Chapter 15
fifteen
. . .
Violet
three years ago
night before chicago
Mason
All set for your flight tomorrow?
Packing as we speak! Can’t wait to see you. You have no idea how BADLY I need this trip
Oof all caps. Sounds rough. Want to talk about it?
Saw my dad today. For the first time in like…14 years. He is still as awful as I remember.
Jesus Vi, I’m sorry. If you weren’t on your way, I’d fly out there and beat his ass
Now that I would pay to see
You say the word and I’ll square up
Seriously though, if you need to talk tonight let me know
I’m fine. I just want to get to Chicago and let this whole day go
When my mom moved us to Castle Harbor to escape my dad, I truly believed I would never see him again. Aside from finalizing the terms of their divorce, I had assumed my mom cut off all communication with him. I was wrong. Apparently, he had been sending her letters throughout the years. Evidently, it’s not that hard to track down your ex-wife when the law office grants him access to files with her address. The thought that my dad knew we were in Castle Harbor this whole time makes my skin crawl. Even worse that he's now stepped foot in the town that’s been my safe space away from him.
“Violet, honey. Can we at least talk before you head out to Chicago?” My mom’s broken whisper hits me, and it takes everything in me to hold the water works back. There’s nothing I hate more than fighting with her. The woman who has been my rock, and my hero, so many times in my life. But right now, I can’t even look her in the eyes without wanting to break out in tears.
“I really don’t have it in me right now to hash things out, Mom. And I don’t want to say something I’ll regret.” I throw an extra pair of leggings into my suitcase and dig through my drawer for my favorite hoodie but come up empty.
My mom shakes her head and takes a seat on the bed so she’s staring right at me. “Just tell me what happened. What did he say to you? ”
“What do you think Dad said to me?” I spit, hearing his cruel words rush back in my head. ‘I’ll never know why she chose you over me. We had a good life until you came around and ruined everything…No one ever wanted you.’
Unshed tears fill her eyes and she blinks them away. “He promised me things had changed. That he just wanted to make amends.”
“And for some reason, you believed him? Or I guess you didn’t really have a choice, did you? Not with all the money you’ve been taking from him.” It’s a low blow, and I know it. One that I regret the second it comes out of my mouth, and I know I will never be able to take it back. “Mom, I?—”
“I had no choice, Violet. I know that’s not the answer you want to hear, but it’s the truth.” She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and pats the empty space on the bed next to her. I drag my feet but sit down anyway, not having it in me to fight with her anymore. “I know how awful your father is, both when he’s sober and especially when he’s drunk. That’s why I packed up our lives and brought us here. But I don’t think I need to remind you of the shoe closet we used to live in. Or the fact that I couldn’t afford to pay for the damn heat in the middle of the winter.” She lets out a sob.
“Mom, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said?—”
“No. You are right to be upset with me. I just want you to know where I’m coming from.” She grabs my hands and squeezes it. “Despite our rocky start I have never regretted our move here. But this past year has been so hard on me, Vi. First, it was the espresso machine breaking, then the winter storm caused a pipe to burst and the whole cafe flooded…and I couldn’t exactly serve customers with no machine and a flooded room.”
“You never told me any of this.”
“You were away at college. I didn’t want you to worry. The bank rejected my request for a loan…” She finally opens her ey es, filled with tears, and looks at me. “I hated doing it. I hate him. But I refuse to lose everything I’ve built.”
I cup my face with my hands, not knowing how to respond. I understand why my mom felt so stuck in that moment, but what I still didn’t understand was?—
“Why him ? Why couldn’t you ask Melissa for help?”
“Melissa is like a sister to me, but the Hayes’s have helped us enough. I couldn’t have them help me with this too.” She shakes her head. “That wasn’t the first time he had offered me money, but it was the first time where I felt desperate enough to take it. I just remember thinking to myself, ‘This is the least he could do.’ I felt he owed it to me. Owed it to us , for all the hell he put us through.”
“Why did he have to come here though? Couldn’t he just mail you a check?”
“He said he would only hand over the money in person. I should’ve known his kindness came with conditions. It always did.”
“So he asked to see me as another one of his conditions?” From the side of my eye, I see my mom hesitating. “What am I missing?”
“He asked to see me . And I told him I wouldn’t unless he apologized to you first. I wanted you to get closure.”
“Oh.” Of course. That made much more sense. He didn’t want me when I was a child; why would he want me now? “Well, that explains why he was in such a pissy mood.”
“I am so, so sorry Violet. I should’ve known better. I always tried to protect you when you were little. I am still trying to protect you, aziz .” The term of endearment rolls off her tongue. She wraps her arms around me as I sit next to her, limp from the emotional rollercoaster of today. “But you are an adult and deserve to have all of the information.”
“I’ll be okay. We will be okay” I give her a small squeeze. “We always are. ”
She places a kiss on my temple before moving to stand. “My sweet, strong girl. I love you so much.”
“I love you too, mom.” No matter how mad I am, that will never change. I stand and head for my closet. “I really need to finish packing for my trip.” I nod to the half-filled suitcase on the floor.
“Oh yes. You’re trip with Mason. ” She perks up, winking at me. “So, what do we think? Is it finally time to tell him about how much you love him?”
I stop in the middle of sorting through my closet. Seriously where was that damn hoodie? “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I can practically hear my mom’s eyes roll. “I am talking about the time I came home only to find you sobbing on the floor blasting ‘White Horse’ by Taylor Swift because you found out Mason had a girlfriend.”
“I was twelve years old, and on my period. Plus, he was the only boy who was ever nice to me, and he was older. That’s all it takes for a crush to form. I’ve moved on since. This trip is just two friends hanging out.” At least that’s the lie I had been telling myself.
“So, nothing happened when you went to visit him last year? During the Hockey East championships?” she pries, the question a little too on the nose. Of course I shouldn’t be surprised. Persian moms are super nosy when it came to their children’s love lives, and mine was no exception. The trick was figuring out the balance between providing enough details to keep them satisfied without landing you on the receiving end of a lecture and deeply unsettling look of disapproval.
“Did Monroe say something?” I stall.
“No . Was there a story worth sharing?”
I would not talk about the time Mason and I kissed. I refused to. She would also never know that I replayed that kiss in my head every night since. “Nope. Nothing that comes to mind…ugh why can’t I find my hoodie! ”
“All of your laundry should be there. Which one are you looking for?” My mom stands up to help me look through my closet.
“It’s the one I got from our trip to Mount Greylock.”
“Ah. You mean the same one that Mason has?” She has a mischievous look in her eyes.
“Does he? Well, at least we know he has good taste in outerwear.”
“Oh Violet. For everyone’s sake, I hope he makes a move soon and puts us all out of our misery.” She chuckles to herself before heading to the laundry room to search for my sweater.
Though she was no longer in the room, her words swam around in my head. I hope he makes a move soon…