The Heir's Bargain (Of Fire and Lies)

Chapter 17

”Where”s Dani?”Terin asked as we settled into the carriage.

Sinking back against the gray crushed velvet cushion, I plucked off a piece of lint from my lapel. ”She had a training early this morning that she couldn”t miss, so we decided it would be best if we rode separately.”

”Menides sure is working the troops hard lately, isn”t he?”

”Seems so.”

The carriage started forward. The muffled sounds of the horses” hooves pounding against the ground seeped inside.

Terin rubbed the top of his head, exhaustion coloring the bags beneath his eyes purple. ”Any word about the scouting mission?”

I leaned my head against the carriage wall. ”You”ve attended the same council meetings I have. There”s been little talk about anything other than this ball.”

”Yes, but I would have thought Dani would have mentioned something if she had heard anything.”

I shook my head. ”Our schedules haven”t exactly aligned lately.”

”Trouble in paradise?”

My eyes sprung open. ”No. Why would you think that?”

Terin put a hand on my knee, stopping its rocking. ”You haven”t stopped fidgeting since we”ve sat down, brother.”

I shook off his hand. ”Dani and I are fine, Ter.”

”Then why do you keep looking out the window toward the training grounds?”

The curtain slipped through my hands, the fabric swaying as the carriage rocked.

I folded my hands in my lap and turned to Terin. ”Dani”s training is important to her. I wouldn”t want to get in the way of that. If Mother wasn”t forcing me to arrive early, I would have stayed back and traveled with Dani instead. But according to Mother, I need to mingle and talk politics.” I rolled my eyes, running my fingers through my hair. ”I thought that was what council meetings were for?”

Across from me, Terin put his back to the side of the carriage and hoisted his feet onto the bench with a heavy sigh. ”I do not pity you, brother. That is for sure.” He folded his hands behind his head. ”I suppose I should be happy, though. I”ve barely seen you in the past three months. Between your studies and little rendezvous with Dani, you”re busier than ever.”

I stared at my brother, confusion twisting my features. ”What do you mean? I see you all the time.”

Terin cocked a brow as he peered at me. ”Advisor meetings don”t count, Fynn.”

”You”ve joined me at the tavern,” I countered.

”You”re too focused on staring at Dani for that to count, either.”

”But—”

Terin shrugged as he crossed his legs. ”It”s fine. Truly. At least we can use this time to catch up.”

The carriage hit a hole and jolted us. My stomach twisted, but I could no longer tell if it was from the ride or the guilt biting at my insides.

Nevertheless, I said, ”You”re right.”

”Before we do, I”m going to try to sneak a nap in.”

”All that fuss, yet you decide to nap?”

”What can I say?” Terin yawned and moved into a more comfortable position on the bench, cramming himself on it. ”I”m exhausted.”

Terin closed his eyes, and silence filled the carriage once more. As we rode across the winding path north of the castle, I peeled back the curtain again and pushed open the window, letting the cool morning air filter inside the stuffy space. Outside, sweeps of burnt oranges melted across the early morning sky.

My brother”s presence and the quiet carriage should have been a reprieve, yet guilt twisted in my stomach. However, lying to my brother wasn”t the only reason for the sourness.

Over the past few days, I had been training with Graeson extensively. I had foolishly thought that if I exhausted my body, my mind would quiet as well. Granted, it had worked when the sword was in my hand. But the moment I set that sword down, the thoughts came spiraling back.

I never would have guessed, though, that the thoughts I was most terrified of were my own.

Yet here I was, spiraling over my best friend.

It had been almost three weeks since I had last spoken to Dani. After what my mother had told me, I needed some distance to figure things out.

I was unsure if I believed my mother about Dani liking me when we were younger. But I wasn”t sure if the answer mattered. Childhood feelings were as fleeting and fragile as youth itself. If Dani liked me then, she surely didn”t like me now.

Nothing about the fury fuming in her gaze when she stormed into the castle after I had sent the dress to her suggested that she still had feelings for me. At some point, she must have seen what I already knew.

Dani wished to save the world. And I? Well, I could barely even save myself most days.

”You”ll see her soon.”

”Huh?” I peered at Terin, but his eyes were shut.

”Dani,” Terin mumbled, sinking deeper into the cushion. Soon, his breathing shifted, and he began to snore as sleep finally embraced him.

The summer solsticewas the largest event in Pontia, bringing people from across the island together to celebrate the longest day of the year. The food was plentiful, the music was grand, and the wine barrels were never empty. Laughter filled the space as people mingled with one another.

For the past several years, the Summer Solstice Ball had been an excuse for me to drink and fall into some woman”s lap, head first.

This year, however, only one of those things would be happening.

I pressed the cold crystal to my lips. Notes of honeysuckle and orange wafted from the white wine, brushing my nose. The fresh citrus was a much-needed reprieve from Lord Alabas” overly sweet plum and oak aroma.

The Alabas family was one of the prominent families in northern Pontia. I didn”t particularly care for the family, but their purse was immense and their gifts were useful. But no matter how valuable the Alabas family was, it didn”t prevent my gaze from wandering to the large oak doors behind the lord as he prattled on about his latest hunting retreat.

Flurries of people still flooded through the doors, but none of them were the person I was looking for. The thoughts coming from the surrounding guests did little to soothe my wayward thoughts.

I thought he was courting that one soldier.

Did she stand him up?

This is why nobility should not court soldiers. Soldiers are meant to rule the field; they know nothing about court etiquette.

My sister owes me ten shillings.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I rubbed my temples as I took a swig of the wine. The alcohol was a relief for only a moment before the nausea returned, though.

When I opened my eyes, my gaze locked onto Terin. He stood beside Riley, his arm casually draped across his shoulder. Terin had been fawning after Riley for months. I couldn”t say I blamed him. I might have preferred women, but I could appreciate an attractive man when I saw one. And Riley was good-looking. I had heard one too many times how mesmerizing his eyes were. Especially once Terin had drunk a glass or two of whiskey. Every cliché that existed passed through Terin”s thoughts before I could block him out.

My brother met my gaze, and his smile faltered. I instinctively reached out to him.

She”ll come, he said down the line.

I gnawed on my lip and nodded back.

Terin returned his attention to Riley and Lukas. Normally, I would have been with them, laughing, drinking wine, and finding the next woman I wanted to spin around the room. But as the crown dug into the top of my head, I didn”t feel like doing any of those things.

A gentle hand landed on my shoulder, and my heart jumped. When I spun around to see who it was, I was only greeted with disappointment.

My mother smiled at the northern lord. ”Lord Alabas, a pleasure. May I have a private word with my son?”

”Of course, Your Majesty,” the lord said, bowing low. He spun on his heel, a waft of plum smacking me in the nose. His head swiveled as he searched for his next victim.

I should have been thankful for my mother”s interference. Lord Alabas would talk nonstop to anyone who stood still for more than a second. Once he started talking, it was hard to get him to stop. Yet when my mother quirked a brow at me, I knew I had traded one dreaded conversation for another.

With her blonde hair knotted at the base of her neck and each strand perfectly in its place, she was the picture of calm and control. In the light, her pale purple dress appeared white. Amethysts and brilliant clear crystals covered the top of the chiffon fabric that then spilled onto the floor.

In the window behind her, I saw my own reflection: the ends of my hair were sticking up in different directions. Tugging my hair was a nervous habit I had developed as a child, one I would need to break when I became king.

Kings were never nervous—my mother taught me that.

But I wasn”t a king. Not yet.

”No sign of Danisinia yet?” My mother kept her tone light, but I could hear the sounds of disappointment and expectation coating her tongue.

”She”s coming.” I stopped myself from brushing my hands through my hair and instead scratched the scruff on my chin. It was progress, I supposed. ”She”s only running late.”

”Oh, so you”re a seer now?”

I bit down on my tongue, then released it, forcing a small smile. ”If Dani said she”ll be here, then she”ll be here.”

”Very well.”

As guests bowed and curtsied to my mother and me, we smiled back at the patrons, wishing them a happy solstice.

After a moment, my mother leaned closer to me, her voice barely above a whisper. ”I must be honest with you, Fynneares. I was, at first, surprised that you and Danisinia were courting each other, but of all of your former partners, she is by far my favorite.”

”Mother!” My eyes widened as I scanned the passing guests. ”You can”t say that,” I hissed.

”Why not? It”s true.” She pushed her shoulders back, an amused smile twitching at the corner of her lips. ”And I am queen, Fynneares. I may say whatever I please.”

I snorted, shaking my head. If I hadn’t known better, I would have said my mother was in a good mood.

”Although, I might be a little biased. The Ferrioses have been some of our closest friends for a long time.” She tipped her head. ”Rosalina, however, has always been after your crown.”

I turned to my mother then, my jaw dropping.

Although I had known this for a while, my mother”s words shocked me. She had only ever said kind things about Rosalina.

”Sweetie, mouth closed, please. It is unbecoming of a prince.”

I blinked, stumbling for the words I wished to say.

She scoffed, the amusement slipping through her regal demeanor, a crack in the porcelain. ”Do not act so surprised. She neither has been nor is that discrete about her desires for her future.”

”Why were you pushing me to court her then?”

My mother tapped a finger along the glass she held in her hand. ”The idea of her, I think, made you happy. All I have ever wanted for you was for you to be happy, son.”

I stared at my mother, unsure what to say, as she looked up at me.

She tilted her head ever-so-slightly. ”Danisinia makes you happy, does she not?”

I chewed on my cheek, glancing back at the oak doors. The guests flowing through the entrance had begun to dwindle, and the start of the ball was quickly approaching. Yet I still had not seen Dani walk through those doors. She said she was coming with her parents, but even her parents had yet to show.

”Dani is my best friend, Mother. She has always made me happy.”

”Have you told her that?”

My brows twisted together. ”What do you mean?”

”Have you told Dani how you feel about her?”

”Mother, we are courting.”

She sighed. ”Sometimes, it is not enough simply to put a label on something. After all, just because the castle is a house does not make it a home.”

Now, she was indeed not making any sense.

I rubbed my temples and peered down at my glass.

My mother reached out, wrapping her delicate fingers around my hand and squeezing it once. Her sea-blue eyes peered through me, waves of emotion swimming inside them. ”You are young, but you will not be young forever. Do not let the fear of the unknown hold you back from living, son. We are only granted so much time; use it.”

When I still had yet to make sense of her words, she released a long sigh. ”You have looked at the door more times than I can count.”

”How did you?—”

”I listen, and I observe. You may think your and Terin”s gifts are different, but they are more alike than you realize. You float through everyone”s minds, but how much time do you spend in your own?”

I pressed my lips together, unable to answer her truthfully.

”You worry too much, Fynneares.”

”Mother, I?—”

”Listen and observe,” she said, interrupting and tapping my arm. ”You do not need to be anyone else but you to be a good king. While your eyes may drift during conversations about the kingdom”s coin or the status of ongoing trades, you care about the kingdom”s heart. That alone will make you a good king. What I do worry about, however, is your ability to be happy.” My mother”s voice grew somber, a small line deepening between her eyebrows. ”For your entire life, I have watched you push people away out of fear of loving them too much and having them ripped away from you. I have watched you stretch a smile across your face simply because you thought it was what you had to do. You are allowed to be sad, Fynneares. But please, listen to me when I say that, more than anything, you are allowed to be happy. Ruling is already a lonely act. Do not let her go simply because you are afraid.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat and whispered, ”Thank you, Mother.”

She squeezed my arm and walked off, weaving her way through the crowd with her head held high.

Despite myself, I turned to the doors once more.

”She”ll come,” I said to myself. ”She has to.”

But the more I repeated it, the more I began to question it.