footing, and a demon who’d been around the block a few more times than me with similar inclinations took me under his wing.”
I raised my eyebrows. “So, the two of you ran around partying like kings?”
“Something like that,” Rollick said. “But as we roved around, I got to know other beings who couldn’t enjoy themselves the same way. They had something about them that wouldn’t allow them to move among mortals quite as easily… which is the situation most shadowkind are in, really. And it occurred to me that I could build the sort of place where the indulgences would freely come to them rather than them seeking out the fun they wanted and failing. Which did work out to my benefit as well.”
“And your friend’s,” I suggested.
“My lover’s,” Rollick corrected without missing a beat. “For as long as he was that. He thought my venture was a waste of time. He stuck around for a little while and then he took off, and I haven’t seen him since then. Which probably means some dire fate came for him, or our paths would have crossed by now.”
For just a moment, he looked pensive, but I guessed that relationship was far enough in the past not to bother him all that much, because he focused his attention on me again.
“He wasn’t totally wrong. I was too soft. I welcomed the beings who came to take advantage of my services and supported them as much as I could, and in return plenty of them took advantage of me. Mortals I should have protected died under my roof. So I stopped coddling anyone. I cultivated the persona I wear easily now—unpredictable and detached so my fellow shadowkind never feel totally sure of me or how I’ll react, harsh enough that they fear crossing the line and so that when I am kind it’s mercy rather than weakness. That’s who I need to be.”
He spoke so emphatically that my stomach knotted. “Why are you telling me all this?”
“Because I need you to understand. I didn’t start out like this. I know how to care. I know how to stick out my neck for those in need. I’ve just… gotten out of the habit. But I decided to harden myself, so I can decide to allow a little softness when the moment is right. This matters. That vicious duo making their plans that can’t be good for anyone—taking them down matters. And you matter.”
Rollick lifted one of his hands to touch my cheek, and my heart stuttered. “If you see through what you want to do, you’ll have accomplished more in the few years that might be all you have left than I’ve achieved in centuries. I’m not going to take that chance away from you any more than I already have. You deserve this life more than anyone. Let me give it back to you. Take it.”
I stared at him, his words sinking in. A strange heat had flooded my body at the touch of his fingers. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. But as much as my thoughts were spinning, it didn’t take long before one clear fact surfaced in my mind.
“I can’t.”
Rollick bared his teeth. “What do you mean, you can’t? I brought you back here. I’m giving you your things back. You have everything you need.”
I reached up and set my hand over his, swallowing thickly. I could take his offer, couldn’t I? I could walk back into my parents’ house, resolve their worries, slip back into the life I’d left behind as if I’d never been torn away from it. Throw myself into achieving the goals that it’d wrenched at me to set aside.
Closing my eyes, I pictured myself slipping down the stairs from my bedroom in the morning, surprising my parents at breakfast, feeling the squeeze of their relieved hugs. Opening up my computer and digging into the latest assignments. Taking a moment to relax in the backyard with the sweet scents from Dad’s garden wafting over me.
I let the image of that life settle over me… and my answer remained the same. The pang of homesickness that resonated through my chest couldn’t change what I knew to be true.
“No, I don’t have everything I need,” I said quietly. “I need to know that people are going to be okay—not just the people I know, but people all around the world. I need to do everything I can to make sure those monsters don’t hurt any more of them. Maybe some action I take will make the difference between other lives being lost or not. Maybe the whole world will go to hell if every person who could pitch in doesn’t.”
“After what we saw last night, I doubt even your boosted sorcerer powers could work on those menaces,” Rollick said.
“That’s not the only way I’ve pitched in. I haven’t been completely useless.”
“Of course you haven’t. But, Quinn… it’s not your responsibility.”
I made a face at him. “It’s not yours either. And I…” The truth of what I was going to say swelled in my chest. “I care about you getting through this mess okay too, all right? I would feel like a jerk to walk away and leave you to handle it on your own. This is my world more than it’s yours. I know that it matters to you, and it matters to me too, so I can’t back down any more than you will.”
It was Rollick’s turn to stare at me. His jaw worked. He exhaled in a rush. “You’re really not going to change your mind, are you?”
The corner of my mouth quirked upward. “I think you already know how stubborn I can be.”
“Yes, I’m very familiar with that particular quality of yours.”
His hand swiveled so his fingers could twine with mine, his knuckles still resting against my cheek. His head bowed toward me. My heart skipped a beat with the sudden thought that he might be going to kiss me—and the awareness that I wasn’t sure I’d want to stop him.
But then he stepped away, tugging at me through our joined hands. “All right, stubborn sorcerer. I can’t force you to live a normal life, no matter how much I might want to. So we’d better figure out where we go from here.”