The Kraken’s Queen (Grym Hollow #3)

6. Erin

Chapter 6

Erin

P athetic. Stupid. Worthless.

These words play like a mantra in my mind, over and over again until every other quality about me fades away. I’m not Erin, the classically trained musician. I’m not Erin, the woman who graduated from college early. I’m not Erin, the bubbly, vibrant woman with loving friends.

Those core pieces of my identity are stripped away until nothing but rubble is left. I started to believe James’s lies and took them for the truth. Only a pathetic woman feels fear throughout the entire day. Only a stupid woman stays in a toxic relationship. Only a worthless woman would let others treat her with no respect.

Pathetic. Stupid. Worthless.

I’ve only ever had one real boyfriend. We met in high school and became high school sweethearts. Those two years we were together in high school were perfect. He was perfect. Or at least that was what I was led to believe.

My parents adopted me very late in life, so by the time I graduated high school, they were well into their seventies and eighties. When I lost them, it felt like a part of me died with them. Like a crater-size hole was left in my heart by their absence, and it would never be filled. The only thing that kept me going was the love and support from my boyfriend, James.

It wasn’t until my parents died when I turned twenty-four that things began to change, and I started to notice red flags. Suddenly, he was checking my location more often, commenting on how often I hung out with my friends. I started to limit my time with them, but it was never enough. Eventually, we just drifted apart because of how often I would cancel and make excuses.

Then it was comments about my outfits and how they would be “too sexy” to wear out in public. Even when I felt covered up or modest, James would always have a problem with what I wore. He started to accuse me of cheating, no matter how many times I assured him I wasn’t.

That should have been enough for me to leave. But I didn’t…because when we weren’t fighting, he made me feel special. And he was all I had left.

Even thinking his name fills me with equal amounts of rage and fear. Our last fight replays in my head like a horror movie. His smug face fills my vision, teeth bared and smelling of alcohol. He’s not a particularly large man, but he hovers a few inches taller than me. His frame is bigger too, eclipsing me in his shadow .

Everything happened so fast. One minute the room was calm, albeit strained, and the next, he’s yelling and hurling insults because I stupidly decided to wear makeup. He took that as a sign of cheating. I barely had time to get off the couch before pain exploded in my cheek.

And then it kept coming.

And coming.

It was too much. Too painful. I screamed. Or maybe he did. My voice was raw as I pleaded for him to stop. Begged him to let me go, but his hold grew tighter around my neck.

I remember thinking the last thing I would see in this world was the face of a monster. Then everything became a blur after that. My brain was desperately trying to protect me.

Men like James take power by breaking people down until they are mere shadows of themselves. Every time I close my eyes, I see him, the way he snarls when I do something he doesn’t like, or the look of hatred radiating off him when we argue. Not even in my dreams am I free from him.

The healer came shortly after Allarick left me during our last meeting, waking me up from a nap. She was an older, grandmotherly figure with gentle hands. She didn’t speak much, which I appreciated, so I smiled each time she caught me watching her. She rubbed strange but pretty-smelling substances on my bruises and made me drink a purple, tasteless liquid.

The treatment from the healer has me feeling almost back to normal. Nothing hurts, though my body is still slightly sore, and my throat irritates me when I swallow. When I finally force myself out of bed, every bone in my body pops.

Fuck, that felt good.

I glance around the room, stopping at the neatly folded clothes sitting atop the dresser. I don’t remember them being here before, which means Allarick left them. He was in my room while I slept? I’m not sure how I feel about that. On one hand, I’m a guest in this house, so he is perfectly within his rights to come and go as he pleases, but I still feel uneasy.

I don’t know Allarick. I don’t know what he’s capable of. He hasn’t made me feel uncomfortable or raised his voice at me, but, as I’ve determined, I’m not the best judge of character. Leaving clothes for me to change into is a nice gesture, admittedly. I’m dying to get out of my jeans and t-shirt. I smell like shit, and I’m certain my hair is a matted mess. Plus, I want to get out of the clothes my abuser touched me in last and burn them.

I grab the clothes on the dresser and head into the bathroom. It’s small, on the verge of feeling claustrophobic. The shower is another beast entirely. There are so many pipes leading up the wall and two shower heads pointing in opposite directions. Once I figure out how to turn on the faucet, I shriek as ice-cold water falls on my head.

Perfect. Just fucking perfect.

It’s pathetic, but I start to cry. When does the feeling of being nothing go away?

It takes entirely too long for the shower to heat up to a respectable level, and I peel myself out of my grimy clothes, making a mental note to burn them later. The water hits my body, eliciting a moan from my lips. It’s been so long since I’ve been able to enjoy a shower without looking over my shoulder for James. The feeling is…refreshing.

There aren’t many products in the bathroom, and none I’ve heard of, so I make do with what I have. I scrub at my skin, needing to clean off the last of James. I don’t need another reminder of him, and by the time I’m done, my skin is red from the pressure.

In total, I spent over an hour in the shower, and I can’t bring myself to feel guilty about it. It’s a small luxury that I’m telling myself I deserve. I find towels tucked behind the sink and wrap one around my body.

One look in the mirror shows a nearly unmarked face. I have to do a double-take because the woman in the mirror is not the same woman from a few days ago, thanks to the healer. Looking at me, no one would guess I was injured. There’s only slight bruising around my throat. I hum, letting the vibrations rumble through me.

“Erin,” I test my own name carefully. The voice that comes from my throat is a little raspy but almost back to normal. I need to rest my voice just a little longer, only because I’m not ready to talk about certain things yet. It gives me time to think about what I will say to Allarick when he demands to know what happened to me. Because he will. I see the question in his eyes now, but he keeps it to himself. I won’t delude myself that he’ll keep quiet for much longer.

We will also need to discuss the entire reason I’m here. To marry the kraken king. That part of the deal hasn’t eluded me, but since Allarick hasn’t made any attempts to bring it up, neither will I. Even if I have many questions about the arrangement, I’m not quite brave enough to ask him yet. Maybe I’m waiting for him to show me his true colors so I have a reason to hate him and keep my distance.

With that sobering thought, I leave the bathroom to dress in the bedroom. I contemplate staying in this room, but admittedly, I’m getting stir-crazy. I need to walk and stretch my legs, even if it just means moving out of this room. It’ll be enough. A slight change from the new normal. Small changes are all I’m capable of right now.

Once I pull the dress over my head and flatten out the wrinkles, I take a deep breath, gather what little courage I have, and walk out of my room to take on the day. And maybe learn a little more about the man I’m going to marry.

That is my intention, at least, except when I reach for the door, something out the window catches my eye. Curiosity gets the best of me, and I move closer to the window. A small figure is crouched down by the water, several yards away. Allarick? From this vantage point, it looks like Allarick is hovering over the water, but when I get closer to the window, I see he’s actually standing on a small pier.

Allarick’s head is tilted down, arms crossed over his chest. He’s engaged in a heated conversation with someone, but I don’t see another person around. Great, just what I need. A man who talks to imaginary friends.

Just as that thought crosses my mind, something splashes in the water. At first I think it’ s a dolphin or some other sea animal. Then I see a flash of skin, and my eyes widen as an older man in a shiny breastplate appears. His salt-and-pepper hair is tied back in a knot atop his head. Allarick and this man are engaged in an intense conversation I can’t hear.

After a moment, the older man moves in the water right before a tentacle reaches out. I gasp, clapping my hand over my mouth. At first, I think an octopus has found the man in the water and wrapped its tentacles around him. Allarick just stares, making no move to help him. I want to shout and scream for him to do something. Anything!

However, my fear is quickly replaced with astonishment as the man moves farther out of the water. While the top half of him is strictly man, the bottom half differs. Where legs should be, there are dark purple tentacles that look like they could wrap around a person’s skull and crush it without any effort.

Before I can dwell on that sobering thought any longer, the man disappears under water, and Allarick walks back. I back up from the window and away from view. My mind is whirling with what I just saw, and I can’t help but question everything.

Was the man I just saw a kraken?

And, more importantly, is that what Allarick will look like?