Chapter 36
thirty-six
. . .
Violet
The immediate weeks following the holidays are a whirlwind for Mason and I. Between the hockey season picking up, and all the homework assignments, papers, and exams I have to grade, I feel like the last time Mason and I really got to spend time with each other was well…Christmas. While I was staying at his apartment most nights, we haven't had time to grab lunch or even dinner and his weekends are spent traveling with the team.
In the few moments of calm, I can’t help but think about how much I want Mason. Being with him feels like waking up to the first snow of the year — a type of magic you never thought you could feel but once you experience it, you never want to let it go. While I am still getting used to speaking from my heart, Mason is vocal, texting me daily about how much he misses me and wants to see me outside of his dreams. But all that changes tonight. The first Friday night when neither of us have any responsibilities or prior obligations.
“Angel, we should probably get going soon,” Mason calls from the living room.
I do a quick double take in the mirror and grab my winter coat from his closet before joining him. His eyes light up the moment they meet mine and I walk over to him, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Hi.”
“Hey.” He takes his bottom lip between his teeth, as he slowly trails his eyes down my body. “God, you look beautiful.” He leans down to press a soft kiss to my temple before burying his face into my neck. We hold onto each other a bit longer than we should have before rushing out the door. Mason walks out behind me and moves to open the car door for me. As I climb in, he smacks my ass.
“Mason.”
“My love.” He beams, dipping his head in so I can see how satisfied he is with himself.
My heart leaps and I try to school the smile that’s creeping up on my face. “Watch those hands. Now, can we go have some pasta?”
“Absolutely. Just stay on your best behavior and you won’t be needing any more spankings.”
“So, what was that one for?”
“For making me wait 28 years to see you in that little dress.”
I prepare my sarcastic reply when my phone rings. When I see it’s Eliana, I press accept. “Hey, what’s up?”
“Please don’t hate me.” Her voice sounds groggy like she’s come down with something.
“I could never hate you. Are you okay?”
She takes a deep breath. “I was supposed to help Maya with a scan in like 30 minutes, but I came down with something and I really hoped it was just allergies but it’s not. ”
Ah fuck. There goes my date night. “No worries, I can totally cover for you. Just focus on getting some rest.”
“I feel so bad, I know it’s your date night. Maybe if I wear a mask and take some more ibuprofen—” She breaks into a coughing fit.
“Do you need me to come over? I can help drive you to an urgent care.” I shoot Mason a concerned look and point him in the direction of student housing.
“No, I’m fine. I have a uh…friend taking care of me.”
“Okay I’ll head to campus to help Maya. Let me know if I can drop off some medicine or soup.”
“Thanks Violet. And sorry again.”
“No need to apologize. Feel better, Ellie.” I hang up the phone and turn to Mason with a remorseful look on my face. “Looks like I’m going to need some more spankings.”
“You’re right about that. But honestly, all I care about is spending time with you. Whether that’s at a fancy restaurant or curled up on the coach back home eating takeout after you’re done working, doesn’t matter to me.”
“You’re the best. Do you know that?”
“Promise to scream that later?” Mason smirks at me as he pulls up to the campus MRI center, and I realize I’m incredibly overdressed.
“Would you hate me if I asked you to bring me a change of clothes? And maybe my laptop?” If I was going to be on campus, I may as well make the most of it and get some extra work done.
“Of course. I’ll text you when I’m outside.”
“Are you sure there’s no one else we can call so you can go on your date?” Maya asks as we sit in the MRI control room.
“I don’t think any of the new research assistants have been certified yet to work with the scanner. It looks like you’re stuck with me,” I tease .
“You know I love having you around. I just feel bad that you canceled your date night.”
I shrug. “I still get to spend the night with him which is really all that matters.”
“Well, I appreciate you jumping in to help me. Soon you’ll have all the data you need.”
I only had a few more babies to scan before I was done. Hopefully I’d only be a little late in meeting Bethany’s deadline. Have I had time to analyze any of the data I collected or write up my results? Of course not. But that was a problem for future Violet.
My phone vibrates with a text from Mason, indicating he’s here. I head outside to let him in, pausing when I see him carrying a picnic basket. “What’s this?”
“Well, I figured since we couldn’t go to the restaurant, I would bring the restaurant to you. I canceled our reservation and put in a takeout order instead. I even ordered extra for Maya.”
This man had to be the most thoughtful person I’d ever met. I couldn’t believe he was all mine. “I—I don’t even know what to say.”
“How about you let me in before we both freeze out here?”
“Shit. Yes. Absolutely.” I unlock the door and pull him into a room next to the lobby before all of the ‘WARNING. MRI SAFETY ZONE AHEAD’ signs. “Let me just give Maya her dinner really quick.”
I peak my head back into the control room and slide over the Tupperware of ravioli.
“Mason got us food from Ristorante Florentine.”
“Violet if you don’t marry the man I will.” She begins diving into her dinner.
“Noted.”
“I think the family just arrived. I can go get them prepped if you want to bring Mason in here as you get the scanner ready. Also tell him he’s officially my second favorite person. Behind you of course.”
While Maya talks to the family, I make Mason go through our metal detector a few times. “I feel like I’m going through airport security.” He laughs.
“I’ve been to one too many MRI safety trainings. Perhaps I’m a bit paranoid.” When I’m sure he’s fine, I bring Mason into the control room. “You can set the food down over there. Once I start the scan it’s pretty straight forward.”
“I can’t believe you do this with babies. I could barely lay still the last time I got an MRI.”
“You just hope and pray that they stay asleep. Sometimes it works…sometimes it doesn’t.” I log onto the computer as Maya instructs the mom on how to place her baby inside the MRI scanner. When she comes back, I start the machine and let Maya take the reigns as I turn my attention to Mason.
He pulls out several different takeout containers, laying out an array of entrees and desserts. “I can’t believe you did all of this for me.”
“I’d do anything for you.” He scooches over to create enough space for me to sit next to him. “Now are we feeling Carbonara or Ravioli?”
“Honestly both.”
“That’s the correct answer.” He flashes me a smile while handing me a fork as we both dive in.
“Any news from Coach Jameson about this job becoming a bit more permanent?” We had one somewhat tense conversation about alternatives if he did have to find work elsewhere. In an ideal world he would find another local university to work for, but if that didn’t pan out we may have to consider long distance. After so many years apart from each other, we hated the idea of being separated again.
“Coach has made comments about how far the team has come because of the changes I’ve made, but beyond that…” He shrugs, momentarily pinching his eyebrows together in concern .
“Jake managed to bring his grade back up before the end of the semester. Seems like excellent coaching to me.”
He shakes his head. “I can’t take credit for that; it was all you.”
“Actually, it was all Eliana. She was the one who was willing to tutor him.” How she managed to make it to the end of the semester without strangling Jake, I’ll never know. “Your guys absolutely destroyed Bolton before winter break, which in my opinion should count as at least four separate wins.”
“Excuse me. Violet Amin. Are you saying you’re officially a Westchester hockey fan?”
“Well, I may or may not have a slight crush on Westchester’s Assistant Coach so that’s certainly played a role…”
Even in the dim office lighting I see a faint hint of red on his cheeks. “What about you, any news on this fellowship?”
“Bethany hinted that the review committee would be meeting soon, probably in the next few weeks.”
“Well, there’s no way you’re not going to get it. And once you do think of all the free time you’ll have to watch me coach.” Mason winks.
“Hopefully. I really need to get to work on writing this paper I’ve owed Bethany for months.” Which meant I had to analyze the data first…and before I could even do that I needed to clean and organize said data. The list of things I had to accomplish felt endless.
“Don’t forget our project either,” Maya interjects, “I finished processing most of the data this week, so hopefully we can start drafting the paper soon. Ideally, I’d like to get it submitted in the next few months before I go on job interviews.”
Fuck. Okay. I had completely forgotten to account for this project we’d been working on together. This completely threw off all my plans, but I guess I could make that work. I pull out my phone to look at my calendar and grimace. Each week looked worse than the one before it .
“I’m sorry, I know how stretched thin you are right now,” Mason whispers, rubbing a soothing hand up and down my back as I lean into his embrace.
“I just feel like I’m constantly falling behind. My cohort mates who don’t have to teach are so much further along in their projects and publishing papers already. I know I shouldn’t compare myself to anyone, but it’s so hard not to. Especially when there’s so few academic jobs and everything is so competitive.” And maybe I wouldn’t be in this position if I hadn’t lost an entire year trying to prove my worth to someone who never saw it and instead tore away at every piece of me.
Thinking about all the impending deadlines I have, and how incredibly far behind I am, is enough to make my heart race so fast it feels like it’s about to rip out of my chest. I feel sweat start to roll down my back, and suddenly getting air into my lungs feels like work. I didn’t even realize my hands had started to shake until Mason takes them into his.
“Hey, hey it’s going to be okay Vi.” He presses a small kiss over the pulse point on my wrist.
It takes me a few minutes of deep breathing, five seconds in seven seconds out, to come back down. My head still feels a bit dizzy, but I’ve been through many panic attacks in my lifetime I know it will fade. “Sorry. I guess I’m a bit more stressed about all the things I’m juggling right now than I realized.”
“Panic attack?” He guesses.
I nod. He always could read me better than anyone else.
“Do you still get them often?”
“Uhm, not really. The last one happened a few months ago. I think I’ve been more stressed about my thesis and waiting to hear back about the fellowship than I’ve been letting on. You know me, I always push down my emotions until they erupt like a volcano.” I let out a self-deprecating laugh in a failed attempt to make light of the situation.
“If there’s anything I can do to help?— ”
“You do. You did. Just by being here for me. That’s all I need.”
“Always. You don’t even have to ask.”
And while I have a tendency of second guessing nearly every good thing in my life, I know with all of my heart that he means it.