The Hotel Room: His Broken Vows

Chapter Thirty-One - James

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

James

The office was as quiet as always, the hum of the air conditioner filling the silence. James sat on the worn leather couch, his hands loosely clasped in his lap. He stared at the coffee table, its surface cluttered with a tissue box and a few neatly stacked magazines he never touched.

Dr. Adler sat across from him, her notepad balanced lightly on her knee. Her calm, steady gaze rested on him, patient as ever, waiting for him to start.

James exhaled, the sound shaky in the stillness. He glanced at the window behind her, where faint streaks of sunlight cut through the blinds, then down at his hands.

“I feel like I’m holding my breath all the time,” he said finally, his voice low. “Like I’m just…waiting. For Kate to leave. For her to tell me she’s done.”

Dr. Adler tilted her head slightly, her pen pausing over the notepad. “What makes you think she’ll leave?”

He laughed bitterly, the sound harsh. “Because she should. After what I did…she should’ve already left.”

“Do you want her to leave?”

“No,” he said quickly, shaking his head. “God, no. I—I can’t even think about it. But I don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve the chance she’s giving me. And every day, I feel like I’m walking this tightrope, waiting to fall off.”

Dr. Adler didn’t respond immediately, giving his words space to settle. Then she asked, “Do you trust yourself not to fall off?”

The question hit harder than he expected. He opened his mouth, then closed it, his chest tightening.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, his voice breaking. “I want to. I’ve been working so hard to—to fix myself. To understand why I did what I did. But part of me wonders if that’s enough. If I’ll ever…be enough.”

“Enough for who?”

“For her,” he said softly.

Dr. Adler set her notepad aside, leaning forward slightly. “James, let’s focus on that for a moment. What does it mean to you to be ‘enough’ for Kate?”

He swallowed hard, his throat aching. The words felt heavy, tangled, but he forced them out.

“She deserves everything,” he said. “She’s…God, she’s the best person I know. She’s strong and kind and patient, and she gave me this incredible life—our family, our kids. And I—” He stopped, his hands tightening into fists. “I ruined it. I ruined her. ”

Dr. Adler’s voice remained calm, steady. “You’re taking responsibility for your actions, James. That’s a necessary step. But being ‘enough’ for someone isn’t about perfection. It’s about being present, being honest, being accountable. Are you doing that?”

He nodded slowly. “I’m trying. I’ve been trying every day since…since she came back. I come to therapy, I journal, I make sure she knows I love her. But I still feel like I’m playing catch-up, like I’ll never undo the damage I’ve done.”

“You can’t undo it,” Dr. Adler said gently. “What you can do is rebuild. And rebuilding takes time, effort, and patience. Are you willing to give her that?”

“Of course I am,” he said without hesitation.

“Good,” she said, her tone firm but encouraging. “Then let’s talk about what that looks like. What are you rebuilding?”

James hesitated, his jaw tightening. “Trust. Respect. The feeling that she’s safe with me again.”

Dr. Adler nodded. “And what about yourself?”

He frowned, confused. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve been focused on rebuilding your marriage,” she said. “But what about rebuilding yourself? Do you trust yourself, James? Do you respect yourself?”

The question made his stomach churn. He shook his head slightly. “Not really. Not after what I did.”

“Then that’s where we start,” she said. “Because if you don’t believe you can be the man Kate deserves, how can you expect her to believe it?”

The words hit like a punch to the gut, but he couldn’t argue with them.

Dr. Adler leaned back slightly, her gaze softening. “Tell me, James—who are you, at your core? When you strip away the guilt, the mistakes, the fear—who is James?”

He blinked, the question leaving him hollow. “I don’t know,” he whispered.

“That’s okay,” she said. “That’s why you’re here. To figure that out. To become someone you can be proud of—not just for Kate, but for yourself.”

James nodded, his throat tight. He wasn’t sure how to start, but he knew she was right. He had to trust himself before he could ever hope to rebuild what he’d broken.

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The sun hung high in the sky, its warm rays cutting through the cool breeze that swept through the park. The sound of kids laughing and the occasional bark of a dog filled the air as James walked along the path with Noah and Lily.

Lily skipped ahead, her braids bouncing with each step, talking about everything and nothing all at once.

Noah walked beside James, his hands shoved deep into his hoodie pockets. His shoulders were hunched, his face set in that familiar teenage scowl that had grown sharper since...everything.

Lily darted back toward them, her face lighting up when she spotted the ice cream truck parked near the playground. “Daddy, can I get ice cream? Please?”

James smiled faintly, reaching into his wallet. “Here,” he said, handing her a few bills.

“Can I get sprinkles?” she asked eagerly.

“You can get whatever you want,” he said with a small smile.

Her squeal of delight eased some of the tension in his chest as she ran off toward the truck.

James and Noah stood together in silence, watching her wait in line. She rocked back and forth on her heels, clearly debating her flavor choices even before she got to the front.

James glanced at Noah, who was staring straight ahead, his jaw tight. He didn’t look angry, exactly, but there was a tension in his posture that made James’s chest ache.

“You know, you can get one too,” James offered.

Noah shrugged without looking at him. “I’m good.”

The silence stretched between them, heavy and awkward. James exhaled, running a hand through his hair.

“Noah,” he started, his voice low, unsure how to even begin. “I know I’ve let you down.”

Noah didn’t respond right away, his expression unreadable. Finally, he muttered, “Yeah, you have.”

The bluntness of it stung, but James nodded, accepting it. “You’re right,” he said quietly. “I have. And I hate myself for it.”

Noah turned to him, his brows furrowing slightly. “Why? Why did you do it?”

James hesitated, his stomach churning. The truth felt heavy, tangled, impossible to put into words. How could he explain something so shameful to his son?

“I—I was scared,” he admitted finally, his voice hoarse. “I didn’t understand who I was outside of being your mom’s husband and your dad. I thought I was supposed to be able step outside of that.” He took a deep breath. “I didn’t see that you’re my foundation. You and Lily and Kate,” his voice broke on her name. “You and Lily and your mom are the very foundation of me.”

James rubbed his face. He wanted to explain this to his son, to teach him something about being a man even if Noah would never be able to trust him again. “I let my own insecurities and stupid, shallow thoughts get in the way of everything that was good in my life. And I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”

Noah stared at him, his expression a mixture of anger and confusion. “You’re not supposed to be scared,” he muttered. “You’re Dad. You’re supposed to have it all figured out.”

James’s chest tightened, the weight of Noah’s words pressing hard against him. “I know,” he said softly. “And I’m sorry to disappoint you, kid. But I don’t have it all figured out. I’m trying. I’m working on being better—for you, for Lily, for your mom. But I’ve made mistakes. Big ones. And I’ll never stop trying to make up for them.”

The admission felt raw, vulnerable, like laying his soul bare. Noah didn’t pull away, but he didn’t look at James either, his gaze fixed somewhere on the ground.

After a long moment, he said, “Do you think she’s ever going to forgive you?”

James’s throat tightened. He swallowed hard, his voice barely above a whisper when he responded. “I don’t know, Noah. I hope she does. But even if she doesn’t, I’ll still be here. I’ll still love her. And I’ll still love you and Lily. That will never change.”

Noah glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, his expression conflicted. James could see the battle playing out behind his son’s eyes—anger, hurt, disappointment, and maybe, just maybe, a sliver of understanding.

“I guess it’s not that simple, huh?” Noah muttered.

James shook his head. “No,” he said softly. “It’s not.”

Before either of them could say more, Lily came bounding back toward them, a rainbow-sprinkled cone in her hand and a big smile on her face. “Look! Isn’t it pretty?”

James smiled at her, the heaviness in his chest easing just a little. “It’s perfect, Lils.”

She grinned and took a big lick, her nose crinkling as she looked between her dad and brother. “Why are you guys so serious?”

James shook his head, ruffling her hair lightly. “Just guy stuff,” he said lightly.

Noah gave a small, reluctant smile, his shoulders relaxing just slightly.

As they walked back toward the car, James felt the weight of Noah’s gaze lingering on him. It wasn’t forgiveness. Not yet. But it was something. A crack in the wall.

It was a start.