Chapter Thirty-Seven - James
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
James
Kate heard the doorbell ring and sighed, setting her mug down on the kitchen counter. Through the window, she saw Nick standing on the porch, a large box balanced on his hip.
Opening the door, she offered him a polite but distant smile. “Hi, Nick.”
“Hey,” he said, his tone warm but cautious. He hefted the box slightly. “I brought this for the nursery. Thought you might need it.”
Kate stepped aside to let him in, her arms folding across her chest. “Thanks,” she said coolly, her eyes flickering to the box. “You can give it to James. He’s working in the nursery.”
Nick hesitated for a moment before heading down the hall. Kate followed, her mind swirling. Did he know? Of course, he knew. He and James had always been close, practically inseparable. Had they talked about it? Worse, had Nick encouraged him? Shown him how to use his favorite app? The thought made her stomach churn.
She swallowed hard as Nick reached the nursery and set the box down carefully in the corner, where James was crouched near the window, unpacking a stack of small shelves. James glanced up and stood, brushing dust off his jeans.
“Hey,” James greeted, his tone cautious but warm.
Nick gave him a nod. “Hey, man. Brought the stuff you asked for.”
“Appreciate it.” James extended a hand, and they exchanged a quick, familiar shake before Nick turned his attention to Kate.
His smile was small but genuine as he said, “Congratulations, by the way.”
The words hit her like a punch to the gut. Congratulations? She stared at him, her chest tightening with a mix of humiliation and resentment. Did he mean it? Or was he just saying it because he felt obligated? Had he and James sat around, casually discussing how James could betray her, and now this was his way of pretending everything was fine?
“Thanks,” she said flatly, her voice clipped. She kept her arms crossed, her posture rigid.
Nick’s smile faltered slightly, his gaze flickering to James, but he didn’t push. He glanced around the half-finished nursery, his expression thoughtful. “It’s coming along,” he said, his tone conversational.
“Yeah,” Kate said shortly. “Still a lot to do.”
James shifted uncomfortably, the tension in the room obvious even to him. “It’ll get there,” he said softly, his voice tinged with hesitation as he looked at Kate.
The awkwardness thickened, the weight of unspoken words pressing against her chest. She wanted to ask Nick. Wanted to demand answers. Did you know? Did you sit back and say nothing? But the humiliation of even broaching the subject kept her silent. Instead, she turned on her heel and walked out of the room, her footsteps echoing in the hall as she left them and their boxed offering behind.
Back in the kitchen, she rinsed the same dish over and over, her mind racing. Nick was James’s best friend. He had to know what had happened. Had he and James sat around, planning how to cheat on her? The thought was too painful to linger on, but it refused to let her go.
Then, through the faint hum of her thoughts, she heard Nick’s voice rise. Sharp. Angry. She froze, her hands dripping, as his words carried faintly down the hall. She couldn’t make them out, but the tone was unmistakable.
Her heart clenched. She didn’t want to eavesdrop—not again. The memory of pressing her ear against the bathroom door in that hotel room still haunted her. The way her stomach had churned as she’d listened to sounds that shattered her world. But now…this wasn’t the same. She needed to know.
Setting the dish down carefully, she dried her hands and crept toward the nursery, her bare feet silent. She stopped just outside the doorway, her breath catching as Nick’s voice reached her clearly now.
“Do you have any idea how lucky you are that she’s even letting you stay in this house?” Nick’s words were sharp.
Kate leaned against the wall, her chest tightening.
“You’re a goddamn idiot, James,” Nick continued. “You threw away the best thing in your life for what? A meaningless night? What the hell were you thinking?”
There was a pause, then James’s voice, quieter, broken. “I wasn’t thinking, Nick. I know I messed up.”
“Messed up?” Nick snapped. “You didn’t just mess up. You shattered her, man. You don’t deserve her forgiveness, and you know it.”
Kate’s breath hitched, her hand pressing to her chest. The raw fury in Nick’s voice was a stark contrast to the easygoing friend she’d known for years.
“Do you think this is easy for her?” Nick pressed, his tone softening slightly but still fierce. “She’s trying to rebuild a life with you, and you should be on your knees every damn day, thanking her for even giving you the time of day.”
“I am,” James said, his voice thick with emotion. “Every day, I’m trying to show her.”
Nick scoffed. “Well, it’s not enough. Not yet. And it might never be. You’d better be ready to live with that.”
Kate felt her throat tighten, tears pricking her eyes as she absorbed Nick’s words. He wasn’t excusing James. He wasn’t on his side. He was furious with him, disgusted even. For what James had done to her.
The frost in her chest melted slightly, the weight of her assumptions cracking just a little. Nick wasn’t just James’s best friend. He was her friend, too—still firmly in her corner, fighting for her even when she hadn’t realized it.
Kate’s hand gripped the doorframe as a wave of emotion surged through her. The rawness in Nick’s voice, the way he defended her so fiercely—it was the last thing she’d expected. She’d been so sure he was on James’s side, blindly supporting his friend no matter what. But now, hearing this, she realized she’d been wrong.
Nick wasn’t just here for James. He was here for her.
Blinking rapidly, she stepped back, her anger unraveling into something softer, something bittersweet. She turned away and headed back to the kitchen, her heart heavy but her spirit a little lighter.
When Nick came back into the kitchen a few minutes later, she met his eyes with a small, tentative smile. “Thanks for bringing that by,” she said softly.
Nick looked at her, something unreadable in his expression, and gave her a small nod. “I hope you know that you’re the best thing that ever happened to him.” He smiled ruefully. “I’ll always be your friend, Kate. Always.”
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James sat on the couch, his gaze drifting from his children to his wife. The light outside was fading, casting a soft golden glow through the windows, and James couldn’t take his eyes off his family.
Lily was sprawled out on the floor, coloring furiously in one of her art books, her tongue poking out in concentration. Noah was sitting on the armchair, his phone in hand, scrolling while occasionally making sarcastic comments about Lily’s "masterpiece."
Kate was perched on the edge of a chair near Lily, sorting through some baby clothes Leah had dropped off. She didn’t say much, her focus on the task, but her presence filled the room in a way that made everything feel complete.
His eyes lingered on her, tracing the gentle curve of her growing belly. The pregnancy was beginning to show now, a subtle but unmistakable change that left him awestruck. She was beautiful—radiant in a way that only she could be. Even now, even after everything.
James’s chest tightened, the familiar ache of guilt clawing at him. He didn’t deserve this. Any of it.
Not after what he’d done.
He thought back to that night in the hotel, the sterile room with its bland beige walls. The way his body had moved like it wasn’t his own, chasing something he thought he was missing.
For what?
He clenched his fists, his nails biting into his palms.
What the hell had he been thinking?
There was nothing missing from his life. There had never been. He had Kate—the love of his life, the woman who had built a home with him, shared every high and low, carried his children. He had Noah and Lily, smart, funny, wonderful kids who had brought more joy into his life than he could have ever imagined.
And now, this baby. Another piece of their family. Another dream coming true.
How could he have ever thought he was missing out?
He felt sick, his stomach twisting. The unfamiliar perfume, the smile from a stranger, the empty touches. It had been nothing. Less than nothing. A moment of stupidity that had cost him everything that mattered.
He looked at Kate again, at the faint crease in her brow as she folded a tiny onesie. The love he felt for her swelled in his chest, overwhelming and bittersweet.
She had to hate him. How could she not?
And Noah—James could feel this new distance between them. The way his son’s respect had been replaced by something colder, sharper. He doubted he’d ever earn it back. And Lily, sweet and innocent, would eventually piece it together too. One day, she’d look at him differently.
He deserved it.
But even now, in the wreckage of what he’d done, he couldn’t imagine wanting to be anywhere else.
This life—his family, his home—was everything. It was the dream he didn’t realize he already had, the one he’d nearly destroyed.
Lily glanced up from her coloring and beamed at him. “Daddy, look! Isn’t it pretty?”
James forced a smile, his throat tightening. “It’s beautiful, sweetheart.”
Her grin widened, and she turned back to her crayons, her little legs kicking behind her.
Noah snorted. “Looks like a rainbow threw up.”
“Noah,” Kate said, her tone mildly reprimanding, though a faint smile tugged at her lips.
James let the moment wash over him, the normalcy of it all grounding him in a way nothing else could.
He didn’t deserve this family, but he was going to fight like hell to be the man they deserved.
As he watched Kate stand and stretch, her hand resting briefly on her belly, he felt the weight of his mistakes crush him anew.
He had been so fucking stupid.
This life, this family—this was his everything. He would spend the rest of his days proving it.
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James lay on his side as Kate climbed into bed. She nestled against him, her body fitting perfectly into his as she settled into the pregnancy spooning position that took the strain off her aching back.
It was a ritual now, one he cherished more than he could say. The simple act of holding her, of being the support she needed, felt like a balm against the wounds he’d inflicted on their marriage.
It was also torture.
Her body was soft and warm against his, the curve of her hips pressing back into him as she adjusted, trying to find the right angle for comfort. James swallowed hard, gritting his teeth as he felt the inevitable response from his own body.
An erection. Of course.
He squeezed his eyes shut, willing it away, but her movements weren’t helping. Every shift, every slight squirm sent a bolt of heat through him, and it felt like all the blood in his body had pooled in one place. For God’s sake, control yourself.
“James,” Kate murmured, her voice pulling him out of his internal battle.
“Hmm?” he managed, his voice tight.
“I was thinking,” she began, her tone casual, “maybe we should rearrange the nursery. The crib could go on the other wall. That way, there’s more space for the rocking chair.”
He tried to focus on her words, he really did. But the way she shifted again, her hips pressing into his groin, made it nearly impossible. Is she doing this on purpose?
“That sounds…good,” he forced out, his voice strained.
Kate paused, craning her neck slightly to glance back at him. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” he croaked, his jaw tight.
Her brow furrowed, her eyes narrowing slightly as if she were piecing something together. Then she stilled, a small smirk tugging at the corner of her lips.
“Oh.”
He groaned softly, dropping his head onto the pillow. “Kate—”
Instead of lying still, though, she shifted again, this time with purpose, her hips pressing back more deliberately.
“Kate,” he hissed, his hands gripping the sheet tightly.
She laughed softly, the sound warm and teasing. “I’m sorry. It’s just…nice to know.”
He let out a low, almost desperate laugh. “Kate, you’re driving me insane. You don’t understand.”
She laughed. “Oh, I understand, James. My hormones have been out of control.”
At first, her words didn’t quite register with him. Hormones? he thought, his mind catching up a beat too late. Then the meaning hit him, and he froze, momentarily blindsided by the realization. She was talking about desire. Her desire. For him.
His body responded with an even harder, sharper pulse of arousal, his erection pressing insistently against her. She was everything to him. Her body had taught him what desire was, what intimacy was.
He didn’t just know her body; he was attuned to it. Every curve, every breath, every soft sound she made had become part of him, etched into his very being.
Now, here in their martial bed, with his wife in his arms, every movement she made sent a ripple through him. The way her hips shifted, the warmth of her skin under his hands—it was a symphony of sensations that overwhelmed him, made him desperate to give her every ounce of pleasure she deserved.
His chest tightened as a rush of love and desire sweeping through him. He buried his face against her shoulder, pressing a soft kiss there. “I can help you,” he murmured against her skin.
He waited, his heart pounding in the silence, every second stretching unbearably as he wondered if he’d overstepped. The vulnerability of the moment hung heavy in the air, and all he could do was hold his breath.
She stilled for a moment, then nodded, her voice barely audible. “Okay.”
James inhaled a shaky breath. His hand slid down her side, tracing her curves. He moved slowly, carefully, his fingertips trailing with precision over her skin, mapping the familiar terrain of her body.
Every touch was deliberate, every motion born of decades of knowing exactly how to unravel her. When his fingers dipped between her legs, he found her already warm and wet, and his heart pounded in his chest. Her breath hitched sharply, and it sent a shiver of both love and need through him.
Kate’s back arched slightly, pressing closer to him, and a soft, breathless gasp escaped her lips. She grabbed his forearm—not to stop him, but to hold him to her, her fingers curling around the solid muscle.
James’s arm flexed under her tight grip, the feel of her hand on him fueling the fire building within him. She didn’t need to worry about him stopping. That thought didn’t exist. There was no world in which he would stop now, not when she was responding to him like this.
She was hot and wet around his fingers. James panted softly against the back of Kate’s neck, his breath unsteady. He slid a leg between hers, gently urging her open to him. Her body moved with his touch, each shift and tremble pulling him deeper into the moment.
He adjusted his hand slightly, working his fingers inside her but letting his palm glide over her in a rhythm he knew would drive her higher. He could feel the tension building in her body, the way her breath quickened and her hips began to move unconsciously against him, seeking more.
He pressed his forehead to her shoulder for a moment, grounding himself and let his lips hover near her skin. The temptation to kiss her pulled at him like a magnetic force. Gently, cautiously, he allowed himself to place a soft kiss against her neck—just one. She’d always loved that.
He was making up these rules as he went, but this one felt unshakable: if it brought her pleasure, it was allowed. If it served only his own desires, it wasn’t.
“James,” she whispered, her voice trembling with a mix of urgency and surrender.
His cock throbbed, a hard and insistent reminder of his own need, but he ignored it. She deserved his full attention, his every effort to make this moment about her happiness, her comfort, her trust. Nothing else mattered.
He leaned closer, pressing his lips gently to the back of her neck once more, his breath warm against her skin. “I’ve got you,” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. “Just let go, Kate.”
Her grip on his forearm tightened briefly, her nails pressing into his skin. Her body responded beautifully, arching and pressing against his hand as a soft, broken sound escaped her lips.
James absorbed every reaction—every gasp, every shiver—like a man starving. This was his wife, his partner, the mother of his children, and the woman who had owned his heart for his entire adult life. And in this moment, as she began to crest the edge, in his arms, he knew he would do anything—everything—for her.
Her release came in a wave, her body trembling against his as her breathing turned ragged and her nails dug faintly into his arm. James held her through it, his movements slowing as he eased her down gently, careful to make the landing as soft and warm as the ascent.
She let out a long, shaky breath, her body melting into his, and James pressed a lingering kiss to the back of her neck, his own heart pounding as he wrapped his arm protectively around her.
He pressed his lips to her shoulder again, his own arousal throbbing insistently, but it didn’t matter. This was about her. About showing her how much she meant to him, how much he loved her.
As her breathing slowed, she turned her head slightly, a soft smile playing on her lips. “Thank you,” she murmured, her voice heavy with satisfaction.
He brushed a strand of hair from her face, his heart full as he looked at her. “Always.”
And as she drifted off to sleep in his arms, James lay awake. He had hurt the woman he loved in an unimaginable way. He didn’t deserve this second chance in her life but he couldn’t walk away from her.
He couldn’t help but think that this—this closeness, this connection—was worth more than anything else in the world. She needed to know that, he thought. She had to know. And she had to know that he would do anything he could to ensure he never hurt her again.