The Hotel Room: His Broken Vows

Chapter Twenty-Nine - James

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

James

The silence wrapped around James like a heavy, suffocating blanket. He sat on the couch in the dimly lit living room, his elbows resting on his knees, his hands clasped tightly together. The clock on the wall ticked, each passing second dragging him deeper into his thoughts.

He deserved Noah’s anger. Hell, he deserved far worse.

The words his son had spat at him earlier— pathetic, irresponsible —echoed in his head, replaying over and over until they twisted into something even sharper.

Coward.

That’s what he really was, wasn’t it? A coward who had destroyed his family for something so meaningless, so ugly.

His hands clenched into fists, a wave of self-loathing crashing over him.

James leaned back, his head resting against the couch cushion as he stared up at the ceiling. The soft hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen was the only sound, punctuated by the occasional creak of the house settling.

He thought about Kate. About the quiet devastation in her eyes tonight when Noah had found out the truth. She had tried so hard to protect the kids, to keep the weight of his betrayal off their shoulders. And he—he’d failed her again, unable to even manage that much.

He thought about Noah. His boy, now almost a man. The son who had looked up to him, who had always sought his approval. And now? Noah had stared at him like he was a stranger. Like he was nothing.

And James couldn’t blame him.

He had ruined everything.

The clock ticked on.

When the front door finally creaked open, James sat up straight, his heart thudding dully in his chest.

Noah stepped inside, his expression unreadable as he closed the door quietly behind him. He stopped when he saw James sitting there, his shoulders tensing.

“You’re still up?” Noah muttered, his voice low.

James nodded. “Yeah. I wanted to make sure you got home safe.”

Noah didn’t respond, his gaze dropping to the floor as he kicked off his shoes.

“Noah,” James said softly, his voice cracking slightly.

Noah looked up, his eyes guarded.

“Can we talk?” James asked.

For a moment, Noah didn’t move. Then, with a heavy sigh, he stepped into the living room, dropping onto the armchair across from James.

The silence stretched between them, thick and uncomfortable.

“I screwed up,” James said finally, his voice quiet but firm. “I know you don’t want to hear excuses, and I’m not going to give you any. What I did to your mom was wrong. It’s the biggest regret of my life.”

Noah’s jaw tightened, but he didn’t interrupt.

“I love your mom,” James continued, his chest aching with the weight of the words. “I’ve loved her since I was your age. And what I did...I don’t even know how to explain how much I hate myself for it. There’s no excuse, and there’s nothing I can do to take it back. But I need you to know that it had nothing to do with her or with you or Lily. It was my failure. My weakness.”

Noah’s eyes narrowed, his voice sharp. “You don’t think it had anything to do with her? You hurt her. You broke her heart. How can you sit there and say it wasn’t about her?”

James flinched, the accusation hitting him hard.

“It did hurt her,” he admitted. “And that’s something I’ll regret for the rest of my life. But it wasn’t because of anything she did. It wasn’t because of anything she lacked. It was because I was too much of a coward to face my own insecurities, and I let that cowardice ruin everything.”

Noah stared at him, his expression hard, but James could see the flicker of uncertainty in his eyes.

“I’m not asking you to forgive me,” James said, his voice raw. “I know you can’t. I don’t deserve it. But I need you to know that I’m trying to fix this. I’m trying to be better—for your mom, for you and Lily, for myself. Because you’re right—I haven’t been the man I should have been. But I’m working on it. And I’ll keep working on it every single day.”

Noah’s gaze dropped, his hands fidgeting in his lap.

“I thought you and Mom were unbreakable,” he said quietly, his voice thick with emotion. “I thought...I thought you were different. That you’d always be together, no matter what.”

James swallowed hard, his throat tightening. “I want us to be together, Noah. And I’m going to fight every day for that. But it’s not going to be easy. It’s going to take time, and it’s going to take effort. And I’ll spend the rest of my life proving to your mom that I’m worth a second chance.”

Noah looked up at him, his eyes searching.

“Do you think she’ll forgive you?” he asked softly.

James exhaled, the question slicing through him.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “But whether she forgives me or not, I’ll never stop trying to make things right.”

The silence stretched again, but this time it felt less suffocating.

Noah shifted in his seat, his expression still guarded but less rigid. “I need time,” he said finally. “To process all this. To figure out how I feel.”

James nodded, his chest aching with a mix of relief and regret. “Take all the time you need. I’m here when you’re ready.”

Noah stood, his movements slower, more deliberate. He glanced at James one last time before heading toward the stairs.

As James watched him go, he felt the weight of everything he’d lost—and everything he was still fighting for—settle heavily on his shoulders.

He sat back on the couch, the house silent once again, and closed his eyes.

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James sat at the kitchen table, the house wrapped in the kind of quiet that only came late at night. The soft hum of the refrigerator was the only sound, a constant low murmur in the background as he stared at the blank page in the journal before him.

His pen hovered above it, his fingers twitching with hesitation. The words never came easily.

But Dr. Adler’s voice echoed in his head: Write without censoring yourself. No one else is going to see this. Be honest.

He exhaled slowly, pressed the pen to the paper, and began.

I don’t know how to start this. I never do.

I’ve been thinking about Noah all night.

He idolized me once. I was his hero when he was little. The dad who could fix anything, who always knew what to say. And now, he sees me for what I really am—a man who broke his family because he was too weak, too selfish to handle his own fears. A man who hurt his mother.

James paused, the pen shaking slightly in his grip. He swallowed hard and forced himself to keep writing.

I hate myself.

There’s no point in sugarcoating it. Every time I think about what I did, I feel like I’m suffocating. I picture Kate’s face—her tears, the way her voice broke when she told me she didn’t know how to trust me anymore. And Noah...the way he looked at me tonight, like I was nothing. Like I wasn’t the man he thought I was.

He’s right to feel that way. I deserve it. I deserve all of it.

And Kate…

His pen hesitated, the words catching in his throat even as he tried to push them onto the page.

Kate is everything.

She’s my best friend, my partner, the woman I’ve loved since I was barely old enough to understand what love was. She gave me everything—her trust, her heart, her body. She built this life with me. And I betrayed her. I destroyed something sacred, something I thought would last forever.

And the worst part? She still lets me be here. She still lets me touch her, hold her, be a part of her life. I don’t deserve any of it. But I want to. God, I want to be the man she deserves so badly.

James stopped, dragging a hand over his face. His chest felt tight, his throat aching with the weight of the emotions he couldn’t quite put into words.

He thought about the way Kate had touched his hand earlier that evening, the way she had looked at him with something softer than anger. Not forgiveness, but something that felt like a step closer to it.

He thought about the baby, about the life they were bringing into the world together.

And he thought about his own promise—the vow he’d made to himself and to her. That he would spend every day proving himself worthy.

He pressed the pen to the paper again.

I’m not giving up.

She deserves to be loved in the way I should have loved her all along.

The words blurred slightly as his eyes stung, the tears he hadn’t realized he was holding back threatening to spill over.

He closed the journal carefully, his hands trembling as he set it aside.

For a moment, he just sat there, the silence of the house wrapping around him like a heavy blanket.

Then he rose, exhaling shakily as he made his way upstairs.

Kate was already asleep when he stepped into the bedroom, her breathing soft and even. He stood in the doorway for a long moment, just watching her, his chest aching with love and regret in equal measure.

Finally, he slipped into bed beside her, careful not to disturb her, and closed his eyes.

Tomorrow would be another chance. Another step forward.

And he would take it.