Chapter Thirty-Three - James
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
James
James sat across from Nick at a corner table in the bar. It wasn’t the dimly lit haunt Nick preferred but a brighter, quieter spot where they could talk without raising their voices. James nursed a ginger ale—his alcohol-free choice these days—and Nick sipped something stronger, his expression a mix of curiosity and skepticism.
“So?” Nick asked, leaning back in his chair. “You called me here with that ‘I’ve got news’ tone. What’s up?”
James hesitated, a faint smile breaking through the seriousness that had settled over his face. “Kate’s pregnant.”
Nick froze mid-sip, lowering his glass with exaggerated slowness. “Pregnant? Like—another baby?”
James nodded, unable to help the small swell of pride in his chest. “Yeah. Another baby.”
Nick shook his head, letting out a low whistle. “Man, that’s…unexpected. But congratulations, I guess? How’s she doing?”
“She’s…handling it,” James said, his voice soft. “It’s been complicated, you know, with everything that’s happened. But she’s strong. And amazing. She always is.”
Nick studied him for a moment, his brow furrowing. “And you? How’re you handling it?”
James exhaled, running a hand through his hair. “I’m overjoyed. And scared.” At Nick’s curious expression, James went on. “I’m scared that I’m not worthy. Not of this baby, and not of Kate. But I’m trying. Therapy’s been helping.”
“How is that going?” Nick asked, leaning forward slightly. “Doing the work?”
James nodded firmly. “It’s been hard—facing all the things I screwed up, really looking at myself—but I want to do it. I owe that to Kate. To the kids. To myself.”
Nick’s gaze stayed steady, his tone uncharacteristically serious. “Good. You can’t half-ass this, James. You know that, right?”
“I know,” James said quietly. “I’m not. I swear.”
Nick nodded, satisfied for now. “Okay, so what’s the plan? You and Kate back together or what?”
James hesitated, the faint smile slipping from his face. “No. Not yet.”
Nick raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean, ‘not yet’? You’re living in the same house, aren’t you?”
“Yeah,” James admitted, his voice tinged with a mix of hope and regret. “At first, she stayed in the guest room for a while.”
“And now?” Nick asked, his gaze sharp.
James hesitated, the corners of his mouth tugging upward in a faint, almost sheepish smile. “Now the guest room is being converted into a nursery.”
Nick’s brow lifted. “So, where’s she sleeping?”
James rubbed the back of his neck, feeling the heat creep into his face. “With me. Sort of.”
“Sort of?”
“She, uh…” James cleared his throat. “She uses me as a pregnancy backache sleeping aide.”
Nick’s lips twitched, and he shook his head. “That’s one way to put it.”
“It’s not what you think,” James added quickly, his voice softening. “It’s not about sex. She needs me to help her sleep. I…God, Nick, I’m so glad I can be there for her like that. Even if it’s just that. I’ll take it.”
Nick studied him, his expression unreadable for a moment before he spoke. “And what about her? What does she want?”
James stilled, the question hitting him harder than he expected. “I don’t know,” he admitted, his voice low. “I’ve told her I’ll do whatever she needs but I haven’t outright asked her what she wants. Not really.”
Nick leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table. “Then maybe you should. Because you can do all the therapy in the world, but if you’re not giving her the space to figure out what she wants—what she needs—then you’re not really fixing anything, are you?”
James nodded slowly, the weight of Nick’s words settling over him. “You’re right.”
Nick smirked faintly. “Of course, I’m right. I’m the smart one, remember?”
James laughed softly, shaking his head. “Thanks, Nick.”
“Don’t mention it,” Nick said, raising his glass. “But seriously, James…don’t screw this up again. You don’t get a second second chance.”
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James sat at the table, his laptop open and his phone buzzing intermittently with reminders and emails. His next work trip loomed—a flight out early next week
Kate stood at the counter, slicing fruit for Lily’s snack. Her movements were calm, practiced, but James caught the way her shoulders tensed when he mentioned the trip.
“It’s just one night,” he said, his tone carefully neutral.
Kate didn’t look at him right away. When she finally turned, there was a flicker of something in her eyes—something sharp and fleeting. Distrust. Pain.
She smiled quickly, too quickly. “I understand,” she said, her voice even. “Your job requires it.”
But the damage was done. Her attempt to hide her unease only made it worse, and James felt the familiar weight of shame settle heavily in his chest.
She didn’t trust him. Not with this. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
And how could he blame her?
James pushed his chair back abruptly, standing to clear his empty coffee mug from the table. The clink of ceramic against the sink was sharper than he intended, and he muttered a curse under his breath.
“James?” Kate’s voice was quiet, uncertain.
He shook his head, not turning around. “It’s not you, Kate. It’s me. I hate this.”
She didn’t respond, and the silence stretched until he finally forced himself to turn back to her. She was watching him carefully, her eyes softer now, but still wary.
“I thought…” He stopped, raking a hand through his hair. “I thought this career was so important. That climbing the ladder, making more money, getting those big trips—it was all part of being a good husband. A good dad. What’s the point of all this financial security if it just makes you feel emotionally insecure?”
Kate’s brows furrowed, her hands stilling on the cutting board. “James—”
“I don’t blame you,” he interrupted, his voice rough. “Not for feeling the way you do. God knows I earned it. And I know I can’t just quit my job—not with the baby coming. But this—” He gestured to the laptop, the phone, the endless emails. “This isn’t what matters. You do. Our family does.”
Her expression softened, but she said nothing, and James felt the words pressing harder against his chest.
He exhaled sharply, leaning back against the counter. “I can’t change everything overnight. But maybe I don’t need to be the guy who’s always flying to New York and LA. There are other trips—ones closer to home.”
Kate tilted her head slightly, her curiosity piqued.
James hesitated, hating the admission even as he spoke. “The less senior guys get the in-state trips. Four-hour drives, meetings, then back the same day. Everyone hates those trips. They’re exhausting, and no one fights to take them.”
“James…” Kate started, her voice full of concern.
“I’m not saying it’s perfect,” he continued quickly. “But it’s better. I’d still be working, still providing, but I’d be home at night. With you. With the kids. No more overnights. No more hotel stays.”
Kate set the knife down, turning fully to face him now. Her eyes searched his, her lips parting slightly as if she wanted to protest but wasn’t sure how.
“You’d give up the bigger trips? The more prestigious ones?” she asked quietly.
“I’d give up anything for you,” James said simply, his voice firm.
Her throat bobbed, and her hand moved unconsciously to rest over the small bump of her belly. “I don’t want you to resent me for this,” she murmured.
James stepped closer, his hand reaching for hers. “Resent you?” he echoed. “Kate, I resent me . For thinking that any of this—any of the travel, the promotions, the bigger deals—mattered more than what I already had.”
Her lips trembled, and for a moment, he thought she might cry. Instead, she nodded, squeezing his hand tightly.
“We’ll figure it out,” she said softly.
Her words were like a balm, but James knew better than to let himself off the hook too easily. He still had so much to prove.
As they stood there, the faint sound of Lily’s laughter drifted in from the living room. It wasn’t just about proving himself anymore. It was about being the man his family needed. The husband Kate deserved. And this—this choice, this sacrifice—was only the beginning.