The Hotel Room: His Broken Vows

Chapter Twenty-Five - James

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

James

The therapy office felt colder today. Or maybe it was just him. The quiet hum of the air conditioning pressed against the walls, and the worn leather couch beneath him felt too stiff, too unyielding. James sat with his fists pressed to his knees, trying to keep his breathing steady, but the tension in his chest wouldn’t leave.

Dr. Adler sat across from him, calm as always, her notepad balanced on her lap. Waiting. She never pushed. Just let the silence settle long enough to get under his skin until the words started spilling out on their own.

“I don’t know what else to say,” he said admitted, voice rough. “I’ve told you everything. I’m owning it. I cheated because I was curious. Because I’d never been with anyone else.”

His voice hardened on the last part, as if he could force the explanation to feel sufficient.

Dr. Adler didn’t flinch, her pen pausing only briefly. “James, we’ve talked about the surface reasons before. I understand why you feel they explain your choice. But today, I want you to go deeper.”

He exhaled sharply, shaking his head. “Deeper? I don’t know what you want me to say. I was around Nick too much, okay? Listening to his stories. His apps. He made it sound so easy, so normal—like it was just part of being a guy. And I—”

His throat tightened, heat crawling up his neck. “I was stupid enough to believe it.”

Silence.

Dr. Adler didn’t respond right away. She let the words linger before gently pressing, “What did Nick’s lifestyle represent to you?”

James blinked, frowning. “What do you mean?”

Her gaze was steady, unwavering. “You’ve described Nick’s hookups as ‘easy’ and ‘carefree.’ Do you think that’s what you were looking for? An escape from responsibility?”

He opened his mouth to argue, but the truth was already there, gnawing at the edges of his mind.

“It wasn’t about escaping,” he muttered. “It was...God, it was stupid. I’d just—” He stopped, voice catching, his jaw tight. “I’d never had a casual hookup. Never even considered it. I’ve been with Kate since I was eighteen. One woman. One relationship. Nick made it sound like...like I’d missed out on something.”

Dr. Adler nodded, calm but firm. “You mentioned before feeling like you missed out. On what, James?”

The knot in his chest twisted tighter. He could feel it now—the words he didn’t want to say pressing up against his ribs.

“I don’t know,” he whispered. “Maybe…discovering who I really was.”

And it sounded so small now. So selfish.

She didn’t let him off the hook. “But it didn’t make you feel more like yourself, did it?”

He shook his head, the truth hitting harder than he was ready for. “No. It made everything worse. I—I destroyed the one thing that gave me purpose. I didn’t just hurt Kate. I broke myself. I broke the foundation of everything I built my life around. And for what? A moment I didn’t even want.”

The words sounded hollow as they left his lips, and guilt followed closely behind.

Dr. Adler’s voice was quieter now. “And who is ‘you,’ James?”

His stomach dropped.

He stared at his hands, his vision blurring around the edges as the realization hit harder than he expected.

“I don’t know,” he said hoarsely. “I don’t know who I am without Kate. I’ve—my entire life has been about being there. For Kate. For the kids. Providing. Holding it together. And when she moved into the guest room...when the house felt so empty, it was like—I lost my purpose in life.”

His chest ached, the words scraping raw. “It’s more than just the guilt of hurting the woman I love. It’s...losing them feels like losing myself. Because they’re all I am.”

Dr. Adler’s voice remained steady, anchoring him. “You need to decide what comes next—how to rebuild yourself, not just your marriage. Because until you do, you won’t be able to give Kate the emotional honesty she deserves.”

The ache in his chest felt unbearable, but this time, he didn’t turn away from it.

He nodded, swallowing hard. “I’m ready to figure that out.”

══════════════════

James wiped his hands on his jeans, palms damp despite the cool breeze drifting in through the open shed door. The studio was done. Almost.

The shed he’d neglected for years—the same place where he used to stash his old tools and half-finished projects—was now something else entirely. The space was transformed. Insulated. Warm. Fresh white paint coated the walls, clean and blank, waiting for her to fill them with color.

He’d gone all out with the window. Larger than he’d initially planned, almost floor-to-ceiling, flooding the room with natural light. The glass stretched wide across the back wall, opening up to a view of the garden, where the sun cast soft shadows on the dew-damp grass.

The floors were bare. The furniture nonexistent—on purpose.

This wasn’t his space to finish. It was hers .

James stood near the door, shifting his weight as he heard the sound of the back door opening. Footsteps.

Kate.

He inhaled deeply, trying to steady himself as she crossed the yard. The first thing he noticed was how radiant she looked, even when she was tired.

Her hair was loose today, slightly tousled by the wind. A soft sweater hugged her frame, her hand resting protectively on the small, barely-there curve of her stomach.

The bump was more noticeable now.

Their baby.

She reached the shed, hesitating just outside the door.

James cleared his throat gently, stepping back and gesturing inside.

“Go ahead,” he said softly, voice rough with emotion.

Kate’s eyes narrowed slightly in curiosity, but she stepped in, taking it all in—the white walls, the sunlight pouring in, the open space.

She was quiet as she moved deeper into the room, trailing her fingers along the smooth windowsill, then turning slowly to study the blank canvas he’d set against the far wall.

For a moment, James just watched. All he could see was her .

Not just the woman standing here now but the girl she’d been. The girl he’d fallen in love with when they were just kids themselves—the one who used to talk about art with such passion, who would steal his t-shirts to sleep in, whose laughter had felt like sunlight.

But she wasn’t just that Kate anymore.

She was more.

She was the woman who had carried his children. Who had held their family together when he was working late nights and traveling for his career. She was the one who had sacrificed her own dreams—the acceptance letter she never used, the education she never finished—because she had chosen him .

And he had broken her. He had betrayed her.

Standing here, full of admiration and love for her, that guilt was still there—an ache that wouldn’t leave. But this wasn’t about guilt. It was about showing her, with everything he had left, that he saw her.

Kate finally turned back toward him, her expression carefully guarded.

“I know how important painting is to you,” he said quietly. “I—I want you to have this space. Just for you.”

She blinked, her lips parting slightly, her fingers curling around the hem of her sweater.

The silence stretched.

James shifted, raking a hand through his hair as the words rushed out too fast.

“I didn’t finish it completely because...I didn’t want to make choices for you.” The irony burned and James plowed on quickly. “The furniture, the easels, whatever you need—just tell me. We can pick it out together. Or—or you can go without me. Whatever you want.”

His hands curled into fists at his sides as he watched her eyes flick back to the window, the canvas, the empty walls.

She was thinking. Processing.

And he was desperate to know what she felt.

The ache in his chest tightened.

Do you see it, Kate? Do you see how much you mean to me?

Finally, her voice broke the quiet.

“This...is beautiful, James.”

His breath hitched. She wasn’t crying. But there was something in her voice—soft, fragile.

After a beat, her gaze dropped to the floor. “It doesn’t change what happened.”

James flinched, the truth landing like a punch to the gut.

“I know,” he whispered.

She shook her head, her voice trembling slightly now.

“I never felt unhappy in our life. I chose this life. I chose you. I loved being a mom, a wife. I didn’t think of it as giving up anything. Not until you made me feel like it wasn’t enough. Like I wasn’t enough.”

James felt the words lodge deep inside him, like a blade twisting. He deserved every second of it.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, voice breaking. “I know I’ve said that before. But I am . I’ve been thinking— really thinking—about why I…why I did what I did. Why I let myself destroy something so precious.”

Kate’s gaze stayed on the floor, her arms folding protectively over herself, like she was bracing for the next painful truth.

“Because you felt trapped?”

He shook his head immediately, taking a careful step closer, the ache pressing harder against his chest.

“No. I told myself that for a long time. I believed that lie because it was easier than facing the truth. I wasn’t trapped, Kate. I was lost .”

Her brow furrowed slightly, but she didn’t speak.

James swallowed hard, forcing the words out, his voice thick with self-disgust.

“I thought I was supposed to be…different. I got so caught up in—” He gestured vaguely, voice rising, almost frantic. “I let myself believe that being your husband, being their dad—it was just...a title. Just this role I was performing instead of who I was .”

His hands curled into fists at his sides, tension radiating through his frame as he looked at her—looked at the woman he’d built his entire life with. The woman who had once trusted him completely. The thought made his stomach churn.

“When I…when I took that away,” he continued, his voice dropping, quieter now but no less raw, “when I stripped away being a husband and father…I thought I’d find something else. Something more. Like there was this other version of me buried underneath it all, waiting to come out.”

He shook his head, his expression twisting with bitterness. “But there wasn’t. There was nothing there. I was flailing around in the dark, trying to find something—anything—that felt like…like what I thought men were supposed to be. Strong. Confident. Free. And I told myself that meant casual sex, a dating app, acting like Nick—like that was the answer.”

He swallowed hard, his voice breaking again as he continued. “I was wrong. I was so wrong, Kate.” His eyes locked onto hers, desperate and vulnerable. “Because when I took away being your husband and their father, there wasn’t some other me waiting underneath. That is me. That’s who I am. Your husband. Their dad. That’s all I’ve ever been. And it’s all I want to be.”

His voice wavered as he added, almost to himself, “I just didn’t realize it until I’d already destroyed it.”

His throat tightened, but he pushed through it, the words raw and desperate.

“It’s not just a role. It’s me . Being your husband—being the father to our children—it isn’t something I put on like a uniform when I walk through the door. It’s who I am . It’s in everything I do, everything I feel, even when I was too selfish and stupid to see it. This —” His hand gestured toward her, toward the house, toward the baby she carried. “This is my identity. It’s not a burden, it’s not some box I’m trapped in. It’s fulfilling and wonderful, and it’s the best damn thing in the world. And I—”

His voice cracked, the self-hatred thick in his throat.

“I almost threw it all away. For what? To chase some illusion that I was missing out on life? I had everything , Kate. Everything . And I lost sight of that.”

Kate finally lifted her eyes to his, and what he saw there—God, it wasn’t anger. It wasn’t even sadness.

It was wounded . A deep, aching pain.

James’s heart twisted painfully.

“I see it now,” he whispered. “I see you. I see our life. And I’m not confused anymore. I know who I am. I am your husband. I am Noah and Lily’s father. And I am so proud to be those things.”

The tears were there, stinging his eyes as he forced the last words out.

“I love you. Not just because of what we’ve built. Not just because we’ve been together for so long. I love you for you . And if I have to spend the rest of my life proving that to you...I will.”

Silence.

Kate’s lips parted slightly, her hand pressing unconsciously to the curve of her stomach.

And James?

James could do nothing but wait.

Wait and pray she could feel just how much he meant every word.

“I was so scared. I knew I was losing you. I thought if I could control things—if I made you feel like you needed me—then maybe you wouldn’t leave. But that wasn’t love, Kate. That was fear. And I hate that I made you feel like your worth was tied to what I could provide. It’s not. It never was.”

She looked up then, her dark eyes searching his.

James exhaled, his voice barely a whisper.

“I’ve given you the house. I’ll always take care of you. Not because I feel obligated—but because I want to. You’re the mother of my children, Kate. You gave me everything. And whether you stay with me or not, you deserve to feel safe and supported. I love you. I want you. But your happiness...that matters more than anything else. Even more than keeping you.”

Silence stretched again.

Kate blinked rapidly, pressing her hand protectively over her stomach, where their child grew.

And James—

James had never felt so vulnerable in his life.

But he didn’t rush her.

Didn’t beg.

He just waited, his heart pounding as he whispered one last thing.

“Please, Kate. Tell me what you need. I’m not afraid to lose you anymore. I’m afraid of you being unhappy. I will do whatever it takes to help you feel whole again—whether that’s with me...or without me.”

For a moment, James thought she might cry, but instead, she reached out and brushed her fingers lightly over his forearm.

“James…” she began, her voice barely above a whisper. She swallowed, taking a deep breath, then met his eyes. “Thank you. For the studio. It means more to me than I can say.”

James nodded, blinking back the stinging in his eyes. “You deserve it, Kate. You deserve everything.”

She held his gaze for a moment longer before standing, her touch lingering on his arm before she let it fall. Without another word, she turned and walked out of the room, leaving him alone with his racing heart and the echo of her gratitude.

And for now, that was enough.

══════════════════

The bar was quieter than usual, the low hum of conversation blending with the clink of glasses and the occasional burst of laughter from the far corner. The same place they always met. But tonight, it felt heavier somehow.

James sat across from Nick, his untouched drink sweating on the table. His chest was tight, like there was something lodged beneath his ribs he couldn’t shake loose.

He hadn’t called Nick to catch up. He was here to be honest. Finally.

Nick leaned back in his chair, sipping his beer, his usual cocky smirk nowhere in sight. He was waiting. Not pressing. Just watching James with that quiet tension James had come to recognize.

James exhaled hard, running a hand down his face before finally speaking.

“I’ve been an idiot.”

Nick blinked. “Yeah. I could’ve told you that.”

James let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. “No. I mean—really, really stupid. I...I had another therapy session this week. And it finally hit me.”

Nick set his drink down, leaning in slightly. “Hit you how?”

James stared at the scarred wood of the table, the words thick and uncomfortable. But he forced them out.

“That night—the cheating—it wasn’t random. It wasn’t curiosity. I’ve been telling myself for months that I was just...trying to recapture what I missed out on by getting married so young. But it wasn’t about that.”

Nick stayed quiet.

James forced himself to look up, meeting his friend’s gaze.

“I didn’t cheat because I was curious, Nick. I cheated because I didn’t know who I was anymore. I thought maybe if I...if I could be someone different, just for a night, I’d feel more like myself. Except it wasn’t freedom. It wasn’t... anything . It felt rotten, and I hated every second of it. I hated myself as it was happening.”

Nick’s face didn’t change, but there was a flicker of something—an edge of tension around his jaw.

James shook his head, voice thick with self-disgust.

“Kate gave me everything . Her trust, her love, our family—and I still threw it away because I was too much of a coward to face the fact that I was lost.”

The words felt like they scraped raw on the way out. But they were true. And James was done lying to himself.

Nick finally set his beer down, eyes narrowing as he folded his arms across his chest.

“You are an idiot.”

James blinked. “I know.”

Nick shook his head, voice sharper now. “No, listen to me. You’re an idiot because you had the thing most people spend their whole damn lives trying to find. And you almost threw it away for what? Some half-assed fantasy? Some stupid idea you got from watching me ? Jesus, James. Do you even know how lucky you are?”

James blinked, caught off guard.

“Nick, you’re the one who—”

“Shut up.” Nick’s voice was tight. “Yeah, I talk about the hookups. The apps. The whole...‘no strings attached’ thing. But you know why I do that?”

James shook his head slowly.

Nick’s expression shifted, something more vulnerable pushing through the sarcasm he always wore like armor.

“Because I’m jealous of you . Of what you have with Kate. I tell those stories because I don’t want you—hell, I don’t want anyone —pitying me for being alone. But the truth? I don’t even know how to start looking for what you found. I’ve never had anything even close to what you and Kate built together. And the fact that you risked that for something so meaningless?” He shook his head, voice low and rough. “It pisses me off, man.”

James’s stomach twisted painfully.

He knew Nick cared. Knew he was loyal. But hearing it—hearing the quiet pain behind his words—made James’s chest ache.

“I didn’t see it then,” James admitted quietly. “I do now. I was a fool, Nick. And I’m trying—really trying—to make it right. But I won’t blame you for what I did. That was all me.”

Nick nodded, exhaling hard. But the tension hadn’t left his posture.

There was a beat of silence. Then—

Nick pointed his beer at him, his voice dead serious.

“If you ever do something that stupid again, I swear to God, I will personally make you pay for it.”

James felt his throat tighten, the weight of that threat not feeling like a threat at all.

It felt like love. Like someone who had watched him crumble and was still here, still holding him accountable.

James nodded, his voice thick.

“I’ll hold you to that.”

Nick nodded back, and the tension broke—just a little—as James extended his hand.

But Nick rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

“Dude. Come on. We’re past the handshake.”

Before James could react, Nick pulled him into a rough, back-thumping hug.

And as they pulled apart, James felt something loosen—just a little—in his chest.

Not fixed. Not whole. But better.